The Isle

by puzzlepuzzle

In the aftermath of the Second War, Athrun Zala vanished without a trace for seven years - Cagalli never thought to find him. But fate deviates when he comes to find her himself and a web of desire and deceit lies before them. Original Cover Art SEQUEL OUT. .

17. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I own nothing of GS/GSD. R&R please.

---

A/N: Hello dear readers! Thanks again for keeping with this. For those who have reviewed/PMed me, I hope I've answered your questions. For those who never got a reply, send it again- I might have missed some out. The last chapter got some really cool responses, and I hope this chapter answers them! (as it was always intended) The exciting news is that I got my first flame on fanfic! Sadly, I can't answer to it because there's no email add from the anonymous Yourmostfaithfulreader, so if you still want a response, PM me or something kay? :) I have absolutely no problem with flames whatsoever- those interest me too.

Special thanks to the ever-consistent reviewers, since I'm always touched by the effort and kindness! :)

Yume Yamamura, abitofhappinesstoeat, ghijiK, Miriae, cara410, mingarthur, Steshin, Harlee-Queen, Minatsuki, kagomes heart, teddikins, Pantouflesouffle, MesserDarcy, Makoto no Koto, jaja59, AthrunXCagalli (assuming you're the same reviewer as athrunxcagalli), Usako Hoshino, dinah, D.L.S, brownsugarcandy, crimsonbreeze, bebebeyourlove, mehj, asga,catwithbutterflywings,Teca no shinju,annatenshi,athzala,Tatoutattoo, cottongreentea, athrun-n-cagalli, simplicity-o01,shioncagalli2317, cagallifangurl, Blair.C, M.S Sumerashi, missfk21 and YOU (if I happen to miss you out).

---

Questions/ Responses and Answers from the previous chapter:

1. 'Is this going to end any time soon/have a sequel/become this sequential epic fic that goes on and on? (just wondering)' (teddikins)

Yes there is an end. I'm not uploading the chapters until the time is right i.e. there are sufficient reviews for the current one. Is there a sequel? No. The end is as good as anyone's guess. (And I mean that literally, because I have five different 'end' chapters and have yet to pick one.) I am working on another Asucaga AU fic in the meantime. Yes, I have finally gone to the dark side whereby knights and princesses exist and all that. In other words, I ran out of theories on why Athrun and Cagalli reacted the way they did to each other in the actual GS/GSD universe while writing the Isle.

2. 'I'm expecting a descent into emo next chapter or an epic confrontation. Either way, there will be smex in the near future. Lol. But really, I hope Cagalli gets her badass moment soon.' (Poignancy)

PING! PING! PING! Accurate guess on all three. On a purely plot-based reason, Athrun needed to do something drastic for Cagalli to become quite willing to do anything to understand him. She, on the other hand, needed an impetus. Badass moment? Hmm. Does this chapter count? (refer below only if you are old enough. But then, you are already reading an M fic. So if you are not prepared for an M fic, don't continue reading.)

3. 'Who is Epstein exactly? Is he having a relationship with Harumi?' (abitofhappinesstoeat)

No, he is not having a relationship with Harumi. He is scared to death of her.

4. 'Are the people on the Isle good (in the sense of the word, anyway) or bad?' (abitofhappinesstoeat)

It depends which group you are looking at. And even here, I am assuming we have the same understanding of what 'good' and 'bad' means.

5. 'How many Isles are there anyway? Do they correspond to the number of Eyes? i.e. Each Eye looks after one Isle?' (abitofhappinesstoeat)

There are nine Isles. They used to correspond to the number of the Eyes. Athrun-Fifth Eye-fifth Isle. Tom Edgeworth-Seventh Eye- seventh Isle, so on and so forth. But again, this isn't necessarily true anymore. *hint hint*

6. 'Is Seven really Yzak? Who else is in that superior council that gives the Eyes instructions?' (abitofhappinesstoeat)

Refer to chapter below. Refer to future chapters. Sorry, can't help you more there.

7. 'Why does Athrun get to leave the Isle as and when he likes? He can go to Japan, Prague, all sorts of places, and even other Isles. What are his special privileges?'

He gets free air tickets. He charges it to his bosses. Well, some of it anyway. Some trips are for private business, although he is technically not supposed to step out of there for personal reasons. I guess he just doesn't care.

8. 'Is Athrun having a relationship with Harumi?' (brightlywoundbylight)

No if you mean romantically. Like Epstein, he's scared to death of her. Yes in other ways. (refer to chapter below)

9.' Lacus has been out of the picture for some time because of her pregnancy. Or does she have a greater role in this?' (pantouflesoufflé)

No. She doesn't appear much in this story because she doesn't have much of a role in it. Some readers have been doing amazing analysis of the flashbacks that were featured here and there and getting lots of clues out of it. But nope- not in this case.

10. 'You hinted that Kira and Cagalli were on bad terms. Kira clearly feels guilt that he could not do more for his sister. What happened between them?' (pantouflesoufflé)

They fell out badly during Cagalli's recovery (refer to previous chapters). Kira planned this, but I can't say more. (Refer to future chapters)

11. 'Does Athrun still love Lyra? I thought Cagalli was the only one for him? *Sulks*' (Minatsuki)

No. Yes- he thinks so and I think so, and I am the author so yes, Athrun thinks so. So don't sulk, dear.

12. 'Did athrun bury lyra in the garden ko showed to cagalli...?' (rizacaga)

No he did not. Refer to previous chapter.

13. 'Did he love lyra or he just blame his self for her dead ?' (rizcaga)

Refer to previous answer.

14. 'come to think of it, though i think it's fair enough but the fact is cagalli does'nt love marlin, and in athrun case...well from what u told (in the story) he also does'nt love lyra ...but he cares for her...
but , his action in the ending this chap make me doubt it...

did he love lyra or he just blame his self for her dead ?
for me , ill believe (or i want to belive)to the 2nd opinion...
coz his action is just athrun - ish ^^'...but i wonder if he reacted like that to lyra dead , how if it's cagalli in lyra potition ?' (rizcaga)

Sorry, I don't get this question and couldn't clarify because I couldn't PM you, seeing you don't have an account. But if you are essentially asking 11, which seems to be the most popular question, the answer is that Athrun did not love Lyra. That was why he could leave her so easily. PM me if you need clarification yup?

15. I'd thought that as Rune Estragon, not Athrun Zala, he somewhat loved her - more like a sister, not exactly, but sort of. I'd thought that he was more on the side of half-admiring, half-pitying her :P (Yume Yamamura)

Absolutely.

16. 'Nakakaiyak naman 'to...' (mehj)

Sorry? Warning: Adult scenes

---

Chapter 16

---

As Athrun dressed, he knew Epstein was thinking the worst of him. Epstein was standing some distance behind him, watching while Athrun got prepared for dinner. Epstein seemed to want to say something, although he could not quite say it.

After all, they'd seen Cagalli's ripped dress and the fear, confusion and dread in her eyes. Ironically enough, Athrun knew they all had different versions of what really happened. Cagalli thought he'd tried to commit suicide. It was true that he'd tried to drown himself, but he certainly hadn't thought of dying.

On the other hand, Epstein seemed to think that Athrun had tried something funny and Cagalli had turned on him and somehow knocked him out unconsciously.

"Just spit it out." Athrun said quietly, looking at Epstein in the mirror he faced. "I don't want you to have doubts."

"Alright." Epstein said unsurely. "But first, I'd like to ask you something. Is Cagalli your mistress?"

He turned away from the mirror to face Epstein.

"What do you think?" Athrun asked back dully. Taken aback, Epstein stared.

Turning, he looked into the mirror, steadying himself. It would not do to break down now. Time was passing, and all he had been working for would be achieved soon. He only had to wait. If only Cagalli understood everything, he thought with a pang of sadness.

"What happened just now?" Epstein asked hesitantly. "We came because we heard her screaming for help. She was in the water with you, right? And her dress was all ripped. Did something go out of hand-,"

Athrun's expression hardened. "I know what you're thinking. Trust me, I wouldn't ever lay a hand on her that way."

Epstein looked at him mistrustfully.

"Nothing really happened." Athrun said flatly. "We were only fooling around in the bathroom. I slipped and fell into the bath, and pretended to be unconscious. She ripped her dress in the process of trying to drag me out. I thought I'd play along but then she really panicked."

"Oh." Epstein seemed relieved. His expression cleared. "Sorry- I thought,"

"It's fine." Athrun told him. "Doesn't matter."

"Alright." Epstein said more normally. "I'll go down first. Come down soon- dinner's ready."

He traipsed out of the door, putting aside his doubts completely now.

How people changed! Here was the boy he had taught and trained, fiercely protective of Athrun and jealous of other people Athrun was kind towards, now becoming protective of a woman he thought was Athrun's mistress.

Epstein, Athrun realised, had probably been prepared to turn on Athrun if Athrun had told him that he had laid a hand on Cagalli. No wonder that Epstein had sent Cagalli away quite quickly, thinking that the worst had happened even when Athrun was clearly in a weaker position, lying on the floor.

But it was just as well that the aides had separated him from Cagalli, thinking that she was trying to hurt him, or that he had tried to harm her.

A part of him wanted to be left alone, but the other part wanted to be held, to have Cagalli hold him and tell him that it was alright. But that was dangerous. If Athrun allowed that, he was risking more than duty.

That was because Cagalli could never be a faceless, nameless person who provided mere comfort. She was different from anybody else he'd known very briefly.

Each time he had wished to find comfort and some companionship, he had been more intent on receiving it than caring how hollow that comfort was. As a young recruit who had made few close friends and frequently kept to himself, he had been utterly crushed when his father had dismissed his achievements without even sparing a glance and a curt, "I'm busy."

Not knowing what to do with that bitter disappointment, he had wondered along in the hallways. He'd met a senior who'd given him his first sexual experience.

Instinctively, Athrun knew they had been drawn to each other because of their brokenness. That senior had sent her front-line soldier boyfriend off and then promptly found the first male recruit who would have her.

It had happened to be him. And that was reality. They had eventually broken up as simply and as coincidentally as they had met and gotten involved, a few days after she left for the front lines.

Naturally, Athrun had been upset at how cavalier the entire thing was, but then, what else had he been expecting while technically cheating on Lacus?

Besides, the subsequent relationships had trained him to understand that comfort was the point of the relationship. Comfort was always temporary, but comfort was why anyone bothered at all. And while the relationships he had were always temporary, few relationships ever lasted anyway.

The first few experiences of the war outside his training camp had been thoroughly horrific. He had done his job well though, and moved up the ranks quickly. If he was praised, he felt sick because he had seen the look in the men's eyes when he'd shot.

But he wanted his father to acknowledge how hard he was trying to, and that never came. At times the minor bouts of depression always struck him so suddenly. During those times, Athrun had wanted something to distract him, someone to love him despite those he'd killed.

Naturally, the partners he had were all incomplete like him. They were all incomplete and seeking something incomplete as a result. The comfort that followed tended to be temporary and therefore mostly in the form of sex.

The other girls he had gotten together with after the senior had gone off had shown him that. They would hold him tight and stop the nightmares from coming frequently, but that was all the relationship amounted for.

Athrun had never complained. It was contact for a few hours at best, a numbing of his mind for another time at worst. Soon enough, he had trained himself to seek comfort while expecting no more than that.

Back in the barracks, just sitting at a bar-table and drinking alone was good enough to attract the sort who just wanted to kill a few hours. The best pick-up line was really silence.

Each time, he had mostly ignored the girl, and they would eventually end up in bed. Of course, he had found this out entirely by accident. It had seemed that each time he pushed away, the person was drawn nearer.

Yet, Athrun could understand this. It was precisely the same dynamics he had with his father. But back then, it had made sense to go for anything that wanted to be near him- to take what ever some girl was offering and have her warm body assure him that he could still feel and be human.

For those reasons, Athrun had been drawn to Lyra in his loneliness. When he had left Lyra, Athrun had been filled with unfulfilled wanting and torturous desires he could not rid himself of. He had always been filled with those, but at leat Lyra had been there to distract him.

After leaving Lyra, he had refused to take a woman. He'd been left with solitariness and hollow dreams, despite the temptations his body and soul craved.

Even the comfort Lyra had provided failed to fill that hollowness whenever he recalled Cagalli, and Athrun had known that he could not love her. The best thing then, he could have done was to stop lying to both of them.

His leaving her was his acknowledgement that he could not fight his father's curse. Anything he tried to hold would be destroyed, the way his father had destroyed everything dear to him too. It was a curse Athrun had come to terms with by entering a second contract to stay on the Isle indefinitely, until his duties were over.

In retrospect, Athrun thought, he shouldn't have tried to deny that his father was still haunting him.

He moved out of the room, taking slow, tired steps. The corridor extended in semi-darkness before him, and the dust of the broken past seemed to pervade the air.

Even before meeting Lyra, Athrun had been aware that trying to hold onto others would only destroy them and himself. When he had entered the first contract to stay on the Isle to train Epstein Cleamont for three years, Athrun had always known it would not do to grow close to his pupil. But against his better judgement, he had grown close to Epstein, whom he thought of as a son.

Even before Athrun's three years were up and his contract had ended, it was too late. The Numbers had already realised how close he was to Epstein, and had made use of that.

In the second year of Athrun's contract, Epstein was to go off on a dangerous mission by the superiors, whom the Eyes addressed by specific numbers. Simultaneously, twin girls were presented to him, and he was instructed to train them as he had taught Epstein.

By that time, Athrun had grown too close to Epstein to bear the thought of his ward being put in danger. He had been unable to change the Numbers' decision on the twins, but he had certainly changed Epstein's fate.

At that time, Athrun had violently protested, going as far as to threaten abandoning his duties and the Isle if Epstein was sent off. He had done so while knowing that he was what the Numbers needed.

