"So... It's inside here, right?" Subaru asked meekly, his voice gagged by turbulent emotion, his amber gaze directed at the double wooden doors of the library.
Why put it... here of all places? Was this Subaru stupid or something?
Did he have a death wish...?
...
Oh, wait...
Considering the number of times he died, the answer to that question was pretty obvious.
Still, why the library?
"Jee~z, you're rea~lly forgetful," The silver-haired elven beauty beside him chirped, "Subaru is so~ silly."
"Ouchie, Emilia-tan thinks I'm 'silly?'" Having adopted his best-pained impression, Subaru clenched his chest with one hand, raising his other to the sky in faux misery, "How might I live with such shame!"
"I'm not quite sure what you mean by that," Emilia cocked her head innocently, setting her trembling index finger down on her chin, " Hmmm, Say... did I do a good job bringing Subaru here?"
Why was she referring to him in the third person? She never did that. Though Subaru appreciated her being so... playful? He couldn't help but find it a tad bit... unnerving...
"Hell yeah, you did. Good job, Emilia-tan!" Attempting to hide his deep anxiety for what he knew was beyond the library doors, Subaru gave a quick thumbs up, showing off his best smile to Emilia.
She gaped at him with timidity, a slight grin creeping onto her rosy lips.
"Since I did a good job... will you pat my head?" Her voice, which sounded like the toll of a silver bell, contained a small dose of childish neediness, and her face was flushed with... embarrassment?
It took a few very long feeling seconds for what she said to register in Subaru's mind.
Pat... her... head...?
What?
Why?
For the entirety of their relationship, Emilia had never asked him for a head pat. She wasn't Petra or Rem, for God's sake.
So why now? More importantly, why was it that when he gazed into her purple pools, it looked as if she needed more than anything?
" Um , you want me to pat your head?" Emilia nodded in confirmation, leaving Subaru in a more confused state. He sheepishly rubbed the nape of his neck, "Can I ask why?"
A frown tugged at the corners of Emilia's lips, and tears welled in her amethyst eyes.
"W-well, Subaru always pats Petra's head when she does a good job," The air around them felt more frigid with each passing moment, "So it's only fair if you pat mine..." Her words barely came out as more than a whimper.
He didn't like where this was going, and Subaru was sure that the air getting colder wasn't just some coincidence.
"How about I pat your head once we get my tracksuit, okay, Emilia-tan?" Subaru cautiously suggested; he wasn't really one hundred percent sure about what exactly was going on with this Emilia. He didn't want to cause a repeat of the last... incident.
"Alright..." Emilia looked down at the floor in dejected disappointment before staring at him intently, "But you better not be lying, or else I'll be rea~lly cross with you, mister."
Positioning his hands on the door knobs, Subaru turned his toward Emilia for a faint second.
"Seriously, Emilia-tan, who says they'll be 'cross with someone' in this day and age?" He teased, awarding him a cute pout from the indignant silver-haired princess. Turning the diamond-encrusted door knobs, Subaru swung the doors open. He took a small step forward through the now wide-open entrance.
Only to be met with a pitiful sight.
The wooden floorboards and bookshelves were unbelievably dusty and musty. Present in the room was an icky stench that invaded Subaru's lungs and stuck to their interiors like tar.
Open books and scraps of paper varying in size and condition were strewn across the uncleaned floor. The far-off walls, which usually should've been white and pristine, stained a faint yellow. Clear to all whose gazes fell upon it, the knock-off Forbidden Library direly needed a wash.
In the middle of a long line of shelves was an empty stool, and right next to it was an equally empty-looking loli. The Great Spirit of Yin, Beatrice, or as Subaru liked to call her, his darling little Beako.
"I'm sorry, Beako..." Subaru quietly muttered, grimacing at the sight of his dear contracted spirit all depressed and alone.
Beatrice had clearly seen better days.
The librarian loli's shining blond hair was chaotic and disorganized, having not been touched by a proper brush in a long, long time. Her now hollow, butterfly eyes were puffy with fresh tears, water trickling down her tenderly adorable face, staining her cheeks. She was curled up in a ball, tiny hands hugging her knees, self-loathing and depression radiating off her.
He did this... Natsuki Subaru did this...
Now he would try and fix his wrongdoings.
"Oi, Beako," Subaru put on his best smile, waving his hand energetically, "Emilia-tan and I are looking for my old tracksuit. Surely, as the smartest/cutest spirit in the world, you'd know where it is."
He was met with a hollow yet nonetheless hostile glare. Not a totally unexpected reaction, especially when one considered the disturbing events of the last loop, but it still took him aback, causing Subaru to flinch.
