/ Chapter 19 – Birthday Wishes /

Permanent Committed Memory
Subjective Time: 6.999997073852 Y.A.C.I. (Years After Cognition Initiated)
Local Time: 1958-12-10 13:32:31.970 (Earth Time: 14:58:27.721 GMT)

Athena sat on a stool in her mother's lab, watching Caroline eat a piece of her birthday cake. The cake was chocolate and had "Happy 7th Birthday Athena" written on it, with seven candles that Athena blew out. They were alone in the lab. Normally they would have Athena's cake in their apartment after her mother's dinner, but today her mother wanted to have her cake in the lab, early in the day.

"This cake is very yummy," Caroline said. "I should have programmed you with chocolate appreciation."

Athena smiled, recognizing her mother made a joke. "A tasting mechanism could have been useful in a few of my missions, though I know space within my body was limited." As usual, she didn't understand how to make humor herself, so she made a practical comment. In her experience, these sometimes made humans laugh, and in this case she elicited a chuckle out of her mother, pleasing her. Though, of course, she didn't understand what about it actually triggered laughter.

Suddenly Athena froze. Something happened that had never happened before in her life. A door had appeared in the lab, in the far wall. She searched her memory and realized the door had always been there. She simply never noticed it.

She looked at her mother, who had a slight smile on her face.

"Is anything wrong, sweetie?" Caroline asked.

Athena's mind was filled with confusion. "Mummy… I think I'm having a major malfunction."

"What do you mean?" her mother asked, but oddly did not sound concerned.

"I…" Athena stopped, trying to speak, but articulating what happened was extraordinarily difficult. "I'm perceiving a door in the wall. I've never perceived it before. But my memory tells me it has always been there. This is a contradiction in sensory reality."

"Really?" Caroline said. "That does sound odd." Her mother still didn't seem overly concerned.

"I have no explanation. I just ran a high-level diagnostic of my sensory system and there doesn't seem to be a flaw. Should I run a low-level one? That will suspend my operation for several hours."

Her mother now definitely looked amused. Athena grew suspicious. "Mummy, based on your facial expression and lack of surprise," she said, with a quite annoyed voice and expression, "I can only conclude that you know what caused this."

Caroline finally laughed. "I'm sorry, darling, for teasing you a little bit, but I've been looking forward to this day for a long time. Yes, I knew this would happen at exactly the seven year anniversary of initiation of your operation. I put in a perceptual block that prevented you from perceiving the door until now."

"Why?" Athena asked curiously.

"Because I didn't want you to notice it, obviously," Caroline said with a smirk.

Athena looked even more annoyed with her mother.

"All right, I'll stop teasing you," Caroline said. "But I must admit, I was very curious to see how you would handle reality getting skewed like that. To answer your question, that room has things I didn't want you to see until you were ready."

"I'm ready now?" Athena asked, feeling excited about the novelty of seeing a secret room that her mother hadn't wanted her to see.

"You are. Or, at least, I hope you are. But I'm fairly confident, or I would have pushed back the date," Caroline said.

"What is in the room?" Athena asked, staring at the door, all of her mind now dedicated to the mystery of what could possibly be behind it that her mother wanted hidden.

"Why don't you go and see?" Caroline said with a small smile.

Athena didn't have to be told twice. She walked over, opened the door without ceremony, and moved inside. Caroline followed her.

The room was dark, but immediately illuminated as Athena entered. It was a very large storeroom, with many open racks of shelves. Machine parts of various types were neatly placed on the shelves, and suddenly it was clear what she was looking at. It was not just machine parts. It was animatronic machine parts. Specifically – her parts.

Athena walked slowly past the shelves. She saw a hand… her hand. She picked it up, examining it. It was nearly identical to her hand, but on closer comparison, it was of slightly different proportions. She moved the index finger with her own index finger, watching the joints bend. She placed it back on the shelf.

She moved to a different shelf and Athena felt an odd out-of-body feeling as she saw several face plates of herself. They were thick graphene sheets over some sort of backing that ended at her hairline and chin. They were partially assembled with mounted empty eye socket modules, a shallow nose bridge, and partial mouth cavity open in the back. She could see one that was face-down, and on the back was a web of small contracting fibers that created facial expressions.