Naturally, they had given in to his request just to make sure he would stay there for another year, as his original contract had stated.

Sanders Gargery, the First Eye, had been sent instead of Epstein. Of course, what had followed after that persisted in Athrun's nightmares and probably more frequently in the Sixth Eye's. Sheba Velasco had been changed by her fiance's death, and Athrun had indirectly caused it.

It was around that time when Athrun had met Lyra. He had not thought of finding happiness and love once more. He had only been thinking of his duties, because his one refusal to perform had caused another's life. For that, Athrun had stayed even when his three years had been up.

He had plunged himself bitterly and whole-heartedly into the work, taking over the First Eye's duties. Athrun had never spoke to Epstein about this, although he was sure that Epstein must have heard from the others Eyes' aides.

And time had passed. Before he knew it, Athrun had spent another year on the Isle and with Lyra when he could afford to see her. As fate would have had it, she turned out to be more useful than he'd ever meant for her to be.

She still kept in contact with some brothel girls, and one of them was often paid to frolic with a man called Charles Purcell, a man who practically worshipped another named Greyfriars.

From what he gathered from Lyra, Athrun knew enough to suspect Cagalli Yula Atha was part of Greyfriars' plans.

Yet, Athrun had shelved those fears, because he was determined not to be reminded of the past anymore. If there was a person he wanted to be tied to and made vulnerable because of, it was certainly not her.

In fact, Athrun had begun to wonder if allowing himself to love Lyra would mend him. She had been a wonderful lover- generous, giving, and always welcoming. She never doubted, even though so much of what she did for him was so questionable.

Out of guilt and the desire to start afresh, Athrun had then thought of trying to make it up to Lyra. His contract had been about to end, and he would have spent three years on the Isle.

But then, he had wound up being reminded that his father's curse was in his blood.

Less than a month after he'd proposed to Lyra and married her in a tiny, forgotten church he'd discovered somewhere on a steep hill, Athrun had been reminded why trying to love Lyra was impossible. That very reason had also been why he could not leave The Isle when all the doors had been open for him.

The Numbers had long known what Athrun Zala's weakness was. His weakness was that humaneness in him- that desire to help others, to show mercy, that infinitely hopeful something that wanted to be accepted completely.

A part of him was perpetually trying to reach out to grasp onto something tangible- something that would love him in return. He could not numb himself to others, despite all he did.

That had been precisely why Athrun Zala had never left the Isle even when he had grown to despise it. That had been why he was so adamant that Epstein Cleamont could not be used in a dangerous mission- he had loved the boy by then.

He loved his aides and particularly Epstein. That love had been enough when the Numbers had told him that Epstein would be new Fifth Eye when Athrun had threatened to leave with his wife. But the Numbers never played with chances. They'd used another trump against him, as if the threat of Epstein becoming the next Fifth Eye wasn't enough.

They knew he still loved Cagalli Yula Atha.

Despite his staying for more than the initial three years, the Numbers had wanted more of him. They knew that Athrun Zala would never leave the Isle if they told him that back on Orb, Cagalli Yula Atha's life was in grave danger. He would stay if told that he could prevent her death. And so, when he had asked to leave, for his duty to end there, they'd told him that her life was in danger.

That vital combination of their information and his existing feelings for Cagalli had made him stay on, year after year until this very day.

They'd done this while knowing that she'd been the very reason why he'd landed up on the Isle.

They'd known that she would be the best way to keep him there.

In that situation, Athrun had been unable to pack up and leave the Isle with Lyra, despite all their plans to live in a house he'd inherited in South France and to start a family. Nor could he return to face Lyra and lie about an indefinite date when he would take them away.

So he had been honest for once. He had returned that evening, apologised to her, and then left. If he had to stay on the Isle and continue killing those who got in his way, he would.

But that evening when he'd left Lyra, he had promised himself that nothing else would make him love. To love was to hurt and be hurt, and he hadn't wanted anymore of that. The net result of the years he'd spent here had been Rune Estragon, the man that Cagalli had met that night on the SS Rafael.

As Athrun entered the dining hall, he saw the aides waiting for him. And he felt so much pain that he had to grit his teeth to keep his composure.

He had not meant to love again- not after loving Cagalli had hurt him so badly. But he had loved Epstein and the twins eventually, and even Ko. When others had used that against him, he'd sworn not to feel again. And certainly not for Cagalli, a person who had wounded him so much in the past.

But he had.

---

When Cagalli had finally found enough strength to change out, dry herself and make her way down, dinner had been prepared.

Athrun had already been there, looking very normal and even unnaturally cheerful. Laplacia had just finished laying the utensils, and Epstein was bringing in the dishes now.

Athrun had put on a dark-coloured turtleneck and jet pants for dinner, and it was almost as if everything was normal. Only the way Athrun's eyes flew to her pinned up hair before he proceeded to studiously ignore her, reminded her of what had happened.

Notwithstanding that sense of utter loneliness and isolation that lurked privately in her, Cagalli thought their dinner had been quite enjoyable with Athrun bearing gifts for all of them.

For the twins, there were palm-sized, beautifully-engraved copper bangles, and for Epstein, a handsome new set of bookstands.

Of course, Cagalli had already received her gift and ruined it.

Before she could spare more thought on this, Athrun surprised her by saying to Epstein, "Why don't you bring Ko here?"

The casual mention of the boy made Cagalli quite sure that Athrun knew she had met Ko. Epstein had probably told him. In fact, Cagalli was quite willing to wager that it had been Athrun who had arranged for their meeting.

Whatever the case, Cagalli had no time to decide, for Ko suddenly appeared with Epstein leading him.

The child was looking tentative and a bit sleepy while clutching at a huge armful of freshly-cut flowers in his hands.

Even the training regime could tire such a young child, Cagalli realised. She stole a glance at Athrun, who revealed nothing with his face turned away from hers.

Disappointed, Cagalli looked back at Athrun's ward and saw something infinitely hopeful about Ko's gaze. His skin was very fair and he looked cherubic, having removed his gloves and changed into a blue tunic and three-quarter pants with distinctively nautical references.

Looking at the spray of colour in his hands, Cagalli realised that those were the flowers Ko tended- offshoots of originals that Athrun had given to him from somewhere.

As Cagalli turned back to Athrun, she saw his eyes fall on the flowers. It happened so quickly and passed so suddenly that Cagalli was not sure if it had been her imagination.

But Athrun's eyes had darkened.

Now, Ko looked hesitantly at all of them, particularly Athrun.

Only when Athrun asked casually, "Aren't you glad to see me, Ko?" did the boy shout with joy, throwing the flowers to Cartesia. She promptly and with machine-like efficiency, put those into a vase and set them in the middle of the table.

Ko bounded straight at Athrun, his lovely young face bright with happiness.

Athrun caught him, laughing as the child ran over to where he sat, engulfing him in a hug quite completely.

The affection Cagalli saw in his face made her feel a sharp pain.

Why had the boy been so hesitant to show his joy and his anticipation of Rune Estragon's return, unless Rune Estragon had trained this boy to be aloof and to think thrice before acting?

As she looked towards Athrun, she saw no clear answer. But as she caught Epstein's eye, he did not seem to think anything was abnormal. Thus, Cagalli inferred that Athrun must have taught him the same as well.

Ko, a bit small and struggling to sit on the chair, was nonetheless still overjoyed to be there. His puppy, Pepita, was nowhere in sight, but he plied Athrun or 'Mr. Estragon', with stories of the pet.

Athrun laughed at those tales, and the genuine interest and openness he received the boy with made Cagalli wonder how they could have learnt to respond to a man who blew cold then warm in the next second.

It had seemed almost like Christmas, Cagalli reflected wistfully, what with everyone sitting at the table and unwrapping gifts with laughter clear in the air. Of course, Cagalli had no gift during dinner to unwrap.

Ko and the twins, being young and distracted with their gifts to the point of being obsessed when comparing their things, did not notice. Nor did Epstein comment. With all of them busy with dinner and their gifts, and Cagalli didn't dare to say anything.

It was almost as if Athrun had not pulled himself into the bath, not submerged his own head, and had not almost drowned. Cagalli didn't believe that Athrun was alright. While Athrun had successfully made the atmosphere a lot less tense for the aides, Cagalli had become even more uneasy by it.

He even seemed to enjoy the little that he ate, and that made her sure he was acting, for he had never seemed to express gastronomic pleasures outwardly.

Still, Cagalli knew that even in his current state of mind and how privately shaken he must have been, Athrun would still be a very good actor.

It was then that Cagalli decided that this was the night for her to make another contract with him. She would ask Athrun why he had tried drowning and how he had even sustained his earlier wound.

It was obvious that Athrun was rather drained and he apologetically excused himself once he'd finished his meal.

The aides and Ko did not show disappointment; not even Laplacia, who had even offered to bring him a hot drink that he had politely declined. In fact, she had seemed to expect his refusal. In general, the aides had not seemed to think much of Athrun's weariness.

Thus, Cagalli came to the conclusion that his behaviour must have been typical of his behaviour every time he returned from a trip.

To maintain normality, she joked and talked about everything and nothing with Epstein, the twins and Ko until dinner time was well and truly over.

Yet, the first thing she noticed about her room upon her eventual return was that Athrun had been there. The passageway door was wide open, and he had left a note on her vanity.

Picking it up, Cagalli looked at his distinctive, cursive penmanship. Just those three rather curt words, "The door's unlocked," were enough to set her pulse racing.

The steps were looming before her, past the open passage door. This time, Athrun was the one waiting for her. While he had not paid her overt attention during dinner, he had left an invitation in her room.

And it was not a subtle one too, Cagalli thought, staring at the way the passage door was left entirely open, not just unlocked. With the note, she sensed his insistence that she go to him.

Naturally, she couldn't decline.

Swiftly, Cagalli washed her face, brushing her teeth and readying herself for bed, although what she was really gearing for was a confrontation.

If she had to trade something more to understand Athrun, then so be it. It would be worth it, Cagalli told herself firmly.

Nervously, she reapplied a faint layer of gloss on her lips to protect them from being chapped by the dry night air, and she stripped from the midnight coloured dress she had worn to dinner in favour of a white, silk kimono-robe. She applied a little perfume to her neck and wrists, and then moved through the passageway.

Her pulse was loud enough for her to hear it. Her footsteps beat a separate rhythm from her heart, and the mishmash of those made her feel distinctively sick with nervousness.

Cagalli desperately wanted a legitimate reason to be near him- to touch and comfort him. If she needed a bargain for an opportunity to do that, then by all means, she would strike a bargain.

She knew what information she wanted this time. She wanted to understand him and why he was destroying himself and those around him. Those included the aides who wanted nothing more than his affection and a child who was so in awe of him.

Her footsteps echoed, and her thoughts loomed in the darkness with those sounds. She wanted to know who he had loved, who he still loved. He had seen Lyra Delphius in her, and Cagalli wanted to know why. Above that, Cagalli wanted to know why he valued his life so little.

For all these years, she had written off good-looking men that she was admittedly attracted to. She fantasized about falling in love, actually taking on the dares Aaron threw at her to 'get yourself laid good and proper, never mind about the work for once'.

Still, she never gave herself a chance to get to know them better, never even thinking of getting to know them beyond a superficial, business-related level at all. It had worked all her life- they were useful in fulfilling the goals she set for herself and Orb, and they had served their purpose.

Why didn't this stance work with Athrun?

She should not have wanted to understand Athrun or to even wonder what he thought every time he looked at her with that unreadable, expressionless mask. She should not have even become attracted to him again, after being hurt so badly in the past.

Blinking in the dark, Cagalli thought of the present she'd worn briefly and ruined even more quickly.

She should have known not to let him grow close to her, not after she had hurt him so badly as well. She shouldn't have felt compelled to please him, to wear the things he set out for her, to be moved in the moments when he opened himself to her.

Why then, was she so willing to trade anything now just to understand him?

As she opened the door and saw him, she knew why.

Because she loved him.

She loved him, despite all those cracks under the perfect exterior; despite how flawed and broken he intrinsically was by just being Athrun Zala. If she had loved him for a hundred different reasons before this moment, Cagalli realised now that those accumulated into how he made her less broken and flawed than she was as Cagalli Yula Atha.

She loved him for being Athrun Zala.

Because of that, she could not let Athrun destroy himself, even if this was sheer hypocrisy on her part. After all, she knew that she was destroying him every time he held her close.

Athrun was sitting up in bed, his upper body supported by the pillows. His hair was slightly damp, framing his face. With some interest, Cagalli realised his hair had the tendency to curl. From the looks of his bathrobe, he had probably taken a proper bath after his dinner, one involving soap and no suicide.

She took two steps closer and saw he was still reading Kant, but a different set of essays.

Randomly, Cagalli wondered what Athrun would think of the chick-lit collection that Aaron had bestowed on her. She almost laughed in her nervousness, but bit it back.

He looked up at her blankly as she stepped closer, and wordlessly, Athrun moved from under the sheets.

"Athrun." Cagalli said softly. "Are you alright?"

For a second, she registered that he was wearing a bathrobe, but then Athrun got off the bed and moved towards her. Athrun looked entirely unaffected now, as if being in this room had given him a mantle he had protected himself with.

"Completely fine."

She blurted out, "Why are you preten-,"

But Athrun took one step nearer, making her take an involuntary step back. He was silent, and she watched him deposit both his glasses and the book on the bedside table.

He came closer to her, his voice entirely neutral. "Are you prepared to write the letter I agreed to send to Kira?"

That very reminder of the yet-to be-completed contract made her stare at him, and her mind was in a whirl. How could he speak of such things when she had come here, prepared to tell him that all she wanted was to understand him?

"I-I am." She stammered, not really knowing how to react.

