/ Chapter 23 – Secrets /

"Oh come on, you didn't think that was funny?" Frank said, disappointed but still amused.

Athena smiled at Frank, more for recognizing that he was being humorous, than the particular humor details. For the last several days, Frank decided he wanted to hear her laugh, after noticing that he had no memory of her laughing. This worried Athena, since it was a loose thread that had come up that could lead to him realizing she was a machine. She was trying to find the right way to tell him, and didn't want him to suddenly figure it out before she told him. Fortunately, he seemed to find it humorous rather than suspicious. She suspected that he felt she just rarely laughed, and he didn't remember, rather than the reality that she had never laughed for him.

Part of her wondered if she should just mimic a laugh and be done with it, but she feared she might give an inappropriate type or level of laugh and cause Frank to grow suspicious. She was also uncomfortable with giving him a "dishonest" laugh, since in a sense it felt like lying to him. Of course, this was the cue for part of her mind to ask how, exactly, that was different than all the other ways she hid her nature. But laughing felt like an active deception, rather than the passive ones she did by simply not correcting his misimpressions.

Noticing a blinking light in the corner, Athena grew suspicious and walked over to examine the device. Her suspicions were confirmed when she saw what it was. "You're recording this?" She asked disbelievingly.

Frank smiled. "Just in case I got you to laugh, I wanted to catch it for posterity. To prove that it happened."

Athena was not pleased by this, particularly because it highlighted Frank noticing their differences. It also reminded her that she needed to tell him, as soon as possible. But now didn't feel like the right time – though she began to wonder if there was ever a 'right' time.

"I laughed," she said, hoping that perhaps a smile was close enough and trying to deflect the moment.

"A smile's not a laugh," Frank said mildly. "Everyone laughs. It's a biological need."

"Actually, it's not," Athena said, on safer ground when the subject was a statement of fact. "Sleep is a biological need."

"I've never seen you sleep either," Frank said.

This also hit Athena in a place she didn't want to go, though she knew Frank meant this humorously, since he'd had no particular opportunity to observe her sleeping. Her mind was defocusing, starting to fear that he would figure it out before she had a chance to tell him. All the possible outcomes about what was coming seemed to be bad, but waiting would only make things worse. She simply couldn't continue the way things were going.

"Well, sooner or later I'll make you laugh," he said good-naturedly. "Until you do, I won't stop trying."

Finally things broke for Athena. It had to be now. Her mind was feeling overwhelmed with trying to handle analyzing possible outcomes. She turned away from him, feeling that she needed to limit her sensory input and analysis of his facial expressions.

"Maybe you should," she said.

"What?" he said, sounding confused.

"Stop trying."

"Why?" he said, now sounding a little hurt.

Athena noticed the recorder again, her heightened internal fear and tension making it difficult to keep herself mentally calm. "Must we record this?" she said irritably, and switched it off.

"Athena, what's the matter?" Frank asked. "I'll stop trying to make you laugh if you want. I didn't mean to make you mad."

Athena turned back to face him. "Frank, there is something you need to know."

"Okay… not something bad, I hope."

"I'm an audio-animatronic. A machine."

Frank blinked and his mouth dropped open slightly. She could see the information being processed as Frank's expressions went through a whole cycle of emotions. Athena's empathy interface classified them – and none of them were good. Frank was examining her statement and correlating it with his memories of her past behavior.

But finally he laughed. "Ha! You almost had me there," he said.

She could see that underneath the laugh, Frank was very afraid and hoped she was telling a joke. She shook her head. "I'm not joking, Frank."

She sensed Frank's emotions were roiling. "Prove it," he said, mostly with fear, but some hurt – and growing anger.

Athena felt exasperated. "Frank, it's…"

"Prove it!" Frank snapped, much louder.

Athena sighed. Her first thought was that she could just open up the side of her body and slide out her auxiliary access port. No doubt that would prove it. But for reasons she didn't understand, she didn't want to show him in that manner – highlighting their differences in such a physical way.

Instead, she spotted a thick steel bar on the lab table and picked it up. She quickly bent it, as easily as a human would bend a paper clip, then placed it back on the table where it clunked heavily. Frank stared at the bar. He swallowed and she could see he was fighting to keep himself in check. The complexity of his human emotions were becoming too difficult for her to classify.

"It's a fake bar!" Frank said angrily. "You chose the test! I'll choose it this time!"

"Frank, please stop this," Athena started, trying to calm him down. "Frank…"

"Put your hand against the wall and brace yourself." he said stubbornly. "I'll push your other hand. Try and stop me from pushing you."

