Thanks to all who reviewed last chappie, especially those who wished me a happy birthday! Here's some really old birthday cake! *hands people leftovers*
Oh, Mrs. Kenobi, you mentioned Adi Gallia didn't have a headdress. As far as I know and can tell from the Star Wars wiki, she does. I hope that clears up any confusion. :)
Once again, no real excuse for not updating. Summer started and I did absolutely nothing at all for a few days. Then I fell off my bike and hurt myself 'cause I was barefoot. Yeah… ow. I'm stupid. Then I got sick. Now I can finally write because I'm (mostly) better!

Heat Wave!

Coruscant has been making headlines for ages. This time, though, it's not about the politics or Qui-Gon. This time it's about the most loved, hated, and constantly overlooked people who affect our daily lives. Commonly accused of being sorcerers, liars, bantha brains, and the lightning god's minions, weathermen are men and women just doing their job: predicting the weather.

As is normal with all predicting, sometimes they're right about the weather and sometimes they're not. When they're wrong we generally beat 'em up for it. But this one time... don't you wish they had been very, very wrong?

A heat wave envelops a good portion of Coruscant, causing record toasting temperatures and hair raising humilities. And for all you skeptics wondering about Coruscant's climate control... well, nothing's perfect. All those thinking it can't possibly be true, STEP OUTSIDE YOU AIR CONDITIONED WALKWAYS AND VEHICLES AND APARTMENTS.

Ahem. Sorry about that. Most of us on Coruscant don't have air cooling units. That makes us awfully grumpy. The extreme heat broke all our cooling units… and that includes the units of the Jedi Temple.

"Can't… breathe… need… water…" an overdramatic, semi aquatic Bant pants.

"I came down to the lake to cool off. Everyone else had the same idea," reports beach bum Obi-Wan Kenobi, trying to relax on a shore crammed with swimsuit-clad Jedi. He was wedged between Yaddle and a sweaty Zora Antan, both of whom seem to think they have bodies suitable for bikinis. (For this year's hottest beach bods, see p. 27!)

"Go down to the lake, we did not. But make adjustments to our Council room, we did," Yoda, in nothing but an undershirt and shorts, serenely hums. He proceeded to describe the curtains they designed out of think Jedi robes to block out the sunlight, and it actually seems to work… mostly.

"I'm helping fix the cooling units! We shall fight back against this heat!" pants Mace Windu as he oversees dozens of mechanics attempting to fix dozens of cooling units. Unfortunately, his sweaty and naturally shiny bald head kept blinding the poor mechanics.

"Don't post this in your little article, but my room is the only one with a functioning cooling unit," Qui-Gon cackles.

"The kitchen rooms themselves are out to murder us… we were just making oatmeal… but the ovens, oh!" A delirious cook wails, her face redder than the fresh tomatoes behind her that just shriveled up.

"I'm so hungry… but it's too hot to eat!" Reeft cries as Healers dash to fan and force-feed (no pun intended) the growing boy.

"Pah! Heat! I know nothing of this 'heat wave', as you bohemians call it. I've run across tundra in nothing but my socks! I've flown over deserts in raincoats! Weather has no effect on me," Dooku boasts; dressed from head to toe in an elaborate cloak as he practices his saber forms.

"My headdress is sensitive to heat! Help me!" Adi Gallia screeches as her once-proud headdress droops lower and lower…

"It's my hair!" Clee Rhara screams, her hair apparently a puffy, resistant mess.

"Gee, sorry 'bout that," I had shrugged.

"Don't be sorry! Your hair's bad, too!" Clee had pointed out.

I gasped. "Toojay, does my hair look bad?"

There was a mechanical whir. "As bad as every other person's, mistress." The droid paused. "That's very bad."

Well, that's embarrassing for all of us. No wonder all those who didn't mind the heat were curled up in our quarters all day- we look like the victims of a bad perm! This is not a heat wave, this is another bad hair day on Coruscant!

Letters to the Editor:

Dear Tahl,
I love love love love looooooove your Tabloid almost as much as I love love love love loooove Qui-Gon!
-Veela
Some Random Planet (SRP)

Dear Tahl,
Ever considered having your own talk show? We could also call it Tahl's Talk! Ahahaha!
-Noprah

I know I left out a lot a lot a lot. I'm debating over whether or not to leave it in the Tabloid or not. Should I bring the horoscopes and stuff back…?
It's soooo hot where I live. Like, 85 degrees. Some of you are going, "Pfft! That's not hot!" Well, it is to me. I hate the heat. Hate hate hate it. And now we're having water trouble. Lovely; no playing in the sprinkler. I miss winter… we had so many lovely feet of snow… it drove all the adults crazy…
The moral(s) of this story: wear shoes while riding a bike, don't go to the lake if your cooling unit breaks, and review. I'll love you for it.
And be sure to check out "Behind the Scenes of Tahl's Talk," though Metoria hasn't been writing for a while…