AN: Okay, here goes: the next chapter… It's quite late but not that late for me. Anyway, I just want to get this up as quickly as possible so enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own the inheritance cycle but I do own LEPRADAS, the Morrison's alcohol delivering paramedic and fireman guy, the two random nurses that appeared in the House of Eragon, the sheer randomness and some of the plot. Basically, if it looks like I don't own it then I probably don't own it! Unfortunately, the typos are all mine…

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The cold snap was over. Eragon, shivering so hard his outline was blurry and he looked like a bad television broadcast, had confirmed it when he'd fallen through the ice in the middle of the lake and had been rescued, somewhat reluctantly, by Saphira. He now sat in his and Arya's caravan with a towel wrapped around his shoulders, listening to the conversation of the family meeting called by Selena – not that what was going on in the caravan was conversation.

Murtagh was choking on air because he'd laughed too hard at Durza for walking into a cupboard because the shade had thought it was a door while Brom was taking advantage of the fact that Selena was helping Murtagh and beating Galbatorix with his shoe after the mad king had attempted to eat the sleeve of Brom's coat. Morzan was lecturing Durza for a change and Arya was simply spacing out with her eyes fixed on the tip of Eragon's shivering nose.

She gasped, her eyes locking on to Eragon's.

"What?" Eragon very eloquently enquired.

She grabbed his shoulders, angling his body, now only shivering slightly, towards her. "I just thought of the perfect name!" she announced.

"What?" Eragon, oozing eloquence yet again, asked.

She opened her mouth to answer but closed it, frowning. "No, it's gone. When I remember it I'll let you know."

"Okay," Eragon replied cheerily, turning away from her to watch the fight between Galbatorix and Brom.

"How do you feel about having no head left to be bald, baldy?" Brom quipped, whacking Galbatorix on the head with – yep, you guessed it – his trusty, old, previously the only remaining, shoe.

Galbatorix retorted, "Yes, well how do you feel about not having any feet left to wear shoes… shoe-y?"

Brom scoffed, "Good insult! Because you totally deserve to teach Eragon's kid the art of Evilness."

"I do!" Galbatorix insisted in response to Brom's sarcasm. "Evil laugh! MUAHAHAHA!"

"EVILS!"

"Eragon," Arya said, pulling the blue rider's attention away from the fight.

"What?"

"Our child is doomed," she stated, gesturing to the caravan full of people.

Eragon nodded. "I know. We're the parents."

"Eragon just said something clever!" Murtagh spluttered, finally regaining the ability to breathe.

The whole Caravan froze, staring at Eragon, whose core was certainly stereotypically blonde.

"What?"

Arya buried her face in her hands. "Our child's first word will be 'what' at this rate!" she wailed, earning a funny look from Eragon.

"What's wrong with 'what' as a first word? At least it's original!" he turned to look at everyone else, of whom, no-one was speaking or even moving. Even Morzan had stopped mid-lecture to stare at him and once Morzan got started lecturing, nothing stopped him!

Eragon cleared his throat. "What?" Eragon ignored Arya's groan at his unvaried vocabulary, continuing making his point, "I can be clever! I'm a rider; I'm not thick!"

You could have fooled me, little one, Saphira interrupted in Eragon's mind.

"Murtagh's the one who choked on air!" Eragon reminded them, relieved when their attention was diverted to his brother.

Murtagh shrivelled under his father's gaze as Morzan opened his mouth to speak; his lecture sense was tingling. No, 'tingling' was not strong enough to describe what Murtagh's aptly named 'lecture sense' was doing. It was burning, jumping up and down in his head, setting off alarms everywhere it went and shrieking at the top of its mental lungs, "Move! Move! Move! Move! Move! Run! Run!"

Of course, it didn't really help Murtagh's case that his recently buried and mourned emo sense was moaning, "Rusty arrow! Rusty Arrow! Rusty arrow!" as it resurrected itself.

"Young man, if you cannot br-" Morzan began.

Murtagh's eye twitched.

Thorn laughed into Murtagh's mind, he even makes choking a sin, eh mini emo one?

Murtagh's eyes, one of which was still twitching, narrowed. It was the air. The air, every breath of which, he had treasured since that choking fit he'd had all that time ago, had turned against him.

Murtagh hadn't needed a wife while he'd got the air to savour; there was only so much love he could give and why give it to something with conscious thought that would probably leave him and make him suicidal when he could pour his love into the air, which he'd thought would never let him down, would always be there to keep him alive and breathing comfortably?

Well not anymore. It had betrayed him. It was time for Murtagh to stand up on his own two feet and-

"Mum," Eragon's voice rang out. "I think Murtagh's having a seizure!"

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Islanzadí smiled a smile that was altogether a lot more evil than a smile you would expect from a much loved sovereign belonging to a race as graceful and truthful as the elves. Really, Brom and Galbatorix were deluding themselves and she would probably be a better teacher of the art of Evilness to Eragon and Arya's child. She had, after all, been Arya's teacher of Evilness – not that she called it that. No, to Arya and the elves it was called assertiveness and deemed correct as a lesson to be learned by the young princess.

But she was not here to squabble with Brom and Galbatorix. Her purpose was to meet with the rabble her daughter went about with and pick some of them up in her limousine, take them to an adventure holiday park where they would stay using Murtagh's Christmas gift of tickets for the park and maybe even join in (and win) some of the activities.

"I can't read ya handwriting!" A voice from the driver's seat exclaimed, eyeing the flawlessly beautiful writing on the piece of paper he'd stuck on the dashboard with blu-tack.

Islanzadí sighed. Well, it was wrong for anyone to expect her to driver herself there. "Take a left turn at the next junction," she commanded.

"Right-o!" the Morrison's alcohol delivering paramedic, fireman and, now, chauffeur agreed, turning his attention back to the road in front of him. "Ya know, I'm only doin' this job 'cause you're hot."

Islanzadí sighed again. "Yes," she breathed. "I suspected as much."

"… And 'cause wherever the insane rich freak's family are there's loads of dosh for guy with many talents," he added, smirking. "Ya know, this could be fun. I can show ya some of my talents whenever ya want. All ya gotta do is say." He waggled his eyebrows in the wing-mirror.

She shook her head. "None of that will be necessary, thank you."

"Ya know ya can't resist me forever," he told her firmly.

Of course, whatever helps you crawl out of bed in the morning… She thought, immediately thinking how such a thought was not suitable for a queen like herself and could, if you (or one in her case) really thought about it, and twisted it quite a bit, be quite rude.

Enough speculation! She told herself. Now that is a thought worthy of a queen.

Smiling a small but still incredibly evil smile similar to the one she wore not long ago, Islanzadí's thoughts deviated to the path of her plans for the trip. She planned to do more than just participate in some activities and make herself useful (well, more useful than she already was). There was a reason she had asked the Morrison's alcohol delivering paramedic guy to become her chauffeur for the trip. And, Vrael, was it going to be fun!

AN: Okay, I'm gonna leave it there for this update. I know not a lot happened in this chapter but next chapter sees the arrival to the park, some activities and the Islanzadí embarrassing Arya. Next chapter gets funnier.

I've also decided to update once a month so my writing doesn't slip when I force myself to update earlier and because most of updates are month apart whether I want them to be or not, although I will be early most of the time; this time it's been just under a month. But this is basically so I can say I wasn't ridiculously late in updating.

Right, thanks to all my wonderful reviewers! I can't remember whose reviews I've replied to and whose I haven't so I'm sorry if I didn't reply to your review this time around. I think I replied to everyone but I'm not sure.

Reviews made my day and any feedback is much appreciated.

~ ThePurpleRose