"This isn't necessary," she said. He was getting angrier and more upset, and she didn't think another test would calm him down. She felt herself rapidly losing control of the entire situation.

He crossed his arms and looked away. "All right, Frank," Athena said resignedly. She put her hand against the wall, set her feet and held up her other hand, both elbows bent.

He put his hands on her palm, and pushed. Athena moved not at all. Frank pushed harder, and still she didn't move. He put his entire body into pushing, everything he had, and she might as well have been a stone statue. She could see tears stinging his eyes as he finally began to accept it.

Frank backed away, his arms dropping to his side. He walked to the other side of the lab, turning away from her. She gave him his moment to compose himself and think it through. He quickly swiped at his eyes and took a deep breath, before turning back around. Athena was worried to see a look of deep anger and betrayal on his face.

"Why didn't you tell me? Do you hide it from everyone?" Frank asked angrily.

"No, normally I demonstrate myself as part of my recruitment protocol, to show our advanced technology," Athena answered.

"What recruitment?"

"My primary function is recruitment. I locate candidates who are a good fit for Plus Ultra."

"So I was just a candidate, one of your recruits?" Frank demanded.

"Yes. In fact, you're one of my best recruits!" Athena said, smiling, pleased she could say something positive.

"One of your best recruits," Frank said in a flat tone. He did not sound pleased by this, to Athena's confusion and disappointment. "So why didn't you follow your 'recruitment protocol' with me? You deliberately hid this from me. Deliberately. Why did you hide this from me all this time?" Frank ended his sentence very angrily.

Athena was very worried that things were spiraling out of control. She desperately wanted to calm Frank down and make him understand. "When you came here, you didn't realize I was a machine. No one had ever treated me as a human friend before. It was very novel. I'm programmed to appreciate novelty."

"Programmed. Everything we've done together, it's just been programming to you," Frank said, his voice flat again.

"Well, yes, everything I do is programming," Athena said matter-of-factly, confused at what he was getting at.

"So – when I got here, I was an interesting experience to you."

"Yes!" Athena said, feeling pleased that he understood. Maybe now Frank would understand and they could resolve this conflict. "My time with you was very interesting!" Athena gave Frank her warmest smile, hoping he would see that their time together had been very positive.

Athena thought he'd understood, but her empathy interface was indicating Frank was far from calming down. In fact, he was getting very angry now, and she was lost as to why.

"It all meant nothing. Everything you've ever said to me, it's just... what you're programmed to say," Frank said bitterly. "You never cared at all. You're not even capable of caring. Even now, that smile. It means nothing. You just use it when you want to manipulate me."

Athena was simply lost. Her mind was splitting in numerous directions, searching for some resolution, to find some way to resolve the conflict. He was clearly angry and hurt, but whatever she said made things worse rather than better.

"Did your mom know about this? Wait – who is she anyway?"

"No, I never told my mum what I was doing, either. She is my mum, from a certain point of view. She designed and built me."

Frank shook his head. "So why are you even telling me now?"

"I determined that you developed feelings of romantic love that you believed were directed toward a human," Athena said. "It seemed important that you should be told."

That seemed to shake up Frank. He looked down at the floor and muttered in a defeated voice, "You don't know anything about love or feelings." He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them. Athena could see he was on the verge of tears again.

Frank looked up, now clearly hurting and very vulnerable. "Why did you do this to me?" he asked in a small, childish voice.

The anger Frank used as a defense fell and Athena could now see the full consequences of her actions. Her empathy measured the level of pain that she had caused Frank and it was far more than she could have predicted. His pain triggered very complex thoughts regarding him that flooded through her mind, ones that couldn't be classified in normal ways and that she didn't understand.

"Frank, I never intended to hurt you," Athena said, her fragmented mind splitting into more directions, entirely focused on Frank's pain, wanting to find some way to make things better.

"Just – why did you let me kiss you? You had to know what that meant," Frank asked.

That was a very good question, and Athena had no good answer. So many things regarding Frank and her understanding of her own behavior since she met him were confusing.

"I don't know," Athena answered truthfully.

"You don't know," Frank repeated mockingly. "Well, I'm sure it was another interesting experience."

"It was!" she said brightly, hoping this might help a little.

But once again, her response seemed to make things worse. Frank turned away, and she heard his voice choking up. "Just go. Please, Athena, just go."

Athena desperately wanted to find something to say, some way to fix things between them. But nothing came to her. She left silently.

Processing units spun off on various tangents trying to make sense of what happened. Athena felt like her mind was a shambles. Snippets of memories involving Frank would come forward then get interrupted as other memories got pulled in, then get interrupted again as a processing unit tried to make sense of it all.

