Dear readers, this is Siri Tachi; guest writer for Tahl. I offered to take over this month's issue because… something has happened; I'm just not entirely sure what. See, Tahl has kept to her room for the past week eating Len and Larry's ice cream by the gallon. This is hard for all of us, especially since she is depressed so close to Valentine's Day, a day when lovers are supposed to prove their loyalty and devotion-
Never mind. I'm not going to bore you to tears with stupid, empty words. I'm also not going to talk about it because I know Tahl will be reading this and I don't want to inflict more pain on her delicate heart when it has already been shattered and betrayed and stood up and dumped and-
Oops. I can see I'm not helping. Plus, my suspicion has already been released. I talk too much, and I'm new to this Tabloid writing.
So let's cut to the chase. I've complied evidence that proves that Qui-Gon dumped Tahl and is already back in the game dating Jedi Master Adi Gallia! What does the galaxy have to say about this?
"We were so happy- waaaaah- and I thought we'd have more time together- sniff- why hiiim?" Tahl wails.
"Really? They're going out? Guys get over this stuff fast. Besides, there are lots of other ladies out there. Tahl's got to learn she's not exclusively his." Garen spills. That's cold, Garen. Expect to stay single when the girls get a whiff of that attitude.
"I liked Tahl a lot better; I'm gonna miss her coming over with chips and dip and watching the podraces on the 'net with us," Obi-Wan says wistfully. "Adi… she's gonna ruin the masculinity of our apartment! I mean- she already put throw pillows in the Council room!"
"My poor Master won't talk to anyone! I'm really worried! Qui-Gon is evil!" Bant frets.
"Uninvolved in Qui-Gon's private life, I try to be," Yoda grunts. In a lower voice he adds, "seen them kissing in the elevator, I did! An icky sight, it was! Or was that Mace and his broad shouldered girlfriend? My eyes, they grow old…"
"Ooh, yes! Long walks in the garden, swims in the lake, watching the sunset- they're in love!" A mysterious eyewitness recounts.
"He's dating… the girl with fish for hair?" Reeft demanded. "Good taste."
"Bleep tweet blip woo-hoo!" A Temple droid whistled. Translation? That is one stinky couple! Well, I could be wrong. I'm not that fluent in astromech droid.
And now, Adi Gallia. "Oh! Um… Jinn is so romantic and sweet. We couldn't be happier!" She squeals.
"I… wasn't aware we were dating," A puzzled Qui-Gon reports.
Yeah, right. Like anyone believes that, Jinn. How dare you even say that? We've got the proof. True, the pictures are a little blurry, but who else could it be? Mace and his broad shouldered girlfriend? I think not. No, AdiGon is definitely forever.
Let us remember the victim here- Tahl. I doubt she will have moved on by the time of the next issue, but maybe her strong will can give her the strength to write. This is Siri Tachi, signing off.
No letters to the editor this time; Tahl changed the computer's password from, "QUIGGY" (obvious) to something difficult I can't de-code. So I can't get to the letters. Sorry, folks!
Aw, poor Tahl. But did Siri, our amateur reporter, do a good job? Please review!