"Then come." He said swiftly, not giving her a chance to say more. "I have the necessary things for you. Sketch me the most accurate depiction of your personal seal, and then write your letter. I'll make the seal and use it to mark the letter you send."

Now, Athrun took her hand and leading her over to his vanity table.

Unlike hers, his had nothing on it- not even a comb or a case for his reading-glasses- nothing at all. Obviously, the room looked less foreign to her, but Cagalli still felt it was a mostly unused room with little warmth in it.

It hurt her that Athrun was probably using this room and not the real one he habituated whenever he bothered asking for her.

As she sat down shakily in the chair he pulled from under the table, she caught his eyes in the mirror. As he reached around her, putting some paper and the drawing instruments before her, Cagalli remembered his hands.

Meeting Ko yesterday had reminded her of how Athrun had been wearing gloves for quite some time even after she'd met him. After she had told him of her involvement with his banishment from Orb, he had removed his gloves and then kissed her.

At that point, she had not really noticed these scars, but their increasing proximity was making it difficult not to. The scars were thin and near the knuckles, but flared white as if he'd punched something and broke it at his own expense. He probably had.

There was this self-destructiveness Athrun was prone to, and she knew that same destructive energy had drawn her to him. Even now, Cagalli was witnessing its manifestation.

Now, Cagalli knew why he'd never worn gloves after she'd kissed him willingly the first time she'd been brought here. At that time, Athrun must have accepted his feelings towards her, although she had neither realised it nor done so herself.

Athrun regarded her balefully and she trembled, not daring to turn to look at him. Occasionally, Cagalli stole glances at him by means of the mirror. She took a piece of paper.

Then forcing her hands to obey her, Cagalli drew a less than perfect arc. Muttering a curse, she crumpled it and took a fresh piece of paper, trying again. This time, her line was smooth. Looking up at his reflection, she saw Athrun nod in approval.

"A rough approximation should be enough, since only you know the components of the seal." He said calmly. "But the more accurate you make it, the more convincing the letter will be."

"I can do it." She responded, more confidently than she really felt.

Here was something she just could not fail at when the letter depended on it. Trying to reassure herself, she added, "I know it very well."

Cagalli drew in a breath of deep frustration, trying to relax and concentrate.

Shapes within shapes, blacked locked within white, the lines needed to be precise. It looked simple but it was incredibly tedious to make as a seal.

Moreover, the elements of her personal seal were known only to her as the Orb Head, and Cagalli had never used the seal or had a need to so far. For most of the time, the seal representing the parliament was good enough. For this though, every detail needed to be perfect.

Cagalli would have to draw her personal seal for Athrun. And then she would write her letter, attach it with a seal he created for her based on the seal she was about to depict. Only then Athrun would send it to Kira.

"Why do you have a personal seal even when you've never used it?" Athrun inquired. She had suggested using this to certify that the letter he would send had been written by her.

Her voice was neutral after a pause. "One is presented to the Orb Head- all the past Heads have had a unique one only they know the details of. It's decorative, but it carries their voice when accompanied by documents they certify personally. As will mine."

"And you're letting me know the details of this seal so I can recreate it?" Athrun said in slight surprise. "Aren't you afraid I'll misuse it beyond this single letter?"

Cagalli did not look at him, although her voice shook a little. "It's a chance I have to take."

She sketched the seal slowly, taking her time not solely because she wanted to be meticulous but because Cagalli was too frazzled to be very efficient.

While she worked, Athrun stood behind her, thinking of how best to send her letter across to Kira. With this seal of hers, Athrun was sure Kira would accept it as a letter she had written.

He knew she was upset by his guarding her while she drew and wrote. His presence meant he inherently assumed that she was not to be trusted.

But he was quite sure that Cagalli would never merely go to all this trouble just to tell Kira she was fine. Granted, she might, but with how she had proved herself to be quite cunning so far, Athrun suspected she would have more in the letter than met the eye.

When she finished sketching, Athrun studied it. It was more complicated than he had ever imagined, with a misleading simplicity to the design but an intricacy that made it difficult to reproduce as a seal. He would have to instruct Lent Mortimer to be very careful about forging the imitation-seal, for Athrun had plans to keep it even after sending the letter.

"Is it too difficult to recreate?" Cagalli asked meekly, sensing his thoughts. "There's only one seal-maker who knows how to create that very same seal in Orb- and he was the one who designed it in the first place."

"It will be done." Athrun assured her. The Second Eye, Lent Mortimer, had been able to forge and recreate top-secret documents Zaft had destroyed with only crumpled, mostly-burnt papers as reference.

"Alright." She said in a low voice.

"You can start on the letter now." Athrun reminded her flatly. "And remember what we agreed on. Nothing about the Isle at all. You can only write to reassure them of your safety."

Cagalli turned herself slightly nodding. Self-censure with the letter was necessary, Cagalli knew. Still, the consciousness of having Athrun watch her write made it more painful because she knew he did not trust her. She had done nothing to earn his trust, and yet she wanted to share his burden more than anything at this point.

She turned back to the rest of the paper and hesitantly, began to draft a letter to Kira.

"Don't endanger yourself." Athrun warned her. "You can twist the Britannian Premier around your finger, but I won't take kindly to tricks you try to play."

She was avoiding his eyes even in the mirror and Athrun watched as Cagalli struggled to write something more than, "Dear Kira,".

Feeling slightly guilty for being so harsh with her, Athrun gently shifted her long hair away from her back to one side of the neck.

"You could start by writing that nobody has coerced you into writing this." He whispered, his lips tickling her ear. She froze, her eyes darting up like a frightened cat's, and then Cagalli forced them down. She tried to write, but smudged the ink.

Athrun's palms made contact with her skin, and he began to stroke her neck, then shoulders.

His voice was low, a murmur that reverberated only in her consciousness. "Address it to Kira. I won't send it if you address it to anyone else except him."

She bit back a cry as he softly placed a kiss against her neck. It was clear what he didn't want.

Athrun didn't want her keeping in contact with Aaron, someone who would probably could have established a code of communication with her in the past. Nor did he want her to address it to Marlin, whom Athrun clearly thought unkind thoughts of.

Cagalli forced herself not to look anywhere else but the letter, but Athrun's efforts to make her relax ironically made her more tense. And finally, she threw down the pen, glaring at his reflection in the mirror.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Cagalli demanded. "I'm not trying to put any hidden message in!"

"I'm not looking at you like anything." Athrun said with a slight frown. "I only wanted you to relax."

"Yeah?" Cagalli said sharply, ready to spar because she felt so frazzled. "Do you expect me to play at this and pretend nothing happened back there when you were drowning yourself?"

His eyes narrowed slightly, but he did not answer. And breaking eye contact first, Athrun stalked away from the vanity.

"Come back here!" Cagalli called out, turning back from where she was sitting so she could glare at him.

"Continue writing." He said flatly, some distance away as he began dimming the stark lights a little to make the atmosphere less tense. The lamp on the dresser would suffice.

Athrun took a step back in her direction, his voice low. "Don't aggravate the person who is sending this letter. Remember the first contract we ever made. You agreed to have dinner with me for information, but you did not bother pushing for your side the deal. You got distracted with the minor disagreement."

Cagalli's voice shook slightly because she was so upset. "Minor disagreement? You're comparing that little squabble then with what you just did a few hours ago?"

"What you saw and what we argued about then are of equal unimportance." He said with a semi-smile. Her eyes were that honeyed amber that reminded him of saplings' trunks oozing that precious substance under clearing light.

She was not writing anymore, but looked very upset.

"Don't you agree?" Athrun questioned. "You're allowing little things to distract you from what needs to be done."

He moved back to her, shifting another chair behind her, and then sat slowly.

"I hardly think so."Cagalli protested. "What you did-,"

"The point is that you didn't push the bargain then." Athrun interjected, pulling her back and forcing them to look into the mirror at themselves. She was forcibly reminded of the past contract she'd made when she'd given him access to half of her. His voice was hushed.

"But the price was low anyway- all you had to do was to have meal with me." His eyes were stormy. "This time though, it won't be."

She bit her lips, looking at him tensely. She looked miserable- bewildered and frazzled. Yet, that hopelessness in her face, that weakness and fear made him want her, and Athrun had to shake himself internally.

The question flew from her lips, despite the need for her concentration then. "Do you regret getting involved with me?"

"No. Even when I agreed to negotiate the first time," Athrun admitted, "I knew it was a mistake. But I wanted to be near you. I still do. That first contract is not something I regret, nor are those we have made."

Cagalli closed her eyes, trembling slightly, feeling both relief but repulsion at what she was planning. "I don't know how much trouble or danger you're going through for this letter. I'm sure it's something you shouldn't risk. But I'm not doing this to endanger you. I wouldn't do this if I didn't have to return as soon as possible."

"I know." Athrun replied with a surprising gentleness when she had expected his anger. "I was a fool for hoping each time that you would be satisfied with what I could give you. And I don't regret agreeing to this madness. I may be a fool, but there were moments of peace you gave me that I never had here while on the Isle."

Mustering the last of her strength, Cagalli tore her eyes from his in the mirror and began to write. Not because of his warnings, but because she could not bear to hurt him anymore, Cagalli abandoned the thoughts of hiding a message within the written one.

Her words were curt, clipped even, and spoke of nothing more than the fact that she was safe and praying for Kira and Lacus' safety too.

Athrun did not object when she briefly mentioned Aaron and James to Kira, even though it would be enough to hint that she knew of events happening beyond the place she was in.

It was almost a notice rather than a letter, but its significance, Cagalli knew, was enormous. She prayed silently that Kira would know what to do with such a letter.

Then nodding to signal she had finished, Cagalli signed her name under the words she'd written, then placed the folded paper under a weight.

"I will send it once the seal can be re-created. It will either be tomorrow or the day after that." Athrun said quietly. "You may go now. I'll tell you when I've sent it."

The unspoken message was clear. Payment would be due once he had completed his side of the bargain.

Shakily, Cagalli turned completely this time, shifting away the chair she had sat in.

But as she stood up, she turned to him and bent over, holding him close to her as if he were a child. Athrun did not willingly embrace her, but he did not push her away either.

"I want to make another contract with you," Cagalli said softly. "I'll do more, I promise. I can't give you everything because I'm already someone else's, but I can do other things. I promise-"

Athrun pulled her arms and hands away, and stood up.

"Tell me what's going on in your mind," Cagalli pleaded in a rush, grabbing his hand as he turned to leave. "Tell me why you've taught Epstein to kill- why you're teaching those children to kill. Tell me what Kitani Harumi and Ko have to do with the Isle. Tell me why you tried to take your life. Tell me who Lyra is!"

"You're asking too much of me." Athrun told her, his eyes narrowed.

He was shaking, and urgently, he pushed Cagalli away and went to sit on the bed.

But she followed after him, sitting next to him. Athrun however, was not aware of this. In his mind, he was only aware of how the relationships had been hollow, empty of real engagement and clear of his inability to love and be loved.

He could not give into temptation and let her form part of another smashed shell of a relationship.

Still, he was distracted from his thoughts as Cagalli began to wind her arms around his neck, kissing him swiftly once more.

She wasn't giving up, Athrun realised. But if he told her of what his thoughts had been in the water, right before he'd lost consciousness, Cagalli would know weak he really was. She would use that against him.

Her kiss deepened, and he found himself faltering. Against his better judgement, he wondered whether the hours of warmth and acceptance she would give him would justify the price attached to that.

Perhaps, it was no different from all he'd experienced in the past.

Even if he broke down in someone's arms, weeping and begging to be let off from the war, the point was that there was someone to hold him in the night.

Even if he had still had to report in the morning and pilot a machine he half-despised but half-loved, he had been completely accepted in those few hours he'd spent with different strangers each time. It had been better than piloting- being despised by the innocent people he killed but accepted by a father that Athrun loathed but wanted acceptance from.

Even if the sex was hollow while satisfying; even if the morning arrived and he was one of two strangers looking blankly at each other; even if Athrun had been filled with that immense, indescribable sadness of knowing how temporary everything was, at least there would be the night.

Wasn't Cagalli offering this for just that price of letting her understand his thoughts?

He moaned into the kiss Cagalli was holding him with, and felt her slip her tongue hesitantly into his mouth and explore cautiously.

She was offering comfort, he knew. He knew what comfort was. Girls without names, girls with names he chose to forget. They had provided that when he had been lonely, frightened, terrified, in need of warmth and pleasure to help him forget the first man he'd killed, the way his father had brushed him aside, and how he'd left Orb without Cagalli hearing him out.

Comfort was temporary. All the experiences he had were short-lived and merely gratifying for a few hours.

Sex with her would not enable him to continue to function and to do his duties. Sex with her would leave him in shambles because he wanted- no, needed- more than physical comfort. He would be left wanting everything.

But hadn't he recognised that even when he'd been Alex Dino?

He'd been more mature than her even then, known the risks of physical intimacy and relationships going awry. So Athrun had been afraid to take, sure that he was right just because she was too shy to give.

Hadn't he tried his best to avoid turning their relationship into those empty, temporary convenience stops? Hadn't he gone as far as to ignore all signs of physical attraction to her?

And hadn't their relationship failed too?

Cagalli was all softness, warm and inviting against his body as she pushed against him.

They had to break the kiss for breath, but this time, he led her back into it. Just before his mouth touched hers, her name was a soft cry on his lips.

He wasn't supposed to be afraid of losing the emotional connection to Cagalli as he had experienced with other women he'd slept with. After all, there was supposed to be very little of that in the first place, since she was only supposed to be a captive. He had no right to demand that she give him more than physical intimacy. For that matter, how could he think of gaining physical comfort from her when Lyra had sacrificed so much and found no gain in that?

But it was the truth that just watching her reflection in the mirror and the light dart off her hair and the silk robe that Cagalli wore had been enough to arouse him physically, to say the least.

