Rating:
This chapter is Rated T.

Beta:
Twilighternproud; thank you, once again. You have done so much for me!

Authors Notes:
Thank you for the reviews!
So here is chapter thirteen I was talking so much about. I had a good time writing it, but it will leave some people shocked.
You might think, 'Woah - why did she put that in here?' Well I'll tell you now. It's because it is essential to have it in the story, for it to work.
I can't wait to here your reviews on this chapter.
I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer:
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Traumatized

Dimitri had walked me over to where Alberta and Eddie when examining the scene, at the entrance of the prison.

I looked up at Dimitri, at the same time he looked down. I could read in his eyes, that he was letting me know he was here for me.

"Glad you could join us Rose," Alberta acknowledged me.

"What would you like me to do?"

"Eddie is looking at the scene and coming to some conclusions, as to what might have happened." She pointed to Eddie kneeling by a step, looking closely at a strain. "You may go with him or stay here and listen to the information and come to your own conclusions."

I quickly piped up and said, "I'll go with Eddie."

Alberta let out a laugh. "I should have known you are a straight to work girl."

I gave a small nod to Alberta and a quick peek at Dimitri, before I went over towards Eddie.

"What you got there, Castile?" I knelt down beside him, and realised in was a spot of dried blood on the step that he was looking at.

"This blood – it's not too old." He seemed truly intrigued.

"It shouldn't be the crime wasn't even twenty-four hours ago."

"No, I mean it's still pretty fresh. Look." I could see what he meant. Some of the blood hadn't even set.

"We should tell Alberta. Wait!" I placed my hand on Eddies' shoulder to steady him and looked down the steps that lead to the reception of the prison. "There's more. Over there in the corner."

Eddie slightly put his little finger over the strain. "This one is recent as well. It has a bit more liquid then the one by the stairs. I suggest the body is being dragged along or wobbling."

"I agree. Come on, Eddie. Let's go show the experts." I held out my hand and pulled him up.

We waited for Dimitri and Alberta to stop talking and stood on the sideline. I guess my maturity was showing through. Back in the day I would have barged right in and said my piece. Whereas now I waited, Dimitri's influence was rubbing on me.

Alberta looked towards us and waited for our information.

Eddie showed her his finger and said, "there is a blood spot on the top stair and in the reception area towards the right corner going down. The blood is not fully set. It's recent."

"More recent than the escape." I interjected. "Which means if someone is injured, they can't be too far ahead of us."

Alberta nodded her head in approval and went to speak to the head coordinator.

"It's probably best to leave the scene and give your mind a break, Castile." Dimitri ordered.

"Yes sir. If you need me I'll be up in my room."

With Eddie gone, I went back to look at the blood stain on the step. I felt a hand slightly touch my back, which made me jump.

"Didn't mean to scare you," Dimitri said.

"Do you think we will catch him?" I said looking up from the blood stain.

"I know we will. He won't be able to hide for long."

I nodded and looked back at the scene, trying to piece it all together. Dimitri tugged at my shirt and said, "Let's get you out of here."

"I'm fine. Just trying to figure it out."

I looked up and I couldn't argue with the look he was giving me. I sighed and gave in, "Fine. What do you have in mind?"

"Follow me."

I followed Dimitri down the path, which leads to the end of the building at the estate. We got to the end of the path, which lead to a nice playing field and a beautiful maze.

Dimitri grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers. It was a lovely walk. It felt like a walk you would have with your boyfriend in a normal relationship. And here we could hold hands, and kiss. No one would see us.

Dimitri broke the silence and said, "you said this morning you wanted to explore the Royal Court and enjoy the moment as it may be your last here. Well this is a very isolated area and it's pleasant. I wanted to share this moment with you."

"It's gorgeous. I couldn't have had anyone better to share it with."

We took a stroll through the maze in a comfortable silence. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. This was a moment I wanted to remember forever. I was in a beautiful garden, with a beautiful boyfriend. I would look from Dimitri to the garden and back to Dimitri again. I knew he could see me looking, but he just kept looking ahead at the view, the maze was giving us of the beautiful flowers. Everything about this moment was beautiful!

Every now and then, we would turn into a dead end and we would have to turn back around. But other than that Dimitri was guiding us though the maze quickly.

We reach another dead end and I could help but laugh. He face was hilarious, because he screwed up his face and added a pout.

