Rating:
This chapter is Rated T.

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Twilighternproud; you're so awesome and amazing. :)

Authors Notes:
Oh My God... I nearly have 400 reviews, and it's all thanks to you fans!
I wonder who my 400th reviewer would be? Should I give them a special teaser of my next chapter?
Hmm... I shall think about it. ;)
There is a character in this chapter who has grown close to my heart...
Can you guess who it is?

Disclaimer:
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Erroneous Motives

I stared her down, watching every single step and movement she made. She sat across from Alberta and plopped her bag down on the floor. She flicked her hair back behind her shoulders and plastered a smile to her face while she looked around the room to see who else was present. She nodded to Headmistress Alberta and the other guardians, except one guardian – Dimitri. Her face lit up and she gave him a big smile, which if I didn't look close enough like everyone else in the room, I probably wouldn't have noticed, but she fluttered her eye lids. I didn't see Dimitri's reaction because I was to focused on staring her down. She was my prey and I was the predator. I needed to take her down, and quick, before she gets her filthy dirty claws into my food (Dimitri). She has already entered my territory, so there is no need to defend, I will now have to attack. Did I mention animal behaviour is my favourite class?

I was shoved out of my daze when her eyes moved to mine. Her eyes narrowed, and even if it was just that slightly closure, it was enough to send her message through. Her smile faded into a half smirk and she let out a small giggle.

"Miss Hathaway..."

I snapped my head up at Alberta. "Sorry."

"What I was saying is, Lady Ozera came to the academy to explain what she has been doing with herself for the past few months. As we assume, Lady Ozera has been doing some tracking of her own. Nevertheless, she is now also here for her Nephew, Lord Christian Ozera."

I nodded, but didn't say any more I stared down at my feet, thinking about what a bitch she was to turn up at the academy. And even worse now. It had to be now – when things were going great between Dimitri and I.

"If you would excuse us Headmistress, I must speak to Miss Hathaway quickly, before we proceed. It will give Lady Ozera some privacy as she talks to you about Lord Ozera," Dimitri explained sincerely.

"Oh no, it wouldn't be a problem," Tasha spoke up. "Please don't feel the need to excuse yourself."

"It isn't a problem. Inform us when you have finished."

"Very well," said Headmistress. "We shouldn't be too long."

Dimitri walked past me and I didn't have the energy to look at Tasha face. It all seemed to drain out of me. Dimitri continued to walk to the far end of the hallway and opened a door to storeroom. It was rather large, but if Dimitri wanted to talk in there, he had another thing coming.

"Rose, I don't want a repeat performance of last time," he warned.

"Oh, gee, thanks Comrade. Glad you think I'm a child that needs to be warned to be on their best behaviour."

"You know it's not like that," his voice was stern.

I glared at him, "No? Because that's what it sounds like to me. You know what, I'm sorry I'm not as mature as her, and I'm sorry I can't give you a family. Maybe one day I will have scars like her and still look beautiful."

"Please don't do this," he begged.

"Do what?" I hissed. "You are the one who dragged me out of the room and brought this subject up, and yet, you don't want me to react?"

He stood there thinking about what he would say. "I saw you in there, Rose. You were going to lose control. Anyone would have noticed."

"No I wasn't. Yes, I'll admit that I was pissed. Of course I would be. I wouldn't have feelings if I didn't. But that wasn't to say I was going to lose it. I kept my mouth shut and didn't pounce on her. What more can I honestly do to please you?" I shouted.

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose before replying. "Let's say I did overreact-"

"You did!"

"It's best to let Tasha discuss Christian's health privately."

"Oh yeah, it's so private that my own Mother is still in the room," I rolled my eyes.

Dimitri didn't say anything, but he didn't make an attempt to leave the storeroom. I turned around and pulled out a piece of A4 paper. I started fidgeting with it and folding it into many shapes. I ended up folding it into a paper heart. I sighed and let it fall out of my hands to the floor. I was bored and wanting to get the speech over and done with so I could leave the administration building, but Dimitri had other plans.

I walked around him and head for the door, but he pulled me back.

"Where do you think your going?" he whispered against my ear.

"To finish what I came here for. Care to join?"

He pulled me against his chest in a locked position and I couldn't move. My back was pressed up against his stomach and chest, but that wasn't the worst tease. The worst tease would be his warm breath blowing onto my neck.

"I'm hurt that you want to leave so quickly," he murmured.

