Disclaimer: Not mine.

His Calling

Chapter 48

Silent Witness

During the holidays, Remus spent the time by the lake, wrapped in his winter robes against the wind that blew down from the North Sea, freezing the breath as it left his mouth, and making the snow hard and dry. The only thing he could hear was the crunching under his feet as he practiced throwing his Patronus until he could do it silently without his wand.

He practiced the common hexes he knew were used in battle, perfecting how to hold a deflecting shield with his left hand, as Rhea had shown him, while throwing with his wand in his right. At lunchtime, he would walk into Hogsmeade and into Three Broomsticks where he would haul Rosmerta's supplies up from the cellar, or fix something that had gone too long without repair. Her offers of payment, or even a hearty meal went unanswered, as he kept his silence and returned to his work.

The winter moon began to call him the day before his transformation, and without his friends, he knew it would be a hard night. A night he would remember only by the new cuts and scars he would find in the morning. Kneeling in front of his trunk, he opened the tin that held the last of his money and hefted it in his hand.

He didn't know how much the new potion would cost, didn't know if he could buy it in Knockturn, but knew he couldn't waltz into St. Mungo's without being hauled off to the Ministry. Shoving the money in his pocket, he decided to take the chance and flooed to Diagon, careful to make sure no one was on the pavement before walking down the darkened alley.

He was thankful for the icy cold that kept everyone inside near a warm fire as he made his way to the end of the pavement, turning into yet another walkway, narrower and darker then the first. When he made it to the nameless shop, the only hint of what it sold displayed in the window, he cast a look around to make sure he was not being watched before pulling the door open and taking a deep breath, he stepped inside.

Later as he sat in the Leaky Cauldron, keeping one hand in his pocket, rubbing the smooth glass of the vial between his fingers he could not keep Greyback off his mind. Realizing he knew very little about other werewolves, he gulped down his tea and all but ran to Flourish and Blotts, hoping to find what he needed. It was almost closing time as he hurried to the section on magical creatures and ran his hand along the spines of the books until he found what he needed. Sliding down to the floor, he thumbed through the pages, searching for something more than superstition and rumour.

"You could take a break you know." A voice shocked him from his concentration sometime later.

"What?" He closed the book and put in back on the shelf, standing up. "Sorry, I have an essay due and just needed to look something up."

"No, that's fine. I just meant with it being the hols and all." The young clerk smiled easily, her face open and trusting. "I usually see you in here with Potter or Black."

"They are caught up on their work and went home. But me?" He laughed, shoving his hands in his pockets and lowering his eyes. "I have so much to do I thought I would use the time to get caught up."

"Take your time. We are closing for the whole week, business is down and…with everything that has been happening, even Christmas shopping isn't bringing anyone in. So...if you want to finish …I'm going to be a while. "

"No, I think I've got enough information." He pulled on his cap and started grinning. "This is not a pick up line…but don't I know you?"

"Sort of. We met a few years back. I'm Hestia's sister, Ellen."

Remus studied her face trying to remember having met her, when he recalled when Black had wanted to meet her and the incident at the sweet shop. "Right, I…it's been a while."

"Yes, yes it has," she said slowly, her face becoming hard. "My aunt and uncle …they were murdered. Did you hear about them?"

"I'm sorry. Yeah, I was there when the Headmaster told your cousin."

"I…would you tell Black that I'm sorry for how I acted back then? I didn't know, but the Headmaster said he isn't involved with the rest of his family."

"Sirius? Fuck no…why would…sorry," he swallowed and took a deep breath. "Sirius isn't like the rest of his family."

"I know that now. When the Headmaster told us, what happened…and his aunt was one of them…I…I asked about him. I'm sorry," she said quickly seeing the look of disbelieve on his face, "but he's a Black and you know how they are."

"Not all of them," Remus said evenly, thinking of Sirius' Aunt with the pink haired kid.

"That's what I'm saying. Just…tell him I'm sorry. I know what it's like to be on the outside."

Remus nodded and gave her his assurance he would speak to him then stepped out into the icy wind. I know what it's like to be on the outside, he heard again and wondered if she truly did. He stepped off the pavement, in the shelter of the buildings and tipped the vial up to his mouth, swallowing half of it as he had been instructed, saving the other half to take an hour before the full moon.

