Disclaimer: Not mine.


His Calling

Chapter 41

Growing Up


Remus rested his head in his hand as he ran the blade of his knife around his plate, staring mindlessly as the gravy congealed in long squiggly lines around the edge of his plate.

"You plan on eating that?" Lily giggled as she lifted her leg over the bench and sat down straddling the wooden seat, looking up at him grinning.

"Oh, umm no," he muttered, pushing the plate away.

"James is sorry you know."

"Did he send you over here?"

"No, and before you ask neither did Black."

"Then tell Peter to bugger off."

"I already did," she said seriously. "I told him to leave you alone until you came round."

"Then you decided to chip in your opinion?"

"Slughorn is having a tea this afternoon."

"I told him I was busy."

"Severus will be there. It may be a good time to…"

"You can't mean that. I'm sure you heard what the Headmaster said. If I so much as talk to him outside of lessons, I am out of here."

"He said that he wanted you gone, only McGonagall got all up in his face. He says you're not safe for me to be around."

"It that why you are with me now? Just so he can see you talking to a werewolf and make him jealous about me too?"

"Shhh!" She looked around to make sure they were not overheard. "You should know better. He isn't even here; he's already left. I wanted to ask you something, about Potter now that you brought him up…and no, I am not talking to him just to make Severus jealous."

Remus turned to face her, waiting for her to pose her question, surprised when she began to blush. "You have to be kidding."

"What? I just wanted to know if he…you know… said anything about me."

Remus looked behind him to see if anyone was listening, sure she was playing a joke at his expense. "You mean other than at least once a week since we came here, when he says that he wants to catch you under the Quidditch stands? Or that he told you about my furry little problem after I almost ate your old boyfriend?"

"Prat," she giggled. "He…I don't know, since we came back this year he seems…different somehow. When I heard Black had moved in with him I thought he would be worse…only…he's not. That day…you know he felt terrible about what almost happened to you, he would have laughed it off before. I've never seen him like that. He is really sorry, Remus. Truly he is. He said it was all his fault, and even told the Headmaster that Black didn't have anything to do with it. Severus was sitting right there, listening. I think that's what McGonagall used with him to, you know… that you didn't know about it. He took it all on himself."

"What was he thinking? Did he… anyway, he should. It was his idea, just like all the other stuff he pulled on Snape."

"Remus, he doesn't think. He gets these stupid ideas and … he doesn't think about how something is going to end. He thought he and Sirius could stop you, he told me all about it. He didn't think Severus would rat you out. With everything Severus is involved in, James didn't think he would risk getting caught. It was a prank. He didn't mean for anyone to get hurt, or for you to get in trouble, he…he didn't think. Yeah, it was a stupid thing to do, but he wasn't doing it to be mean."

"He doesn't get it, Lily. It's not about being told on, it's about what could have happened, and he did it just because he could. Just because he is the mighty James Potter who can do no wrong. I don't like Snape either, but I don't go hunting for him. Remember that time down at the lake? Remember him mixing up the essays, trying to get Snape's lost? Why? What the fuck does it have to do with him? If he doesn't like him, Merlin, leave him alone, ignore him…I don't get it. I should have done something a long time ago, but I never thought it would turn into something like this."

"He gets it now," she said softly, covering his hand with hers. "I want you to know that he told me about you, but no one else. He was beside himself, Remus. Sirius laid into him. They had a terrible row. Peter says he didn't know, and I believe him. But, him and Sirius…he pulled his wand on James, but he never even took his out. It was awful."

"What do you want, Lily?" He clenched his jaw and refused to explain that Peter had been the first to run away that night, obviously wanting to be gone when Snape encountered the wolf.

"Would you think about it? Just that? Just give it some thought and see if you can forgive them?"

"Tell Peter it didn't work," Remus snapped and stood up, swinging his leg into the aisle.

"Sure," Lily said lightly. "I'll tell him that even Snape could be talked into letting you stay but you are too good to forgive them."

"What did you expect? Do you expect me to act as if nothing happened? Or didn't you think it through either?" He grabbed his book bag from the floor and stormed out of the Great Hall, angry that she had put herself between him and the others and angry at Peter for suggesting that she did. Striding to Professor McGonagall's office door he raised his fist, then paused, reconsidering what he was about to do, before bringing it down and pounding on her door.

"Mr. Lupin, step away from this door!" Minerva scowled at him as she stood, still holding the door handle in her hand. "I may be old, young man, however, you will find I am not deaf nor am I the most patient of souls when my privacy is intruded upon."

"I need to talk to you."

"Do you?" She pursed her lips together and looked him over from head to boot and back again. "As it appears you are not in your throes of death, you will be so good as to make an appointment. Good day, Mr. Lupin."

Remus threw his arm up to stop her from closing the door. "I need to know what you told him, told Snape. What made him agree to…?"

"That, Mr. Lupin, is between me and Mr. Snape. I am sure you do not expect me to give up my confidences. Now, remove yourself and we will not speak of this again."

"I…. I'm sorry," he muttered, stepping back from the door and turning to leave.