I tried to control my breathing, "We weren't doing anything."

"What about now?" He leaned down and left a soft kiss on my neck.

"Nope. Not doing anything," I teased.

He gave me beautiful kisses all the way up my neck to just behind my ear. My sensitive spot, and he knew it.

"Maybe you could show me once more."

He then held his embrace tighter and nibbled on my neck. I let out a moan and pushed further back into Dimitri. He let out a growl and spun me around. His hand moved to my neck and he started rubbing my cheeks.

"You have no idea what you do to me," he whispered.

I moved closer and made my body touch his. "I have a fair idea," and gave him my man eating smile.

"Roza," he growled.

"It's only fair I get to tease you if you get to tease me."

He bent down so it made me kiss him easier.

"We should head back," he stated, "But Rose..."

"I will Comrade. It's a learning process, but you have already taught me so much. So let go... I got to inform everyone about what I know."

Dimitri gave me one last kiss before leading the way back to Kirova's office. He knocked three times and opened the door. I took a deep breath and walked in. To my delight, Tasha was no where to be seen. I smiled mentally and sat down ready to relay what I knew.

Kirova was shocked that I had three Strigoi after me, and that I survived with barely any marks at all. Alberta seemed impressed with my fighting, however, my Mother seemed disappointed with my decisions. Headmistress Kirova dismissed me, but Dimitri had to stay to talk tactics.

I was walking to the bathroom when Lissa caught me attention.

I need to talk to you now! She ordered.

It's very rare for Lissa to contact me through our bond with direct orders, but I obeyed and looking into her head to see she was waiting in her dorm. I quickly changed my direction of path and started towards her.

"Hathaway."

I turned my head to the direction of the voice and what would you know, Jesse and Ralf walking towards me.

"I'm busy Jesse, maybe some other time when I can afford to fit you in my schedule."

He gave me a smirk and said, "You're pretty famous around here at the moment."

"Aren't I famous around here all the time? Especially in those intrusive rumours of yours," I snickered.

He narrowed his eyes. "Leave Lucia and I alone."

"What are you talking about Jesse? Why don't you just stop your stupid little fantasy, because honestly, I'm sick of being involved in them."

He stepped closer, most likely trying to intimidate me. "She told me what you said. Just leave her the fuck alone. She is mine... or should I say Ralf's? Whatever the reason, don't mess with her again."

"Seriously? You got to be joking. No? Fine. I'll do what the fuck I want when I want and with whoever I want. Got a problem with that? Then suck it up, or should I say, suck it in?" I laughed in his face. "Just in case you haven't got the idea in that fried brain of yours, you fuck with me again and I won't hold back next time. And with your sick obsession over Lucia Lombardi, good luck, because if I see you doing something to her against her will or anything at all, you won't even have a second to tell your boyfriend Ralf that you love him one last time. You got that?"

"Keep your distance," he replied walking away.

I walked to Lissa's and she opened the door straight away and I must say, she does not look impressed.

"What's so important you had to order me to see you through the bond?" I asked shocked.

"I think you know," she answers.

Lissa is pissed off and she is pissed off at me. I suddenly walk over to the couch and fall down on the cushions. Crap! What have I done now?

"Please explain, I really don't know what you are talking about."

"Tasha is here."

Huh? I know that. How is that my fault? "Yeah, I know. I ran into her not long ago, when I got called up into Kirova office. I thought you would be pleased about that."

Lissa huffed, "I was when I first saw her. She surprised both Christian and I."

"Lissa," I sighed. "I'm not quiet following you. Why are you pissed off at her?"

"I'm not."

"I can feel it through the bond. Why are you lying?"

Lissa stood up and raised her voice. "Because I'm not angry at her, I'm angry at you!"

Shocked at her response, I stood up. "What? What did I do?"

"I should have known. It's been happening for some time now, I've seen it and I'm sure others have as well. I thought it was friendship or because you both have something in common – me. But no. I understand now, it's clear." She speaks. "How could you do that to me? I thought I was worth more than that!"

"Woah – hold up there Liss. What's clear?"

"Why won't you just admit it?" She yelled. "I know about you and Christian. I know there is something going on."

"Lissa, please listen to me. There is nothing going on, I promise. We are just mates, always have been, always will be. What's gotten into you?"

"Right, because while I was sitting beside Christian the whole time... I – I – me, Rose, me – I was sitting beside him in the medical clinic waiting for him to wake up. And all he could say or ask was 'where's Rose? Is Rose coming soon? Is Rose going to be alright?'"

