AN: Please don't kill me! *throws cookies to readers* DON'T EAT ME! If you don't kill me I'll give you an epilogue at the end of the chapter! *flees*
Disclaimer: I still don't own the characters. "The List" is half owned by The-Lady-Smaell, give her credit my darling little lurkers!
SMACK
"Kakashi-sensei?"
SMACK SMACK
"Yo pervert?"
"Stop hitting Daddy-Kakashi!"
SMACK SMACK SMACK
"Alright alright already! I'm awake just stop hitting me!"
"Kakashi are you alright?" Iruka asked
While the man was unconscious he had gotten the whole He. Is. Not. An. Imposter. Talk .
Sasuke launched himself at Kakashi's chest crying 'It's alive!'
"…Yeah 'Ruka-chan, it is good to see you! Both of you."
"Damnit he can't afford any more brain damage then he clearly already has!" Iruka wailed
"I'm not drain bamaged!"
"….."
"….."
"….."
"What?"
"Nothing." The three spectators said in unison
"… ok… anyway… so you'e done hitting me my little flipper?" Kakashi asked with a cooked smile
"Not if you keep calling me that!"
Kakashi pouted "So I don't even get a chance? Do you hate me that much?"
"…..No I don't hate you."
GLOMP
"Down Kakashi! Down!"
"But you like me right?" Kakashi asked as he squeezed the sensei to him
"…Yeah I guess... idiot. Now let me go!"
CRASH CRASH CRASH
The four looked up in fright at the sound outside their vault door.
CRASH CRASH CRASH
"He's mine!"
"No way I called dibbs!"
And with those horrible sounds the vault door that could withstand anything, even a pissed off Shizune, could not withstand the fanatic obsession of the fangirls and boys. It fell in with a mighty crash.
As the dust settled you could see Sakura and Anko holding a battering ram and the other fangirls and boys grasping the doorframe peering into the darkness.
The men saw their lives flash before their eyes, young at home running, why did I eat that dirt? I can't believe I did that, Up until this very moment.
They braced their selves for death and grasped at their final moments.
"This is the end Squishy! I love you!" Sasuke sobbed pulling Naruto into a fierce kiss.
Ah excellent plan my young emo-padawan
"Goodbye my little Flipper!" Kakashi pulled Iruka harshly against him before attacking his lips.
The fangirls/boys stood frozen.
….SILENCE….
The hunted men forgot about their imminent demise, instead melting into their unlikely loved ones.
The crowd fell back like dominos blood streaming from their noses.
When the wanted men finally came up for air they found the unconscious bodies of their comrades surrounding the entrance.
Half the village had passed out from bloodloss at the erotic site the two couples made.
They were….. saved?
"They're out cold." Iruka said from Kakashi's lap.
*poke*
"Naruto stop poking them!"
"Jeeze teme I was just checking!"
And with one erotic display, the four survived the dreaded Valentines day.
"Kakashi stop narrating our story!" Iruka yelled
"But it rhymed!"
THUMP THUMP THUMP
Iruka looked up pitifully from his head banging "….Fucking Valentines Day."
"...Well if you want my little Flipper!" Kakashi smiled at him
THUMP THUMP THUMP
Epilogue:
1 Month Later, Hokage's Office:
"You're probably wondering why I called you all here today." Tsunade said peering at the assembled group, namely Kakashi, Iruka, Sasuke and Naruto. Aka the bane of her existence in the past weeks.
"YOU, have caused quite a stir in my village, and Iruka I expected better of you."
A giggle was heard, but when Tsunade looked up they all put on their most innocent face.
She handed over 4 sheets of paper. Each titled "What you are NOT allowed to do in public."
"But Tsunade no one else has to follow rules like these!"
"Well no one else keeps sending my soldiers to the hospital because they had such massive nosebleeds! We're running out of blood for transfusions brat! You four are single handedly taking out some of the greatest warriors in the world!" She yelled hitting her sake down on her desk with a thunk.
She raised her fist
The assembly feared for their lives
"Hai hai! We understand Hokage-sama!"
The Fist of Doom lowered
"Alright then, dismissed."
Outside in the hallway they looked over the list.
1) No making out or groping in public! NOT ENOUGH BLOOD GOD DAMN IT!
2) No more using Genjutsu tags to show off your partners ass without their knowledge. I am not being held responsible for any injuries incurred it is your own damned fault Kakashi.