He didn't sleep much that night, and the next day he felt as if every nerve in his body was waiting in anticipation of what the moon would bring. As he sat in the Great Hall, resting his head on one hand he pushed his breakfast around on his plate with the other wanting to scream at how slow the time was passing. After watching the few Slytherins that had stayed for the holidays, he let his eyes wander over the nearly empty room.

Only three girls from Hufflepuff had stayed, and although he knew them by name, he would never have thought to join them. It was only with James, Sirius or Peter that he felt comfortable and accepted enough to talk to anyone outside of their little circle. He glanced down the table to where Lily normally sat and saw only two other students and the long table. The Ravenclaw house had the most, as many of the seventh- years had decided to stay and prepare for their exams.

He turned back to his plate and choked down as much as he could, afraid that if Madam Pomfrey or the Headmaster noticed he was not eating, on this of all days, he would have to come up with an excuse. Draining his cup, he stood and walked out of the Hall, anxious and nervous for the day to pass.

It was early when he felt the first quickening that signalled the change to come. Drinking the rest of the potion, he grabbed his winter robes, shoved a flannel in his pocket and picked up his broom. Without a backwards look, he ran to the gates, and apparated home pushing the thought that Madame Pomfrey would soon raise the alarm when he was gone from his mind. Sucking in his breath as soon as his feet touched the ground and the icy wind from the open sea blasted into him he moved back from the house, not wanting to be seen.

He stood looking at the house, a yellow glow coming from the kitchen window where he knew Rhea would be preparing tea. Then, lifting his leg over the broom, he pushed off from the ground, turning his head toward the setting sun and sped off to the ridge overlooking the Spencer farm.

He stripped off his clothes, shivering against the cold wind and hunkered down as close to the outcropping as he could to shield his body. He felt the familiar tightening of his skin, his hands turning inward, his knees pushing back. He shoved the flannel into his mouth to muffle his cries before he could no longer use his hands, and bit into it as the grinding of bone on bone started. Whimpering in pain, he lay on his side, fighting to remain quiet and not to fight the transformation, willing it to be over quickly. As he felt his jaw start to side forward, and the top of his mouth split and reform, the flannel fell. No longer able to soften his cries, no longer able to stop the noise that started low in the wolf's stomach and ended as he lifted his head and howled into the night.

Remus stood on all four legs, lowering his head and tossing it back in the air. He saw the slope to the Spencer house clearly, as if in full light. He started hesitantly fully aware of his wolf form for the first time since taking the first poorly brewed potion he had tried years ago, and then began to run, the cold no longer bothering him, the wolf no longer directing his body. He ran faster than he ever had. His body laying low to the ground as his powerful legs pulled him easily over the unlevel field.

He thought of how he had run with Padfoot and Prongs, but could only remember bits and pieces. Although they had managed to give him some freedom, this night he saw, smelled and felt whole. Circling the Spencer farm he closed in, tightening his path until he could see clearly into the barn. A low rumble started in his chest and spilled out in a growl as he dropped to his stomach and watched the wolves that huddled together in the relative warmth of the barn.

Watching Spencer set out bowels of food and water he was confused that the wizard exhibited so little fear and could walk freely amongst the pack without being harmed. Creeping closer he saw a movement in the back of the barn and even in wolf form knew it was Greyback. Peering into the darkness, he felt the wolf's eye adjust to the difference in light and saw that even before pushing their muzzles into bowls of bloody meat, the wolves crouched down and whimpered, seeking permission from the alpha male before gobbling up their dinner.

Remus raised his snout and sniffed the air, smelling the other wolves and finding he could tell the difference between them and Spencer. The wolf lowered its head to its paws, confused by other smells that mixed and mingled with the now familiar scents. He didn't have to wait long before he watched Spencer open one of the horse stalls, disappear inside, and return pulling a woman by her bound wrists. A gag filled her mouth, but Remus could still hear her muffled screams of terror and see her eyes wildly taking in the horror in front of her.

