Disclaimer: Not mine.

His Calling

Chapter 37

Homesick

Remus sat sipping his fizzy drink listening to the others discuss the movies with some amusement. It was obvious that whoever had written the screenplay had some knowledge of their world, but not enough to portray his affliction accurately. He had found himself laughing at the image of a werewolf that looked so much like a man, with his transformation seeming to be only growing hair and fangs.

James had managed to sit between Remus and Lily in the cinema, and although Potter had restrained himself before and during the movie, now that they were in a conversation, Remus found himself kicking James under the table to shut him up. The girls did not seem to catch the inferred jokes, only Lily looked at him oddly as if faintly understanding that his comments about the movie had been directed at Remus.

"They should have a cure for it," Lily said, edging further away from James. "In the movie, even the Muggles were looking for plants that could be used in a medicine."

"There are some," Remus offered. "Problem is that they aren't safe. My dad knew someone that works at the University, a Muggle doctor, or… a squib, he said I could go there later to study if I wanted. Anyway, he talked about some of the things that were being researched."

"You would do that? Leave here to study at the Uni?" Becky asked.

"No, I thought I might at one time, but not now."

"I have to do well in my O.W.L.s," Lily sighed. "According to Slugs until this thing with Riddle…Voldemort… is over it could be hard for us to find work."

"Us?" Peter asked, looking up from his pop.

"Not you, the Muggle born."

"Why would that matter?" James laughed. "As long as you can do the job you will be hired, it has never been an issue before."

"Because the pure-blood shop owners are being told not to hire the Muggle borns," Remus said softly.

"My father was laughing that he just put a restriction on the flats he owns in Diagon," Sirius added. "No Muggle born or squibs allowed. He thinks he can help force them out by not offering them housing. If he gets the rest of the owners to go along with him it could be a problem."

"Has he joined Voldemort?" Lily asked.

"He won't actually join. He wants to make sure Riddle will win first, but he supports him and wants me and my brother to join up."

"What do you plan on doing?"

"He is going to come live with me," James said with a frown at Sirius.

"Not now," Sirius muttered uncomfortably, jerking his head towards Becky. "We should be getting back. Becky, I'll take you and…"

"I can apparate on my own. Anyway, I bought Lily, I can take her back," she said defensively. "I think I am the only one here with a licence."

"It is late and we need to go directly to Hogwarts," Remus explained. "You needed two transfer points to get here. We can do side-a-longs and get you there in one."

"I'll take you, Lily," James grinned.

"Yeah, he is the strongest at long distances," Peter said, giving Remus a kick under the table.

"I… I guess," she stammered. "Sure. Just as long as we go directly and you watch your mouth. I have to study tonight."

"I'll meet you there," Becky scowled.

"No, you go with Sirius or with me or Peter. I won't have you going by yourself," Remus said standing up and frowning at her, "it's not safe."

"No one will bother me," she said arrogantly.

"Let her go," Sirius said with a sneer. "I thought your family was familiar, now I know why. They are with him, aren't they?"

"Don't start Black," Becky said flatly. "You know he's not against people like Lily, it's about returning our world to what it should be."

"You can't believe that," Remus said incredulously.

Peter shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, tugging at James' shirt. He whispered into Potter's ear then nervously hurried out the door. Black glared at Becky and quickly followed. He knew that Peter was worried that Becky may talk to her family about today and his association with Pettigrew. If Becky's family was loyal to Riddle, they were sure to know Peter's father.

"James, take Lily," Remus said evenly, then waited until the two of them left before turning back to Becky. "You are wrong. You need to open your eyes and see what is happening. I am the wrong person to talk to about blood purity and unworthy Muggles. If you think that Lily will be accepted by your family or your…Lord…you are sadly mistaken."

"I will be sure to ask my father about you," she said with a smile.

"Don't bother. Let me tell you," he said, putting his palms on the table and leaning close to her. "I am a Mudblood. My home has already been attacked once, and … a Muggle I was close to was murdered because she knew me. Now, get yourself back to Hogwarts. You sicken me."

He turned on his heel and strode out to the pavement, intending to find a place to apparate from, but instead found himself walking through the streets and getting lost in the sights and scents of the city. For a while he could forget who and what he was and pretend that he was part of this world, this wonderful lighted world with cinemas and honking horns, and electricity that make mundane things take on a life of their own. He stopped at each window he passed and looked at the displays of items for sale, wondering what it would be like to own these things and be able to use them whenever he wanted. He thought of his mother who used magic only when so tired that she was unable to finish her work and thought he understood at last how the physical work of doing things the Muggle way could be more rewarding than the mere flick of a wand.

Suddenly homesick, he ran, looking for a secluded place to leave from, needing to get home, needing to hear his mother's voice and walk the farm, needing to know all was still safe.