I tried to reason, but no use, she cut me off.

"And when he wasn't asking about you, he would either not talk to me or talk harsh to me. He wouldn't even let me be near him. I thought it was because he was in shock, but when Tasha came in. He hugged her and told her he missed her. I tried talking to him, but he snapped."

I tried to place a supportive hand on her arm but she flinched away.

"He might just need time Lissa. He might not know what his thinking at the moment. You can try talking to him again, I'm positive he'll listen."

Lissa started crying and sat down on the end of her bed, so she didn't fall.

"Christian broke up with me. I tried to makes things right. I pleaded. Asked what I did wrong. But he didn't change his mind. He said it's been going this way for a while now. That it's best."

I gasped in shock. "Shit. I'm so sorry Lissa. I didn't know. What a bastard!"

Her head snapped up and she spoke, "dame right you knew! You and him have been spending plenty of time together. You are the reason he broke up with me! All he wants is to see you!"

I couldn't bite my tongue any longer and I snap at Lissa. "Lissa, for fucks sake! There is nothing, and I repeat – nothing, romantic going on between Christian and I. I'm going to leave, so you can calm down a bit and clear you head. You should know me better than that. I would never, ever do such a thing to you."

Lissa stared after me and I slam the door shut. I stood there for a while, trying to sort out my head and figure out what my next move would be. Should I tell Dimitri? Would he think it's teenage drama and get annoyed? Should I visit Christian? Would it makes things more worse? Oh screw it, I'm going to visit Christian.

Dr. Olendzki gave me permission to see Christian, but only for fifteen minutes, as he needs to rest. I quietly knocked on the door and pushed it open. Christian looked sound asleep, so I tip-toe over to the spare chair beside his bed. He slowly opens his eyes, and weakly says, "Hey".

"Hey yourself," I say softly. "Looks like you're in a bit of a mess."

He weakly closed his eyes and tried to smile.

"How are you feeling?"

"Could be better," he manages to croak out, while trying to sit up. "I've been asking for you."

I lean in closer and take hold of his hand. "So I've heard, and not from a happy source."

I see him grimace, but he tried to hide it. I know he loves Lissa. He loves her with everything, but he isn't in a condition to be put under pressure, so I'll pass on it... for now.

"There's something I have to tell you," he says and I nod for him to continue. "I'm sorry. I should have gone back to safety like you told me."

I let out a soft laugh, "Christian," I whisper. "Is this really you apologising?"

"Take it while you can. I'd also like to thank you." He takes several deep breaths before continuing. "You noticed I wasn't well a fair while ago, and I appreciate you looking out for me. I should have came in earlier, but it's too late now to debate over it."

"Shh, it's alright, really. No need to thank me, that's what friends do, remember? Try not to speak. It's too much for you at the moment. If you need to respond, just shake or nod your head," I advise.

"Before I do, I just need to say one more thing. Please try and go easy on Auntie Tasha." I give him an are-you-kidding look and he says, "I saw the way she got on your nerves on her last visit. She's not doing it intentionally."

"Why does it sound like you are saying reasonable things because you are dying? Please, it's not necessary."

Christian corrects himself, "she's isn't doing it to annoy you or destroy you. She has been lost for quiet some time."

Christian gave me an innocent pleading look which I couldn't deny. Who would want to argue with a sick boy anyway?

I gave a low sigh and said, "I'll try and do my best, but no guarantees."

Silence overcame us, and I took the moment to look around the room and cringe at the sight. Nothing has changed. I still hate it here. I've often been here myself, but now Christian is stuck here. Poor Christian.

"I don't know what Lissa and Tasha filled you in on, but the rest of our gang got out untouched. It looks like Tasha wasn't too far behind them either. She has shown a good track record. Her tracking must have been what you didn't want to tell me about in my room that day. I understand, you know. I'm not going to lie, she is very brave for doing what she is doing."

Christian nodded.

"You scared me there for a while. I seriously didn't think I'd make it here at the hospital on time for you. Not even my insults got a reaction from you, that notified me that something was seriously wrong. Don't ever do that to me again. Please, don't ever scare me again. Ever."

Christian shook his head.

"I'm not going to nag you or try and change your mind..." Christian closed his eyes shut and squeezed my hand. He knew what was going to spill out of my mouth. Well, he knew who it would be about, not necessarily what I was going to say about it. I'm sure he had a fair idea though. "... but are you really sure about your decision with Lissa?"

