Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: This chapter was the basis of a one shot I posted under the title Slaying Dragons. If it sounds familiar, that is why. It has been extended, but the beginning is much the same.

His Calling

Chapter 16

Last Day of Term

Remus stood on the platform and raised his hand to the train as it pulled out of the station. He was not sure if the others could see him, but still he stood with his hand raised and a smile plastered on his face wishing he were going as well. He imagined them sitting in a compartment, opening the bag from Honeydukes that James was sure to have and talking all the way to London.

"Mr. Lupin, it is time." Professor McGonagall rested her hand on his shoulder, bringing his thoughts back to the present.

"Yes Madam." He turned his body towards hers but his head still followed the train as it gathered speed and left him further and further behind.

"Mr. Lupin, I suggest you watch where you are going and not where you might have been."

"Yes, Madam," he said again, looking up at her. "I could'a done it though. I know I could' a."

"We have been over this. I will not entertain this conversation again."

"Yes, Madam, but I could'a done it. It doesn't get dark until late."

"That is quite enough Mr. Lupin." She looked down her nose at the smaller then average just turned second year. "I am sorry that the moon's cycle happens to interfere with your personal wants. However, it is a fact you must learn to deal with."

"Yes, Professor McGonagall, but I cou…"

"That is quite enough young man." She looked at him sternly and managed to stop her lip from twitching upwards. "One more night under our roof will not matter years from now."

Together they started the walk back up to Hogwarts, she with her hands clasped behind her back, him mimicking her frown and stance, his hands clasped behind him. She watched him from the corner of her eye, wanting to laugh outright at his serious expression that he thought was her, but managed to clear her throat loudly enough to shatter his concentration before speaking.

"You may spend the rest of the afternoon on the grounds. Perhaps Hagrid could use some help. However, I do expect you in my office after dinner. Am I understood?"

"Yes, Madam," he smiled up at her.

"You will not be entering the tunnel tonight as Madam Pomfrey has left for the summer, but will instead be using a room in the dungeons."

"Yes, Madam," his smile slipped a little.

He did not go down to the dungeons except for potions. The halls were dark and cold and he had to be careful to keep his eyes averted until they adjusted to the dimmer light. The smell of moss was there. At the beginning of term, he had not smelled it but as the wolf got stronger, as the wolf moved under his skin he knew this place was like the tunnel, damp, cold, unseen, underground and held memories that he didn't have.

"Now go, Hagrid will be glad for the company."

He ran down the path towards the groundkeeper's hut hearing Minerva's final warning to be on time. Rounding the side of the hut, he caught sight of Hagrid on his knees tending to an injured thestral. Hearing his footfalls, the half giant looked up and waved him closer.

"Cor, what 'appened to 'im?"

"Don't know lad. Something caught a 'old of 'im, look 'ere." Hagrid ran his large finger over the slash wound on the creature's side and lifted the wing to point out the lacerations on the underside.

"Whatever it was, it came up under 'im," Remus observed.

"Wolf it was. Maybe that or a big cat." Hagrid shook his head. "Ain't 'eard tell of no wolves round these parts and the big cats don't come down this far."

Remus felt cold. He looked up at the half giant and searched his face. "Does Greyback come around here?"

"Ah, you been reading that paper. Piece of trash that. Shouldn't allow those owls in with that thing. Ain't no paper for you to be a readin'."

"But do you think he would be up here?"

"Don't you go worrying about that one. Only goes after our own. If this is a wolf it's a regular wolf, ain't no monster did this."

Remus stood up and stepped back from the bloodied creature. "Will he be fixed?"

"Ya, think he will be just fine, now you go on. See 'ow he looks at you? Nervous he is, … shouldn't 'ave said that lad, it's not you…just some bother 'em more than others."

"It's okay Hagrid."

"Not many your age ca' see 'em." Hagrid scratched his beard. "Might be why he is scared of ya, being seen by such a young'un an all."

"It's not a wolf you know," Remus took another step back. "A wolf would have jumped 'im, ripped his throat out, not gone for the belly and raked the sides like that. Looks like a cat, right? A big cat. Right Hagrid?"

