Conducting an avalanche. In E flat

Fr: williamdarcy at charlesbingley

To: richardfitzwilliam at dbd

Subject: I don't remember when I last slept

I'm not even kidding. I don't remember. This is getting really stupid. It's, what, a month since Christmas? I think that night on your pullout couch was the last time, maybe.

OK, so I slept a while ago, but it wasn't like a full nights sleep. How long can I physically go with out sleep? You with your weird love of Wikipedia should be able to figure this out, right?

Anyway, as per our agreement, I am clocking in a delightful message which I absolutely do not have time to write, but frankly, right now, if I hear one more sentence about nuclear fuel technologies and drilling through national parks for oil, I will drive to Yellowstone and throw myself into Old Yeller. Is that possible either? Find out.

So, I'm going out of my mind, I haven't slept well in ages, and I'm starting to get seriously concerned about Charles. He still won't hire any other speech writers, and it's getting like it was before. Except now the race has stepped up and tightened, and he is making much more speeches. He just has to get past July. Well, then November. And then…well, I'll fit in some time for him to go to Aruba or something.

So. Report over. I'm not dead, and I haven't quite turned into my father. Yet.

Love to the clan.

Will

Fr: richardfitzwilliam at dbd

To: williamdarcy at charlesbingley

Subject: Not exactly the comforting bulletin we were after

Well. Good? I think. I'm glad to hear that you're not dead but maybe we could aim a little higher here? I don't know. Just a thought.

The world wide web community seems to agree that if you were a rat, you'd be dead in about a month with no sleep. We'll see just how rodentish you are any day now, right? Allegedly fatal insomnia leads to death after several months, although apparently no one has ever died from lack of sleep. Happy thought. Especially in contrast to the fact that lack of sleep leads to a doubled risk of cardiovascular disease, weight gain, hypertension, Type 2 diabetes, depression, alcoholism and bipolar disorder. Also, cognitive performance declines with six or few hours of sleep. So, in short, you may not die, but you'll have a massive crappy pile of problems, so go to sleep, right now. That, or look up sleep on Wikipedia and laugh at the picture of the sleeping kitten, and the person who wrote an article on sleep and headed it with a picture of a kitten. Bang goes his scientific credibility. Also, while you're there, look up Thumbelina the horse. It's the funniest horse-pig-dog you'll ever see. Although it may give you creepy horse-pig-dog dreams. So maybe not.

As for Old Yeller. Will, your cognitive reasoning is already slipping. As you may remember, Old Yeller is the dog in the film, wait for it, Old Yeller. You know. The horrifying one. Old Faithful is the geyser. I can only find accounts of near fatal geyser related accidents, so, you know, it might just be a slow and painful way to die. Not as slow and painful as being gnawed to death after throwing yourself on Old Yeller, the dog but still.

Well, got to go. While it may not appear to be the case, I actually have work to do. I know. Crazy. Glad to hear you're not dead. Keep up the good work. Not dying I mean.

Rich

Fr: williamdarcy at charlesbingley

To: richardfitzwilliam at dbd

Subject: Old Yeller

I can't get that dog, the film, or the song out of my head. It's going to make me go mad. Just so you know. So, until the next report, in the little spare time I have, I will be burning effigies of you.

Will

Fr: jfb at zimmerman

To: ebethbnet

Subject: I AM HORRIBLE

I loved the guy. I think I really did. SO WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WORKING FOR HIS OPPONENT?

Seriously. If you can't convince me of a good reason why I'm working here, I may have to leave.

Jane xx

P.S. This is my new email, if you hadn't guessed.

Fr: ebethbnet

To: jfb at zimmerman

Subject: You're not. Don't get your pants in a bunch.

Girl, you were head hunted. You are good at your job. You love your job. You love politics. And, let's be honest here, after that speech in December, we ALL love Saul Zimmerman. I know you loved Charlie, and you respect him as a politician, but you know, we're all grown ups here. You left, he emailed once, and now we're moving on. So it's good.

In other news, back at the old homestead, Lydia's gone off again on a 'road trip'. Emphasis on the quotation marks. If this isn't a boy that she's off with then I'll eat my shoe. Probably. And if Mom or Dad find out that it isn't a road trip, to Nashville by the way (not exactly a road trip by Britney standards, but then what is?), then they'll either kill her, or make her marry the dude. Either way, he ends up screwed. In situations like this, you end up feeling like maybe the guy should meet her parents early, just so he knows just how mad they are going to be. I mean, it's not like they're laid back hippy types.

