A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for reading and reviewing, I really appreciate it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or Black Bear Mountain. Apparently, Black Bear Mountain is located in New York? Well, in this story it's located outside of Los Angeles. Just so you know.

Chapter 9: Walk Down Memory Lane

Leigh POV

After 365 days, today has finally arrived once again: March 18th. It was without a doubt the worst day of my life. I had been dreading it for a solid week now. I know the boys detected the change in my demeanor. For the past week, I've been descending into a deeper and deeper state of depression. I didn't even bother hiding it. Today was too important of a day for me to pretend I was ok. How could I be?

The night of March 17th is always the worst part. The harbinger of a day that still lived so vividly in my memory. I try to sleep, even though I know sleep never comes. Instead, flashes of the past bounce around in my mind like some sick, twisted tennis match. I knew it was pointless to try to sleep, and yet I hoped. I hoped after two years, the pain would dull. But it hasn't. If anything, it's only intensified.

It always surprises me how quickly morning can come, even without sleep to pass the time. I stared into the darkness, seeing nothing but the pain and torture my guilt sprung upon me. So intense was my reverie, that it took a loud knock on the door to jar me back to reality.

I let go of the pillow I was holding, and slowly climb out of my bed. I glanced at my alarm clock, and immediately knew who would be at the door.

Mrs. Knight always had breakfast ready by 7:30, regardless of what the boys' schedules were. She insisted that waking up at the same time everyday was the best way to regulate one's sleeping cycle. Currently, it was 7:45. Not one to be late, I knew Mrs. Knight had sent one of the boys to come check on me to make sure I was ok.

Sure enough, it was Logan who was at the door. He raised his eyebrows once he saw me, the frown on his face growing more pronounced as he took notice of my disheveled appearance.

"Umm…breakfast is ready," he said, clearly caught off guard by my countenance. Then his eyebrows furrowed. "Are you ok? You look kind of pale."

"Yeah, I'm fine," I mumbled, "didn't get much sleep." I could tell he wanted to question me further, but I cut him off. "Tell Mrs. Knight I'll be there in five minutes."

"Alright," he responded hesitantly as he began to walk back to apartment 2J. I shut the door and started to get dressed.

As soon as I opened the door to apartment 2J, I knew Logan had told the others of our little conversation. All talking had ceased as soon as I entered the door. I was met with six pairs of eyes, wordlessly assessing me. I tried to hide my irritation as I sat in the chair between Kendall and Carlos.

Mrs. Knight snapped out of the trance first. "Good morning, Leigh," she chirped cheerfully, "would you like some pancakes?"

I wanted to say yes. Really, I did. I would never admit it, but Mrs. Knight was a really good cook. But as I looked at the pancakes, my stomach began to knot painfully. Just like it always does on this day. I ducked my head, avoiding Mrs. Knight's kind eyes.

"No, I'm fine. I'll just have some orange juice."

I could almost hear everyone's gaze on me shift to one another. Even though I was looking at the table, I could sense they were worried. They were always worried. I then heard Mrs. Knight rummage through the kitchen.

Kendall placed his hand on my shoulder, his eyes boring through the side of my head. "Are you sure you're ok? You really do look pale."

His voice was so kind, so full of concern. I almost regretted the harshness of my actions as I shrugged his hand of me.

"I'm fine."

"But you really should eat something! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, you know," Carlos added, trying to keep his voice light and cheery.

Out of my peripheral, I could see James shaking his head, silently agreeing with the two boys. Ever since that fake date, James hasn't really spoken to me. The sudden change threw me off, but I learned to deal with it. I figured he had his reasons, and whether I liked it or not I couldn't change it.

"Really, I'm fine," I said, once again with as much patience as I could muster.

Mrs. Knight had come out of the kitchen and handed me my orange juice. Grateful for the distraction, I took a sip.

"But orange juice isn't enough, Leigh. Little sleep mixed with no breakfast could spell out disaster later on today." Logan explained. "Just try to eat something."