As he had watched her sketch and write, Athrun had wondered how she would react if he acted on the temptation to run his palms from under her arms to fondle her breasts, white, lovely secrets beneath her silk robe. Would she have frozen and numbed herself to distance both of them? Or would she let him only because of their existing contract?

He had watched her for so long, without her knowledge. All those incidents of him observing her- she had never even known that he was alive then, and that he was in a place he wanted to reach her from. He had wanted her for so long.

After all, when he'd first met her, her name had stuck in his mind and her bright eyes and smile had lingered even when he had left the island.

It had been impossible to forget the soldier he had met- that golden hair and spirited eyes, the perpetually husky voice, and the glimpses of her breasts.

It was also impossible to say that he hadn't recalled the feeling of her damp lips and the way she'd struggled when he'd kissed her against her will before leaving Orb.

Even the most casual mention of the Orb Princess by the other Eyes could evoke those memories. She was a person he could never quite forget, despite how much he wanted to.

Now, as Cagalli kissed him with a wanton aggressiveness, he felt a frisson of desire erupt into something more cancerous.

That he could still allow himself to be touched by Cagalli and feel emotional and physical pleasure filled Athrun with pain. Cagalli didn't love him, even if she was willing to let him touch her. But Lyra, who had cherished their relationship more than he had ever done, died alone.

Abruptly, he broke off the kiss and shook his head. His voice was faint. "No. I can't agree to this."

"Why?" She said breathlessly her eyes wide.

He shook his head- not merely unwilling but unable to speak.

Her eyes followed him as he stood up shakily, going to the vanity to look at the letter she had written.

The fingers holding her letter in his hand trembled. In the penultimate sentence, she had assured Kira that she approved of the announcement of her engagement and to-be-marriage to James Marlin. During all these years, she had moved on, and the thought of that filled him with blind grief and that awful bitterness.

He let go of the letter, moving back to the bed to face Cagalli.

He had done so much for her. He had come here because he had found no place he could find peace in after leaving Orb. Then he stayed here for her. And she didn't even know it.

"I'll send this letter." Athrun said flatly. "Don't ask me for anymore."

He couldn't take her, no matter what his body and heart was crying out for. He could satisfy his body for the hours he had her in his bed, but after that? Cagalli would surely run from him after that- she would demand that since he'd taken everything he possibly could from her, he had to let her leave. He couldn't have that.

Even that choice was beyond him.

And something changed in her face. That hesitation became a fierce conviction- of what, he did not know, nor was he able to guess.

But she grabbed his hand, pulling him down onto his bed with a strength that surprised him.

Dazed, he felt his head hit the pillow with a soft thump.

She kissed him over and over again, her golden hair falling in waves by the sides of her face, and he closed his eyes, sinking back into a dazed wanting to be drawn to her.

"No," He said helplessly, in a more unsure voice than he thought he was capable of producing. The tables had turned with her dominating him.

Even when he closed his eyes, willing it all away, her small hand was slipping below the bathrobe's hem and near his thighs, seeking and stroking, and he inhaled sharply for that second of pure, insane pleasure.

"What are you doing-," Athrun protested weakly, his eyes widening. "Don't-,"

"Tell me." Cagalli said softly. "I want to understand you. I need to understand you. Every time you touch me, you enter my mind."

Her hand stroked him a little harder, and her voice grew insistent. "Why can't I do the same? I want to please you, Athrun. Let me."

As she stroked him, Athrun found himself tightening as he strained to keep his eyes closed.

The pleasing sensation of her chest against his own and her soft hand moving against him made him feel like she was drawing his soul from him. Whenever he had to do this, it had been a matter of necessity. But her hand was soft, teasing, tentative but intent-filled too, and it was too much for him.

There was that sexuality he had noticed even when he'd met her the first time- how soft her hair and lips were, how unmistakably lush her body was away from the weight of crude metal and leather.

In the past, she hadn't known how to use her sexuality. Now she was using it as a weapon.

Athrun pushed her hand away. His voice was harsher than he meant as he sat up, pushing her off his chest. She did so too, and he turned to her angrily. "You don't know what you're doing."

"I do know what I am doing." Cagalli said stubbornly. "You're the one who acts like you've got it all together. But in truth, you don't even know what you're doing anymore."

He opened his mouth to tell her it hadn't been as she had seen it, but she cut in first.

"You think I'm a hypocrite because you know that deep down, I want you by my side. And yet I make you pay because you feel the same." Cagalli said tensely. "I don't deny that. But I can't see any other way of trying to return to Orb- which I simply must do. And now, even if you brush me aside, I must know what you're thinking. Not because it will help me return, but because I want to know you. "

His arms suddenly closed around her and he was hugging her tighter than she had ever known, her air nearly seized from her, and his voice trembling too.

"I always knew that because loving you would be too dangerous." Athrun told her despondently. "When I brought you here, I wanted to distance myself from you. But I've failed- I couldn't help wanting you still."

"Then let me understand you!" Her voice was quavering, and in horror, Cagalli realised she had lost control. "Tell me all these things, Athrun. You think I'll use your weaknesses against you- you think I want to destroy you, but I don't!"

Her voice shook. "I only want to take some of that pain away. But I can't if you don't let me understand you!"

Unlike the time he had suffered a wound, Cagalli could not simply force him into letting her heal him. There were wounds she could not see unless he showed her, and Athrun was unwilling to in this instance.

She looked up at him miserably. "I know the real reason why you couldn't touch me that night at Rochester's. But I didn't know that I reminded you of someone you loved so much. Nor did I know how much you loved Lyra."

Athrun breathed lightly, almost imperceptibly, and Cagalli thought of the doll she had found, dreaming in the ocean it had chosen for itself.

"You tried to kill yourself for her, didn't you?" Cagalli said brokenly. "That's why you looked at me that way when you woke up and thought I was her.

He laughed hollowly, opening his eyes. "You think I tried to kill myself, and you think I did it because I loved a woman I couldn't have?"

She nodded numbly, not understanding that what she guessed had been rather far from the truth.

"I didn't take my life on purpose." Athrun revealed to her. "Not consciously anyway. You might even have gone as far as to call it an accident. And even if I had tried to kill myself, I wouldn't have done it for her. It would be unfair if I got off so easily."

He turned his head away. And then tiredly, not knowing why he felt so battered and empty, Athrun ran his hand through his hair, then rubbed his face with his hands, conscious that Cagalli was watching him.

"You want to exchange sexual favours for that kind of information?" He shook his head. "You think the information's worth it even when you don't love me but another man. And I'm telling you now that it's not."

She grabbed him roughly by his shoulders and pulled him, making him sit straight up against the headboard. Hauling him was a far more accurate manner in fact, and she could see the shock in his eyes at her use of force and her show of temper.

"Don't tell me what I'm worth!" Cagalli lashed at Athrun. She pressed him against the headboard with her hands against his shoulders, glaring up into his eyes. "What makes you think I'm the one undervaluing myself and overvaluing the information you have? I'm not stupid enough to guess what Lyra Delphius is to you- whoever she is! The way those people looked at me at that party- she was obviously your lover, someone close to you at very least. I envy even your consort, Athrun, because she must have understood you for the hours you spent with her at very least. I want to understand you too! Haven't you realised it, Athrun?"

His pale, stunned expression met hers.

She took a deep, shuddering breath in. Then Cagalli pulled off a barrette and tossed it somewhere on the floor so her hair tumbled to the middle of her back. "You called me Lyra when you woke up. With this long hair, I look like her, don't I? Who is she?"

He was silent.

She did not know that she was being unfair to him. Cagalli did not know that he was as tormented by the memory of Lyra Delphius. She did not know of the awful, heart-wrenching business that had come with Lyra Delphius, and Cagalli did not know that a bit of him had died with the girl he'd shaped and ruined irreversibly.

"She looked similar to me." Cagalli said shakily. "That's the real reason why you couldn't touch me that night at Rochester's, isn't it? You didn't want to be reminded of her."

"No!" His voice ripped into the air, and she felt him push away from her.

Athrun seemed to have become a cold, marble figure once more- reserved and withdrawn.

He knew he would have to lie. Telling her the truth would only open more questions he simply could not answer. "She was my lover. We met when I came here, but she died some time ago."

For Cagalli, her grief and that strange, ugly coil of rage and jealousy was already more than what she could handle. She could not consider Athrun's pain because she did not understand its cause and also because her own pain was already too great.

Athrun's voice was guarded now. He shifted away from her very slightly but such that she could sense him withdrawing. "You do look like her- marginally. Maybe that was the very thing that attracted me to her. But it doesn't matter anymore."

"Why?" Her voice was very small.

"A few years ago, she died in a car accident. I mistook you as her when I first regained consciousness," His expression deepened into a frown. "But you are not really like her."

Athrun sat up, looking blankly into the space before him. "We met here and found that we got along. Because she knew when to speak and when not to, I asked her to accompany to mundane events and that sort of thing. I paid her for it- it started off as just business, but then we eventually got into a relationship. We were both lonely, and it made sense then. She was a friend- a very trusted confidante to me, and I was indebted to her in many ways. But it just couldn't work."

He looked away from her. "Then we began to see things differently, and we ended it after about a year. She died quite soon after that. That's all."

"Didn't you love her?" Cagalli demanded.

Coming out of his semi-daze, he saw how she was shaking uncontrollably. Had he hurt her, Athrun wondered briefly, by telling her all this? Had he hurt her again without even knowing it?

And thoroughly regretting is telling her now, he grabbed her, hugging her tightly to him, but Cagalli struggled, pushing him away, her eyes wet. Her voice was strong although it was raw, and he knew she would never let go of her pride.

"Answer that and one last question about Lyra." She told him with a mute suffering in her eyes. "And then you can take your payment."

He nodded reluctantly, finding himself more honest than he had meant to be. "I never loved her- I just couldn't. And by the time I decided to try, it was pointless."

He did not dare tell her it was because he still loved her. That would have ruined them both.

Cagalli nodded, very pale. "Now answer my last question about her. Did she give you those plant cuttings?"

"Yes." Athrun admitted. "Almost all the flowers in that garden came from the originals she planted. The gardens in the Manor used to be just weeds and untameable, non-flowering plants. But when those were brought in, the offshoots took bloom because they came from very good plants. She had a way with those, especially flowers."

He did not tell her that Lyra had never known of this Manor and had never stepped foot in it. It did not occur to him to tell her, and it did not strike him that it would matter to her. But it did.

She looked away from him, staring at the ceiling and then the walls of this room. Now she finally understood.

This was not a room Lyra had been in, nor a room they must have made love in and talked or connected to each other in. This was a holding room- a hotel room, a room for women he did not really want- women who were not Lyra.

Cagalli was sure that Lyra had lived here in this house, lived here and added her touches to places that Cagalli was now in. Somewhere in this house, Lyra had lived and been happy with Athrun, and Cagalli was not entitled to be in those places.

Deep in her, Cagalli knew she would not be able to go to those gardens and derive the same joy ever again.

Never again, she told herself brokenly. Not when everything there reminded her of a woman he must have loved deeply.

She could not bear the thought of Lyra being with Athrun, comforting him in a way Cagalli would never be able to. In fact, she had been the one to cause his wounds, and nausea entered Cagalli. She was a filthy hypocrite.

The thought of that made her hate herself. She had no right to be near him- not when he was opening himself to her and giving her a chance to attack him when she could not tell him that she loved him.

He was failing to read her for once. But then, Athrun did not know that she was not hiding her emotions but that those had died in her when he had spoken of the garden.

"Now, tell me why you tried to take your own life, if it was unrelated to Lyra." Cagalli requested.

And without understanding himself anymore, Athrun found told her the truth, "I don't know why I held myself underwater either."

"You weren't trying to drown yourself?" Cagalli said numbly.

"No. But I don't really know." Athrun admitted. "I wasn't trying to kill myself, I swear. It never crossed my mind that I didn't want to live. I was just very tired- that kind of feeling that makes you feel you need to be in danger for you to wake from another dream. Do you know what I mean?"

"I just thought I wanted to try going close to death and then letting go of it as it drew near." He revealed. "Just to remember that I was alive- that I was human still."

In truth, Athrun had not truly wanted to commit suicide. He had been tired, fatigued even, when he had placed the gift in Cagalli's room.

In fact, Athun had fully intended to have his dinner and had thus drawn a bath. He had not bothered changing out after removing his socks and shoes, for he would have to wash the clothes anyway.

In the water, Athrun had not shed a tear while remembering Lyra Delphius and the way she had died in his arms a few hours ago. He was far too hardened for that, although there was still grief and he was aware of it.

In the comforting, soothing warmth, Athrun had wondered if he was being damned for eternity, damned for being able to think sensibly and behave normally even after killing Lyra. She had died peacefully, smiling slightly and wistfully, and that made him wonder if Death would leave him the same dignity that it had given Lyra.

Those thoughts had been half-formed, and Athrun could not express this and therefore tell Cagalli all he had felt. Thus, he told her what he could verbalise.

"I placed my head under water," He told her mutely, "I was playing a game I had used to play as a child with other boys. There was a pond and we used to swim in it and train our abilities to hold our breath."

"It's like being in a stranglehold for those minutes," He muttered. "Then you come to the surface, gasping and feeling as if you've been reborn with the rush of air moving into the lungs. That adrenaline doesn't last for more than a few minutes. But it reminds me that if I can die, I must still be alive."

In that water, Athrun had needed that feeling then- that reaffirmation. It was all part of rationalising, which he had taught himself to do. But this time, instead of waiting one or two more seconds, he had waited and waited, convincing himself that with Lyra's death, he needed to wait to be sure.

When he had awakened, he had not felt newer than usual. He had felt more tired, older, more haggard, and seeing Cagalli bend over him, her face showing concern, tears in her eyes and her long hair wet with the water had inevitably made him think of Lyra.