Christian nodded.

"Maybe it's just what you are feeling now. Something your mind does to protect itself. You'll most likely change your mind when you get better."

Christian shook his head and kept his eyes clamped tightly shut.

"Does that mean the deal is... off?" I asked warily.

Christian nods his head.

Before I have a chance to ask any more questions, Dr. Olendzki politely walks in and lets me know it's time for me to leave so Christian could get some much needed rest. I give Christian's hand a good squeeze and kiss his forehead before I say goodbye and leave.

Thinking about Christian on my way to the common room, he still didn't look any healthier. Yeah, his heartbeat is normal and his blood pressure is no longer high, but he still doesn't have much energy and honestly, he still looks sick. I forgot to ask Dr. Olendzki what Christian's sickness is and if it's major. But I'm sure if it was life or death she would tell me, right? Or Christian would at least... Maybe I should give him a few more days in hospital to judge about his condition.

Walking into the common room, I incidentally see Dimitri talking to Tasha. Tasha seems to be leaning into him, whispering into his ear and Dimitri laughs back at her. I narrow my eyes and try to think of a way to interrupt them.

I could:

Walk up to them and pull Dimitri away, which Dimitri might disapprove of or completely disregard.

Flirt with Dimitri in front of Tasha. Hopefully, she would get the idea, but most likely wouldn't give a shit. Dimitri on the other hand might not want to play the flirting game in front of her.

Bump into Tasha hard enough to hurt her. It would get her out of the picture, but would Dimitri want to follow and make sure she is okay? And would he be disappointed in me for playing so low.

Or I could text Dimitri to get his attention. She wouldn't know what I said to him, and I would be able to see how he reacts.

I think I'll go with the text for my first attempt. It probably seems immature to do so, but hey, I'm jealous and there is no way I'm going to let Tasha try and steal him away from me again.

I take out my mobile phone and write:

Wat r u doin?

I need 2 c u!

Alright, sent. Let's see if he lies to me. Dimitri doesn't seem like the type to lie and especially not to me, but this will show me.

Tasha and Dimitri look engaged in a deep conversation, until Dimitri looks down at his pocket and takes out his phone. He gives Tasha a signal to politely wait a moment and soon enough, I have a message back.

I'm talking to an old friend. We're mostly just talking about tactics.

Shouldn't be too long.

Well he didn't lie about talking to Tasha and I didn't expect him too, he's not that kind of man, but it certainly does not look like they are talking about tactics. So I decide I should send one more message back. I quickly look up and I can't see them in the stop they were standing in. I franticly search the room, and let out my breath when I see him sitting in a corner with her.

I write back to him:

I hope ur friend doesn't mind u sharin ur tym wid me.

I want u NOW!

So don't b 2 long, cuz I'll find another way 2 occupy myself.

I look up and search for his face, to see if he understand the double meaning in my text message. Not that I've tried masturbating, because I haven't had the need, but I might need to do so soon.

Dimitri looks at his phone, and I soon see a smirk playing on his lips. Tasha grabs his attention though, before he gets a chance to reply. He then shakes his head at her and sends a message through.

Time with you is no issue, and please, don't disappoint me. See you soon.

I smile to myself, because I know now that he understood the double meaning and he wants me too. I look up once more and Tasha has her legs around Dimitri's and her hand is rubbing his arm. So much for discussing tactics. That's a little too much touchy feely with my boyfriend! That fucking bitch! Oh, I'll see you soon alright, Dimitri. You and Tasha.

I storm through the common room over to the side corner where Tasha and Dimitri are sitting. Tasha's eyes flicker up to mine, but don't make permanent contact. She leans in to kiss Dimitri, but he pulls back. He doesn't have time to react and say anything, because I say it first.

"What the fuck are you doing to my boy- my mentor!" I shout.

Tasha looks up at me all innocently. "Well that is none of your business."

"The hell it's not! It's every right my business!"

"Your relationship with Dimitri, oh sorry, in your case – Guardian Belikov, is strictly mentor and student. What I do with him in my time, has no concern with you," she states with a sly smile.

"Don't you dare tell me what concerns me. If I were you, which I'm thankful I'm not, I would be concern about my fist connecting with your face," I threaten.

"Rose," Dimitri's stern voice calls. "That's enough."

Tasha puts on a mocking caring voice, "you heard the teacher, that's enough... your childish behaviour certainly represents your age."