I don't know what happened, but suddenly I snapped. "LOOK, I'M FINE OK? JUST GET OFF MY BACK!" I hollered.

The tension that up to this point was so thick was finally sliced by my anger. It was the first time I had ever raised my voice since I knew these people. Evidently, everyone else realized the significance of this action, too. Identical looks of shock appeared on each of their faces. For a moment, it seemed time had stopped. Nobody said anything, moved, or even breathed.

I stood up, leaving my glass of orange juice untouched. "Thank you for breakfast, Mrs. Knight," I said. Without another word, I left apartment 2J.

It's been half an hour since my "meltdown." It had been a peaceful thirty minutes, mostly because no one had tried to confront me about what happened. But as I sat on the couch, listening to the clock tick, I couldn't help but think I needed to do something today. Something in honor of what today represented. I looked around my apartment, hoping to find something. My gaze landed on my camera. My heart skipped a beat as I stared at it, and suddenly I was struck with inspiration. I grabbed the camera, along with a few other important things, and left my apartment. Just as I locked my door, the door to apartment 2J swung open. Logan stepped out of the apartment, looking lost in his thoughts. He snapped out of it once he saw me.

"Hey," he greeted, "Listen, can we talk?"

"I'm a little busy at the moment," I replied, holding up my camera. I then moved past him and headed for the elevator.

"Where are you going?" he asked when he caught up with me.

"Black Bear Mountain."

"By yourself?"

"Yes, now if you'll excuse me." The elevator door opened and I tried to enter it. But Logan seemed to have a different plan since he grabbed my wrist, holding me back.

"It's dangerous to go there by yourself!" he clucked, "I mean there's poisonous snakes, bears, bees!"

"I'll take my chances." I tried to tug my hand out of his, but he held fast.

"Please…let me go with you. If something happened I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."

I sighed. "Fine. Let's go."

We made it to Black Bearin good time. During the drive, Logan was quiet…which surprised me. I expected this to be some ploy to get me to talk about my outburst this morning. But so far, he hasn't even so much as hinted at it. The day was going well enough. I spent the time taking pictures, while Logan walked beside me. I had to admit, I was pretty impressed with his ability to stay quiet for so long.

Then, we separated. Well, actually, I ran ahead of the trail because I thought I saw something worth taking a picture of. I slowed my gait, as I approached the site. It was a mother deer nuzzling her fawn. I gradually squatted so I could get a better angle without spooking the animals. I was about to take the picture when…

"AHHHHHHHH, BEEEEEEEEE!" Logan screamed. I turned to see him barreling down the trail toward me, his arms flailing about. He tripped on some rocks and face planted. I hurried over to where he was, and saw the "bee." I held my finger out and the "bee" in question landed on my finger softly.

I kneeled down in front of Logan. "Is this your bee?" I asked quietly.

He looked at my finger, where a beautiful yellow butterfly was resting. Recognizing what was on my finger, a huge blush immediately spread across his face.

My reaction to this was simple. I began to howl with laughter. As soon as I realized what I was doing, I forced myself to stop. I shouldn't be laughing…not today.

Logan noticed. "Hey, it's okay to laugh. It was actually really nice to hear you laugh for once."

I looked away from him. "I laugh at you guys all the time."

He chuckled. "True. But this laugh was different. It actually sounded…real."

I stood up, angry with myself. "Look, I shouldn't have laughed, alright?"

He stood up as well. "Why?" he asked softly.

I inhaled deeply, trying to recollect myself. "Because today is not a day meant for happy times."

"Is that why you've been so out of it lately? Leigh, you can trust me. I swear I won't say anything to the others. What happened today?"

It was too much. I couldn't handle keeping it in anymore. I was so tired…so damn tired of reliving it. For the second time that day, I snapped.

"My best friend, he died two years ago today! There, satisfied?"

Logan didn't move. He just stared at me, like he was deciding how best to approach this. After weighing all of his options, he finally chose.

"What was his name?"

"Eric."

"Was he the one who gave you that necklace?"

I bowed my head, the memories too painful.