3) No threatening fan-girls with a katana. I needed those shinobi!
4) No using innocent squirrels as an escape method. The poor little blighters are traumatized enough.
5) The four of you: NO ALCOHOL EVER AGAIN!
6) It is not acceptable to conduct an impromptu strip search. I don't CARE what Anko said.
7) Kakashi is not allowed to ask Iruka anything whilst he is working.
8) Kakashi Hatake + Class Substitute = NEVER EVER AGAIN! ... Those poor, poor children.
9) Kakashi Hatake is hereby barred from the academy grounds until the day he dies. I've had enough Icha Icha themed complaints to last a life time.
10) No listening to Anko full stop. Her inner fan-girl is already strong enough she does not need any encouragement.
11) Dipping yourself in chocolate and running butt naked through Konoha although effective is not an acceptable means of luring out certain ninja. Iruka I really thought better of you.
12) The Forest of Death is there as a training ground ONLY!
13) I will make this VERY CLEAR! You are not allowed to pimp out your students and inform the fan-girl of their 'love nest'. I don't care that they ratted you out, as once again I point out it's your own damned fault.
14) Naruto you are not allowed to attempt to make ramen 'sexy'.
15) Sasuke you are not allowed to encourage him.
16) Sasuke you're not allowed to chidori people that 'look at Naruto funny'
17) Kakashi this goes for you too about Iruka, and you know it
18) Naruto, Konohamaru is not a projectile, you can't feed him to the fangirls to get away.
19) This also applies to innocent bystanders (Nara Shikamaru is still in therapy), and the squirrels (...I can't believe that we have to repeat that one Uchiha)
20) Playing poker does not always mean strip poker, I don't care what you were thinking Iruka!
21) Naruto you are not allowed to swim in the lake. Why? Because last time Sauske's 'naked dobe senses' made him sprint to the lake and the following display scarred our children.
22) I take it back: You four. Clothes. Always. Blood people!
23) ... Getting around this by wearing lingerie and claiming they're 'clothes' is also prohibited. I'm looking at you Naruto.
24) Kakashi stop calling Iruka 'my little flipper' when he kills you I'll make sure he gets away with it. Why? Because you're annoying the crap out of me Brat!
25) Sasuke the same goes for calling Naruto squishy. And for the love of Kami! Don't tell people why he deserves the name. Stop scarring our children Uchiha!
26) Sasuke/Kakashi are not allowed to use their Sharingan to make the fan-girls/boys believe they are trees. I lost a months worth of missions because of that stunt.
27) It is NOT OKAY for you to dress up in women's clothing, even if it is to 'Outsmart the enemy'. Konoha nearly died that day because the half that wasn't lusting after your male selves were rather attracted to your female selves.
28) You are not allowed to bribe ANBU under any circumstances.
29) Kakashi stop threatening Teuchi, he is not going to spike Iruka's ramen no matter what you say.
30) Umino Iruka is not allowed to make his special brownies, I do not appreciate having my all my mission room staff knocked unconscious.
31) We do not appreciate that room being knocked unconscious for being in the same room with Iruka by you either Kakashi
32) ... please for the love of Kami put up silencing wards!
33) Kakashi when Iruka yells at your for a bad mission report don't suggest ways you can make it up to him. See rule 31 for not knocking out the mission room.
34) You are not allowed to punish eachother for breaking these rules. I'm looking at you Sasuke.
35) Stop making my life harder you idiots
Iruka leaned against Kakashi as they walked out of the building.
"So are we going to follow the rules?" He asked Kakashi with a grin
"Of course not my little Flipper!"
Iruka turned yelling "I told you to stop calling me tha-"
A kiss silenced his protests. His body pulled snug against his crazy jounin, lips and tongues engaged in a fierce battle.
Iruka pulled back panting "You realize we just broke two of the rules right?"
Kakashi pulled up his mask but you could see his wicked smirk "...Wanna break some more?"
"I'll get the chocolate sauce." Iruka grinned
AN: Yeah it's over, I hope you enjoyed it!
o.0 Holy Sweet Muffins! Thank you to all who put this on alert, marked it as a favorite, or put me on author's alert. (When I finally checked my e-mail I literally fell out of my chair... smooth right?)
Silkyotter: Thank you for your demands I continue this, this is dedicated to you (*stern look* honey get an account!)
Lady Smaell: ... you are so to blame for part of this madness and you know it. *huggles*