"Remus," she called out to him softly, "I cannot tell you how sorely sad I am for you. This should have been between Misters Snape and Potter from the beginning. However, due to your…condition it was foisted on you. I am truly sorry."

"You know? You know that I didn't set it up? That I…I wouldn't do that? You know that right?"

"My dear boy," Minerva said, putting her hand to her throat and choking back her own emotions. "Of course I do. If I thought you had somehow set this up, you would have left Hogwarts within the hour.

"Thanks, if it wasn't for you…I wanted you to believe me… I…I was afraid you would think…, you know, after everything we have done to him," he swallowed hard, "anyway, I have to get to my next lesson."

He ran back the way he had come, feeling much better just to know that she believed him. He thought of the anger in the Headmaster's voice and the disappointment in Madam Pomfrey's. A week to the hols, he thought, then six more months after that. He so desperately wanted to finish the year. He thought of the Uni his father had wanted him attend and knew that if he could just finish this year he would be old enough to consider that as an option.

He slung the strap of his book bag over his shoulder, shoved his hands in his pockets and was careful to keep his eyes lowered to the floor. He knew he had been foolish, too foolish in trusting so completely, being lead so easily, being so hungry for friends that he had risked everything. He knew he would never again be able to place his life so completely in the hands of another.

.

.

.

During the holidays, Dawlish brought home a stack of papers and tossed them on the kitchen table in front of Rhea. "Read that. You need to know what's going to happen."

"These are … John?" She asked, confused why he thought she should read the rulings and laws concerning werewolves now that things at Hogwarts seemed to have calmed down.

"He is going to have questions, and you better be ready," he said evenly as he sat to face her. "He doesn't talk to me the way he used to. He is growing up and needs to make his own choices. On the off chance he comes to you, I want you prepared."

"That's not fair, he always talks to you. Ever since you first met he has come to you with his problems."

"Right, but times are changing, Rhea. All this week he has avoided me. I am the Ministry…no, now stop…it's going to be that way, and you know it. The time will come when he will think he cannot come to me at all, he…bloody hell, read that trash and tell me how he would dare. Do you know it says in there that anyone caught hiding an unregistered werewolf will be sent to Azkaban for a term of five years? Yeah, look shocked… how about anyone that works for the Ministry can be accused of trying to…. Here, let me find it…," he rifled through the papers until he found what he was looking for, tapped his finger on the top of the page and read the line he was looking for…" here…. tried and convicted of seditious actions against the …fuck, how can he not read that and be scared to talk to me? Seditious actions, what a crock…he's my son! The only one I will ever have."

"John, maybe it would be better if I took him and…"

"Don't say it Rhea. We have come too far to throw in the towel now." He stood up and walked to her side of the table, pulled her up to her feet, leaning down and kissing her soundly. "You stop it. You are going no place, not without me."

"I think this is where I originally came in," Remus laughed as he padded into the kitchen barefoot and shirtless, his jeans riding low on his hips, his hair uncombed. "So… you're still snogging my mum I see."

"Yup," John released Rhea and laughed. "It was a good thing then and a good thing now."

"Cheeky is what it was," Rhea muttered. "You, young man, get back upstairs and dress, and hurry it up. You know better then parading around here like that. Spencer's niece is coming over this morning."

"What? It's still dark out. I don't think we are going to…" he stopped and turned to the sitting room as the floo activated.

" We are doing the holiday baking today," she hissed at him, "now go get dressed. What will she think we are like with you prancing around half naked?"

"Hello? I could use a hand here," Lucy called out from the floo where she stood surrounded by shopping bags.

"Merlin girl," John laughed as he walked into the next room. "You two baking for the whole town?"

"No, but we thought we could make enough for the kids while we are at it. We are going to take biscuits for the party and four cakes up to the incurable wards, but this year there is the orphan's party going on at the same time." She watched John as he squatted down to retrieve some of the bags, glancing up as Remus headed for his bedroom. "Planning to go for a swim?"

Remus felt his neck turn red as he tucked his chin down and took the stairs two at a time, cursing his luck. Both times he had seen her, he had looked like shite. Carefully picking out a pair of trousers and a pullover, he combed his hair back, tying it at the back of his neck with a length of leather and slipped on his dress shoes, not wanting to thump through the house with his work boots.

Standing in front of the mirror that hung on the back of his door, he scowled and pulled off his jumper, replacing it with a button down, then changed his shoes back to his work boots. He could not very well do the morning chores looking like he was headed for the cinema. Reluctantly he returned downstairs, anxious and nervous to see Lucy again.

"That's better," Rhea greeted him. "Breakfast will be ready in about half an hour."

"I'll tend Lucinda and haul the wood then," Remus said as reached up to the hook for his jacket. "Dad left? Is he working the day shift?"

"Afraid so, you have barn duty today."

"I'll help," Lucy chimed in, smiling and heading to the side door.

"I'm fine."

"I know, but breakfast will be cold before you get done and I am starving."

