There's really no reasonable reason as to why I didn't update. Well… schedule got tight around the time of the school play. And then I had a science project (big success!) After this, I just needed time to chill and get ready for 8 exams, and five other events (including my birthday!) that are all happening in a two week period. *headdesk* There's my explanation. Reasonable?

This chapter's for all those mothers who didn't receive bombs from their daughters this Mother's Day (which was a while ago, I know).

Greetings, kindred readers! I'm jumping straight to it today! Before I go on with the scoop, there are a few things I must clarify!

1) Last issue, I had a few… issues that prompted many of you to send me brochures for mental hospitals. I am happy to inform you that I was simply suffering from PMS: Personalities Multiplying Syndrome. It can cause one to act like Gollum from the legendary Lord of the Rings series. (For more on this movie and stunning PMS conspiracies, see pg.7)

2) Qui-Gon and I shall be married in just three months! You will be receiving updates on how planning our trendy, upscale wedding is going in a new section called "Our Trendy, Upscale Wedding!" Here we shall explore the hippest themes, flowers, and catering businesses in the galaxy to give you a look at the glamorous side of a Jedi's life.

Now on to the matter at hand. Just recently we had Mother's Day, correct? Now, as a Jedi I usually don't like this holiday because… it's difficult to celebrate when you don't know your mother. That's why I encourage anyone and everyone to be a role model for the children in your life.

Now, here is my own story about how I am a role model for two very special children:

A few years ago I met two darling children by the names of Eritha and Alani of New Apsolon. Over the brief time we knew each other we grew very close. The girls had no mother, you see. When I left the planet, we didn't make much contact. As the Jedi still monitor things there, I have often heard of them. They are celebrities (of sorts)!

So when Mother's Day came around, the sweethearts sent me a present! It was wonderfully kind; a little box wrapped in yellow with flowers drawn on it! I was so touched.

But then…Temple security confiscated it! They claimed that it had a bomb inside!

I have no idea why these girls would send me a bomb. It was a Mother's Day present! Besides, they are celebrities (of sorts)! Celebrities don't send bombs.

Does anyone think these lovely, beautiful, innocent girls are out to kill?

"Possibly. You're dangerous because you have information from your previous mission. They're gaining power, like you said. Maybe they don't want that information slipping out," A Temple security spokesperson says.

Forgot to mention something: These girls are daughters of the peacekeeper of Apsolon! The best governor they've had in… ages! With this in mind, let's ask a few more people.

"Not Eritha and Alani! The little angels!" Qui-Gon exclaims. "Erm, I mean, second-to-best-angels, angel."

"Well, you never know…" Siri Tachi who happens to look just like the twin girls, says mysteriously.

"Pfft. Girls who are celebrities do not send their motherly figures bombs," Garen says in that duh voice.

"Like Garen says, good girls don't bomb," Reeft burps.

"Well, you must examine the facts. Not the opinions, the facts. Have these girls ever done something criminal- like in the past? Are they affiliated with any criminals? And what of their movies; do they want money? If they-"I had to cut off the factual and annoying Mace Windu because I was too bored to write down what he was saying. Not good tabloid material, anyway.

"There are other girls?" Bant screeches in horror. "OTHER GIRLS?"

"Jump to conclusions about nice girls, you should not. A better mother, you will be, if you trust in these children," Yoda says warmly. It took me a minute to figure out what he was talking about. Took Qui-Gon a minute, too. Now Qui-Gon's freaking out about this marriage.

"The chances of these girls sending you a bomb are approximately 9.987 to 1," TooJay says bluntly. He needed to be re-wired, anyway.

"It's not the gift itself; it's the thought that counts. You should be thankful you even got a present!" Clee sniffles.

In conclusion, I don't think anyone sent me a bomb. I mean, I have to be thankful I even got a gift! These girls are angels and if in the future (waay in the future), I ever have children, I have to learn to trust them!

Now I need to work on getting my present back! Temple security is just paranoid.

---LETTERS TO THE EDITOR---

Dear Tahl,
Did you get our present?
Love,
Eritha and Alani

Dear Tahl,
Yeah; didn't you get their present?
Cheers,
Balog

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---HOROSCOPES---

Virgo: Life… is a path. One path. You have to choose a path, and therefore you have to choose a girl. Choose the path, already!
Leo: XOXO you are loved. 'Nough said.

---Our Trendy, Upscale Wedding! ---

The wedding part consists of Clee, Bant, Obi-Wan, and Yaddle! Clee is my maid of honor. Bant's the bridesmaid. Yaddle offered to be the flower girl. Kenobi's the best man. Everyone else seemed so touchy when I brought up the subject of marriage.

Um… there you have it! As you can probably tell, I could use help with those horoscopes. Just saying. And if you're wondering why the wedding isn't this chapter… well, it would have taken me forever to write due to lack of ideas and inspiration. Besides, don't couples usually wait a few months? For the record, lyleks are a type of animal from Ryloth... get it?
Well… my birthday is coming up. If you reviewed, it would be an awesome birthday present. You know I'll always reply with cookies.