He stopped us in our tracks and he said, "what's so funny, Missy?"

He tried speaking in an English accent and it only had me hunch down in more laughter, because it didn't come out well with his Russian accent taking over.

He gave me a big smile and his body pushed me up against the maze hedge. I stopped laughing because he looked at me with pure desire.

His lips were lightly touching mine and I shivered with pleasure as his lips tickled mine as he spoke. "Is there something funny about me, that tickles your fancy?"

My breathing picked up and I shook my head sideways.

"Because if there is, I think you should tell me." His hands slid under the back of my shirt and slowly trailed up my back.

I couldn't answer him verbally. His lips were tickling mine and I took control and took his lips in mine. Dimitri moaned and brought his hands back to my hips. I trailed my hands up his chest to rest around his neck.

The kiss picked up speed and we both moaned and our tongues duelled for dominance. My hands fisted onto his pony tail, pulling him closer to me. His hands went to my ass, stopping the fiction from the trees rubbing on my butt.

He pulled away and started suckling my neck, biting me with his perfect white teeth. "Damn you taste so good."

I giggled and said, "let me get a taste."

He groaned and moved away. "If you were to get a taste, then you wouldn't want to let go."

"That's the point Comrade." I kissed his jaw all the way up to his sexy lips and I sucked on his bottom lip.

He moaned and intertwined our fingers again. "When. You. Graduate."

I whined and said, "that's so far away though. Do you have to be so mean?" I stuck my bottom lip out.

"You are already too hard to resist. If I give in, I won't be able to stop." He kissed my forehead, nose and lips before he lead us through the maze towards to exit.

"I'll make you give in," I said as I pinched his ass with my free hand.

"Roza..." He growled.

I giggled and blew him off in a hand motion.

We made it out of the maze and it stopped at a pond. The pond had a little stall to buy drinks and snacks with plenty of seats to sit around and watch the ducks, swans and turtles.

Dimitri brought us a chocolate milkshake and pink fairy-floss to share. We found a perfect seat by the pond under a shady tree. No other people were around at the moment, because of the escape. Even the stall we brought the food from, closed up the doors and windows to stay hidden and safe.

Dimitri and I probably looked like a pair of idiots out and about, but it was common sense that Victor wouldn't be at the court. He would have left a long time ago and not stayed around to get court. As for his helpers, I wasn't sure, but I wasn't going to act abnormal because of it.

Dimitri let me drink the last bit of the milkshake and he started laughing, probably at my improper manner.

I looked up at him with an innocent face. He moved forward and licked my nose.

"You had some froth on your nose, Roza."

I blushed and he took my breath away once more with his soft, tender lips on mine.

We walked towards the ducks and threw them some bread the lady at the store offer to us for free. The turtles popped out of the water and swam around.

"If you were to ask me Comrade, I would say this is a date."

"And what would make you think that?"

"The beautiful walk, the food and milkshake, the pond and ducks - not to forget the flirting."

He snickered and said, "we are always flirting."

I bit my lip and used my seductive tones, "not as much as we had today."

"Hmm." He placed a finger on his chin and pretended to think. "How did you work it out?"

I laughed and pulled him down to kiss me deep. His tongue was fighting to beg me to open my mouth to let him in, but I denied him access. I wanted to play with him. Make him want me more. I knew he would lose his self control soon.

"What was that about?" He asked.

"What was what about?" I asked acting like I had no clue what he was talking about.

He growled and pushed me towards the woods near the boundary edge of the wards.

"Someone has mood issues lately," I teased.

"Maybe because someone pushes my buttons and thinks I can stay in control."

"But, that's where you are wrong, Mr Belikov. I don't want you to be in control, I want the fire that burns in your eyes."

Dimitri pushed me up against and tree and kissed me lavishly. Being pushed up on a tree is a major turn on, even more so when the man you loved was kissing you like there was no tomorrow. Dimitri moved away from my lips to let me breathe, but his lips never left my skin. They trailed from my lips, up to my ear, down my cheek to my chin and trailed all the way down my neck. I moaned and arched my body up to rub against his. His hands grabbed my hips and pushed me up the tree to wrap my legs around his waist. He crushed his lips onto mine again and moaned with pleasure, which sent a chill down my spine.