The irony lay in how he had first met Lyra with her long hair, and asked her to cut it so he would be reminded of Cagalli. They were simply not exchangeable or replaceable alternatives to each other.

He was suddenly aware that Cagalli was hugging him tightly to her, placing his arms around her. Her voice was hoarse and ragged, and her breaths unsteady, as if she had been drowning herself.

"Don't do that ever again." She told him softly. "Not when I'm here."

She ran her hands against his chest, placing her head near his heart.

And gently, he hugged her to him as well, feeling a slow, mounting apprehension but relief sweep into him. It was almost as if he had gone even closer to death and then gone back to life.

"I won't even allow it when you suddenly cannot bear the fact that you've killed a thousand people." Her form lifted herself over him as she pinned him down, her hair softly trailing against his skin as she raised herself.

Her eyes shone in the dim light, and he thought of the ocean and the reflected lights dancing golden steps on its surface, far beyond the estate and the stained soil of the Isle.

"You don't have to justify the way you live- not ever again." Cagalli bent down and kissed his forehead, letting him pull her down to him once more, and even as he pushed her onto her back, moving above her, she reached to him, accepting him, burying her face near his shoulder.

"Why not?" Athrun whispered, letting his weight sink over hers until she pulled them onto their sides, their slow, languorous wrestling now culminating in their embrace.

"Because you don't owe a duty to the people you must kill to survive." Cagalli said passionately. Her voice became a murmur and she felt a few tears, warm and stinging, fall from her eyes. She was crying silently even if his face was still that mask.

Was she crying, he wondered, because he didn't know how to cry anymore?

"You owe the duty to yourself and the people who need you to live." She told him, bringing him close to her. And she began to stroke his hair and his shoulders, letting him bury his face near her neck.

Her voice was soothing him, as a lullaby would have, but the beating of her heart and the feverish pulses of their bodies made their sense more heightened than ever. "There are people who depend on you. People who need you. People who want you to live."

"Who?" He said raggedly, watching her.

Her voice was muffled, as vague as her expression as she cast her eyes down, turning her face slightly away from his.

"Like Epstein." She said reluctantly. "Like the twins. I saw it in the way they looked at you. Like Ko, who looked at you, wanting to be loved; wanting to love you, hoping you would let him love you."

Her voice was quiet and infinitely sad. "Like me."

And silently, Athrun lifted her chin and pressed her head back into the pillow, kissing her deeply, her world spinning. When he had to break it, he gazed at her, feeling a rush of emotions- a mixture of hope, joy and sadness. It confused him.

Yet, Cagalli chose to remind him that he wasn't supposed to feel at all. Her voice had nothing he hoped to hear in it, but was dull now and emotionless.

Her confession had evaporated in that minute when she told him, "I'll pay you for telling me that."

He only wanted to be next to her, to fall asleep knowing that she would not push him away.

But there she was, sitting up, looking at him and assuming he was a beast who would never forget what was owed.

She didn't love him, Athrun told himself despondently. She might have needed him to survive on the Isle and grown dependent, but she didn't love him.

Of course, that didn't change how much he wanted to possess her. If anything, the rage he felt at the way he thought she was mocking him made him tremble. And as Athrun tried to control himself, he knew he was lost.

His blood, despite his best efforts to calm down, was pulsing and his body was tingling as if Cagalli had used the feather tips of his fingers to trace her name all over him.

"You want me to pay for letting me into your mind, don't you?" Cagalli whispered raggedly. That was the only way, she told herself sadly, for them to exist. If she allowed him to love her, he would hurt himself. "Nothing on The Isle can be taken without giving something up. That's what you told me."

"That's right." He answered roughly. "Giving and not expecting anything in return is for fools and lovers. We are neither."

She looked at him for a second, then dropped her gaze, nodding. "I want you to tell me about the others too. Epstein, the twins, Ko-,"

"Ah." Athrun said bitterly, with a small laugh. "Then maybe you should pay your dues first. You haven't paid me for that letter. And my telling you about Lyra- you haven't paid yet. You shouldn't ask for more information if you still owe payment."

He got off the bed, undoing his own robe completely in the beckoning twilight that filtered and stained the room in shadows and misty colours. He parted the robe, letting it slide from his shoulders now, letting it fall to the carpet.

As Athrun stepped away, he saw her eyes travel down and widen slightly, and he stared at her as she lowered her eyes, afraid to look back at him. All the same, Cagalli felt her pulse began to throb uncontrollably within her.

Her cheeks grew slightly warm, but she did not shy away when he came to stand by her side of the bed. Instead, she slipped her arms around his waist, trying to assure him that she would do what he asked of her.

"I want you to finish what you started." Athrun said in a low voice. His eyes were narrowed, flinty emerald and very cold. But he knew that no matter how emotionally removed he tried to be, his body would still respond to hers.

Her arms, still clad in her silk robe, were warm against his waist, and his arousal throbbed as he recalled how her hand had felt against him. His voice made a transition into a deep growl because he could not control his desire for her, and she was aware of this and trembled against him.

Her heart was beating fast in her throat and she could feel a delicious thrill run up her spine when he reached for her breasts, knowing that the roiling desire in her core was threatening to spill into the rest of her senses.

"On your knees, Cagalli." His voice was devoid of any emotion. He would show her no more weakness. He would take as she had promised to let him because neither of them deserved anything better. "Now."

She hesitated, but got off the bed. She slid slowly to the floor, gazing trustfully up at reached for her silk robe, parting it easily and pulling it down to her waist.

Her voice crackled into a whisper. "What do you want me to do?"

Without waiting for any initiation, he stepped boldly to her, grabbing her chin with one hand and stroking her mouth with the other.

"What you were doing before." He said coldly. "You told me you knew things, even if you didn't know everything. Don't you know how to do this?"

She blushed, afraid to look, but unable to turn anywhere else.

"I do know." She whispered, lying because she did not want him to reject her.

Nervously, she took her hands from her chest and put those to his strong, well-formed thighs and cupped him, outlining him rather than doing as he'd expected, curious, almost innocent, and running her hand down.

She had never tried this, but he did not seem adverse to it. Keeping her hands like water over him, gently stroking, she brought herself just a little closer and hesitantly kissed him once.

Silently praying she did everything correctly, she gently took a little of him into her mouth, applying a little pressure, then just a little more until. Gradually, she felt his hand clutching her hair and he'd also started growling low in his throat. Encouraged, Cagalli continued, her own arousal nearly driving her insane.

He nearly moaned but bit his mouth for control. He was filled with equal self-loathing as pleasure.

Athrun was tormented that Cagalli thought that everything he did for her was valued in the currency of what her body could do for his. But if she thought so, he'd let her think so. If that was the only way she could face him, then he'd go along with this too.

Perhaps this was what he really wanted, Athrun tried to say to himself. Perhaps, this was all he needed of her. For now, anyway.

Cagalli felt him tremble as the hands in her hair tightened even more than they had already been. She had wondered why girls did this to their boyfriends in the past- she had heard plenty of her classmates and even colleagues and even the clerk one floor below her office take notes on it. But now she knew why. It wasn't solely a matter of clandestine, pagan pleasure- it was a matter of power.

And she found that she didn't just need power over Athrun- she wanted power over him.

She ran her hands up his sides, wrapping them around and pressing him closer as brought her closer to him, and her tongue explored, flickering here and there as he hissed, too taut to think of moving for a while. Her mouth was tight around him, and she stroked him with her tongue, feeling his slickness increase.

Athrun gritted his teeth, growling low. He couldn't believe she was doing things like this to him. It seemed incongruous with that fiery, sweetly awkward and somehow shy child he had first met all those years ago. How did she know how to do things like this? It felt insanely good with her, so much so that it was frightening.

With this feverish contact, with this pleasure, he found that he could not hate her. He ran his fingers through her hair, trembling as he did so.

Then he began to stir, thrusting very hard and strongly. His movements were becoming increasingly erratic in response to her fervent teasing. The way she moaned, his name muffled and sensuous, swallowing and then coming back again for him, her hands exploring everywhere and her chest soft against him - no, there was not nearly enough of her.

"More," He ordered. His voice was like a scream, mad in its primitive expression of pleasure. It was amazing to feel this way- to know that she was here with him and that he was alive still.

Then scarcely without realising it, he uttered a hoarse, half-shout and emptied himself into her mouth, pulling and dipping her head backwards. He was pouring and surging in fully, as deeply as she could facilitate before he suddenly reared away, falling softly.

He closed his eyes, not even aware that he was lying across the bed horizontally, Cagalli kneeling still.

Slowly, with much effort, he forced himself to sit up.

"Was that what you wanted?" She whispered nervously She brought a hand to her lips and wiped them with the back of her hand, shy and afraid.

"Yes." He said simply, his voice rough and hoarse.

As he gazed at her and saw how lost her expression was, how fearful and timid Cagalli really was, he felt something cold and jagged melt in him. He could not hate her.

She began to stroke him again and abruptly, he drew away, shaking his head, remaining silent. Drained and unable to speak, he merely gazed at her. Confused, Cagalli gave him a pleading look.

"Did I do something wrong?" she asked innocently, "I thought that was the way it's done?" Athrun, head still spinning, pulled her up to him and onto the bed, hugging her tightly.

Guilt from so many things was building in him, but at the same time, he could not regret what he had gained from her. Although there was that terrible ache in his heart, he knew she would heal it too.

Did she know that and make the conscious decision to do so? Probably not, Athrun decided. After all, she did not love him.

But for now, he was content to have her lie by his side like this. With his release, he felt less frazzled, less tense. Even now, that act of intimacy had given him the release he had craved so much and so long for.

Having her hold him gave him a sense of peace, no matter that she did not love him, and that she would bring him trouble eventually. This was how it felt to lie next to someone and to be at peace for a little while.

"Say," He said huskily, watching her look at him hesitantly, "You weren't lying when you said you knew things, were you?"

"Of course not." She protested, trying to convince him that she was not doing this for the first time. Then boldly, Cagalli added, "I won't do it ever again if you didn't like it."

He looked at her with amused surprise, and she suddenly, wanted to laugh at his expression. Athrun had probably never known that she was capable of being so reckless and forward.

And probably, she decided, he didn't know that she had secretly enjoyed watching him lose his control and advantage over her for once.

Drolly, he recovered from the surprise of her being so bold with him. "I can safely vouch that all males tend to like being touched this way."

She chuckled, appreciating his wryness in a potentially awkward situation. It felt natural, she decided, doing this and being near him. If there was any person she wanted to be with, Cagalli realised, it was him.

They lay in his bed, the sheets cool around their feverish forms.

He inhaled her body's scent, moaning as her hands and mouth travelled, mingling with the stronger accents of his own. Even if he was damned, he would die while being healed by her. She would be his destruction.

But he wanted it that way.

---

A few hours later, the Second Eye, Lent Mortimer, was ready.

He plunged the steel cast he had made into icy cold water, and the steam hissed in the air as Athrun looked on.

The room was very hot with the furnace crackling wood, and Athrun could feel his shirt clinging to his back. Lent however, was used to working in these conditions and looked incredibly composed.

"Get me those pliers," Lent said mildly to Miles Summon.

His first aide nodded and passed it to him, and Lent began prying the cast apart. Athrun held his breath. The first attempt had been near perfect, but not quite. The second one had been way off. The third remained to be seen.

"Perfect," Athrun said to himself, staring at what Lent lifted into the air. No crack in the ceramic casing, no marred surface. The seal had been recreated.

"Would you look at that?" Tequila Clarriker, Lent's Second Eye said admiringly. Today, Tequila favoured braids- his turquoise hair was plaited with pink ribbons.

Tequila stepped into the room, or danced, it seemed. "I never knew the Orb Princess had this personal seal."

Tequila's voice was high-pitched like a girl's, and he was currently not in disguise. Yet, he appeared as a girl, once again. His soft hand found Athrun's cheek, and without any inhibition, Tequila stroked Athrun's lips, grinning cheekily at him.

Athrun nodded coolly at Tequila, acknowledging his presence. After all, Tequila had done a good job at Rochestor's party, passing off quite effortlessly as a certain Lady Dolce Mignonettie.

While aides were generally more careful to observe hierarchy, Tequila was invariably and unrepentantly a fruitcake.

"Bring it outside," Lent said quietly to Miles Summon, who nodded and promptly went off with Tequila.

Tequila was squealing over the 'pretty seal', and chattering away to Miles that 'it needs to go with something pretty too."

"Don't bother with ribbons!" Lent hollered at Tequila's retreating back, grinning at Athrun as if he'd read his thoughts.

They walked out of the forge together, Lent stripping off his working coat to reveal beautifully toned arms that his singlet revealed.

As they moved in the corridors of the Second Eye's stronghold, Athrun knew Lent was about to say something. Naturally, Athrun tried to prevent that.

"Nice chaps," Athrun said offhandedly, crossing his arms. "Miles Summon is a real whizz at surgery. And Tequila's a real beauty when he dolls up. How's the other aide-,"

Now, Lent turned to him, pushing up his glasses with a faint frown. "Don't try to change the subject. I know what you're trying to do."

Athrun was silent for a while, but then he felt a need to respond to Lent, whom he sincerely respected. "I didn't mean to agree to this letter. But even then, I think it won't harm our plans. I only want her to be at ease here. She won't keep trying to escape if she feels more relaxed."

"I must tell you something in response to that." Lent told him sombrely. "You're losing trust with both Greyfriar's side, and with our side. You need to watch out."

"I know." Athrun said briefly. "I know you agreed to send Miles Summon to the Fifth Isle not just because he's the best healer amongst our aides. He was also to make sure that I didn't get too close to the Orb Princess."

