Spilling and pudding
Fr: charlottelu at warnerstantonandlane
To: ebethbnet
Subject: Am I nice, or am I nice?
You owe me big time. I was supposed to be getting my hair done this afternoon, but Bill said something about how, as a family friend, he thought he should come and console with you and your family, and while I love the guy, I realise that you, somewhat, don't, so I put him off in the only way I know how.
You are both welcome.
Now my hair really needs doing.
Stop throwing up.
I hope you enjoyed Bill Pullman and his boots.
Love you lots honey,
Charley xxx
Fr: ebethbnet
To: jfb at zimmerman
Subject: The skinny
Dad came home today. At last. Uncle Phil's still trying to find them, but I think that for the moment, we're done.
Mom is, not surprisingly, horrified. She wants Dad to go back, but I think he's done too. He told us that we're not moving away until we're married, and that any men have to ask permission not just for marriage but for dating. Kit, already in a delicate state, burst into tears. Mary is completely fed up with it. She had moved through grieving and onto righteous anger just as you left. Righteous anger appears to be quite a long stage. I have to admit, I'm done too. Lydia has screwed us all over.
Hope you're all right.
Miss you.
L xxx
Fr: jfb at zimmerman
To: ebethbnet
Subject: Honey
I know it's hard, but it really isn't that bad. No one cares these days if your sister is sleeping around, or, as in our case, ran off and married an idiot. It's not like we're tainted by association or something. Please give Kit a big kiss for me. And tell Mary to snap out of it. In fact, I'll email them. But do it too.
However, I'm done too. So. Newsround:
1) Did you hear? Josh and Donna Lyman had another girl. Harriet Abigail. Pretty, right?
2) I'm exhausted. However, I am also loving my job, so all is well.
3) Charlie is back in the country.
Well that's all.
Love you.
J xxx
Fr: ebethbnet
To: jfb at zimmerman
Subject: WHAT?
I'm sorry. You slip in:
3) Charlie is back in the country.
and expect me to do what exactly? Ignore it? Well. Has he called you? Are you talking again? Am I going to have more tearful phone calls like that embarrassing one that we decided to talk no more about just after the convention? Spill Bennet.
L x
PS. Despite the depraved acts that Charley did to stop him from coming to see us, Bill Collins emailed me to condole about my family's unfortunate situation. It would appear that while I am happy to slander her until the cows come home, as soon as he started in on the way she has ruined the institution of marriage for the rest of society, my big sisterly side came out. He's very lucky that he wasn't here, or else I might have whacked him with a pitchfork. As it was, I just deleted the damn thing.
Fr: jfb at zimmerman
To: ebethbnet
Subject: re: WHAT?
Fine. He is back according to Sam Seaborn, in whose department (VP and all that) I have been working recently and so have spent some time on planes and such with him. Let me tell you, with a little alcohol in him, he'll tell you anything. Allegedly Josh Lyman is worse. This is how I know about Josh having another girl. Anyway. He said that Charlie's back in the country and that he thinks that Zimmerman's team could use him. Also, he wants Will. Apparently Matt Fox is making this campaign stale beyond stale, and there's no one else to take it, other than Will. So. Interesting. We'll have to see.
Spilled enough for you Bennet?
Love you.
J x
PS. He emailed me too. I may just have accidentally signed him up for the Barbie website daily updates. And Martha Stewart's cookie of the day. And the joke-a-day. And a few others. I'd imagine, with that much to clear from his inbox daily, he may no longer have time to write such utter crap to us.
Fr: ebethbnet
To: jfb at zimmerman
Subject: re: WHAT?
Good spillage. And interesting facts. Will could be fantastic for Zimmerman, but I think that he's still out of the country. He was certainly enjoying being at home with his sister.
You probably shouldn't let those little Josh/Sam/alcohol nuggets get out to much. We don't want state secrets being weaselled out of them just with Tequila. It should at least take a heist. And Nicholas Cage. And…well I watched National Treasure 2 again the other day, and I'm back wanting to be a treasure hunter. So. We'll see about that too.
Love you dude. Glad the job's so good.
L xx
PS. I'm so proud.
Fr: richardfitzwilliam at dbd
To: williamdarcy at charlesbingley
Subject: AWOL
Dude. Where are you? I called the house in Wales, firmly expecting at least someone to be there, and instead I end up having a long conversation with Mrs R about my children. Now, you know I love my children. I find them endlessly fascinating. But Will, you were supposed to be there. RESTING. Jules is angry and is threatening to not make Chocolate Puddle Pudding next time you come. It's that serious. Even George appears to be missing and this time of year she's always there. So. What gives? Tell Uncle Richie and we'll all be friends again. Otherwise it will not be so good for you.
With threats,
Rich (J,S,L&B too)
Fr: williamdarcy at charlesbingley
To: richardfitzwilliam at dbd
Subject: Chill
I'm back in the country, attending to some business, and George has come too. That's all. Keep your pants on. Tell Jules that I am well and truly rested, and that to withhold her puddle pudding might be a human rights violation. I'll look it up.
We'll come and see you guys soon. I want a go on that Playmobil castle I bought for Sam.
With placation,
Will (& G)
Fr: richardfitzwilliam at dbd
To: williamdarcy at charlesbingley
Subject: Chilled
Fine. Pudding is being crafted as we speak. Or type. Anyway. Sam is entirely jazzed about the prospect of playing Castles with you. The girls aren't very good at carrying a story yet. They just suck on the knights and wedge the dragon down the back of the chairs. Jules included.
R
PS- don't tell her. For the love of all that's holy. Her puddle pudding is my elixir of life.
Fr: williamdarcy at charlesbingley
To: deathtothewiggles
Subject: Hey
Just thought you should know that your husband has been mocking you via the medium of email, then in fearing that you would not make puddle pudding for him, begged me not to tell you. That would, in my book, constitute lying. Also, I like ratting on him.
Make the pudding for us instead. We don't mock you. At least, not to your face.
Will and George x
Fr: deathtothewiggles
To: williamdarcy at charlesbingley
Subject: Rat
Thanks dude. Am withholding pudding. And all that pudding could be a euphemism for.
We'll see you soon or pudding (literal) will be withheld. I'll make fruit salad or some such nonsense.
Love to George.
Jules xx
PS- look up Lizzie while you're in the country. I realise things didn't end like you wanted to last time, but it's been, what, eight months? She was really great. Think about it. J x
My computer acted like a nutcase yesterday, so it put the kybosh on the whole post-a-day thing. We may return to the old faithful post-every-other-day. Or the even more reliable post-when-my-computer-complies thing. We shall see.
As to those of you who are very sweetly pre-emptively mourning the end of this story, do not fear. You may have noticed that I have assiduously ignored every question about how far we have to go. That is because I feared that you'd all stop reading when you realised how long this was. However, now you appear to be getting blue, I can tell you that there are a good few chapters still to come. And an epilogue. Or two. They do, after all, still have a fair few things to sort out. Including an election (which I keep reading out the corner of my eye as erection. Unfortunate.).
Thanks, yet again. You people are, to me, protocoligorically correct.