"Yes," I managed to say.

The next thing I knew, Logan was hugging me. At first I felt myself tense, as I normally did when someone touches me. But then, to my astonishment, I found myself hugging him back.

I don't know how long we stood there, embracing each other. It could've been minutes; it could've been hours. But after some period of time, we let go of each other and began walking again.

"You know," Logan randomly spoke, "it's ok to be happy on the anniversary of his death."

I looked at him, uncertain of how to respond. He gave me a sweet smile as he continued.

"My grandfather died about five years ago. It was just awful. My whole family was devastated and for a while, I thought the world would never right itself again. The first anniversary was really tough. I didn't even want to get out of bed. But my mom made me because my aunts and grandma were coming over. That day, all we did was tell stories about him. We laughed, we cried, but most importantly, we remembered. All the stories I used to roll my eyes at were suddenly my favorite stories."

"Like what?" I inquired curiously.

A huge grin appeared on Logan's face. "Ok, so my grandfather was a detective right? Well, my grandparents first met because my grandmother's car was stolen. My grandmother was really poor, she had just had a nasty divorce that left her with next to nothing. So, you can imagine how distraught she was when her car was stolen. Apparently, my grandfather felt so bad for her that he personally took her with him while he tracked her car down. Grandma always says it was the best date she had ever been on."

"Wow," I breathed. "That's really cool." I was incredibly touched that Logan was so honest with me. Even though he smiled, I could tell his grandfather's death was still hard to deal with.

I began to chuckle. "Eric was always so impatient." I showed Logan my camera. "This actually used to belong to him. He said he always wanted to be a photographer, so for his birthday, his parents bought him this camera. He'd try and try to take pictures, but he always managed to screw up the picture somehow, whether it was the fact his thumb was on top of lens, or he would cut off the heads of the people who's picture he was taking. I tried to show him how to hold it properly and how to aim the camera, but he had no patience. Finally, he claimed his dream was lost forever and gave me the camera, saying I would have better luck."

Logan smiled kindly at me, and I had to admit: I had forgotten the story behind the camera. Every time I looked at it, all I saw was his lifeless corpse. It was nice to know that I still had good memories.

I looked down at my watch. "We should probably get back to the car," I stated, "By the time we get back to the Palm Woods it'll be dark."

The drive back to the Palm Woods was just as quiet as the drive up. However, it was a different kind of quiet. It was as if Logan and I had come to some sort of mutual understanding, and we decided to sit in companionable silence.

"Oh, crap." Logan said as he stared at his phone. "I have like 20 text messages from Kendall, James, and Carlos wondering where I've been all day and if I knew where you were. Did they text you?"

I handed him my phone to check. "Yeah, they texted you, too. What are we gonna tell them?" I could tell he was about to panic.

"Relax. You tell them you've been at the library all day. Start going into detail about some really complex math problem…they'll drop the subject. And I'll just tell them I had a photo shoot."

We arrived at the Palm Woods shortly after that. Logan was about to leave, as part of our plan, when I stopped him.

"Logan I-" I started to say. He looked at me curiously, trying to figure out what I wanted to say. I closed my mouth, and decided to show him rather than tell. I gave him a quick hug and murmured "thank you." He looked stunned, but recovered quickly, shooting me an easy smile. He then turned around and made his way back to 2J. I waited five minutes before I began my trek to apartment 2J as well.

I said goodnight to everybody as I walked over to my apartment. Thankfully, no one brought up this morning. I think there were just happy that I was acting more like myself and actually ate. I quickly changed into my pajamas and went to lay down on my bed. Staring up at the ceiling, I began to reflect on what happened today. As much as I wanted to believe Logan, I knew I couldn't. I couldn't remember Eric like Logan remembered his grandfather. Because every time I thought about Eric, I would think about his death. And then I would remember…

It was all my fault.

A/N: Sooo…what did you think? Did you like the Logan/Leigh fluff? I'm so excited because we're getting super close to learning Leigh's secret. Anyways, review if you'd like! Thanks for reading!