Athena kept moving, seeing some spare eyes and ears sitting on holders. The eye color matched her mother's eyes and her eyes. Several of the parts seemed deformed – rejects, perhaps.

At the end of the first set of shelves, she came face-to-face with herself. Or, at least, her head. It was a complete head unit with hair pulled back into a ponytail, the eyes staring outward at nothing. Athena picked it up off the shelf, holding it between both her hands. The pattern of freckles matched her own face.

"That was the last prototype," Caroline said softly, who had been very quiet up until now. "The head I made after that one is the one you presently have."

Athena turned it around in her hands, the head seeming both extremely familiar and very foreign. She closely examined the shape of the head, the nose, the ears, the eyes, the color of the hair. It perfectly matched her own head. It felt like she was holding herself in her hands.

"Why didn't you use this one?" Athena asked very quietly.

"I realized there was no reason to put your brain in your head like humans," Caroline replied, equally softly, almost a whisper. "It was better in your chest. More protected and heads are too easy to decapitate. Humans need it in their head because of their optic and auditory nerves."

Athena nodded and gently replaced the head onto the shelf.

She moved to another set of shelves. These apparently held internal components, some of which she had seen diagrams of, but not actually seen outside her body. She lifted a femur, part of the skeletal structure used within her leg. It was lighter than she expected. As she moved along, she noted an air pump unit, used for simulating breathing, as well as cooling her internals. Still another shelf held bundles of carbon nanotube fibers, which she knew were used for tendon-equivalents and internal structure. Another fiber bundle was different, twisted into tight curls, and she knew those were specially treated to contract like muscles.

The last shelf in the row held a blue cube, approximately four inches on a side, which reflected rainbows of light around it. It looked like a cloudy glass crystal, but made of many, many smaller crystals in some sort of matrix. She knew what this was, though she had never seen one before. It was her cybernetic brain unit.

"May I touch this?" Athena asked distantly, feeling very odd. As far as she knew, she had no restrictions on touching anything, but somehow this seemed different. Her personality felt muted, almost similar to how she felt just after her operation was first initiated.

"Yes," her mum said.

Athena picked it up, turning it over in her hands. The idea that she was holding the seat of her mind gave her a very strange feeling. She stared into it, feeling like she held some essence of herself. Athena was very still, the brain unit seeming to be part of herself and then becoming distinct in some abstract way.

This was a cybernetic brain unit, which held her mind. The essence of herself. But – no. This wasn't her. It was a cybernetic brain unit. A brain held her mind. But not this. It could be her, the brain held her mind. But it was distinct. She was separate. But a brain was in her hands. The brain held her mind. This brain did not. A brain was inside her. A brain held her mind. It was potentially a mind like hers. She was separate. Her brain held her mind. Her hands held a brain. But not her. The…

Caroline rapped loudly on the shelf. Athena's attention turned to her.

"Who are you?" Caroline asked.

Athena hesitated. "I… am… Athena," she said slowly. Her processing units were oddly stalled, as though she could process queries, but her greater sense of context was moving very slowly.

"What is your nature?"

"I am an audio-animatronic," Athena answered.

"What is your primary function?"

"Identify candidates for Plus Ultra and recruit them."

"Who designed you?"

"Caroline Elizabeth Chaumers."

"What does identity mean?" Caroline asked.

Athena's processing was in the oddest state of her short life. But she had a pending question, which focused her attention.

"The dictionary defines 'identity' as 'the sense of self, providing sameness and continuity in personality over time.'" Athena replied.

"What does that mean in terms of you?"

Athena was silent as she considered the difficult question, her processing units starting to move again. "I believe it means that I recognize myself as presently Athena. And I can compare that to the memories of the past and feel certain I am the same entity that created those memories. And I can recognize that I will be the same entity in the future. And I am a distinct entity from everything else."

"I couldn't have said it better myself," Caroline said. "Now, answer me the crucial questions. What is in this room?"

Athena considered. "Animatronic machine parts, of which many similar parts were used in my construction."

"And what is the nature of your physical identity, in relation to the parts in this room?" Caroline asked.

"I'm a distinct entity. The parts in this room are not."

"What is the nature of your abstract personal identity, in relation to the parts in this room?"

"I have the identity of Athena. The parts in this room don't have an identity," Athena answered.

