Disclaimer: I still don't own Naruto and am not responsible for any brain damage this fic causes.
Sasuke POV:
I hate this world and everyone in it.
It is Valentines Day and the fangirls cometh.
I hate my life
Wait no I don't
I want to keep my life so…..
Time to plan while I hi- while I don't "hide'' per-say…but rather take up the strategic location under my bed. With my katana. Which was conveniently already there….right.
Plan A.: Kill them all
Denied. Tsunade is scary, and she won't take it well if I decimate half the female population… plus people in this world never seem to bloody stay dead!
Plan B: hide
Denied. They find you. They always find you.
Plan C: run
Accepted
"Sasuke-kuuuuun!"
Crap Sakura, my favorite stalker. A frickin Chibi Tsunade is coming after me….At least Ino isn't there, last time they fought over me they demolished a whole city block.
"Shut up billboard-brow he's mine!"
Ino.
Both of them in the same place. Outside my apartment.
CRASH
Okey inside his apartment…
EVASIVE MANUVERS!
Implementing Plan C. Fangirl-escape no jutsu
The mob of teens heard a girly scream as they burst into the bedroom only to find a Sasuke-shaped hole in the wall. (duck-butt haircut and all)
"He's getting away!"
He turned to yell over his shoulder "You'll never catch me alive coppers!"
Naruto POV:
Poke poke
Huh?
Poke
"Wha-" he opened his eyes. Tree. Hanging from a tree and being poked with pointy objects. How did he end up in this situation? Again?
….oh right Iruka used me as a distraction.
"He so owes me ramen! Believe it!' the up-side-down Naruto yelled
The circle of people blinked in unison. Okey…
"I'll give you ramen Naruto-kun!" Choji said
"Yo Naruto, I'll give you all the 'ramen' you want, so much but you'll be begging for more!" Kiba yelled and poked him again with a stick
huh? Something seems off… but….
"Yosh! RAMEN! RAMEN! RAMEN!" he said eyes flashing and cheeks blushing in anticipation.
Then there was a terrifying sound. A sound that would haunt him to his death. Which may very well be soon.
"KAWAIII!"
Kiba, Sai, Choji, Lee, and Gaara (when in the hell did he get here?) rushed him jumping up to where he hung.
GROUP GLOMP
"Hey what- Those are my pants! What the fuck! Where are you touching! HENTAI!"
Sasuke POV:
The city is no good, the fangirls keep popping out of the woodwork. Literally.
Damn ninjas
"SASUKE-KUUUNNN!" the mob of she-demons screeched
Plan damn you plan!
Come on Uchiha, you're a genius, a gorgeous genius, a gorgeous genius who looks great with the ninja-pirate look ass bow and all. A gorgeous geniu –wait wait focus Sasuke!
I got it.
Brilliant
I shall run into the forest and live as a squirrel until this has died down.
It can't fail.
Why? 'Cause I'm a motherfucking genius that's why!
TO THE FOREST!
WAIT FOR ME SQUIREL FRIENDS!
Naruto POV:
I am hanging from a tree being molested by horny teenagers.
Iruka owes me LOTS of ramen.
And a big hat, I always wanted a fluffy hat, with a feather. Yeah.
But back to business
PUNCH
"Paws off!"
PUNCH KICK
Don't kill them they're your friends don't kill them. Don't kill them. Don't kill them.
The boys fell to the ground and began circling me like a wolf pack
Who's afraid of the big bad wolf, the big bad wolf
I lost my beloved orange jumpsuit, all I was left with was my necklace and my chibi kitsune boxers.
Clinging to a tree-branch I tried to see a way to escape the horror that is Valentines Day.
Hinata was blushing and stuttering,
Gaara was staring at me hungrily (good wolfie, whose a good wolfie?)
Kiba was sniffing my dangling foot ewwwww down boy!
"You are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me-" Oh for the love of Kami, Lee!
Sai gave me the "I will eat your soul" smile
Choji opened up a can of tuna and started waving it under the tree "Here boy, come on down now I have some tasty tuna!"
What am I a cat?
Neji just stood against the tree, is he undressing me with his byakugan. Seriously? Seriously?
Oh look Sasuke! …and …why is he trying to jump up a tree?
I strained my hearing
"I want to be your friend Mr. Squirrel!"
….
And this ladies and gentlemen is my only hope of survival
I. Am. Fucked.
"TEME!"
Sasuke POV:
"TEME!"
Dobe?
He saw Naruto clinging to the tree limb like a cat. Naruto. In his boxers. Sweating. Blushing. And calling his name. well not his name but that's not important. Naruto was practically naked calling out to him!
DROOL
"Snap out of it Teme! I need to get these pervs off!"
"Oh Naruto your so kind! I knew my song would win you over!" cried a gleeful Lee as the assembled boys cheered.
"Ewwwwwwww. Not. What. I. Meant. You Pervert!" screamed Naruto "SASUKE help me!"
This snapped Sasuke out of the dirty place in his mind.
Sasuke ran over to the tree smashing aside anyone stupid enough. Jumped up to the branch. And threw his dobe over his shoulder.
"MINE!" he cackled and ran further into the trees
"Uzumaki Naruto, you will not escape me." Said Gaara with a glare as he started running after them.
"Hey dobe do you want to be a squirrel with me?" Sasuke giggled to the form draped over his shoulder
"…..did you eat the special brownies teme?"
"…maybe…. So how about it? We'll make lots of squirrel friends and live happily ever after."
"...how about we just go to the bunkers so they don't kill us."
"Ok. Can we bring the squirrels?"
"NO! Forget about the fucking squirrels you psyco, just put me down and run!"
"Stupid Valentines day." Said a grumpy Sasuke
….
"Teme. Why aren't you putting me down?"
"Cause your just so cuddly, so squishy. Oh I got it. I shall call it Squishy, and it shall be mine, and it shall be my squishy!"
"…..Stupid Valentines day."