"Don't rightly know boy…"

"I know," Remus screamed at him, fisting his hands. "I know it's not a wolf. It's not, it can't be. Not a real wolf, not like what's around here. Wolves would have made noise, you would'a heard 'em. I know what they sound like, and I ain't heard 'em, not here, not around here. Moon was almost full last night. You would'a heard 'em."

Remus turned and ran back to the castle, down the hallways, and to his common room. He fled up the steps to his room and threw open his trunk, pulling out the book he kept on top. Sitting back on his heels he flipped it open and began to read, looking at the pictures that he had seen a thousand times, tracing his finger over the familiar images, and calming at the knowledge that this was what he was, not the vile creature that could bring down a magical creature in the forest.

Leaning closer to the book, he studied the pictures. He thought if he looked at them hard enough, and studied them 'real good', he thought he could control his change and be one of these wolves. Wolves lived in packs. Wolves weren't mean and didn't go after people, they ran in the woods, free and wild. Real wolves weren't scary or didn't only hunt when the moon was full. Mum was wrong, he knew she was because he didn't feel meanness run under his skin when his body twisted and the pain started.

He sat there though the afternoon, until he had turned the last page of the book and turned back to the beginning to start again, studying the pictures, tracing the flanks and snouts with his finger and committing the curve of the upturned head to memory.

"Mr. Lupin?" Professor McGonagall said softly from the doorway. "I have just spoken to Hagrid, he mentioned that you were concerned over one of the animals he was tending. May we talk about it?"

Remus nodded without taking his eyes off the book. He sat quietly until he felt the Professor join him on the floor, then let her take the book from his lap and settle it on hers. She patted the carpet next to her, indicating that he should move closer and as he slid across the space that separated them. He peeked up and saw her grin.

"I see your mother has already started your summer education."

"I got it last summer. After me and my Mum came here and talked to the Headmaster, after I passed my test."

"Ah, yes. It was a very difficult night for you, if I remember correctly. The Headmaster wrote that letter himself you know."

"Mum said I had a right to be here. She said she would make the Headmaster let me come and that my Dad would be proud."

"Of course it is your right. That was never in doubt with us. Although, I am sure some will think differently. You just listen to the Headmaster and your mother."

"See here?" He flipped the pages of the book and pointed to the picture of three wolves in full run. "They hunt together. They are pack animals it says. A pack is like a family, and mean things don't have families."

"A wolf is a smart animal," she added, turning the page to the next picture.

"Yeah," he nodded furiously and leaned over the book. "It says that people are scared of them because they don't know about them, don't understand them you see."

"As it is about many things. We fear that which we do not know."

"That's what Mum says."

"Your mother is a smart woman, Remus."

"Hagrid said a wolf did it, but a wolf wouldn't have done that Professor."

"Creatures are sometimes scared as well Remus. They must learn to exercise caution when around the unknown."

"You think maybe the Thestral scared it? You think maybe that's it?" He looked up at her hopefully.

"Perhaps," she turned the page again, giving him time to absorb what she had said. "Perhaps he was not raised by a wolf and was not taught how to act like a good wolf."

"Who do you think raised him?"

"Perhaps he was only a cub when he was found. Perhaps a well meaning wizard took care of him and then released him into the wild before he was taught."

Remus reached over and turned another page, and then another, pausing and looking up at her from the corner of his eye.

"My Mum can teach me. Can't she? She says if I do what she says I can do it."

"Your mother is not a wolf, but she will do the best she can, as will all of us."

He rose onto his knees and cupped his hands around her ear, leaning in to whisper, "I get scared sometimes too, but Mum says not to tell anyone."

She put her arms around him as the sting of tears began behind her eyes. Giving him a quick hug, she cleared her throat and disengaged his arms, struggling to stand as she hid her face from him.

"You are a Gryffindor, of course you are scared at times."

"Gryffindors are brave."

"Bravery is facing fears. Any fool can slay a dragon. It is only those that fear the dragon that exhibit bravery in doing so."

"Can I stay here tonight? The rest are gone for the summer."

Minerva looked into his face and saw the glimmer of hope that he still held, a hope born of as yet easy transitions and padded restraints.

"No, it is not safe, not for yourself and not for others. You know the rules."

"I could'a made it home. My Mum lets me sleep in the barn all night. It's like camping out and sometimes she leaves the barn door open and I can see the outside."