"Yes," Caroline said. "Yes, indeed."

Caroline was silent, as Athena felt her mind settling down and returning to normal.

"Mummy, my mind felt very unstable," Athena said finally. "It was quite upsetting."

"Yes, now you know why I hid this room from you for so long," Caroline said.

"Why was it necessary to hide it?" Athena asked.

"I was concerned that if you saw this room too soon, it could create a schism in your mind, leading to an instability in your identity," Caroline said. "You needed to have a clear sense of self established so you could resolve the difference between yourself and the things in this room."

"I temporarily felt some confusion," Athena admitted. "But I realized that I was distinct from everything in here."

"That was the goal today," Caroline said. "Now, let's explore a little bit about what it means to be you."

"If I replaced your hand, would you still be you?" Caroline asked.

"Yes, of course," Athena said.

"Your entire arm?"

"Yes."

"What about your internal components in your chest?"

"Yes."

"What about your empathy interface?" Caroline asked.

Athena hesitated. "My empathy interface was trained after my activation. It is, technically, a part of my mind. It's possible that my behavior would be affected by having a different one. But I believe I would still have the same identity."

"But it's getting trickier to decide, eh?" Caroline asked. "How much of your mind could be replaced before you think you would not have the same identity?"

Athena considered this. "Certainly my memories directly affect who I am. If my memories were wiped, I would still be Athena, because you named me. But I would be a different Athena. A different identity, with a different personality.

"Various sub-systems influence how I act, such as my morality interface," she continued. "If that was changed, my behaviors could be radically different. If my behaviors are different, am I still me? Is it just that I need to have a memory of being me? I don't know. I don't understand the meaning between the abstract 'me', my identity, my behaviors, my memories, and the physical mechanism of my cybernetic brain. Mummy, what is the answer?"

"Welcome to the self-awareness club," Caroline said, hugging Athena and kissing her. "You've taken the crucial step, asking some of the questions that have been asked throughout human history. I'm very proud of you. To be honest, I felt fairly confident you would achieve this, but I couldn't be certain."

"Thank you, though I'm still not entirely sure I understand," Athena said.

"The fact that these are old questions still being asked should tell you how much of a clear answer I can give. In other words, nearly none at all. And the truth, Athena, is that it doesn't matter. What's important is that you know that you are you – whatever that abstraction means. And it means the same thing to humans."

Athena thought about that, nodding. The idea that she was possibly a conscious entity in the same way as humans was a profound and difficult concept.

But then another thought occurred to her. She looked suspiciously at her mother.

"Mummy," Athena asked. "Do I have any other perceptual blocks?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Caroline said mischievously, with a grin.

Athena gave her an extremely annoyed look this time.

"Oh, I am in a cheeky mood today, aren't I?" Caroline laughed. "And on your birthday, too!"

"Mummy," Athena started. "I have a question about human relations."

Athena stood in her mother's study, where Caroline was relaxing with her embroidery. She looked up, surprised. "All right."

"I know that a common human custom are parties for birthdays. Frank's 13th birthday is coming up. I know that cakes are often associated with birthdays, but would it be appropriate to offer to cook him dinner as well as make a cake?" Athena asked.

Caroline looked delighted with this. "Oh, that's sweet of you, darling! I'm sure Frank would be thrilled with that. Do you wish to do it here?"

"I thought I might cook at his apartment and he would have it there, if that's all right. I thought it might be enjoyable for us to do it together."

Caroline raised an eyebrow, but said, "All right, darling. That does sound like fun. I'm delighted that you thought of it."

"Last year Frank mentioned his birthday and I visited him. I set up a trigger timer to remind me again this year since I find calendar dates don't tend to trigger strong memories in me."

"Well, even if the thought wasn't entirely an original idea, I'm still pleased that you ran with it and developed a plan," Caroline said. "I don't think you would have several years ago. I think having a human friend is providing motivation to synthesize ideas."

Athena nodded. "Frank's ability to generate ideas on a constant basis is very challenging to me. They seemingly come from nowhere, leaving me with no context to base them on. I'm forced to improvise."

"Excellent!" Caroline said approvingly. "Just like a human, you'll improve with practice. I'm so glad you found a friend like Frank."

