'Mere?'

'What?'

'Can you give me a hand?'

Glancing away from the mirror where she was brushing her hair, Meredeth popped her head around the side of the bathroom and saw Esposito standing there shirtless and barefoot in loose black pants and holding a razor in his good hand. He wouldn't have bothered but for the fact the captain had called the night around supper-time and asked to see him in his office bright and shiny at ten am the following morning. Since he was still stuck in the god-forsaken sling like he'd been for the last nine days, it was easier to do things the night before he had plans so all he had to do was spend his usual amount of morning routine time cleansing and dressing.

'Javi?'

'Hmm?' His mind had drifted again; add 'lack of concentration' onto that damn side-effects list, he thought miserably. This whole getting-shot thing wasn't nearly as cool as in the movies, he'd discovered.

'Do you want me to put the cream on or would you prefer to do that yourself?'

'Myself.'

Meredeth didn't blame him at all for being touchy. He was a stubbornly independent person when it came to doing tasks. Even when he'd nearly burned her kitchen down trying to fry fish, he'd insisted that she only instruct and not take over. She watched as he looked in the bathroom mirror, smear Gilette super-foam over the lower half of his face. He rinsed his hands in the water-filled sink, then sat down on the closed toilet.

'I've never done this before. Shaved a face, I mean.'

'Just drag the razor over the cream, rinse, repeat until we're through and my handsome face is smooth as a baby's ass.'

'Well at least that bullet missed your funny bone,' she commented. Putting one hand on the crown of his head to steady it, she turned him so he was looking under her right elbow while she dragged the multi-blade razor over his cheek, rinsed it and started on the next section. 'Hmm not so bad. Kinda like doing a misshapen knee. That has teeth. Go like this.' She pressed her lips together so they all but disappeared. 'Don't want to cut you.'

He complied, and Meredeth carefully shaved away the dark fuzz over his top lip. His mouth was full, sensuous, so beautifully sculpted. Since it was there, when she'd finished trimming away the hairs on his chin, she gave him a little kiss before continuing over to his right cheek. When she was done, she damped the corner of a towel, rubbed away the little foamy leftovers. 'There, I think that should do the worst of the damage. You want to finish it up?'

'Yeah.' Suddenly angry after she'd been so considerate and patient, he snatched the razor from her hand. 'I got it.'

She gave him a beady look but nodded, left the bathroom to continue getting herself ready for bed. Esposito shut the door behind her, and looking in the mirror, ran a hand over his face. She'd done a decent job, better than if he'd tried to be a one-armed bandit. His eyes drifted down to see his immobilized arm, resting in the sling; it made him want to scream in frustration.

This was not him. He was not the guy who need other people to do his work for him. He was active, mobile, moving and working and doing; he'd been stuck at home with fuck-all occupying his time for over a week and he wanted to lose his mind. He'd been short-fused with Meredeth, every little thing she did to help him making him feel even worse. Meredeth, bless her soul, couldn't possibly understand she fed this rage every time she helped him get dressed or fixed his meals for him, shaved his face for god sakes. All she wanted was to make things easier for him, which only made him feel worse.

And the hardest thing to deal with was, ironically, the softest. The doctor had told him it would happen, that his libido would be fine but his ability to do anything about it would be in hibernation. He and Meredeth so rarely fought the kind of fight that needed make-up sex, but he knew that the way he'd been acting, she deserved the best he could give her. And he simply could not do it.

Patting his face dry, Esposito drained the sink and went back into the bedroom to begin undressing. He stood at the side of the bed, unzipping his jeans with one hand with jerky movements. He was so fucking sick of this, of being only half a man, the next closest thing to an invalid. The rational half of him knew it was temporary, that the feelings of uselessness would pass once he was given the green light by the doctor but the day-to-day part of him had never been so infuriated in his life.

When she came into the room, saw him getting undressed, she wordlessly went to the dresser and took out his pyjamas, put them on the foot of the bed. 'Have you taken your pills yet?' she asked him.