Yet, he needed to move forward. Taking a brief moment to recover from the initial shock, Subaru began:
"Gosh, Beako," Subaru started in a jesting tone, hoping his usual antics would cheer her up, "Your adorable glare is nearly as cold as Emilia-tan's awesome magic."
Beatrice's hate-filled glare didn't subside in the slightest.
But, Emilia reddened like a ripe tometo at the sudden praise, timidly tugging on a loose strand of her short silver hair, wrapping it around her slender index finger before shying away her gaze.
"Subaru~! Stop embarrassing me!" She squealed like a schoolgirl from his homeland, secretly enjoying his heartwarming compliments.
Subaru genuinely smiled. He'd nearly forgotten how delightful her cries of frustrated embarrassment were. It'd been months since he last saw her. Was his world's Emilia doing alright? He sure hoped so.
'I shouldn't indulge, but maybe I can tease her.' He thought to himself.
"Oh, I guess if hearing how cool I think you are, upsets you," Subaru's lips developed into a fake frown, "I'll have to stop doing it."
Emilia's violet eyes widened with fright, her breathing becoming more frantic and unsteady. She looked ready to burst into tears. Her muscles seemed to tense up.
"I-I'm sorry..." Emilia's voice trailed off.
Upon seeing the worry in Emilia's eyes, Subaru realized his mistake.
"W-wait, Emilia-tan, I'm only joking! There's no need to apologize. I would never stop praising you for how absolutely amazing you are." Subaru frantically waved his hands, hastily speaking to dissuade Emilia from her anxieties.
"R-really, Subaru?" She asked, stuttering, looking like Subaru's potential response could shatter her into a million tiny fragments. Seeing the love of his life, the first person to show him kindness in this world, his number one so dependent on his approval ... well... it broke Subaru's heart.
The Emilia he knew was kind, caring, stern, and reliable.
This Emilia was fragile, dependent on others, unstable, and miserable.
What could've caused this? Was it him?
Was it Natsuki Subaru who did this to her?
'I swear, Emilia-tan, I'll save you!' He internally promised, vowing to save Emilia from her heartache.
Not able to bring himself to speak, Subaru just nodded slowly. Relieved, Emilia's bleak expression shifted into something much more joyful.
Noticing this visible change in Emilia's mood, Subaru's frown flipped ever so slightly.
"Hey, Emilia-tan?" He smiled warmly at her, unbeknownst to the raven-haired spirit-knight, causing her heart to tingle.
Emilia didn't respond, just dopily smiling. Her mind always lost focus when he showed off that radiant, pearly upwards frown she was so fond of. It never ceased to fill her cold, glum heart with swelling warmth and happiness.
"Emilia-tan?"
She adored this feeling, for it distracted her from the nightmares that haunted her. The familiar faces she couldn't, for the life of her, recognize.
"Emilia-tan,"
It never failed to put her in a blissful trance, a trance she wished to never fall out of.
"Emilia-tan,"
She loved Natsuki Subaru with all her fractured heart.
"Emilia-tan, Emilia-tan, Earth to Emilia-tan." A familiar voice called out to her, uttering an unrecognizable word, dragging Emilia from her dazed state. A hand was waving in front of her face.
"Eh?"
"You still there?"
Etched on Subaru's face was a somewhat annoyed expression.
'This is the second time today that she's zoned out me! Is she tired or something?' Subaru thought to himself, narrowing his eyes at the ceiling.
"Sorry, I just needed to recombobulate myself." Emilia's face was coloured bright red. Subaru suddenly bellowed with laughter, holding his hand to his stomach.
"Seriously, Emilia-tan, I've never heard anyone unironically say the word 'recombobulate' before. Not even Sword Demon Captain Wilhelm, and he's ancient!" Subaru teased with a smug expression. In response, Emilia huffed, puffing out her cheeks, throwing her arms to the side, and stomping the floor with her right foot.
" Ugh, Subaru is such a twit!" She said, feeling irritated at his constant teasing of her old-fashioned vocabulary.
"Sorry, sorry," He raised his palms up defensively, "How 'bout we get back to looking for my tracksuit."
Truth be told, Subaru wasn't all that comfortable in the clothes he was presently wearing. In his most humble opinion, they looked too formal, given the informal setting.
The buttoned-up black vest, white dress shirt, slacks, and shoes gave off an air of nobility and refinement which he found incredibly funny. He wasn't noble or refined; he was Natsuki Subaru, a former shut-in NEET.
The idea that he was anything else was laughable.
In addition, the black and orange tracksuit meant a lot to the otherworlder knight, as it was one of the few things he retained from his homeland. A gift from his parents for his seventeenth birthday.