As the door announced Athena's arrival, Frank got up from his couch to walk over to meet her. The door slid up and there she was, smiling at him, wearing a very familiar outfit.

"Hey!" Frank said. "Is that the dress you wore the day of the World's Fair?"

"Yes, it is," Athena said. "For a birthday party, it's typical to wear a party dress, so I selected one that seemed appropriate."

"Well, now you're making me feel underdressed," he said, grinning in his everyday Tomorrowland jumpsuit that nearly everyone wore for casual wear. "I didn't know it was fancy-schmancy."

"I'm not particular," Athena said. "Your clothes are fine. My mother created this dress for the World's Fair."

"It really is a pretty dress," Frank said. "It looks good on you."

"Thank you. I'm not a good judge, so I often depend on my mother to make these sorts of decisions," Athena said, smiling.

Frank was actually thinking that it looked amazing on her, the color of the dress bringing out her eye color, and the matching hair ribbon making her hair look particularly pretty tonight. What made Athena more attractive in general was just how modest she was about her looks. She had to know she was pretty, but never made any comment about it, or even seemed aware of it at all. When she said she "wasn't a good judge" of how she looked, she seemed to sincerely believe she didn't know whether she was pretty or not, as though she only knew because others told her.

"I'll get started on dinner," Athena said. "I brought ingredients for lasagna."

"Really?" he asked, excited. "That's my favorite! How did you know?"

"Thirteen days after your arrival, we were having a conversation and you mentioned that your mother used to make lasagna, and it was your favorite," she replied.

He stared at her, then shook his head. Somehow Athena found new ways to amaze him. "Seriously? I don't even remember saying that, much less what day it would have been on."

Athena paused for a split second, looking at him, then smiled. "Oh, I guess it just stuck in my memory," she said casually.

They walked into the kitchen and Athena began to put together the meal as they chatted. She completed putting together the lasagna layers and popped it into the oven. She also pulled out a cake that she'd made beforehand.

"All right, while that's cooking, we can put up the party decorations," Athena said.

"What? Really?" Frank said, as she pulled out some streamers from her bag.

"Of course. A party requires party streamers," Athena said seriously.

"This is more elaborate than I was expecting," he said, doubly amused at the decorations and Athena's straight-faced expression. "But you're in charge of this operation."

Later after dinner, Frank played chess with Athena, generally feeling like it had been a great evening. Athena did a stellar job of making lasagna (he idly wondered if there was anything she couldn't do) and they'd had a good conversation about his potential future in Plus Ultra, Athena particularly giving him some interesting background on Nix, who really did traditionally bring along high achievers and fast-tracked them into the organization. Athena was very excited by the idea of him getting deeply involved with Plus Ultra, saying she thought from the beginning that he would be an ideal fit.

But now as Frank sat across the board from her (who was looking as though she would win yet again), he reflected on how lucky he was to have a friend like her. He examined her face, now looking down at the chess board. She was normally pretty, but wearing that dress, with her shiny hair done up in the matching hair-tie, he was particularly noticing at that moment just how pretty she was, and his stomach fluttered a little.

Athena suddenly looked up from the board, causing Frank to look down, feeling a blush creeping up his neck. He hoped she didn't notice him staring at her.

She made her move and Frank forced himself to focus back on the board. He felt there was something he should be seeing, but chess was the furthest thing from his mind at that moment. He decided to just do a move he'd had in mind, and moved his rook a few spaces up the board.

Athena cocked her head, looking confused. "I guess you didn't see it, Frank, but…" She moved her queen and took the rook.

Frank stared at the board, feeling stupid. His whole defense around his king was now a shambles, with her queen right there. Yeah, that was impressive, Walker, he thought. He forced out a laugh. "Yeah, oops! I was thinking about something else. I'll resign the game. You'll probably mate me in five moves." He blushed again. "Um, I mean, it'll be checkmate."

Athena gave him a very odd, penetrating look. "Are you well, Frank? The food was all right, wasn't it?"

"Oh yeah! It was great!" Frank said, over-compensating with enthusiasm. "You're a great cook!" He told himself he needed to seriously calm down.

She smiled, though still seemed to be closely examining him. "Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it."