Rising to his legs he began to pace, not wanting to watch and not able to leave. Spencer shoved the woman to the ground and turned to Greyback, speaking too quietly for Remus to hear. He looked again at the woman on the ground and saw her trying to claw her way to the door as the pack began to circle, her eyes wild, her feet pushing against the dirt floor, frantically trying to reach the door.

Remus sat on his haunches, pushed his nose up to the sky and howled, hoping to draw the others out of the barn and leave the woman alone. They turned to the door, low growls filling the night air, the hair on their backs rising in ridges down their spines. Remus stepped closer to the barn, watching Greyback to give a signal, waiting to turn and flee, waiting to lure them away. He made the wolf walk into the shaft of light that spilled out of the barn's door and howled his scream into the night, unable to do more.

Spencer swung the doors shut, leaving Remus alone and unable to see what happened, but still able to hear the screams that went on and on and smell the blood. He paced, whined, and fought to find a way to stop what was happening, aware that he had made a grave mistake. He could not hold a wand, could not throw a hex, or utter an incantation. He waited until he knew there was no hope for the woman, hearing the sounds of ripping flesh and the frenzy of the wolf pack feeding, before running up the slope. Running until the wolf's chest burned and he could no longer run only drop to the ground, unable to shed the tears that Remus felt welling in his chest.

As the dawn broke over the eastern horizon, he began to lope back over the fields toward the ridge. A large dirty-brown wolf began to follow him, cautiously sniffing and nipping at his heels. Turning and baring his teeth, Remus let out a low growl, snapping at the other's snout until he finally managed to break the skin and with a yelp, the wolf ran off.

.

.

.

He sat in Dumbledore's office, telling him about the woman and what he had seen, his voice shook as he dug his fingernails into the arm of the chair. Unable to convey the true horror, he leaned forward as tears ran down his face.

"I couldn't do anything. I felt so bloody useless."

"Did you recognize her?" Albus stood looking out the window, his hands clasped behind his back.

"No, at least I can thank Merlin for that. She was…about thirty, from her clothing I'd say she was a witch, or at least she lived in this world. Blonde, about…I don't know, she was average…not tall, not short …Headmaster, she was just a woman," he said, his voice hitching. "I've never seen anyone so scared. Spencer took her gag off…she was begging for help…begging… and I couldn't do anything. I could only listen to what they did to her."

"I must ask your secrecy in this," Albus sighed and turned back to study Remus. "I know you want me to report this to the Ministry but I think you understand why I cannot."

"What?" Remus came to his feet. "They ripped her apart! You weren't there! You have no idea what they did!"

"I assure you I do," Albus scowled over the top of his spectacles. "To report this we would first have to admit that one of our students is a werewolf, transforming in the open, and buying illegal potions."

"Fine, I don't care about that."

"We would then be giving Spencer, Greyback, and whoever else was there in wolf form enough time to prepare for an alibi, or to hide. The Ministry is ripe with spies, Mr. Lupin."

"Then I'll go back there and burn the bloody place to the ground," he hissed angrily.

"Thereby taking away the only place we now know they meet." Albus waved him back to the chair opposite him at the desk. "No, Mr. Lupin, I will advise the Order and hopefully we can put an end to this."

"I'll go with you," Remus demanded. "I want to see that bloody Greyback dead."

"And if just one makes it away they will know you are with us. Not a wise choice."

"What do you expect me to do?"

"Keep your silence, and in this I mean from even your closest friends. Even the smallest slip, an overhead conversation, a surprised reaction to something that is said, even in jest, can give away our plans. I need your assurance in this before you leave this office."

"Or what?" Remus shot back angrily.

"Or? I am not in the habit of being questioned by my students, Mr. Lupin. Suffice to say there are many memory charms that I can cast."

Remus turned on his heel and started to the door, hearing Albus' warning. "Mr. Lupin, you need to exercise more caution. You will find the use of the potion, whereas a wonderful thing, does have a certain side effect."

Remus spun back on his heel, swallowing hard.

"Your eyes are quite noticeable this morning. I suggest you miss breakfast and return to your room. Perhaps the morning spent in study will suit your needs."

A/N: Hungarian Witch wanted more 'wolf' in the story…I hope this suffices.