"And what if the trains were delayed? What if it was crowded at the station and she could not get a taxi? What if you had been unable to be home before darkness? You must learn not to take risks with others, it is not only yourself you need be concerned with."

"Sometimes it's not so bad. I think I can make it stop if I try really hard, really really hard."

"You will have the summer to practice. Four moons, August has a blue moon this year, as I am sure you know. You have charted the cycles, have you not?"

"Yes Madam," he sighed. "If I can do it, I mean really do it, can I stay in my room then?"

Minerva looked at him. Unable to say aloud what she knew needed to be said. "Yes Mr. Lupin, if you can demonstrate control and constraint you may stay in your room. Remember Mr. Lupin, there is nothing you cannot endeavour to achieve. However, not every endeavour will be successful, and it is in these failures that we find our strength and see our bravery. Now, it is past dinner time and you need to run along and eat before we see to your sleeping arrangements."

She watched him run down the stairs and out of sight, headed for the Great Hall where he would eat before being locked up in an empty chamber for the night. She would slide open the small wooden slot in the door and check on him from time to time and see the future he had in front of him.

It was getting worse, she knew. It was no longer just his body that changed, but now his mind. She had seen the charts that Poppy kept and knew his childish eyes now turned hard and cold, flickering to the dark corners and looking for a way out of the room under the willow, flickering between his two worlds, fighting to stay in hers. Unable to hold on to his boyish dream long enough to ignore his calling.

She smoothed her robes and patted her head, making sure he had not dislodged her hat with his hug. He will learn, she thought, hoping that he had one more summer to be free. One more summer before he knew for sure that his dragon could not be slain.

In the morning, Minerva unlocked the door and set clean clothing and a tray outside the chamber's door with all of Remus' favourite breakfast foods. She would let him sleep as long as he needed. She sighed, knowing he would feel he failed if he had slept, wondering if it was the sleep or the wolf that took his mind away for a short while. She pulled the slot open and peered in at him. Waiting until her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she smiled seeing him squatting in the corner, eyes wide open.

"Mr. Lupin?" She stood away from the door. "I have set out your things."

"Do I have to fill in one of Madam Pomfrey's pictures?"

"Yes, but you may do so in my office when you are done."

"Do I get to ride the train?"

"If you would like. However I am sure your mother is waiting at her floo," she said with a twitch at the corners of her mouth. "You will be quite alone on the train, it will be better if this time you use a more conventional means of travel."

The door opened and he reached out, pulling in the pile of clothing. "Did you see me… you know."

"Naked?" She sniffed and lifted her head, fighting the urge to laugh. "No, Mr. Lupin. Your modesty is intact."

In a few moments, he tugged her sleeve, drawing her attention to him. "No, did you see him?"

"Yes, Mr. Lupin."

"Mum and Madam Pomfrey don't talk about him. Not really anyway." He swallowed hard and studied her face. "Is it scary bad?"

"Not 'scary', as it is you I see. Not bad, as you were well protected." She sniffed at him. "So in answer to your poorly asked question, no."

"Mum says you should see the wolf and not the boy. She says when I get bigger nothing can hold me and it is wrong to think of the boy because you could get too close. I read a book, in the library, it says I can do bad things like Greyback."

She squatted down to put herself level with his eyes. "Mr. Lupin it is the wolf that does the bad things. Never the boy. If you learn anything it must be this."

"Sometimes," he whispered, "I can feel him. He moves in me and makes me think of him even before the moon gets full."

"Have you told your mother?"

"She can't know," he pleaded. "It would scare her awfully."

"If you cannot talk of it I want you to do an assignment for me. Can you do that?" She waited until he nodded before continuing. "I want you to keep a journal. I want you to write down when he moves in you, and what it feels like. When you return in the autumn, you may share this with the Headmaster."

"I don't have to talk to Madam Pomfrey?" he stammered, toeing the floor and shoving his hands in his pockets. "I can't tell Mum it would make her… ummm, well … I just can't tell a … a witch."

"I suspect, Mr. Lupin," she stood feeling the twitch to her lip and started to walk away unable to stop her smile, finishing loud enough for him to hear, "that these will be things only another Wizard can help you understand."