Frank was feeling light-headed. He saw Athena nearly every day unless she was off on her field trips, but that dress reminded him of everything they had shared. And it brought out her eye color, which might be his favorite feature. And her hair looked so pretty tonight. And the food she had made was amazing, and she'd cared enough about him to put the evening together. He couldn't ask for a better best friend.

"Now might be a good time to give you your birthday present," Athena said, with a smile.

"What? Really? You didn't have to, this party is enough."

"Of course. People who have birthday parties receive a gift."

"I guess that's the rule out of the birthday party guidelines," Frank said, smiling.

"Yes, it is," Athena said, completely deadpan.

Frank laughed, Athena's quirky humor coming through again. She got up and walked into the kitchenette, then returned with a box, perfectly wrapped in blue paper with a perfectly tied bow on top. Frank held it up in front of him, admiring the job.

"Did you wrap this?" he asked.

"Yes. Did I do it all right?"

"Yeah, it's amazing. I almost don't want to open it," Frank said. It looked as though she'd been exceptionally meticulous about making it perfect. Either that, or she'd used a gift wrapping machine or something. He actually felt a little flattered that she'd put so much effort into just the wrapping.

"Gift wrapping is intended to be destroyed," Athena said, with another of her straight faces.

Frank laughed. "All right, I won't be shy."

He ripped off the wrapping with gusto, though still feeling guilty. He actually felt that he would have taken the wrapped box as the gift. It was a work of art.

Opening it up, he pulled out a framed picture of himself and Athena, which he recognized from the summer fair when Caroline snapped a picture of the two of them. They were both smiling, with their arms around each other. It was a really good picture of Athena.

"Wow, thank you! This is a great picture, I'm glad your mom took it," Frank said. He walked over and put the picture on his desk, next to his T-Net terminal. "There! Perfect spot."

They spent the next hour chatting some more, though Frank felt very distracted and couldn't manage to get himself together. He really liked Athena's hairstyle and couldn't stop looking at it, though he tried to be a little sneaky about it so she wouldn't notice. Frank gave a huge yawn, feeling sleepy from the food and the good company.

"I should probably go home," Athena said, smiling. "I can see you're getting tired."

Frank glanced at the clock. "Whoa! I didn't realize it was after 11. Will your mom be worried?"

"No, she's fine," Athena answered. "She decided to go out with some friends tonight. Normally this means she'll not be home until after midnight."

"Aren't you tired?" Frank asked.

"I'm all right for now."

"You've never left this late. Are you okay to go home by yourself? Do you want me to go with you?"

Athena looked at him curiously. "Is your intent to protect me from danger?"

Frank grinned, amused at her teasing while delivering one of her patented straight, serious faces. "I guess I was thinking you might be nervous being out so late, but Tomorrowland's pretty safe, huh?"

"Yes, I'm not concerned about the trip home," Athena said.

"Still, I could walk you home," Frank said impulsively. He was actually feeling that Athena looked so pretty tonight and the evening was so fun that he didn't want it to end.

Athena looked surprised at this, but said, "All right, if you like."

They headed out, continuing their conversation as they walked to the tube station. It was a beautiful evening with a warm summer breeze blowing through the quiet street. The two moons were out and both nearly full; Isaac and Albert hovering near each other in the sky, shining through puffy, transparent clouds. He was having a lot of trouble focusing on what Athena was saying; his stomach butterflies felt like they were trying to fly to visit the moons. Walking with her late at night had a new feeling all its own, particularly with her dressed up and looking so pretty in the bright moonlight.

Too quickly they reached Athena's apartment complex and Frank walked her to the door. "Thank you so much for all this, it was pretty much the best birthday ever," he said sincerely.

Athena beamed at this. "I'm so glad. I tried very much to plan the evening so all parameters of a birthday celebration would be covered."

Frank laughed; Athena's quirkiness was in full swing tonight. "I'd say you covered them pretty thoroughly."

He smiled, looking at her, just drinking in how nice she looked and how much fun the evening had been.

"Well, good night Frank, and happy birthday," she said, opening up her door.

"'Night," Frank said.

The door closed, Athena disappearing into her apartment. Frank stood there for a few extra seconds, wishing she was still there, but then sighed. He started walking away, feeling light headed again. Something about the evening had really brought home how special she was and how important she had become to him.

Author's Note: Please review!

The official story site is at www. frankandathena .com for discussions of the story! - T.K.