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"Remus?" Rhea hurried to engulf him in her arms as he opened the door and stepped into the house. "What is wrong?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to see you," he choked.

"Something is wrong or you wouldn't be here. You know you …."

"Mum? Is Dad home?"

"He is down at the barn. Lucinda is calving. With any luck she'll have a heifer," Rhea said with a grin. "Go, I am sure he would like to see you."

"Mum, are…is everything okay here?"

"Remus, what is wrong?"

"Nothing, I just…things are changing…things are…I don't know…I just needed come home."

"Go see John, he misses you. He wouldn't say it aloud, but he likes it when you are home."

"Thanks, Mum," he said softly, glad she did not insist he sit and talk to her.

"Go," she sighed and waved him off to the door, "tea will be ready in a few minutes. Make sure he gets up here while it is still hot."

Remus leaned down and kissed her cheek before turning and running to the barn. "Dad?"

"Remus? Whatever…. Is anything wrong?"

"I show up for a visit and everyone thinks something is wrong," Remus joked. "I do have whole days I don't get in trouble you know."

"Not during school," John scowled. "Now talk to me."

Remus joined John in the stall and squatted down next to Lucinda, stroking her side and frowning. "Why is she down?"

"I don't know," John said sheepishly. "I know less about birthing calves than I do about those cinemas you sneak off to."

"How do you do that?" Remus cocked his eyebrow at him. "I've been here for less then three minutes and you already know what I've been doing."

"You are still Apparating without a licence. What? You think I don't know where you go off to?"

"What about Lucinda?" Remus grinned to hear the gentle chiding and not a hint of reprimand in John's tone.

"Spencer said someone is heading over. He has hired help over at his place."

"Spencer… I don't think I have heard that name."

"New family, she is a Muggle, moved up here from Southampton. Thought it would be safer up here."

"Mum has tea ready. She wants me to make sure you don't forget." Remus stood and studied John's face. "Dad? I need to learn some wandless magic."

"Wandless? Not many can do that. I don't know if I can help you, and right now I have to take care of this." He nodded towards the cow that lay in the stall. "We may lose her."

"I am worried about waking up after a full moon and being caught without my wand."

"Sort of with your pants down?"

Remus sniggered, "You could say that."

"I can see if I can find some information on it. All I know is that it takes years and …" John raked his hand through his hair and sighed. "I guess if anyone could do it you could. I didn't think someone your age could have learned to toss a full Patronus yet you learned it in one summer."

"I could get something from the library at Hogwarts, but I don't want everyone to know what I am doing. In order to get a book on it I would have to get permission and I ….I would rather not."

"I tried myself. Never did get it right. Okay, listen … I was told to start with things you do every day. Pick a spell you do without thinking about…"

"Like a Lumos or Nox?" Remus asked.

"Exactly, don't go trying to transfigure something right off, and pretend you are using a wand. Make the movements with your hand, visualize your wand. Then, move on to other things." John put his arm around Remus' shoulders and started back to the house with him. "Ask Moody next time you see him. I don't know if he uses wandless, but if anyone can get you a restricted book it will be him."

"Thanks."

"One more thing," John said with a snort. "When the hell did you get as tall as me?"

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"Where the fuck have you been?" Sirius greeted Remus from where he lay on his bed.

"I went home for a couple of hours," Remus said with a shrug, throwing his jumper on the foot of his bed.

"Did you bring any of your Mum's biscuits?" Peter looked up hopefully, grinning when Remus tossed him a sack. "Your Mum is really nice. She always bakes the best."

"You stink," Potter stated flatly.

"One of the cows was calving. I was down in the barn," Remus explained as he lowered his head and sniffed his shirt. "Yeah, guess I should clean up."

"They posted the schedule for our O.W.L.s," Sirius said.

"How is your studying coming?" Remus asked, looking at Peter.

"Okay, I guess," Peter sighed. "Lily says to just memorise things, not even try to understand them. She says I can pass at least half of the questions that way, and about twenty-five percent if I can remember the potions from class."

"McGonagall will just have him transfigure things and do a few spells," Potter said knowingly. "His only problem with that will be his nerves."

"Will not," Peter said defensively.

"Just don't toss up your breakfast. You know how you get," Remus laughed. "What about runes? Did you finish the study guide I gave you?"

"I can't seem to get it right."

"We will spend this weekend on it. You don't need an outstanding, just pass the damned thing."

"Easy for you to say," Peter pouted. "My dad'll kill me it I don't do good."

"Yeah, well think of it this way. If you don't pass you will be wiping Voldemort's arse," Black spat. "Voldemort! He doesn't even go by his own name! Lord Voldemort! What a bloody tosser. A Mudblood parading around as if he were royalty."

"Watch it," Remus warned.

"What! Because I called him a Mudblood?"

