Tahl's Talk: A Jedi Apprentice Tabloid Chapter 26: Jedi Contest, a jedi apprentice fanfic

I got this idea weeks ago, but it took a while to write and type up. It's been a long week for me but most of it has been enjoyable. This was on the top of my list to update… while, aside from Love and Duty. That was first, this came second. Funny, though, this fic got updated first…

I have had a stroke of genius! (Though it was one degree away from being heat stroke.) A way to make more mon- er, interact with my readers! You see, as I hid in my swampy quarters with my humidity stricken hair on the awfully hot day, I thought humorously (yet still miserably) that it was just too hot to spend the day with my hottie, Qui-Gon. Teehee. Hottie, hot.

Anyway. That was when I realized Qui-Gon had air cooling! I remember because I told you, readers! I figured I could venture out and stay in his quarters for a while. So I did.

We had so much fun! We made wedding invitations (though our wedding isn't for a while) and made smoothies and laughed and talked the day away. It was while we were talking that Qui-Gon gave me a great idea. He suggested I have a contest for the tabloid. That's when I started thinking about what kind of contest. Then it occurred to me, as I slipped smoothies with my hottie: a hottie of the year contest! You, my lady readers, often remark on how hot so-and-so is in Letters to the Editor. Well, now's your chance to fill out the form on the back inside cover and vote on the cutest man in the Jedi Order.

Male readers, I would have had a swimsuit contest with us ladies, but it would have been unfair because I would have won by a landslide.

I interviewed a few of the most attractive men in the Order here. Don't forget to submit your votes!

Qui-Gon Jinn: A silent beast on the outside, sensitive and sympathetic fox on the inside. With youthful blue eyes and a mature but unlined face, his deep enchanting voice snares more women (including me!) into the embrace of his muscular arms. However, he is loyal to the woman he chooses (me!). In addition he can be overprotective and it's reeeally annoying when he starts pouting about Xanatos. He enjoys picking flowers and long walks on the beach.

Obi-Wan Kenobi: A smelly youth who still sucks his thumb; he has a history of bad relationships. He's got a boyish face to match his boyish personality, but a nice chin. His voice is trying to deepen but failing miserably, leaving his with a squeaky and changing pitch. Unlike Qui-Gon, all it takes is the bat of an eyelash to make him blush. He likes watching space cowboy movies and likes to eat noodles and cheese- no romantic comedies or honey chocolate for this kid.

Cin Drallig: He likes his ladies to have normal, boring hair to make his golden flowing do (we all know it's a wig) stand out. Other quirks of his include hand modeling and fruit sculptures. He's good with kids. He teaches children how to kill each other/other people with lightsabers. I'm sure he'll be rich someday. As an entrepreneur he plans to open his own hair salon/lighsaber accessory shop. Nicknamed "The Troll," his looks don't match his name… but his I.Q. does.

Garen Muln: At first glance he looks like one of those teen music sensations. Really cheesy. But look harder and you'll see a boy trying (a little too hard) to make the leap to manhood. I'd say he's farther along than Obi-Wan, as he's letting go of the "girls have cooties" principle quite gracefully. In addition, he's an aspiring pilot who loves showing the ladies the stars, but he has the tendency to blush, stutter, and pass out when you first enter the cockpit.

Mace Windu: Despite his baldness, he is not old. In fact, he's a… hunk, according to his girlfriend. Always faithful to his dear Zora Antan, he copes with anger management problems; the anger which he takes out on the maverick Qui-Gon in the Jedi Council room. A stickler for the rules yet adventurous, he could take you away to a land of love… provided you wear a seatbelt and fly the speed limit.

Kit Fisto: Twi'leks are considered hot partially because of their head tails. Well… he's got head tails; lots of them! I suppose that makes him more attractive if you like the exotic type. He has an infamous dating history mired in mystery, the contents of which are darker than his large, inky black eyes. It's impossible not to fall for this bad boy, though. His toothy smile is always present as he heckles at some joke only he understands.

Reeft: He's famous for his infallible pickup line; "burp." If you don't find that hot, that's okay, you may be interested in some of his other hobbies. He enjoys a good shopping spree… at the local farmer's market. He loves the outdoors… if you're around berry bushes. All in all, he's not too picky about anything. He works off the extra dessert by somersaulting around in one of them Temple's many gyms.

Yoda: Largely known for being slow and steady. If you want someone who will be around for a while, he's your man! He enjoys meditating with the woman of his dreams (for that century, at least) and being treated to a massage for his dusty old limbs, He's small enough to fit in your purse so you'll never lose him! In addition, he can sit in your lap and watch the clouds go by, which are way faster than the white hairs that fall from his head. He's really serious about the Force, so don't get him and it- they don't call him the Grand Jedi Master of No Fun for nothing!

There it is! Go ahead and vote! Results shall be posted next issue- you won't want to miss out on this galaxy-wide event!

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Letters to the Editor

Dearest Tahl,
My dear idol, it's a great pleasure to make the acquaintance of your, erm, computer. I am bestselling author P. B. An-J, and an idea struck me: you stop writing silly articles that are putting the humor novel industry out of business!
-P.B. An-J

Dear Tahl,
It was so cool that we were featured in your tabloid! We're, like, celebrities or something! Granted, we had a few run-ins with police who thought we were making bombs… but we took care of them! Ha!
Cheers,
Eritha and Alani

Dear Tahl,
I do say, your… eh, literature is quite a profound specimen. What an interesting blend of gossip and fact! It sheds a whole new light on the most revered Jedi Order. Bravo!
Your fan,
Professor Tinky-Winkle

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Horoscopes

Aries: Nothing is on your side, especially if you have inky black eyes and numerous tentacles… who knows, after a certain article publication a certain blue Jedi twi'lek just might dump you and a certain person writing the article can't be blamed for it!
Capricorn: Eventually you'll find your niche. Yup; the Force told me that.

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