"Yes." Lent admitted. "June Requiem too. Leopold lent you his first aide precisely because he didn't trust you either. When you sent them back to us after Cagalli Yula Atha recovered from her bullet wound, we were quite sure you hadn't forgotten your duties. But I'm not sure of that now."

"I haven't." Athrun said broodingly. "As I said, I just think it's easier to handle her if I give in at times."

"Really?" Lent said slowly.

Athrun turned away, shrugging. "I'm indebted to you and Sheba than any of the other Eyes. After all, the three of you were the best of friends and I took Sanders away. I wouldn't want to betray that trust."

His colleague shook his head, pushing up his glasses. "Don't say that! It wasn't your fault that they sent Sanders instead. Nobody could have prevented it."

"I could have." Athrun said through gritted teeth. "I should have gone instead. But I was selfish- I asked them not to send Epstein even though I had no business with that boy anymore."

"I understand," Lent told him soothingly. "I know how difficult it is to watch an aide be sent off, let alone one you brought up yourself."

"At the same time, I wanted to have the freedom the Supreme Council promised me in return for training Epstein and staying on the Isle for three years." Athrun said heavily. "I wanted to leave the Isle and Plant, the way they said they'd let me."

"Come now," Lent said softly. "All that is in the past. You only need to make sure that you fulfil your duties now. I'm not sure about your past, but I think I know enough to say that the Orb Princess left quite an impact on you."

Athrun tensed up, but Lent continued.

"Only Sheba and I amongst the Eyes know that you're still engaged to her in the eyes of Plant. Orb hasn't realised it yet. It's unlikely to, even when Cagalli Yula Atha finally gets married to James Marlin."

He looked pointedly at Athrun. "But I want you to tell me how you even got engaged to her in Plant. As I understand, you never actually got engaged to her officially in Orb."

"Of course not." Athrun said in a low voice. "She was officially engaged to Yuna Roma Seiran at that time. We were planning to get married in Plant instead. In the meantime, when I returned to Plant, I had planned to cancel my engagement with Lacus Clyne."

"Who ended up marrying Kira Yamato five years ago." Lent chipped in.

Athrun chuckled a little. "I bet you didn't she had secretly married Kira Yamato before the Second War. She isn't one who bothers much with Plant's laws or social norms."

Lent gaped. "I didn't know that!"

"They got married in secret, without any official document or any real ceremony. He just asked, she agreed, and that was good enough. I was a witness and Kira Yamato's best man at that time." Athrun revealed. "They never felt a need to marry publicly until it was clear that they wanted to start a family.

And even then," He said, eyeing Lent, "I wouldn't put it past Lacus Clyne to have a whole brood in secret without feeling compelled to announce anything."

Lent grinned, agreeing entirely.

Lacus Clyne was quite famous for the way she carried herself and the way she seemed to get past any rule or social norm. There were rumours that she had breakfast in the afternoon, tea for dinner, and supper for breakfast, and that her husband indulged her.

"So when I returned to Plant," Athrun told him, "This was to cancel the engagement Lacus and I had been in before. I thought that if Lacus wanted to get publicly married to Kira Yamato in Plant some day, she would have that option at least."

"Did you actually cancel it? I never heard any public announcement about that." Lent said in amazement.

Athrun sighed a little. "I didn't have a chance to cancel it openly and announce this because Dullindal asked for my help at that time. He knew I was in a relationship with Cagalli Yula Atha, but he needed my co-operation with Mia Campbell. When he sensed my hesitation, he offered to approve and file the engagement I made in my name and Cagalli Yula Atha's. In fact, he was quite insistent that he would always welcome the Orb Princess to Plant as both an Emir as she was then, and as my wife-to-be."

"That's nice." Lent said mildly, but with a touch of sarcasm.

Athrun laughed wryly. "That was probably his way of convincing me that acting along with Mia Campbell wasn't actually wrong, since he was concretizing my plans to marry Cagalli Yula Atha, so to speak. It was also quite a smart way to make me trust him, come to think of it. But it had seemed like a good offer then, seeing that I had at least one person on my side."

"Ah." Lent said, understanding finally. He tried to imagine Athrun Zala marrying Cagalli Yula Atha, and he privately thought that it would have been a huge hassle and a public scandal of sorts.

Natural-Coordinator marriages were scandalous enough back then, let alone one between Patrick Zala's son and Uzumi Nara Atha's heir. Clearly, Lent observed, even Athrun himself had been rational enough to know that the marriage would have been a difficult one, what with the public opinion that would have followed if he'd announced it.

Gilbert Dullindal, man of the moment and rock star of the world's politicians at that time, would have been a powerful ally in convincing Orb to let Athrun have their Atha Emir. This was especially because she was scheduled to be married to some other Emir.

Now Lent understood. Dullindal's role in the past had accounted for the existing engagement that had been filed between Athrun Zala and Cagalli Yula Atha in Plant, kept secret for all this time.

"That also explains why you could secretly cancel the engagement to Lacus Clyne and file an engagement with someone else. All because Dullindal was involved in it." Lent realised. "During the Second War, the public thought you were still engaged to Lacus Clyne."

"Political weight to Dullindal's cause." Athrun said dryly. "A son and a daughter of former Plant chairmen, all on his side. The public lapped it up."

"Well," Lent told him, "Cagalli Yula Atha must have been a very important person to you in the past. But that's all over now. You must remember what Plant is promising you if you can fulfil your duties."

Athrun turned back to him, his face a mask once more. "Trust me. I know that."

---

When Kira had been a child, he had found no problems learning except when it came to learning a specific collective term.

The correct expression was 'a parliament of owls', rather than 'a flock of owls'. That he could not understand, let alone accept.

For example, a flock of birds seemed to be a sensible expression. Those feathered netizens crowded up trees and crowed in the morning. A school of fish seemed to be right too, with all of them like young students, trailing after each other without any breaking away from the general direction. A pack of wolves was absolutely logical too. Like a pack of cards, each one had personalities and there was always an Alpha and Beta like a King and Queen, and a runt like the Joker.

But a parliament of owls! Now that was difficult to understand .

Now, he finally understood how the phrase had been coined.

The minister for defence stood up and said loudly, "I don't believe that letter is from her! I say we charge into Scandinavia and teach those bastards a lesson!"

There were hoots of approval everywhere. The Orb Parliament though, were not bespectacled, fluffy creatures who hooted and surveyed the world with wise, collective demeanours.

These men and women were more like vultures, waiting to tear him into shreds for breakfast. As he stood in the centre, he couldn't help feeling vulnerable and very upset.

He stood up, trying to speak calmly. "I object. I will not have anyone charging right into Scandinavia to flush everyone out in hopes of finding Cagalli."

"You will refer to her as the Orb Princess." The minister of foreign affairs said loudly. "And you have no power to object to this. You are ultimately a proxy at best."

Kira ignored the urge to massage his temples, still speaking firmly. "I am a proxy, it is true. But the Orb Princess would disagree with your plans to enter Scandinavia to search for her. She would never want to start a war."

"This isn't her choice anymore." Another minister said, his lips unpleasantly stretched in a fish smile. "She isn't around, and we must not let any territory of the Earth Alliance look down on Orb's ability to retaliate in the face of such aggression from Scandinavia."

There were murmurs of approval everywhere.

"It's hardly open aggression." Kira argued. "They haven't done anything that can be proven guilty. And Cagalli's safe somewhere, I know. This letter proves it!"

He regretted saying it. Almost immediately, he could feel their presences prowling around him, examining him.

A middle aged woman, the minister of home affairs, spoke with a voice that reminded him of a slug's trail. There was a drawl and a kind of slime in it. "Proxy, you speak as if this letter is a hundred percent real and written by her, and even then, you assume she was not forced to write this."

The air in the room grew tenser with what the minister was insinuating. And Kira shook his head honestly. "I do not know. But she is my twin, and I can sense that she is alive and safe."

The Commissioner of the Police scoffed, being far more open about his suspicions. "Sense indeed! Your proposal reeks of your private ambition. Plant's help indeed! I think they are involved with our Princess' disappearance!"

It was at that precise moment that Kira nearly lost his temper. His voice was quiet when he started, but it rose into a swell although he knew it was not the way to put the point across. Still, he could not help it.

"All you do is sit there, openly stating that we wage war on Scandinavia when we have no proof that the royals arranged for her disappearance. And you subscribe to conspiracies you have to proof for." Kira snarled.

"It scarcely is a kidnap- there's not been a single ransom letter or call, and yet, you want to overthrow the balance the Orb Princess has spent most of her life working to achieve! Don't you understand that Plant would be very useful even if we chose to go to war with Scandinavia?"

There was a roar on every side of the table. Officials were arguing, but Kira sat down, too weary to continue.

"Let's not get bothered by conspiracy theories here." Kira said finally, when the noise had died down. "We know for a fact that the Orb Princess never used this seal before or divulged its existence or details to anyone."

"Moreover," Aaron said sharply, standing up from his section of the large, oval meeting room. "It is common knowledge to the Parliament and Nobles that the Orb Head is presented with a personal seal. Personal seals aren't particularly important for the recent Orb Heads- it wasn't the official, public one anyway. As far as the investigators know, the Orb Princess had hers in that safe. It hasn't been touched or seen since the day she locked it in."

"Yes," the Minister of Economic Development called up. "But what if she was forced to divulge the details of that seal from wherever she was? And what if that instigator was from Plant?" He glared at Kira, who looked back stonily.

"That's possible on both grounds." Aaron admitted. "Plant has been silent all this time, even as our relationship with the Earth Alliance has been going downhill. I think they may or may not be involved, but currently evidence is not against them."

Kira stood to speak. "We would be foolish if we accused Plant of being involved in this. We should make them Orb's ally rather than let Earth Alliance get Plant on their side, just in case Earth Alliance turns on us."

"Also," Aaron added, "The Orb Princess would have faked the details of a fake seal if she were forced to divulge the seal's details. After all, her captors, if there are any," He said darkly, "Would not know any better."

"The investigators are comparing this seal and the original." Kira said firmly. "There should be no difference. If there were any, that would surely be her way of telling us she was endangered and threatened. But the fact that the exact details of the seal are reproduced show her hand in this, and it is a willing hand, no doubt."

There were now murmurs of agreement everywhere. Then Aaron Biliensky stood up, his face in a frown. "I will now call for a crucial vote. All hands up."

There was a pause but the hands were raised.

"Those in favour of following the Proxy's proposal of requesting for Plant's help will leave their hands in the air. Those against his proposal will put their hands down."

Kira looked around, and with a dull relief, saw that less than ten out of sixty hands were no longer in the air. Aaron had convinced them that the letter Kira had received was from Cagalli.

And with Cagalli's reassurance that she was safe, Kira then had the support of most of her Parliament.

"Thank you." Kira said quietly. "Dismissed."

They filed out, and he closed his eyes, waiting for the noise and the footsteps to disperse. Sweat was trickling down his back and neck, and it was distinctively cold.

Then forcing himself to concentrate, Kira opened his eyes. Only Aaron was left in the room.

He gazed down at the original letter, which had just been sent back from the labs and investigation chambers. They had found nothing particularly extraordinary about the ink, the paper, or even any fingerprints on it except Cagalli's.

Pressed at the bottom of the letter was her personal seal. It was a beautiful mark, Kira observed, and it had been crafted specially for her when she had taken power as Orb's head after the Second War.

The crafter was under questioning now, but Kira suspected that it was unlikely that the wizened old man had reproduced the seal or told anyone of its details. Looking at this letter even without the seal that was confirmed to be hers, Kira knew his twin had written it.

If she had traced this seal out in her mind, Kira supposed, Cagalli would have probably stared with the centre of the complex kaleidoscopic view of the final seal.

First there was an arc, then another, intersecting to form an almond-shape. Within the almond, two bisecting lines ran through and crisscrossed to touch all the diagonals of each arc's ends.

The butterfly-like shape was more complicated however than what met the eye. Certain portions were blackened with dark ink, but certain light, such that it was completely symmetrical.

The whole structure fitted within a diamond shape that had two opposite ends touching the exact bisecting line of an outer-circle- some recognisable alphabets and some strange symbols lining the circumference.

Frowning slightly, Kira took a pocket-mirror from Aaron and held the letter before it.

Her name appeared.

Had it been a mistake of the seal-recreator when he or she had carved Cagalli's name? But glancing at Aaron, who shook his head vehemently, Kira knew otherwise.

Aaron had been speaking to someone on the phone, and now, he finished off with the conversation and turned back to Kira.

"That was to inform us that the investigations just finished." Aaron informed him tiredly. "The creator of the stamp's cleared. He went through the lie-detector test with no problems at all, and even interrogation didn't work. He's telling the truth, no doubt about that."

They studied the stamp of the seal on the letter.

"I haven't seen the actual seal." Kira admitted. "It's still in the top-secret investigation quarters, so I'm not sure. But this-," He pointed to the inverted letters, "Could this be Cagalli telling us something?"

Aaron hurried over and peered. But then he shook his head.

"The seal-creator says it was deliberately created that way." Aaron added. "He says it was the only seal that had that particular characteristic of the Orb Head's name being inverted. That was the most unique thing about the seal, apparently, and only Cagalli herself knew what the seal looked like."

With the seal that only she would have know the existence of and in such great detail, it was impossible to re-manufacture unless she had drawn a copy of it.

Kira was sure she had written this letter. The penmanship was certified by more than ninety percent accuracy.

Moreover, Kira was sure that whoever who had sent this for her would have been careful enough to remove anything else that was telling. There were no fingerprints other than hers; nothing at all.

In other words, all they had was this.

He turned back to Aaron, his face in a frown. "Get Plant on the phone. Put me to the spokesperson of the Supreme Council. It's time to bring them into this, because we need their help."

---

"You're going soft." His superior, Seven, was sounding more irate than usual." I'm in a good mood though, so I won't call you a shithead."