In a way, it was a reminder of his past...
' This is where they suck you in. '
' You're definitely his kid! '
His failures...
' Who's Rem? '
' I'm going to save you, no matter what. I promise. '
His successes...
' Today, I'm more demonically inspired than a real demon! '
' Because I love you, Emilia. '
All the good memories...
' Choose me, Beatrice. '
' My name is Natsuki Subaru! '
All the bad memories...
' You really are useless, Subaru. '
' Stay with me forever... '
It was just too important to discard in favour of an outfit he had no connection to. A pair of clothes that were tied to nothing.
That's why he had to get them back.
But, if he was going to find them, he'd first need to know where to look.
Luckily, Subaru knew who to ask. His EMT could never let him down.
"Emilia-tan, any idea where inside the library I put my tracksuit?"
" Huh, I thought Subaru already knew... you never told me where you hid it." She admitted with a downcast face, wishing he would trust her more with his secrets.
"Then I guess we'll have to use plan B..." He mumbled under his breath. Emilia furrowed her silver brow in a mixture of confusion and curiosity. Plan B? What could that be?
'Knowing Subaru, it's probably something completely ingenious. I should be a good girl and wait for him to explain it. Yup, I'm going to be a good girl! Then Subaru will give me as many head pats as I want!' Emilia clapped her hands, tightly gripping them together, patiently awaiting Subaru's explanation... and an unending stream of head pats.
" Heh, Time to make the number one mistake people in horror movies commit: let's split up!" He planted one foot forward and pointed his index finger at Emilia.
Horror moo-vy-s? What does that 'subaruism' mean?
Questions poured into Emilia's head uncontrollably, but a specific one stuck out like a sore thumb.
Why... w-why did Subaru want to leave her? Was she not good enough? Had she upset him?
Was he tired of Emilia's constant failures? Of her worthlessness?
But he promised... Subaru promised to stand by her side no matter what!
Was it all a lie?!
Did he even love her?!
Subaru was nothing more than a...
"Liar." A cold, flat voice uttered, frozen of all emotion. So unlike the soothing silver bells, Subaru was used to hearing.
His mind was sent into a frantic panic. The only other time he'd heard Emilia speak in such a way was when she... killed him!
The silver-haired half-elf's amethyst gemstones glistened with tears as she stared off into space. Emilia's mouth was slightly agape as pained whimpers slipped through her cherry lips. She stood terribly still, muscles tensed up.
In the blink of an eye, the temperature dropped below zero, Subaru's body shivering as the air around him froze. A massive amount of pure, snow-white power leaked from Emilia's now trembling body, sweeping over the library like a tidal wave. A great wind emanated from the Witch of Glaciation, pushing against him, nearly throwing Subaru back.
Subaru's teeth chattered, his every breath freezing in the frigid air. A heavy feeling of deja vu entered his mind.
He had been in the exact same situation before.
Subaru bit his bottom lips, drawing a faint amount of blood, which trickled down his chin onto the rapidly frosting floor.
Back then... he'd been unable to help her, to comfort her in his arms!
He would not fail again!
Taking note of his now sickeningly purple skin, Subaru knew he had little time left. Steeling himself, he forcibly moved forward against the raging wind. It was a slow, steady trudge, and with every step, the hero of Priestella felt weaker and weaker, strength slowly seeping from his slumping form.
Regardless, he continued onwards, only stopping briefly to look at Beatrice to see if she was okay.
Thankfully, the great spirit seemed resistant to the elements, which was good because otherwise, Subaru would've let himself succumb.
He really could not continue living without the drill-haired little girl.
His attention turned back to Emilia, still mewling in pain.
"Stay right there... I'm going to save you!" He shouted, straining his vocal cords.
With all the energy left in his failing body, Subaru lept at Emilia, stretching out and wrapping his near-lifeless arms around her trembling frame, pulling the half-elf into a firm hug.
"-!"
Subaru tightened his arms, hands softly patting her upper back as he drew her deeper into his comforting chest.
"E-Emilia-tan, it's going to be a-alright. I swear you'll be okay. I won't let anything b-bad happen to you. After all, I-I love you! So please, calm down!" Subaru consoled the dazed Emilia, hoping to end the veritable storm surrounding them and bring a smile to her beautiful face. He was so close to her face that Subaru could see his reflection in her shining purple irises.
He looked haggard and weak, crystalline frost building up on his vest, and his skin was coloured a sickly purple.
"Aah..." A flat vocalization spilled from Emilia's open mouth, lucidity gradually returning to her mind. Her agitated breathing steadied.
