Hi, people! Guess what! TWO new additions this issue. And guess what else? Well, it doesn't really pertain to this, but I was thinking about how this is becoming more and more like a real tabloid, so it should really be in that format. Maybe this summer, I'll work on getting it all spiffied up and create a website where I can post it with color and pictures and stuff. But I'm not that good with computers, so it may take some time. In the meantime, I'm creating an offline version of this out of construction paper for the enjoyment of my fellow Star Wars family and friends. :)

I'm Back!

Hello again, readers. Contrary to popular belief, Siri did an awful job on last issue. Well, she did a great job entertaining you with an engaging article on my love life. But she was wrong; Qui-Gon and I are still together!

Think about it. Siri's claims were vague. And, being a rookie, she jumped to conclusions and dressed up the article so it looked truthful.

So why, you ask, was I so upset last time? My dear mini goober fish, Lassie, died. I really don't want to talk about it. After wreathing his scaly head in flowers and bathing him in perfume... I was beyond grief. I didn't want to tell anyone, so they assumed the very worst.

And now, on to the issue of this issue. I've decided to take a break from the norm and do a special edition for today. That means I'm not interviewing the same, boring old Jedi again. I'm going out around town-well out to Tatooine, that is- to interview some of the best from the galaxy's most popular and dangerous sport; podracing!

"Lover's Day, eh? I uh, I'm all set," one time champion sebulba says, gesturing to his twi'lek masseuses.

"This is my life," Ben Quadrinaros says, patting his racer. "It gets waxed bi-weekly. Now you're saying I need to buy it flowers?"

"I'll be at the bar this weekend," A Trandoshan pouts. He flexes his scaly muscles. "Unless you'd join me for dinner."

"I've got a wife back home. I bought her this. Do you think she will like it?" A rodian asks, holding up a ball of slime. Apparently it's some sort to delicacy.

"I am betting heavily that Quadrinaros will bet his pod away today," A toydarian named Watto bets.

"Don't remind me," A tough looking hutt bawls his eyes out. "I miss Gardulaaaaaaaa!"

After this I was forced to scurry off planet before his thugs hunted me down for insulting His Royal Smelliness.

Two new additions coming this issue; horoscopes and advertisements! Ads, because… well, hard times have hit the economy, and it's getting more expensive to print each issue. A few ads should help out, right? And there will be horoscopes, because…. I have taken up meditation with Master Yoda, and I can see the future! Alas, I won't be doing many horoscopes, and not each one of the signs every week, because… my inner eye shall tire.

Letters to the Editor:

Dear Tahl,
Siri did a great job- her article seemed so accurate! Maybe you should let her take it over- permanently!
-Adi Gallia

Dear Tahl,
This is Temple security. We thought you would like to know that those pictures that were taken from our turbolift security cams were really Mace and his broad shouldered girlfriend.
Toodles,
Gal Han of Temple Security

Advertisements:

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Horoscopes:

Pisces: Watch out for fish with eyes like yours. Otherwise, enjoy the next 7 days!
Leo: Schedule a brain surgery; a green troll is going to show you something. You'll find out what soon enough.
Virgo: You will get very, very lucky. A treasure shall appear in your immediate vicinity in the next 24 hours.

The ad about the RP? It's real. Come join us, we won't hurt you… *maniacal laughter*
About the horoscopes- I wrote them because my friend, RoMythe, is writing a new fic about horoscopes, and it involves this Tabloid (a little)! So… if you're looking for a funny fic, I suggest you check it out whenever she posts it!

Other than that, review! There's so much to comment on isn't there? I'm so sorry the article-part itself was so short. If you have an idea for an ad, a letter to the editor, or an article, I'd love to hear it!

RoMythe: I hope I got the horoscopes right. Right?