"How so?" Athrun questioned. "How am I'm going soft, and what do you mean when you say something's put you in a good mood?"

"Don't play games with me. Or the Numbers."

Athrun winced. "Games with my superiors? How would I dare to?"

"Don't lie." The voice was very sharp, and there was a sound in the background that may have been a fist pounding once into a table. "I just got information that Kira Yamato will be going public with a letter. That letter came from apparently nowhere, but was addressed to him with Cagalli Yula Atha's personal seal! Apparently, one exists, and the one that was used to mark her letter is a perfect recreation of that seal!"

"I allowed it." Athrun said mildly. "So what?"

"So what?" The voice roared instantly, squeaking really, because of the distortion device the speaker was plugged to on the other side. "Athrun Zala, you really-,"

"Shush, shush," Athrun said mock-hastily. "Names, remember? And also, you need to stop being so quick with your temper, Seven. It's bad for your health."

"Don't give me advice on my health," The voice growled belligerently. "You're the one who wants to drive me into my grave, aren't you? God- what possessed me to help you out every time-,"

"That's what friends are for." Athrun said mockingly, although he sincerely meant it. "And really, I'm beholden to you, Seven. From Ecuador to the poles, I doubt my businesses would have flourished so much without your help. It's difficult to get out of this place so I need people to help me manage my businesses, and really, you've been great. But leave me to my own devices where the Orb Princess is concerned, really."

"If I did that," the voice said nastily, "I think we'd be utterly fucked by now. And when I say 'we', I mean the Orb Princess too. Don't think I'm retarded and don't know why you're doing this. I know you still want that woman."

Athrun raised an eyebrow. Surely, his superior or anyone for that matter, didn't know that it had only been a few hours since he'd left Cagalli in his bed. She hadn't struggled or protested when he'd touched her the way she'd taken care of him- she'd let him and he had enjoyed her responsiveness and sensitivity.

The memory of her cries and the taste of her arousal, warm and sweet as she'd leaned back into the pillows, made him feel slightly feverish now. He thought of how Cagalli had pleaded with him to let her understand him. She'd also wanted him to tell him about his aides too.

But he had not told her more other than that about Harumi and Ko. He'd been far too desperate for her touch then, far too needy to think of other things except to feel her against him.

Yet, Cagalli was very persistent- he had to admit that. Even when both of them had been satisfied and he had been prepared to fall asleep, she'd whispered, "Will you tell me about Epstein and the twins now?"

"Why should I agree to tell you about the aides, now that you know about Ko and Harumi?" Athrun had retorted. Cagalli had looked back at him, biting her lips, and he'd relented.

"Alright then," He'd muttered. "We'll do it this way. If you win at cards tomorrow, I'll agree to this contract."

Now, Athrun wanted to return to her and tell her he'd sent the letter. He wanted to win, even if he would have to tell her about his aides. He wanted her again, now that he'd had more of her. Also, he could now claim his payment for that letter Kira had received just some time ago.

But he had to handle Seven first.

Seven began to mutter in his tirade. "I knew you still loved her when you agreed to stay on. In fact, I knew it before you even agreed. And even after that, I think you became more obsessed with her. All that watching after her that you did, all that time you spent trying to make sure she was safe in Orb- God, I shiver at how crazy you can be when it comes to the details. That pen you insisted I give her and convince her to keep-," The voice grew loud again, "I didn't even know there was a camera in it!"

"I had to get you to give it to her," Athrun said evenly. "If it had arrived as a mystery gift or some random present from some lesser friend, the bodyguards would have taken it apart and realised she was being observed. But if it came from a close friend, she would hardly let any beefcake smash it apart to make sure it was safe to write with."

"Close friend indeed," Seven grumbled. "My fiancée was bewildered when I insisted she give it to Cagalli Yula Atha on our behalves when we had already gotten another present before that."

Athrun snorted. "I'm sure that pen was more useful than some lousy painting."

"Shut up!" The voice sounded enraged. "We had to donate it to some art gallery after we couldn't find anyone else to give it to. Besides, it was difficult lying to my fiancée as to why this pen was better as a gift, and why she was the one who had to present it to the Orb Princess and not me."

"Just calm down and trust me," Athrun said, trying to assure the party at the other end. "I wasn't brought here for nothing. I intend to be a good stooge to you politicians."

The voice paused and Athrun knew he was getting through.

"I suppose you're right when you ask me to trust you." The voice said slowly. "But don't take too many risks. You're putting yourself in danger every time you do things like that. There's only so much the Numbers will do for a single Eye when so many can replace you."

"Really?" Athrun said in a bored voice. "Like who? Epstein Cleamont again?"

"The Numbers would rather sacrifice a troublesome pawn than try and protect it," Seven snarled. "Especially when you do stupid things that endanger yourself anyway. Remember that we promised you-,

"Yes, I know." Athrun interjected sardonically. "You people promised me an asylum and the perks of freedom after all this is over and done with. I was lured into the Isle for that, and by Jove, I'm still looking forward to it. Even more, actually, after you made me stay on beyond the first contract."
There was a pause on the other side.

"And sure, I'm entirely aware that you didn't promise me immunity beyond the scope of duty I am obliged to carry out." Athrun added bitterly. "We're all businessmen at heart- we know what's a fair bargain and what's better- an unfair one."

"Good that you remember that." The voice became slightly more stiff but more weary too. "Don't you forget it either. I don't want to have a situation where I'm forced to defend you for things you've done that you can't even explain. But having said that, good thinking with the letter. It's put us where we want to be in this whole slate of affairs. Orb's finally brought us into this good and proper. It's official that Plant's Supreme Council will be the mediators between Orb and Earth Alliance."

"So you're not going to kill me for sending the letter to Kira Yamato?" Athrun said cynically.

"Of course not," The voice sniffed, comical because it was so high-pitched in its distorted nature. "You know what we always say about your indifference for rules, but you know you're too useful. You should know that by now, Estragon. When your contract came to an end, we had to find a way to make you stay on."

"I know." Athrun said in an unreadable voice. "You people did it a second time when I asked to leave in my fourth year here."

There was a pause. Then the voice said a little more softly, although it was by nature, quite forceful, "I will apologise for that. Not in my capacity as your superior, but in my capacity as a friend, if I can still call myself one."

"Don't worry about that." Athrun said mildly. "I got over the shock of having my friend supply my private information to his colleagues for the sake of his duty. I may have done the same if I had been you at that time."

"You would not have done that." The voice declared imperiously. "Don't forget that I'm counting on you to remind me that I'm a bigger bastard than you are at times, Zala."

"Alright," Athrun laughed, although the seriousness of the situation was undeniable. "And get some rest Yzak, you sound like crap."

"Hey, names! Names!"

---

That evening, Athrun solved the puzzle for Cagalli.

She had leapt off the bed and sprinted to him when he'd entered her room, saying to him in frustration, "I give up! I can't solve the bloody thing!"

"What is it?" He asked patiently.

When he'd left her last night, he'd written a note that he would be back within the day. This was opposed to how he'd often left her without telling her.

Thus, Athrun had been expecting her to be ready for his news about the letter, and for her to be willing to reciprocate.

But he hadn't expected this, Athrun thought with a grin.

She'd begun to chatter in her impatience, like a child who was excited about some toy. "I tried for ages, Athrun, I really did! But this stupid thing won't open. And I'm too stupid to solve it! Just do it for me- I can't go one more day without solving this blasted thing! I've been staring at it for ages, but it just won't budge for me! Do it, Athrun! Do it!"

He'd grinned, taking off his coat and slinging it on a chair while she tugged on his arm. Then he'd taken the puzzle from her and with one hand, led her to her bed, holding the puzzle in his other hand.

By the time they got there, and by the time she sat down next to him, he took it from behind his back, and there it was, solved.

In his palm, it had been unfolded and it appeared now as something of a small, wooden box without a cover.

She gaped at him, and he laughed at her.

"How did you-," Her eyes were wide, and he thought of plates tilted to catch the light.

Teasingly, he took his hand away from hers and used both his hands to scramble it again with seconds.

"Wait, do it slowly," Cagalli protested, grabbing his hands in hopes of stopping him. "I want to know how you opened it like that and-,"

"That's interesting." Athrun said amusedly. "You seem more interested in opening in it than getting what was in the puzzle."

She stared, and then winced, smacking herself on the forehead. "Oh, I clean forgot-,"

In her blind desire to open the puzzle, she had forgotten the point of opening it. In the first place, what she had wanted to see was what lay in it, but she had been so frustrated in opening it that the puzzle had seemed to be the point, and not what it held.

"So what was in it?" Cagalli said curiously, trying to look around. "You took it out when you unscrambled it, didn't you? Where's it now?"

Athrun chuckled.

Then he flicked his wrist in the air and his fingers closed against his palm, trapping something in it. She was reminded of how he'd plucked a rose out of the air at Rochester's, much to the delight of the hostess.

His palm was closed around something.

Athrun it seemed, had picked up some magic tricks to add to his card skills that he had demonstrated to her all those years ago.

She could never beat him at anything which required skill, it seemed. Not in chess, not in poker, and not even in how quickly he could shuffle cards. The things she was far better at however, involved luck. He rarely beat her in blackjack.

"You're going to have to show me how you did that trick too," Cagalli told him mock-seriously. His eyes regarded her solemnly instead, and she stilled.

"Hold out your palm." Athrun said quietly.

And staring at his hand, Cagalli stretched out hers, and he let something fall into it. The familiar, blood-red colour of the Haumea stone stared up at her, and she looked back at Athrun.

"You kept it all this time," Cagalli said in amazement. Her eyes flew to his, and she saw he was staring at it wistfully.

"I would never discard it." He admitted. "It's brought me quite a bit of luck, I think."

She took it and slung it around his neck, lifting it as its leather string stretched a little. He took her hand, placing it to his heart and gazing at her.

Then suddenly shy, Cagalli ducked her head, feeling his hand draw around her shoulders and pull her closer.

"Do you still want me to show you how to open it?" Athrun said softly.

She bit her lip, feeling his lips graze her ear. He seemed to have realised that this was a sensitive spot for her, and he knew exactly how to locate that bundle of nerves and tease her there.

Fighting back the urge to tremble in her anticipation of an entirely different reason, Cagalli nodded.

And with one arm still around her, Athrun groped for the puzzle he had scrambled, and with his right hand half-holding it and his fingers working fast, he murmured, "You start by imagining this is a cube."

"H-Hold it," She stammered. "I've never been able to solve a Rubik's cube either!"

Embarrassed, Cagalli grinned sheepishly at him.

"I'll teach you a simple method for that one," He said smilingly. "But that's not related to this. Now- this puzzle. Just that if you imagine this whole thing as a cube, organising the attempts become easier."

With only his thumb and his forefinger, the other fingers holding the puzzle, he shifted the sides carefully, at a speed that was certainly slower than anything he'd attempted because she wouldn't have gotten it otherwise.

But then, Cagalli knew she was mesmerized by those fingers working, not the puzzle coming undone, and she felt her heart beat fast and hard.

She heard him whisper, "There you go. Not as hard as it seems."

Coming out of her daze, Cagalli looked at him. Their faces were inches apart.

"Who gave you this?" She questioned.

He looked back at her with no definable expression in his face. "My father. I was about eight then, I think. A gift for doing well in the exams. But before he told me what to do with it, I couldn't open it either."

And she said quietly, "I don't think I've figured it out still."

"But you've already extracted what you wanted to know from it." Athrun said in a hushed voice. "You've gotten what you wanted from it."

They knew what he was really referring to.

She breathed in, her shoulders tensing. "It isn't enough."

"What is enough?" He asked quietly. "When will it be enough?"

She paused, looking into his eyes. "When I can solve it without trying- when I can understand without having to know."

The puzzle, in his palm, lay open. She had not opened it by herself in the end, and she had required his help in solving it.

After all, Cagalli thought sadly now, only he knew how and when to open himself to her. All she could do was to try, over and over and over again.

"Athrun," Cagalli said tentatively. "Can you tell me about Harumi and Ko now?"

"If you win." Was his response.

He stood up, taking the puzzle along with him, bringing it back to the vanity and then coming back to her with a pack of cards.

Shuffling them quickly, he spread them in a long line between them both. Looking at her, he drew one, glancing at it, flipping it to show her the queen of hearts.

Slowly, she reached to one, and then pulled it out, showing it to him. She had drawn the ace of spades.

Impressed, Athrun realised that even the Haumea stone hadn't been able to bring him luck when he was faced with Cagalli. She probably had the fortune all gamblers would have killed for.

"Your luck hasn't changed all these years." He told her. "You want to know about Kitani Harumi and Ko, don't you?"

"Yes." Cagalli said eagerly. "I've seen her here before."

Athrun frowned slightly, collecting the cards and setting them aside.

"I suppose I should start with Harumi first." He said quietly. "I've told you before that I inherited quite a few businesses."

She nodded a little.

"I can't leave this place as frequently as I like," Athrun said. "And I'm not supposed to at all. So I need people to help me run those businesses. I met Harumi Kitani quite some time before the First War, when I visited the Joule Estate. She was actually an acquaintance of Ezalia Joule's."

"Ezalia Joule!" Cagalli said in amazement. "I didn't know she dabbled in commerce."

Athrun chuckled, not quite bothering to tell her that Yzak had really been the link to all of this.

"That lady is a political creature, of course, but you'll find that she's a very good business woman too. I met Harumi while sending some documents to my father, who'd forgotten to take those to the Joule Estate when he had a meeting there. I was introduced to Harumi by Lady Joule, and it turned out that Harumi dealt with stocks, including some of the Zala family's."

"I see." Cagalli said slowly.

"Before I decided to leave Plant to come to the Isle after the Second War, I had to entrust my businesses to somebody. I chose Harumi. Or rather," He paused, "She chose me. She visited me and offered to manage my businesses for me."