We broke away, leaving each other out of breath, with only our noses touching. I felt loved and safe, knowing I could share so much with the man I loved, who was right in front of me. He seemed at home with me today, no pulling away and no arguing. I was still on a mission to find out why Dimitri acted the way he did, but as he said, in due time he will tell me. I honestly believe that if I was with Dimitri, everything would be alright and nothing could take us down. He made all my fears and insecurities fade away. I couldn't see my life without him, and I'm glad I didn't push him too far away with my mood swings. I guess that makes as even with our attitudes. I would even consider giving up being Lissa's guardian to live happily with him. I'm sure she would have her disagrees with the idea but I know she would understand in time. However Dimitri seems to think, he will be the one to transfer, so hopefully we will be able to make it work, and I wouldn't have to leave my charge.

Dimitri was looking at me with curiosity all over his handsome face. His thumb pads caressing my face, while his other hand was holding us up against the tree.

"Where did your mind take you away to, love?"

"Mm. You."

He pecked my lips.

"Are you uncomfortable against this tree?" He had a smile playing on his lips.

"It's just right." I wiggled my hips and I felt his hard on. His eyes widen and shuffled a little on his feet. "Kiss me," I whispered.

"Let's go some -"

"Shut up and kiss me." He applied, but took it very slowly.

I could feel the heat slowly burn inside me and I just wanted to have him right here, right now. I moved my hands away from his back and found the top of his pants. He sucked on my bottom lip and moaned against the sensation of my fingers tips slightly touching his skin. I unbuckled the belt that held up his pants and his hands moved under my shirt to traced patterns on my skin.

I wanted this moment to move faster, so I grabbed hold of his pants and began to unzip the zipper. Dimitri's left hand went to mine and stopped me from going any further. He took a deep breath and let out a loud sigh. He moved away from me, pulled up his pants and punched a tree beside me while he let out a loud yell. He punched it three more times before using both fisted to attack the tree.

I stood at the tree we had been making out on and watched him take all his frustration out. I didn't have to ask what it was about, I had a good idea. And mentioning it, while he obviously wasn't in the best mood, wasn't the way to go, if I didn't want a black eye. Not that Dimitri would ever hit me or hit a girl, because he wouldn't. That's not the type of person Dimitri was. Dimitri wasn't a violent person. As a matter of fact, he was the one to teach me to learn self control, of cause not when training. In training Dimitri was a god, hard to beat and knew my every move.

This was the moment I knew the secret Dimitri was hiding away was eating him up from the inside out. It was something powerful and something he had no control over. Something that had to do with him not being able to be intimate. An issue or problem he had to deal with himself first, before I had the privilege of the knowledge.

I hated seeing Dimitri this way, but I'm sure he didn't want me to see him at his weakest either. All the control he must have had to not speak back at me when I was insulting him for leaving me all those times, when he was hurting himself. He used his control to stay quiet and walk away, without insulting me back or showing his temper on breaking something in my presence. He was looking out for me, protecting me, in the only way possible he thought he could, and with that I pushed things... I'm sure I had made the condition worse.

I looked over at his clenched up fists, and noticed them bleeding from his knuckles down. I slowly walked over, trying not to startle him and positioned my hand on his lower arm. Making sure he understood the comfort of my touch. His eyes were closed, his breathing was deep and rapid and his body was hunched as he had given up.

I softly picked up his hand with mine and looked closely at his wounds. From what it looked like, he had a couple of broken knuckles, and bruises to his right hand. I held up his other hand which looked a lot worse with the blood, but I could see no sign of any broken bones. He was just going to have a very swollen left hand and a few stitches.

Still holding his left hand, I brought it up to my mouth, turned it over and softly kissed his palm. He opened his eyes, look at his palm where I had kissed him and slowly brought his eyes up to mine. He looked pained, embarrassed, and tired. I moved my other hand up to his face and gently rubbed his cheek with my thumb to help calm him down. He closed his eyes and pushed his head further in my hand.

"Dimitri," I whispered, hoping speaking lower would make the situation less tense.

He opened his eyes and started to shake his head back and forth, with his shaking body.

"Hey, shh, shh. We need – we need to get your hands looked at."

He backed away and murmured, "I can't-." He was still stumbling back and crashed into a tree on his back. "I can't go there."

"Okay. We won't go there. I promise. But we do need to do something about your hands, they will get infected." He looked so troubled. I wanted to hug him like there was no tomorrow and kiss him to let him know that everything will be ok. But small steps seemed to be not pushing him away, so I'll lay off the contact.