"You two hurry on now," Rhea called out, looking in the oven to check on the sweet rolls.

They left together and walked to the barn. Remus shoved his hands into his pockets and kept his eyes on the ground, avoiding her and not knowing how to start up a conversation.

"You still pissed off at me?" Lucy said, her breath hanging white in the cold December air.

"Nah," he grinned, looking at her from the corner of his eye. "I was just touchy about things. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"Good. I would hate to spend the next two weeks pussy footing around."

"Pussy footing?"

"You know…sort of…umm… walking around quiet as a cat, so's not to upset you."

"Oh, yeah…it sounded… worse," he said then laughed aloud thinking of the list John had taught him when he had messed up with Tiffany. "You don't live in a Wizarding community do you?"

"No," she said seriously. "Does that bother you?"

"I don't know. I don't really know anyone but Lily that is from the Muggle world and she is different. She was raised Muggle, but that's not the same as being wizard in the Muggle world. I don't know what that would be like, tough is my guess."

"She your girlfriend?"

Remus heard the hesitation in her voice and studied her face as she walked past him to enter the barn. "No, she is a friend, but not my girlfriend."

"Do you have one?" Lucy walked into Lucinda's stall and ran her hand over the cow's back, soliciting a bawl. "Ah, now…hurts hey? We'll take care of that right off."

She pulled down the milking stool and the bucket from a hook on the wall and took up her position to milk before looking up at Remus, biting her lip, waiting for an answer.

"I don't know,' he smirked. "I'll let you know after the cinema tonight."

"You taking Lily?"

"No, I'm taking you. That is if you want to." He swallowed hard, thinking he may have misunderstood her.

"I have to go to the hospital with your mum." She laid her cheek against Lucinda's side as she stretched to reach the teats.

"We can go to one in London. We will be there already."

She sat up, looked back over her shoulder at him and grinned. "Okay, but I have to be back my ten. My mum is sort of strict."

"Ten it is," Remus said, feeing lightheaded and suddenly worried about the night before him.

"Good, now get the wood before your mum has my hide for keeping you."

Remus found things to do in the kitchen all day. He needed to fix a cup of tea, then he needed a glass of water, or wanted to check on the cupboard door latch that seemed to be sticking. Rhea bit the inside of her cheek to stop the smile that threatened to give him up to Lucy, and finally put him at the table shelling walnuts and chopping figs. He frowned and complained, all the while pulling the bowl of nuts closer and looking at Lucy, pretending to be put out by the chore.

By the time John came home from work they were just sorting out the kitchen and packing up the fresh pastries to take into town. Lucy picked up one of the bags and asked Rhea where she could change, and then ran upstairs while tea was put out on the table. Remus waited until she came down, dressed in a red jumper and black skirt, before he went up to dress, forgoing his usual pullover for a suit jacket that he put on over a clean white shirt.

They loaded up the floo with the baked goods and headed off to St. Mungo's, distributing the packages to the proper wards before Rhea released them for the night. Shooing them off, she gave Remus a quick hug as she pressed twenty pounds into his hand before turning away and chatting with the Mediwitch on duty. Remus, caught off guard at his sudden luck, shoved it in his pocket happily, grabbed Lucy's hand and tugged her toward the exit.

Once on the street he sucked in his breath as a blast of cold air hit him full in the face. Hearing Lucy's gasp he turned to her grinning.

"Come over here," he said, guiding her back into the doorway where he transfigured a winter coat from her light jacket, then did the same to his.

"Thanks." She wrapped her arms around herself shivering.

"How about we skip the cinema and find someplace warm. We can grab a cup of cocoa and talk. Bet you have enough magic for a warming spell. I can try to teach you. That or I can heat things up," Remus suggested, as he transfigured a scarf from his handkerchief and draped it over her head.

She looked up at him and smirked. "You don't expect me to fall for that line."

"Fall for what?"

"You really don't know, do you?" She laughed, sliding her hand under his elbow as they began to walk. "Remus, you are a mystery. Sometimes I think you are so much older than me, and other times you say the dumbest things."

"What did I say?" He frowned, playing over the conversation in his head. "I didn't think I would have had time to mess up yet."

"You haven't. Cocoa sounds good. There has to be a café open around here."

He covered her hand with his own, squeezed her arm as they walked along talking, and was almost disappointed when they found a place to go into. Releasing her arm, he waited until she slid into the booth and at the last moment, he pushed in next to her instead of taking the seat on the other side of the table.

They lost track of time, sitting in the café, talking, sharing stories, Remus telling her about Tiffany, admitting his guilt over her death, and surprised that he could not seem to stop talking. Lucy told him of her life, always stopping short of sharing details, never giving him the exact city they lived in, only the general area, never telling him where her mother worked, only that her profession was that of a seamstress.

Remus did not realize how little he knew of her until he had returned to Hogwarts. As his relationship with Black and the others warmed, he tried to explain her to them only to find he knew far less than he had thought. It did not matter, nor did it concern him. He just knew that if she was at the train station to meet him at the end of term, as she had promised, it would be enough.