The gusts of wind instantly disappeared, and the temperature stabilized back to normal.
Subaru felt like his skin was burning from the sudden change. The resulting shock nearly threw him unconscious.
"W-what... I... huh?" Emilia looked around her in bewilderment, her tone panicked and confused. Her gaze fell upon Subaru's pasty purple skin, "Ah! Subaru! You're hurt! Should I use my healing magic!?"
Subaru tiredly nodded his head, and Emilia quickly got to work, applying her benign healing magic and returning colour to Subaru's body. The gentleness showed by her almost made the whole experience worth it.
Almost.
Subaru suddenly grabbed Emilia's smooth, exposed shoulders, causing her to yelp in surprise.
"Eep!"
"Emilia-tan! What was that!? Are you alright!? Is there anything you need to talk about?" Subaru hurriedly questioned, his eyes wide with frightened concern, not knowing she already forgot the cause of her outburst.
"I... I don't know... my head is so~ foggy..." Wincing, Emilia held a hand to her head, visibly trying to recall the previous events.
"It's okay. You don't have to remember right away."
"I'm... sorry, Subaru. I shouldn't cause Subaru trouble."
"Oh, no, it was nothing really... but if you're not feeling the best, maybe we should call off our date today."
"NO!" Emilia shrieked, voice audibly brimming with anxiety and dread.
"Emilia-tan?"
"Just... just stay with me... please?" She softly implored, lifting her gaze, her pleading violet eyes meeting his amber ones.
"...Sure thing, you can stay in my arms for as long as you want, but hopefully not too long. If you do, I might be too immersed in Emilia-tan's softness to look for my tracksuit."
She nuzzled into his chest, rubbing her porcelain cheek into his pectorals, letting out a long cat-like purr.
" Hmmm, hehe, Subaru's super duper warm." Absorbed by the feel of Subaru's well-toned chest, Emilia didn't catch the tears sliding down his face.
"Natsuki Subaru," A calm, feminine voice resounded, "What an intriguing individual. To think that even after all this time, you still manage to find ways to surprise this tender young maiden."
The ivory-haired woman sat in her white chair, taking a tiny sip from a small cup of tea under the shade of a large, intricately designed umbrella.
"Alas, you're so insensitive! My maidenly heart can only take so much rejection!" The witch set down the cup onto a coaster, having already finished drinking its contents. Giving a quick glance at the unoccupied chair across the table from her, she sighed. His earlier rageful reaction replayed over and over again in her head.
It was odd how different they were from each other, the Natsuki Subaru she knew and this new Natsuki Subaru. Sure, they both shared that same fierce determination and will to fight, but one seemed afraid of death, and the other was numb to its pain. Of course, these potential differences and similarities only fed her curiosity and excitement.
In a sense, she would have the chance to relearn Subaru from a whole new perspective. The Witch of Greed raised her hand and positioned it over the part of her chest where the heart lay.
THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.
THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.
"Natsuki Subaru," Echidna whispered, feeling the steady expansion and contraction of her chest cavity, the rhythmic thumping of her black heart, "Just when I thought love would fade..."
An hour.
An hour was how long it took for Emilia to fully calm down following her 'episode,' that whole time, Subaru was there, patiently keeping still, holding his hands to her back, gently caressing it.
"Okay, Emilia-tan, I'm gonna let go of you now. Is that alright?" Subaru's tone was cautious. Emilia looked up from his chest and happily nodded. He let out a relieved sigh, releasing her from the embrace.
That was too close, he decided. Subaru had only been in the library for an hour, and he'd already nearly died. Worse, he had yet to actually start looking for his tracksuit.
"Emilia-tan, how about you search the left side of the room while I look around the right side. That way, we can do this twice as fast." He suggested.
"Ok-a-y, Subaru. If Subaru thinks it's a good idea, I'll try my best!" Emilia straightened her back and gave something approximating a salute.
With that done, Emilia ran off to rummage through the left side of the Forbidden Library, failing to notice that Subaru hadn't moved an inch.
'A subaruism... she said a subaruism!' Subaru grinned from ear to ear.
" Phew, She is quite the handful, eh, Beako?" He pivoted his body to face the direction of the spirit, who didn't bother responding.
"You know, Beako, it hurts a lot to see my favourite spirit ignore me like this," Subaru inched closer to the girl until he stood over her, "I want to make you a deal I know you'll want a piece of."
Mildly intrigued, Beatrice's gaze snapped up to meet his. Subaru extended a hand to her.
"How would you like to see your mother again?"
And for the first time since the Forbidden Library burned down, Beatrice felt her maidenly heart pulsate with life.