"What do you mean?" Cagalli questioned.

"She visited me before I left the Plants for the Isle." Athrun told her. "In return, she asked me to bring her son here, where nobody could harm her son. I declined at first, saying I didn't have the power to do that."

"Why not?"

"Because you can't just enter as you wish," Athrun said patiently. "You have to be sure that you comply with the rules of not communicating with anyone outside, not leaving, all of that." He shrugged. "Of course, I broke the rules anyway, but nobody's found out yet."

"Why would anyone want to come here then?" Cagalli wondered.

"To forget." Athrun told her directly. "You've seen them at Rochester's. Most of them have been here even before the First War. They grew tired of their past lives, and they applied to come here- this holiday resort, if you like."

"That's jut escapism!" Cagalli cried. "Athrun- you,"

"Call it what you like." He said tensely. "But people want to forget sometimes. And when they decide enough's enough, they are willing to give up anything to come to a place where they will assume new names and do whatever they like as long as they comply with the rules."

She fell silent, knowing she had to right to judge him when she'd caused him so much pain he had wanted to forget everything as well.

"Ko's being here was a result of Harumi wanting to protect him," Athrun said. "Harumi was desperate to offer something of value to me once she heard that I was leaving the Plants to go to a secret place."

"How secret can that be?" Cagalli scoffed.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Athrun said smilingly. "As incongruent as it looks, she's the head of the underground society in Japan, if such a thing exists. Pick up even the lowliest pickpockets on a street in Japan and they will know the head honcho even if they don't know which syndicate their gang leader gives the money to."

Cagalli shook her head. "Golly."

"That's her- she's the head honcho, although she has respectable businesses outside all that too. That's part of the reason why she's such a powerful business contact to have. And that's also how she gets her news. Ezalia Joule's just one of her respectable contacts- imagine what her underground contacts are like."

Cagalli ran a hand through her hair, marvelling at all of this. "Actually, I believe you. She looks very formidable."

"She is." Athrun agreed. "But she'd do anything for her son. In other words, she agreed to work for me."

"I can accept that," Cagalli nodded, "But what about bringing Ko here? And I saw her around- you mean she can just enter and level like that?"

"I broke the rules." Athrun said indifferently. Cagalli blanched, knowing she'd made him break a few as well.

"Harumi wanted her son to be safe here," He told her. "And she wanted to meet him from time to time. It would have been impossible elsewhere if I didn't bring him to the Isle. But he was too young then, so I told her I'd bring him when he was six and knew not to be a liability to anyone. That was four years ago."

"He's learning how to fight," Cagalli recalled. "And very well too."

"Part of the deal." Athrun told her. "Harumi wants him to know how to protect himself. And you can see why that's important-," He added. "If you've noticed what Ko looks like."

Cagalli paused. He doesn't look much like Harumi- same eyes of course, but the skin and hair colour-,"

"His father is not Japanese but a foreigner," Athrun said flatly. "And not just a foreigner but a Coordinator too."

Cagalli did turn around this time. Her stunned expression met his calm one. "What?"

"I told you before that everyone on the Isle is a Coordinator. That is partially true where Ko is concerned. That's why the boy is in a dangerous position, no matter where he goes in any country or even if Plant gives him a citizenship." Athrun told her.

"His mother is a Natural, and a person who meets all sort of dangers in her daily life. Add the fact that his father is a Coordinator and a foreigner- mayhem, really. He doesn't fit in anywhere. He's just too noticeable for that."

"Who is his father?" Cagalli pressed. Athrun shook his head.

"I don't think anyone knows. If Harumi ever revealed that she took a lover like Ko's father and had a son of mixed blood in so many ways, the underground societies would flip. So he is safer here, even if he sacrifices some things for it."

"So that's what you meant when you said I'd eventually meet Epstein's children. He's Ko's foster father." Cagalli said, finally understanding. "The twins look up to him like a father too, don't they?"

He nodded.

"But Athrun," Cagalli questioned. "Why not you?"

A look crossed into his face which she could not decipher. "Regardless of his youth, Epstein makes a better father than I ever can or will."

Cagalli stared at him and thought of how he'd first told her that nothing came free here on the Isle. "And do you love the boy?"

Athrun shrugged ambivalently, hiding his feelings and the pain in his heart. "It doesn't matter. I only have to protect him. That's all we agreed on. Love wasn't part of the contract. It would be dangerous if I grew to close to them, or even to the aides. I'd have something lose that way.

Disappointed, Cagalli cast her eyes down, thinking of the same contracts she'd made with Athrun. Love wasn't part of those contracts- it had never been part of those.

"Alright." She whispered. He stood, having finished what he could possible tell her. Hastily, Cagalli asked, "What do you want in return for your telling me?"

He paused. "I don't know yet. I'll think about it. But I won't be seeing you at dinner today."

"Why not?" Cagalli demanded, not quite meaning to but still doing it. "You said you'd tell me about Epstein and the twins tonight."

"I'm training with them." Athrun said simply. "So I can't have you with me tonight. You'll have an early dinner. The twins will bring your dinner here and you can have it when you like. They need to spar today."

She swallowed, watching him. "Can't I come?"

His face held that closed expression. "I think not."

"Please," Cagalli wheedled. "I want to see."

"There's nothing exciting," Athrun said, trying to persuade her to stay in her room.

Athrun didn't want her to see them using their weapons. He didn't want Cagalli to see him coaching the aides and teaching them how to kill in the most efficient manner.

"It doesn't matter." Cagalli retorted. "I just want to come along too. I promise I won't interfere, I won't-,"

Just earlier this month, he had taught Ko how to slit throats neatly, and they'd practised with pillow cases. Just one slash across, he'd told the boy. No fuss, no muss.

"No." Athrun said with a tone of finality. "I shouldn't even have mentioned it. Just stay here and have an early night. Paint something else, do something else. Just stay here tonight."

"No," She said equally firmly. She pointed to a corner of her room, where finished paintings were lying against the wall. Those were going to finish lining even the length of the rather long walls. "I'm not interested in painting anymore."

He clucked his tongue in annoyance, looking at her warningly. "Don't force me to lock your room all over again."

And with that, she knew she had lost. She could lose her temper, Cagalli realised, and argue with him. But really, that didn't work as well as being sneaky and using insidious methods, rather than direct attacks.

"Alright." Cagalli said sharply. "I won't be expecting you tonight either. I'm not going to your room tonight, since you asked me not to leave my room."

Athrun had to fight back a chuckle and shrugged indifferently.

Privately, he liked it when she was being so spirited, so feisty. They both knew he was not frightened by her threat. If he wanted to enter her room and have her sleep by his side, he jolly well could. After all, she had agreed to it a long time ago.

She bit her lips, looking defiantly at him, irritated at how stubborn and overbearing he was being, irritated at how she'd ruined it all for both of them.

When he left, Cagalli waited a while. Soon enough, the twins came, both of them looking a bit edgy, both dressed in their usual dresses and aprons. They laid out dinner and seemed unwilling to engage in conversation with her, even when Cagalli persisted. Instead, they left quite quickly.

So she waited. Not eating the food, she waited until they'd left for quite some time.

Then opening the door and peeking, she stepped out.

She moved down the usual corridor that led her to the dining room, and saw nobody there except Ko.

However, Ko's back was turned to her as he finished the last of his meal. Four different sets of dining utensils were on the table, and the plates revealed different states of a meal the diners had chosen to finish or leave.

Ko, it seemed, was the slowest at finishing his meal. With some difficulty, he glugged down the last of his soup, then stood up, hurrying into another corridor.

Cagalli watched behind a pillar, aware that her pulse was racing.

Ko had been wearing slacks and a form-fitting shirt, and she knew he was going to train too. His voice was a strange echo as he called out to 'Cathy! Lacy!", who must have hurried down that same hallway.

Cagalli sprinted after him, carefully however, not to be noticed. She saw his retreating figure and set off after him, and then ducked behind a pillar as he flung open a set of doors and disappeared behind them.

Fitfully, she counted to a hundred and twenty, then quietly crept to those doors. Opening them slightly, she peeked and fought back a gasp.

Inside, Athrun and his aides were training in a large hall. Cartesia was throwing knives towards a distance of twenty metres. She was not missing a single mark.

In another far-off corner of the large hall, Laplacia was sparing with Epstein. Both were using dangerous-looking blades that glinted, and they were both as Cagalli had never seen.

Epstein was panting slightly, but his swipes were clean and very lethal.

Laplacia, on the other hand, leapt into the air at every attempt Epstein made to strike at her, and her graceful motions reminded Cagalli of a cicada dancing in the wind.

Ko was warming up, jogging on the spot, stretching backwards and then forwards.

When he was done, he went to stand by a basket of small, thin blades, and like Cartesia, he began gathering blades in one hand and using his dominant one to throw at a target.

It went on for quite some time, but Cagalli was not watching them anymore. She was staring at the blades whistling into the air and then by some strange magnetism, getting stuck in the wooden blocks.

All this, while Athrun looked on at his pupils.

His back was faced towards her, so Cagalli could not see his expression. She focused on the aides, and felt a sense of disconcertment enter her.

Had this been why Athrun did not want her to see them? Did he think she would feel aversion and repulsion to how his aides were already efficient killers under his tutelage?

She had no time to consider this.

For suddenly, Athrun leapt at Ko, pulling out a knife from somewhere under the form-fitting clothes he wore, seeming to strike at Ko.

Cagalli only bit back her scream in time, for Ko looked up at the precise moment, and although startled, managed to duck the blow.

Athrun thankfully, had not expected Ko to duck it, and had used the back of his knife rather than the actual blade.

Nor had Cagalli time to recover.

Ko was immediately returning the attack, no longer a cherubic, smiling boy but a lethal, still creature that returned slash for slash, movement for movement, and with an intensity that frightened her.

Ko had been taught well- very well, in fact.

Cagalli stood there, watching through that crack in the doorway. The sparring seemed to go on and on, and she was aware that neither of them were really giving in.

If she had been there, surely, she would have collapsed by now.

But Athrun and Ko were still moving fast, their slashes still powerful, and she thought they would simply have to stop eventually, with nobody the victor.

Still, the boy was inexperienced and had not built up his stamina. Athrun caught the boy's arm when Ko made a mistake of showing his back to the opponent.

Quite neatly, Athrun flipped him over and held the blade to his student's throat, signalling that the match was over.

"Okay." Ko said in a tiny, unsteady voice. "I give up."

Athrun straightened up, and he turned.

At that point, Cagalli caught sight of his face. It was a steel mask, the eyes not Athrun's, the mouth a cruel line of pure hardness. Then the mask broke and Athrun was hauling the boy to his feet, ruffling his hair.

"Not bad." She heard him say to Ko. "Good job on the second leap you made- you might have taken me down there. But next time, less pressure on the hands and the knees. That spends too much energy. I'll show you what I mean."

Athrun fetched a blade he'd only just put down. His voice was firm. "Attack me in any way you wish."

Letting out a small cry, Ko threw his blade at Athrun, who ducked it and then sprang right at Ko, so quickly and so lightly without his knees taking much weight at all.

The boy nodded eagerly as Athrun released his throat, a puppy really.

Immediately, Athrun began massaging the boy's throat, looking concerned, but Ko did not seem to notice. His eyes were shining, and he ran off and fetched a blade longer than his forearm. "I'll practise now!"

"No," Athrun told him. "I'd rather you rest."

"But Cathy-," The boy protested.

They turned back to Cartesia, who was still throwing knives evenly.

The 'thunk, thunk thunk' sound of the blades sinking into the wooden marks was chilling to Cagalli, who watched from that crack in the doorway.

"She's been training for longer than you," Athrun told him.

Cagalli strained to listen. "She can go on without feeling tired, but you can't. So train a little more every day, and soon you'll be able to sustain your fight."

Epstein suddenly gave a shout, and they all realised that Laplacia had pinned him down.

Impressed, Athrun nodded at her, and she stood up, panting, her eyes gleaming like a wolf's, her hair not that neat loop anymore but long and light-coloured, spilling everywhere.

She looked like a wild creature, Cagalli thought in horror. A wild animal.

"Alright, alright." Epstein was conceding. "I'm out of shape. Now can you let go?"

Still panting, Laplacia let go of the arm she had twisted around his head, but only because she grabbed his other one and seemed to want to break it.

"Laplacia," Athrun called out. "That's enough."

She seemed to come out of a daze, and shaking her head a little, she leapt off. Epstein got up, looking exhausted.

And Laplacia looked at him, then at Athrun and Ko with frightened eyes. Some distance away, Cartesia seemed not to have noticed anything. She was still throwing blades.

Athrun smiled to reassure Laplacia. "It's fine. You're alright, aren't you, Epstein?"

Epstein nodded, patting Laplacia on the head as she blushed, lowering her head.

And abruptly, Athrun turned to face the door and Cagalli fought back a gasp as she ducked, pressing her back against the door, afraid he would see her peering through.

His voice was cam and very mild. "Ko, have an early night. You deserve it."

"No!" The boy was protesting. "We only had one round! I can last another-,"

"That's too much in one night." Athrun told him, with a tone of finality that made the boy fall silent. "You did well, but I don't want you to strain yourself. Like I said, you need to build up your strength a bit at a time."

He turned. "Laplacia too- leave those blades alone for now. Cartesia, continue. I want you to perfect those throws by tonight. Take about two more rounds, then rest too."

"Yes, Mr. Estragon." There was a machine like quality to her voice.

Cagalli heard it and shivered a little from where she was. What was Athrun expecting of Cartesia, who was already throwing perfectly at a distance of twenty metres?

"Epstein," Athrun added after a pause, "Take a rest too."

"But that's after you open the door and invite our peeping tom in." He added as an afterthought.

---

2 months. 29 days.

---