So, I'll keep you updated.

Love you, and miss you more than you could know,

Lizzie

xxxx

Fr: jfb at zimmerman

To: ebethbnet

Subject: OK. Chilled. A bit.

Lydia's an idiot. Let's only hope that she remains without ambition. You know, not trying to get further than Nashville. Although they really don't suspect her of, you know…? Ignorance really must be bliss.

Well, things here are settling down, probably because I'm just about succeeding at suppressing that gnawing sense of guilt and shame. So, snaps for me. Saul Zimmerman is amazing. He's here all the time, working and chatting but, you know, at the end of the day, he goes back to his wife, and phones his grandchildren and wishes them happy birthday, and…well, I only realise now how frantic it was on the Bingley campaign. I loved it, but I don't know. I kind of feel more at home here. Is that wrong? Oh man, I am horrible.

Well, I keep on talking you up. And they're super interested. I chatted to Sam Seaborn the other day and mention you. He's really interested Liz. Seriously. So think about it, all right? They'd totally take you on.

You know the best thing about being here? I only really have just realised how far in over my head I was before. I was talking about stuff I had no idea about. I mean, it's not like now I'm taking several steps back and having someone draw me a multi-coloured wall chart of 'The World of Politics' or something. It's just, I think I've found my feet here. Somewhere that I can genuinely work in. Not just flounder.

So, still feeling guilty, but quietly happy, if that's allowed.

Love you, and love to the family. Even Lyds.

Jane xxx

Fr: ebethbnet

To: jfb at zimmerman

Subject: Thanks but no thanks

I can't believe you're talking me up to Sam Seaborn. That is Sam Seaborn, aka, the shoe-in for Democratic vote, right? Sam Seaborn whom Charlie worships. That one? Just checking. Anyway, I'll sound totally hypocritical, but while I think it was fair, right, and grownup of you to take that job, if I did it I think Will may just turn up on my door with a machete. I mean, it's not like I ever really want to see him again, and we certainly didn't part on an exactly amorous note, but I would like to think that maybe, one day, if I ever bumped into him, he wouldn't push me under a garbage truck. Well, this makes no sense, and I'm certainly not just doing it for that reason, but you know. It's complicated, and times like this I need the open sky. Not a plastic coffin of a hotel room.

So. Lyds is back. Smirking. All the time. Kit is starting to lose patience with her. I distinctly heard her say just the other day "Geez, no I don't want to know about that." And there may have been something anatomically impossible but I won't offend your delicate ears/eyes with that. And as for Mary. She has taken to completely ignoring Lydia. Something about being totally disgusted at her and her ways of debauchery. It's times like this that really bring out her Victorian schoolmarm side. Anyway, the house of Bennet is therefore, currently, a house of doom. You may feel crushing guilt, but at least it's far, far away from here. Lucky. Just like Britney.

A thought occurred to me, and since you're the only person I told about this, I wanted to consult with you. Lydia has bumped into George a few times, right? And with what I know of him (re: Will's story of George's unfaithful ways and crushing of familial ties etc PLUS his being a lying skeeze bag) do you think I should tell her? You know, warn her off from his lying, crushing skeezy ways…you know, as I write this, I already think not. She'd just run right after him, wouldn't she? And she knows that he's a lying skeeze bag. You remember Christmas, right? So, in short, there's little point. We've just got to hope that a) she's too busy tied up (probably literally…ew) with some guy, and b) even if she did throw herself at him, George is too busy doing it with Mary King (sorry…well, not really…) or at least sees some difference between an fabulous, hot, rich actress, ten years his junior, and a man-crazed twenty-one year old, newly legally fuelled on cheap red wine.

This was all a lot simpler when we were ten.

Love you, and I'm glad it's getting better, despite crushing, gnawing guilt.

Lizzie

xxxx

Fr: jfb at zimmerman

To: ebethbnet

Subject: I wish I was ten. And still had a good reason to carry Sparkle around.

Seriously. It has occurred to me that, lucky talisman or no, (my Rainbow Skydancer My Little Pony- you know, the one you mock) I may appear to be a total lame ass if anyone discovered it about my luggage. I need to hide her well amongst my socks or something.