'Yes.'

'And you're not feeling nauseous from the anti-inflammatory?'

'No.'

'Okay.' She crossed to him, began to tug at his pants when he snapped.

'God-dammit, Mere, I can get changed myself.'

Her eyes burned. 'Fine,' she snapped back, 'be a snotty little brat, then and do it yourself.'

When she stomped away, slamming the door to the ensuite, Esposito hung his head and sighed, giving her a few minutes to be one-hundred percent pissed off; she had every right to her anger. Knowing the humbling path he had to walk, he went over and knocked on the door. 'Babe, I'm sorry for yelling at you.'

A huffy laugh came through the door. 'Well, it's a nice change from your sulking.'

'I haven't been sulking.'

'Right.' She yanked open the door, marched past him to turn down the sheets on their bed. 'So I suppose avoiding Ryan's calls all week when he's worried sick about you, refusing to let Castle come over or Beckett bring you paper grunt work is what, a brilliant coping strategy?'

'I don't want to see them right now. And I'm sorry Mere, because I love you but I can't stand one more second of your hovering.'

Now it was hurt she felt, along with her temper. 'Why not?'

'Because I don't feel like a man!' Esposito sighed, sat on the edge of the bed with his back to Meredeth. He couldn't look at her, not if he wanted to get this out. 'I am a guy who needs to fix things, to right wrongs, it's part of the reason I became a cop. And right now, I'm not that guy. I can't get dressed, or eat, or shave on my own and god forgive me, it makes me feel weak and ashamed.'

'Javi.' Meredeth rounded the bed, knelt in front of him as he hung his head. 'Look at me. Look at me,' she repeated when he shook his head; she waited until he raised those miserable brown eyes to hers. 'You are very much a man. You are my man, and you are not weak.'

When she kissed him,putting a little fire in it, the final greasy thread of his control slipped from his grasp. He gave a shudder so noticeable she pulled back. 'Javi-'

'I can't, Mere.'

'We can always do spoon-position so you don't-'

'No, I mean, I physically can't. Every molecule of my body wants to have the greatest make-up sex as an apology for it, and I can't get it up.'

'Because of the medication?' When he nodded, she shook her head. 'Is that what this is about?'

'I want to make love to you, to show you how much I adore you, because I wouldn't make it through this without you and I can't.'

'On a scale of one-to-ten, with one being a worm and ten being reinforced titanium-'

'If I'm thinking about you, drenched in coconut oil on silk sheets, two. I watched our home-vid from Valentine's Day and I got to maybe a three.'

'Okay. I might have something for that.' Meredeth got up, pulled her night-shirt over her head so she was just in her panties. 'Lie down.'

'Mere-'

'You want to stay cranky and sexually frustrated? Lie down.'

Knowing better than to piss her off even more when she sounded like that, Esposito did so. When she crawled in beside him, he could smell cucumber on her skin and felt the sizzle in his chest, if not anywhere else.

'I am going to tell you a dirty bed-time story,' she explained, taking the hem of his boxers in her fingertips and peeling them down his body so he lay completely naked, save for his arm brace. When she stretched out beside him, she placed one hand on him but didn't rub or stroke, just let her palm lay against him. 'Where is somewhere you'd like to go on vacation together?'

'Barbuda. Blue waters, sun, you in a tiny little bikini.'

Meredeth was silent for a moment, then nodded. 'Okay, I've got it.'

'Got what?'

'Close your eyes.' He did so, and Meredeth lowered her voice to the soft purr she used when they were burning up the sheets. 'We're in Barbuda and we've decided to exploring in the dense, tropical jungle, when we've come across a secluded little beach. Crystal blue waters, white sand, and nothing but the sound of birds in the trees all around us. It's like we've found our own little castaway island. We decide to go for a swim.'

'Sounds amazing.'