"I don't like that word," Remus scowled. "You do know my father was a …"

"Shite, I didn't mean it that way. I only meant…bloody hell…I don't know what I meant. Sorry. You know I don't see you that way."

"I know, but people hear that and think you are with Riddle, or that … you know, being a Black and all they will put you in the same boat as the rest of your family."

"There was an attack today, down at Godric's," Potter said.

"How bad?" Remus questioned.

"Not to bad, but they said the Aurors were swarming around giving out memory spells like candy. Riddle didn't even hide it from the Muggles down there."

"That's what doesn't make sense," Peter muttered. "Why would they risk that?"

"Because the Muggles will be next. You don't worry about witnesses if you plan on killing them too," Sirius spat.

"Did Becky make it back?" Remus asked, suddenly feeling guilty over leaving her alone on a day things had flared up.

"Yeah, she said you acted like a wanker," James laughed. "So, what did you say to her?"

"Nothing," Remus said , then brightened as he decided to head to the prefect's bath. "Anyone want to go for a swim?"

"Not me," Peter said, adamantly shaking his head. "Last time we went with you Myrtle wouldn't leave me alone."

"Ah, she thought you were cute," James laughed. "It was you that kept getting out of the tub and walking around naked just to see what she would do."

"Yeah," Sirius scrambled off the bed, "she thought your itsy bitsy rod was cute."

"I'll give her cute," Peter groused.

"How?" Remus and Potter said at the same time.

"Yeah, what ya going to do? Wank off and let her watch?" Sirius joked.

"It's as close as she will ever get," Peter muttered. "I think I'd better stay here and go over the books again. Binns' exam is first thing tomorrow morning. Lily says it should be the easiest because it will be all dates and names. She says no one expects us to understand why the goblins had wars, just when they happened."

"Do you need help?" Potter queried, already sliding off his bed to join Remus, knowing the Peter would refuse his help.

"Nah, you go on. I think I got most of the list she gave me memorised, I just need to make sure."

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The next day Remus sat in the hallway with Sirius and James waiting for Peter to finish the exam and join them. The longer they waited the more Sirius fidgeted and talked nervously.

"What is taking him so long?" Potter said for what must have been the tenth time.

"You know how he is," Remus sighed, "He'll keep going over his answers until they kick him out."

"We told him not to." Sirius stood up and began to pace. "Fuck, you know if he doesn't do well on this one he will never pass potions and the rest. He gets so nervous he can't sit still."

"He doesn't need to pass potions, he just…" Remus began.

"Maybe not for here, but he does if his father is going to let him stay," Sirius spat. "I wish this whole thing was done with. It's not fair that we are getting dragged into it and Peter doesn't seem to get it. All he wants is to make his father happy."

"No one is dragging you," Potter smirked.

"No? Maybe I need to take you home for the summer. Let you get to know my old man." Sirius spun around as the classroom door opened and Peter walked out.

"I think I did it!" Peter grinned. "Wait until I tell my dad it was simple! I bet he didn't think I could do it!"

"Way to go," Sirius slapped him on the back, congratulating him.

"I bet he let's me stay," Peter said in a rush. "I know I can do good in transfiguration and potions, if I don't need an outstanding. Dad just said I had to pass."

"Maybe you won't have to take the advanced potions," Remus said hopefully.

"Yeah, well…my dad…I think he wants me to," Peter said happily. "He's going to be pleased I think. Last summer all he did was rag on me, but he said if I passed my exams, I could stay with him the whole summer and not have to go to Gran's place. I'm going to send him an owl."

They watched as Peter started down the hall at a full run, excited to share the news with his family. Remus shoved his hands in his pockets and started after him, the others solemnly falling in step.

"He is a mystery," Sirius muttered.

"He's daft," Potter shrugged.

"One minute he wants to stay in school to keep away from his dad and then he runs off wanting to brag that he did well and spend the summer with the bastard," Sirius quipped.

"Do you think he will stay with his father the whole summer? If he does we won't see him," Remus added.

"I don't know," Sirius said. "He never has before. I think this is the first time his dad has wanted him."

They walked in silence, Remus thinking about Peter, and wondering what it would be like to have a father whose love was conditional. He thought of Anthony, and of John, and of Sirius's father who like Peter's had put restrictions on their lives, thankful that he did not know what the other boys felt. Glancing at Potter, he frowned.

"James, does your dad tell you what side to take in this thing with Riddle?"

"Nah, he talks about it with my mum, but he makes me leave the room first."

Remus shoved his hands in his pockets and kept his eyes to the ground. He wondered what Peter's conversations with his father must sound like. Imagining that Peter would only sit and listen, and not express his own thoughts he worried how the summer would effect him, and hoped that Peter would have the strength to stand up for himself. Remembering the night Peter had come to the barn and kept him company during a full moon, he couldn't help but grin, thinking that no matter what Peter told his father, his secret was safe.