One recent memory kept returning, and that was when Frank said to her, "You don't know anything about love or feelings." And unfortunately, in the case of love, she couldn't deny it was true. Love had always been a mystery to her; in fact, the day she asked her mother about the emotion was one of the times for which Caroline had no answer.

Athena wandered aimlessly, which was quite unprecedented. Normally she always had some sort of duty to perform or some kind of research she could do, and would simply take the next task on her endless priority list and initiate it. But at the moment, her mind was so overwhelmed with confusion and concern for Frank that her only priority was to try and find a solution. Her entire mind was pulled and dedicated to the task, leading to her current state of directionless autopilot – fulfilling Frank's last request that she 'just go.'

In the past when she was confused, there was always one primary thing she could do that usually helped. And she felt that things couldn't possibly be more confused. So she finally created a new plan to do the only thing that made sense: she went to her mother.

Athena walked across the research campus until she reached Caroline's lab. She stood in front of the door, trying to get herself together in some way, but it was impossible. Finally, she pressed the entry button and walked in.

Her mother was standing at a lab table, reading some sort of report while a couple of other engineers stood nearby. Caroline looked up from her work. "Athena! Well, this is a surprise."

Athena uncharacteristically hesitated, her processing feeling molasses slow. "Mu – Caroline," she started. She couldn't believe her language processing almost allowed 'mummy' to be said in front of others; that had never happened before. She was a mess. "Could I have a word with you – in private?"

If her mother was surprised at her entrance, the idea of Athena wanting a word in private shocked her into silence for a few seconds. She blinked several times, then said, "Of course, dar – um, Athena."

The two engineers looked at each other, exchanging some unspoken conversation. This is really weird, animatronics don't normally request private conversations. But one of them pulled himself together. "Dr. Chaumers, we need to check out that T4500 in lab eight, if you don't mind."

Caroline gave him a grateful smile. "Thank you, Paul. Yes, I think we're done here."

As the two engineers exited the room, Caroline waited until the door slid closed before turning to Athena once again. "Athena! What in the world is going on?"

Athena tried to force some order to her mind, only semi-successfully, then decided she needed to keep the whole thing simple. "Mummy – I made a mistake. A terrible mistake."

Caroline looked concerned. "Oh, sweetheart. I'm sure it can't be that bad."

Athena hesitated again. "Frank and I – had an argument. Of a sort."

Her mother looked somewhat relieved at that. "Oh! I see. Well, even the best of friends have the occasional disagreement."

Athena shook her head. "Mummy, I need to tell you something. I should have told you before, but at first it didn't seem important, then it seemed important but I couldn't tell you, then it was out of hand and I didn't want you to know, then –"

Her mother interrupted her rambling, somewhat exasperated. "Athena, just say it!"

Athena paused and decided to say it straight out. As she spoke, her vocalization sync skipped, a sure sign of her mental state. "I–I–I–I didn't tell F-F-Frank I was a-a-a-a machine. He th-th-th-thought I was human th-th-th-this whole time."

Caroline stared at Athena, her hand reaching up and covering her mouth in shock. "Oh my –" She paused again. "Oh no." Another pause. "Oh, Athena," she finally said.

Athena was suddenly having a mental state she had never experienced before, and she hoped she never experienced it again. She could see her mother's disappointment. She identified the mental state as approximating the human emotion of shame.

"Oh, darling," her mother said. "This is a mess. Let's sit down." Athena and Caroline sat at the table, Caroline falling into her chair weakly. "So many things make sense now. I should have seen it all along. But, Athena – why? Why did you keep it a secret from him?

Athena felt her mind finally settling down, now that the truth was out and the calming influence of her mother was having its effect. "When Frank first came to Tomorrowland, I realized that he didn't understand I was a machine. And he treated me as he would any human friend. I'd never had a friend, so I found it extremely interesting. Others treat me as a machine, but Frank was different. So I just didn't tell him."

Caroline nodded. "I can understand how that would be very novel to you. But Athena, we're fifteen months down the road. It's impossible to get this far without you actively trying to keep the secret from him."

Athena felt shameful again. "I didn't intend to go this long. But as we spent time together, Frank shared many personal things with me. My empathy interface determined I was becoming a very important, primary source of support for him. I was fulfilling a need for someone to believe in him. I became concerned that if I told him, it would adversely affect his potential."

"All right, I see that," Caroline said. "But he did start to integrate much better. His teachers were giving him a lot of praise. Even Dr. Nix became a mentor to him."

Athena nodded, then hesitated again. "Yes – I know. There was a point where I decided I could most likely safely tell him. But – I didn't."