"I'll be – I'm a Dhampir..." He whispered the ending, "I can't get sick."

I slowly took a few small steps closer to him and said, "but you can get a serious infection with your broken bones and cuts, that can make you sick."

He looked down at his hands and I made that my queue to go to him and show him I care.

"I don't want you to get sick. I want to help you. Here." I started to lift my shirt off to tie around his broken bones when I felt a hand pulled me shirt back down. "I need to put on pressure."

He tried to pull off his shirt, but didn't have much luck. So I helped him take it off and tied it around his right hand. "Please, just stay with me," he begged.

I nodded my head and sat against the back of the tree. Dimitri sat beside me with his hand lying on top of mine. He let me grab his left hand and it rested in my hands as tight as I could without hurting him.

I had no idea about what to do in this situation, but at least I was able to get through to him enough to make sure he was alright. I knew this would take a strain on our relationship, but I also hope it will bring us closer.

I looked at Dimitri and gave him a peck on the cheek before closing my eyes. I didn't know how long we would be sitting here in the woods for, but I was willing to take as long as needed for Dimitri.

The sun was bringing to rise and it left a beautiful pattern in the sky. In any other circumstances, sitting in the woods watching the sunrise would have been a perfect ending to a date.

Dimitri's shaking body began to slow down and his breathing was quiet and at an easy pace. I didn't want to push him to breaking point so I let him set the pace. I dazed in and out at the day progressed and took sneak peeks at Dimitri, to make sure he was doing okay. He seemed to have been in the same positions for hours it seemed, just looking out at the woods, in the distance, not paying attention to reality. He never once let go of my hands embrace, even when our hands began to sweat from the hot friction we created. The cool air was beginning to set in, and I started to feel Goosebumps rise on my skin.

I called Dimitri's name and slipped both hands to either side of his face to pull him to look at me. He snapped back into reality and moved his left hand to touch mine on his face. He could hardly move his right hand, and I secretly hoping he was decide to go up to his room, so I could somehow help his wounds.

"You must be thirty or hungry," I pleaded.

He shook his head and I saw a single tear fall from his eye dripping down the side of his nose. I wiped the tear away with a kiss and involuntarily shivered with the cool air. Dimitri squirmed out of his duster that left his chest bare because his shirt was around his hand.

"I can't take it from you, Dimitri. You will get just as cold. You need it more than me."

"You're too fragile," he whispered ever so soft. "You should go back to the motel, get warm and have something to eat."

"Dimitri, I'm not going without you," I said as I moved hair away from his eyes and tried to tuck it behind his ears.

"You can't stay here. They'll think something might have happened."

"Then we will go together, when you are ready. I am not leaving you here and that in final," I tried to make my voice ruling without making it to harsh on him.

He nodded and I gestured for him to lie down on my lap. I draped the duster over us and played with Dimitri's hair.

"I'm worried about you," I said plain and clear.

"You don't need to worry about me. You don't deserve someone like me," his tone was harsh.

"Of course I do. You are the one thing that means everything to me. If you hurt, I hurt. If you cry, I cry. If you're angry, I get angry. When you're happy, I'm happy. You're my everything," my eyes were filling with water and the tears began to fall down my face. A tear dropped just below his jaw line and he looked up at me.

"Don't cry, love. I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I need you to be safe. I need you to at least rest in your room, if you are not going to go to a doctor. I need to know; I have done the right thing and looked after you." More tears leaked from my eyes and Dimitri started tearing up himself. I was not use to seeing this side of him, but I wouldn't mind seeing the sensitive side of him again.

Dimitri sat up and struggled to stand up without using his hands, however he did make it up to stand.

"What are you doing? I asked shocked.

He put on his guardian masked face and said, "we are going back to the motel."

I looked at him for a couple of seconds shocked by his change of choice, and nodded my head while I stood up.

"Let me help you," I offered.

"I can walk Rose," he snapped. "It's just my hands which are sore."

We walked through the woods on the way back to the motel and I saw the clearing up ahead. Dimitri stopped in his tracks.

"It'll be alright, Dimitri. No one will notice a thing," I tried to urge him on.

"I have a shirt around my hand. It's not noticeable at all," his frustration was showing.