'You jump in first, then when you turn around, you can see I've jumped in too, only wearing my bikini bottoms and my breasts are floating a little in the water. You get that look in your eye that says I won't be wearing them for long. We splash around a little and we're washed up on shore, kissing and groping at each other. The feel of you on top of me, the weight of you makes me feel sexy as you kiss me and start running those strong hands of yours all over my body.'

Esposito could see it in his mind, clear as a Blu-Ray DVD, and for the first time since he was out of the hospital, felt a small rush of blood in his loins. Wrapping his unbraced arm around her, he cupped her breast, felt her nipple harden against his touch; the rush continued. 'Then what?'

'You do what you just did now, run your hands over my breasts, rubbing your thumbs over my nipples until I cry out. You use your tongue on me instead of your fingertips and it's driving me crazy, I'm begging for you to touch me.' She felt him twitch a little under her hand. 'You feeling something?'

'Yeah. Don't stop, I like where this is going.'

'I'm pulling at your swim trunks and you're tugging on the strings of my bikini, and because you like to torture me so sweetly you take one hand and run your finger from the pulse in my neck, down the center of my body to that sweet spot between my thighs.'

'Like this?' He slid his hand down to where she described before sliding his hand back up.

'Yeah. I'm already wet and waiting for you, so you slide in one finger, then two, taking your time to draw it out, making me moan in your ear how good you make me feel, and the faster I want it, the slower you make it.'

This time she felt him grow, hardening under her palm so she used it. 'You can feel me clench around your fingers, slick and hot, and just when I think I can't take anymore you lower your mouth to my breast and suckle as you stroke me to the most blinding orgasm I've had from your hands on me.'

'God.' Now his eyes slammed shut as he envisioned her, sun-kissed and open and welcoming for him and felt like his usual self for a fleeting moment. 'What next?'

'You want to be inside me, but instead, I decide to give it back to you. I roll you so you're underneath me now, solid as granite and ready to party. I kiss my way down your chest, tracing my finger over your treasure trail, until I hit the jackpot and take you into my mouth. I use my tongue, my lips, every trick I have to make you feel as much pleasure as I did. Your hips are arching off the sand as you run your fingers through my hair to keep me close and I can hear you struggling for breath.'

Esposito swallowed tightly. He could feel it now - the first time he'd been able to have his body respond the way it always did when he fantasized about sex with Meredeth. Still with his arm wrapped around her, he pulled her tight against him, whispered in her ear, 'Keep going, Mere. I want you to.'

'Yeah?'

'Yeah.'

With that word of encouragement, she closed her fingers around him, a little surprised at how alert he was but nonetheless did what he wanted, what he needed as she continued, 'I can feel you freeze for a moment and all of a sudden, you tighten your fingers against my head as your pace speeds up, and I hear you tell me you're coming, and you do. I take all of you in, until you're done and we're both lying there spent on the beach.'

'Jesus, Mere.' He could feel the little bit of pressure tighten inside him, winding like a spring and groaned as it did, which alarmed Meredeth.

'Javi-'

'No, don't stop.'

Laying her lips against his throat, she adjusted her hold on him as needed until she heard his breathing change, like he was holding in little gasps, until she felt the tremble of his chest, felt him ooze warm against her hand. When he'd finished emptying himself, his heart thundering like a freight train and sweat popping out of his pores like daisies, she reached for the tissue box on the nightstand to tidy both of them up. The second she'd tossed it into the trash can, Esposito turned onto his side and crushed his mouth to Meredeth's in a greedy kiss. The orgasm had been small, inconsequential, not at all the tsunami of sensation he was accustomed to with her, but it did the job - it had been a complete affirmation.

'Thank you,' he murmured against her lips. 'Thank you, Mere.'

'Like I said, you're my man, Javi. And as soon as you're through your meds and you get back to that eight-nine that you're used to, I'm going to rock you like a hurricane.'

'I'm holding you to that.' He kissed her again, wrapped his arm around her to keep her close. 'I love you, Mere.'

'I love you too, Javi.'

R&R&Enjoy!