"I'll ask again, then. Why?"

Athena was motionless for nearly twelve seconds, her processing units struggling to find a reasonable answer to the question. "I was having very unusual, complex thoughts toward Frank, ones I couldn't classify. I even suspected there might be a flaw in my empathy interface and considered reporting it." Athena paused. "There is much about my behavior I can't explain."

Caroline sighed. "Frank's personality profile nearly perfectly matches your recruitment profile. He's 'your type,' to use a human phrase. It's not surprising that you would find conversations with him very stimulating. Too stimulating, apparently."

"It wasn't just that," Athena said. "Because he thought I was human, we explored many places together. The idea of exploring was a new, novel experience for me, and it pleased me very much. It would be difficult to explore on my own, because that requires original ideas. He helped to bridge that limitation in myself. I was concerned that our explorations would end if he knew I was a machine."

"I knew that you were getting a lot out of your friendship with Frank," Caroline said, "but I thought Frank had formed a bond similar to mine, where I accept you're a machine, yet believe you're more than just a machine. Well, this is quite the sticky wicket. How did he take it when you told him?"

"Horrible," Athena said. "He said some awful things. But mummy, there's something else. It's even worse than this."

Caroline reached up and cupped her head with her hands. "All right, darling. Let's hear it all."

Athena took another long pause as her mind felt like it was fragmenting again. "Part of what motivated me to finally tell him was that I noticed him looking at me in odd ways that were difficult to identify at first."

"Oh, Athena, don't tell me –" Caroline started, shaking her head. "I think I see where this is going."

"Several days ago, we were exploring the woods. We sat down for him to rest – and he kissed me," Athena said. "It took some time to confirm exactly what the gesture meant, but it seemed clear that it was a romantic gesture intended between humans. At that point, I realized that he simply had to be told, whatever the cost."

"What a mess," Caroline repeated, further shaking her head.

"And so today I finally had a reasonable opportunity. I hoped it would go better, but I don't think it could've gone worse," Athena said. "It was very confusing, and Frank was extremely angry and hurt."

"Yes, Athena dear. I'm not surprised it went badly," Caroline said sadly. "Romantic emotions are very fragile, particularly ones in a thirteen-year-old boy experiencing his first love."

Athena paused, as a complex question came to her. "Mummy, is it… bad… to be a machine? I never thought it was. I expected Frank to be disappointed that I kept it from him, but I didn't expect the level of anger and hurt that I observed. Now I'm not sure if it's bad or not."

"Oh, sweetie," Caroline said. "No, it's not bad to be a machine. What you are is perfectly wonderful. Frank is angry and hurt because he developed feelings for you, and now believes that you can't return them in the way he hoped. If he'd known your nature ahead of time, he could have managed himself. But undoubtedly he feels that you toyed with his heart by misleading him to believe that something was possible when it wasn't."

The characterization of her actions as "misleading him" caused Athena to hit a new low in shame. She had so many important and happy memories tied to Frank that the idea that she had caused him so much pain, unintended or not, caused a rift to develop in her mind between the happy feelings and her terrible, unhappy feelings of his pain, and her responsibility for them.

"I didn't want to hurt him!" Athena suddenly burst out. "I never wanted any of this to happen!"

"I know," Caroline said consolingly. "I know the last thing you wanted was to hurt him. I should have anticipated this happening someday. In retrospect, it seems inevitable."

"Mummy…" Athena started. "What's going on in my mind? Why am I having complex thoughts toward Frank that I can't classify? Why didn't I tell him sooner I was a machine? Why did I keep everything a secret?"

Caroline considered, then shook her head. "Athena, the truth is that I don't know for certain. I know you received stimulation from your exploring and the other things, but that wouldn't seem to justify the effort needed to maintain a deception for this long. Your mind and motivations have grown far more complex than can be easily understood. And that was my intention from the start – that your potential would be open-ended, and you would grow and develop in ways that aren't completely anticipated. Something with your relationship with Frank affected you in strong ways."

"What can I do to fix my friendship with Frank?" Athena asked.

"I'm afraid there is no easy fix for this," Caroline said. "You and Frank will need to find your own way through it. We're in uncharted territory. And believe me, it's not easier for humans to understand and deal with relationship problems."

"Did I ruin the only friendship I might ever have?" Athena asked quietly.

Caroline sighed. "I hope not, sweetie. Don't underestimate how painful this might be for Frank. But sometimes these things have a way of working themselves out when friends are important to each other. It just might take some time to sort itself out."

Author's Note: :-(

Reviews are appreciated!

The official story site is at www. frankandathena .com for discussions of the story! - T.K.