"We will make it quick. Sneak through the lobby; go on an elevator and to your room. Its night hours, most of everyone would be tucked away in their rooms."

He didn't argue with the idea and we made it to the entry on the lobby. I walked in first to check that the area was clear and gave Dimitri a signal to walk in.

We stopped at Dimitri's door and he cursed. Not in English, in Russian.

"I'll get the keys, calm down." My hand reached into his pocket and I felt him flinch. I took no offence to it and opened the door for us to enter.

I went to his kitchen; filled up a glass of water and grabbed some pills for him to take for the pain. I heard growls and grunts coming from his bedroom, on my walk to him. He was trying to take off his duster and pull the sheets back off the bed, so he could lie down. He managed to do so, and was lying in bed when I passed him the water.

"It isn't strong enough to deal with the bone breakages, but it will help with you feeling nauseated from the swelling and infection."

He nodded and let his head fall back on the pillow.

"Is there anything else I can get you?"

"You have done enough, Rose." He replied.

I walked to the other side of his king size bed and sat down. He was trying to act brave and push me out but I wasn't going to let him.

"How are we going to fix your hand?" I said out loud but mostly to myself.

"I don't know."

"I've got an idea. Please, just hear me out before you cut me off."

He didn't say anything or nod; he just looked at me to continue. I didn't want him to be mad or upset at me, and I certainly didn't want him to feel like he was useless. I couldn't even look at him when I spoke about the suggestion; I just looked at my hands the whole time.

"I know a way we could get your hands fixed, but it does mean someone will have to find out." Dimitri took in a deep breath but let me continue. "I could tell Lissa, that we were training and she just needed to heal you because we didn't want to worry anyone. And trust me, she wouldn't mind, she loves the ability to heal. If I tell her to keep it kept quiet, than she will."

Dimitri interjected me, "Rose, I don't want Lissa -"

"Hush! I said let me finish." I shot him a warning glare and his lips pressed into a thin line. "I can't and I won't let you stay like this." I gestured to his hands. "Lissa is our only option, since you don't want anyone to find out. It just looks like you're going to have to take the option."

I stood up, walked around the bed and pulled the blankets over Dimitri. I kissed him on the forehead and said, "you may talk now."

He didn't let a second pass by without speaking, "I don't want Lissa involved in all this. I don't want anyone to know. I didn't want you to see this - to see me like this."

"Well this is just bad luck, because I did see you like that and I do see you like this and you are getting healed. There is no way around it. We leave for the Academy tomorrow and you will have to use your hands one day."

He let out a sigh and turned on his side, so his back was to me. I sighed myself and walked back to the kitchen. I made a ham, lettuce, tomato and cheese sandwich with a hot cup of hot chocolate. He would be hungry and thirsty, even if he didn't want to admit it to me. He might not want me around this very moment, but in the long run, I'm sure he would forgive me and get over it.

I placed his food and drink on is bed side table and closed his curtains, while I switched his touch lamp on dime.

"I made you a sandwich and a hot chocolate. If you need anything else, don't be afraid to ask."

I headed out of the room and Dimitri called me back in.

"Thank you," he said.

I sat beside him and kissed his cheek. "I'm going to talk to Lissa, and make a very convincing lie. She should be coming here later tonight."

"You're a terrible liar Rose," he chuckled. Ah, it was so nice to hear him cracked a laugh.

"That's not true. I've told some good lies in my time." I crossed my arms across my chest. "Besides, if you don't want anyone to fine out, you have got to have some faith in me."

He tried to smile to his bad mood. I take it he couldn't move his hands because they were to sore and he wasn't ready to be touched on the lips. I rubbed his cheek with the back on my finger and kissed his forehead.

"I'll come check on you in the morning," he nodded.

There was one thing I wanted to ask Dimitri, but I didn't know how to ask and I knew it would embarrass him deeply. It might even make him snap with me again, but it was worth bringing up.

I bit my lip and murmured, "Um... About – going to the toilet – do you -"

As I knew he looked away and blushed.

"It's okay. I know you would have to go. I just want to make sure-"

"I'll be fine," he looked at me in my eyes and I took that as my cue to leave.

I walked to the door and turned around again, "Dimitri..."

He looked at me and my heart fell. I wish I could stay with him, but it wouldn't make him feel comfortable.

"I love you," I whispered.

Dimitri looked up at the roof and came back to look at me.

"I love you too, Roza."