News round:

I got my hair cut. It's still longish. Still blonde. Just a bit swishier.

I'm so glad it's starting to warm up at last as you cannot imagine. I nearly died of frostbite a few weeks ago.

I met the British Ambassador a few days ago. He's mad, came on to me, then presented me with Marmite. Word to the wise, don't eat it. It's weird.

Oh, I also met Sam Seaborn's wife, Ainsley, the other day. She was great.

Well, that's about it. I think I agree on the Lydia front. There's not much anyone can tell her, really.

Hope you're all right. Has Dad managed to get any further convincing Bill to sell him the extra land? Or, actually, is he still being stubborn and refusing to write? Typical.

Love you. Even though you mock Sparkle.

J xxx

Fr: ebethbnet

To: jfb at zimmerman

Subject: Your hero

I like how you forgot the fact that you ADORED Ainsley Hayes. You wanted to be her. You've kept your hair all long and swishy just to look like her. You even considered taking law further, just to be White House legal counsel. You don't fool me Bennet.

I agree about Lydia. Mainly because you were agreeing with me, but we all like a bit of happy resolution, right? Your news was fascinating. Really. All facts should be shared in bullet point form. Therefore, I shall finish this email in such a fashion:

I too am glad the weather is warming up. The horses were getting frisky.

Dad wrote to Bill last week after months of stubbornly refusing. I dread to think how Mom convinced him.

Bill has not replied. Keeping him hanging no doubt.

That, or he can't read or write.

It's possible.

I got my hair cut too. Not that you'd notice. It's still one massive tangled hair ball.

If I stay here much longer, I will go spare. Mary, Kit and Lydia combined with Mom make me want to break things, open skies be damned.

Miss you.

L

xxx

Fr: joshlyman at whitehouse

To: williamdarcy at charlesbingley

Subject: The end is in sight

So, it's all winding up to the big finale of finales, and I thought I'd email and wish you luck. You had it unbelievably easy those first few months, but now I guess it's really hotting up. Keep focussed, and don't look back at the others coming up behind you. It isn't about how far you are ahead of them. It's about getting there first, all right? No matter what panicking instincts will tell you as you freak out and people tell you that you aren't good enough (and believe me, unless your campaign goes freakishly, devilishly smoothly then they will tell you that), you stick to it, and you'll be fine.

I mean, look at me. Just about eight years ago, I was panicking like there's no tomorrow. And now? The President of the United States along with his wife and two children came to my daughter's second birthday party. It's only when Donna's Mom pulls me to one side and is all 'Josh, that's the President' that I realise how weird this all is. So don't worry when you freak out. We all do it.

Also, don't OD on caffeine. It will not get you through alone. You can have a stab at it, but as Donna is so fond of saying (freakishly like both our Moms) nothing is as valuable as a good nights sleep.

So. See you soon maybe?

Josh

Fr: williamdarcy at charlesbingley

To: joshlyman at whitehouse

Subject: The end is hidden from sight

Thanks for the words of wisdom. Right now, however, I'm not sure that the end is in sight. And it's all very well saying to not look back at those coming up behind us, because I think we both know, Zimmerman has in the last four months been gaining ground every day. It's one thing to not change tactics just because we might not win as a landslide. It's quite another when the potential for winning is slipping further away. It sounds incredibly pessimistic but it's the truth. It's going to take a miracle for us to win now, and it's certainly not helping that while we don't have a speechwriter (largely my fault, although he won't even look at anyone I send his way), Zimmerman has Sam. They're combining his youthful idealism with Zimmerman's every man, old school wisdom. And ours are going down hill. There's no justice that right now, the last thing that I can do is either a) put him in some sort of rehab for a month, or b) send him to Aruba. Well, there is justice, but it sucks.

So thanks for the words of wisdom, but frankly, we're going to do whatever we can to just keep going.

Will

To: williamdarcy at charlesbingley

Fr: ebethbnet

Subject: re: Please don't delete this without reading it first.

Hi.

I never replied, and I thought that you at least deserved to know that I got your email, that I read it, and I believe you.

I'm not sure what else I can say right now, but I thought you should know. Good luck on the campaign. I'm keeping a close eye on it.

Lizzie

Thank you all, again.