That's all it took for me to ball up my fist and stand in a position to punch. Familiar warm hands send an electric shock through my body when Dimitri's hand circles my balled up wrist.

"Relax, Roza," he whispers in my ear. He then turns to Tasha and says, "Rose is a very talented person. She certainly does act her age..." He looks at me and raises an eyebrow, "...but that's how it's meant to be. She doesn't act like a toddler, who needs to be constantly watched and told how to look after herself and she doesn't act older than who she is. I'm sorry Tasha, for the misunderstanding between Rose and I, and for you to be effected by it."

Tasha looks between Dimitri and I for a moment, and stops to look at his hand still wrapped around my wrist.

"It's a shame we have to end our reunion so soon, perhaps we can finish this some time... soon?"

Dimitri nods his head and answers, "That would be lovely. Have a pleasant evening."

Tasha walks away, but not before caressing Dimitri forearm. I stare at the back of her body until I am satisfied she is far away enough to relax my posture. I turn my head to look at Dimitri, and it seems he was watching me the whole time. I look around the common room, and notice not too many people were paying any attention to us. However, we did catch some attention, which means time to role play.

"Don't touch me," I hissed and pull my wrist out of his hand.

"What you did back there was uncalled for," he stated.

I rolled my eyes, and say, "Whatever," as I walk out of the room.

As I walk around the academy, I have no idea, where I'm going or what I'm trying to do. Everything is so shit at the moment. Lissa dislikes me, because she thinks I love Christian. Christian's in hospital, because his sick. Tasha turns up at the academy, and tries to hit on Dimitri, and Dimitri still treats Tasha with respect after the way she treated me in front of him. I end up walking to the pond on the boundary of the wards.

Staring into the water, I hear leaves and grass crunching under some sort of boots. I don't need to turn around, because I know his walking rhythm anywhere, and I can smell his beautiful scent. His arms wrap around my waist and he leans his chin on my shoulder.

"How do you always know where I am?" I wonder out loud.

"It feels like a magnetic force pulls me towards you," he murmurs.

"I'm not in the mood for bullshit," I caution.

He keeps his voice soft, "I kind of worked that out myself no more then twenty minutes ago, when you threatened to bash a royals face in."

"She's not the first royal I've threatened in my life time. She was actually the second one for today. Plus, she deserves it – that bitch!"

"She may have done things which were disrespectful, but that doesn't mean she deserves it."

I stepped forward out of his hold and spun around to face him. His face was calm and held no anger, but I could tell he was sorry for me.

"Why do you do that? Why do you always protect her?" I yell.

"I'm not protecting her Rose, I'm protecting you," he says.

"I don't need protection. Especially from you!"

"Rose," he says sincerely, "There is no need to be jealous."

I snort, "You're kidding, right? She was all over you and you treat her like she has done nothing wrong."

"In her defence, she wasn't doing anything wrong. She doesn't know I'm with you. She doesn't know that I'm taken. So she flirts and has fun. She doesn't know what she is doing is hurting you." He steps closer and tries to hold my hand, but I move my hand out of the way. "You should know I wouldn't touch her. My heart is with you, if you have forgotten."

"You had a chance Dimitri. You had a chance to tell her you weren't interested or to show her you weren't interested, but you didn't. You laughed and you let her touch you!" He looked at me, trying to figure out how I knew. "I saw you two together. I was watching from a distance," I blurt out. "Why do you think you got the text message? Because I wanted to see what you would say. So there you go, it's out there now."

Dimitri closed his eyes and said, "Rose, you shouldn't have done that."

"I know. I know okay. But I did and I saw what I saw. I didn't want to feel the way I did, but once I saw her with you, I just couldn't stand the idea of her there... with... you." I stomp my foot and kick the ground. "I wanted to be with you, I wasn't lying."

"You could have came up and joined the conversation," he suggested.

"Yeah, because a student of yours coming up and talking like we have been best buds for years would have looked casual," I roll my eyes.

"Tasha knows you too, you know. It wouldn't have been a big fuss. All you had to do was show me your presence and I would have included you, you silly, silly beautiful woman."

"Save your flirtatious comments, Dimitri. I've seen enough of it from you for today," I hiss.

"Rose, please..."

"Leave me alone," I demand and turn to walk away.

Within a second Dimitri is standing in front of me. "Don't do this. Not again."

I push him back with two hands and shouted, "Fuck off!"