Disclaimer: I own nothing of GS/GSD. R&R please.
A/N:
Hello faithful readers and reviewers! In between watching the world cup and becoming part of my couch, I have been waiting for reviews to pile up for the previous chapter and wondering how best to end this story, which would thus explain the delay. As you know, this fic has gone on for a long time and I'm glad to say that this is the second-last chapter. It's shorter than the others but I assure you that the last chapter is absolutely necessary. Thanks to all who have supported this fic so much and made it so enjoyable for me where the writing was concerned!
LATEST UPDATE: Sorry about this- in my confusion with all the multiple drafts I had, I uploaded the wrong version of this chapter and I've changed it. So please read it again if you've already read this chapter, and I assure you, it is an important re-read! No wonder the wordcount was so short- it surprised even myself!
PP
Chapter 32
The Orb parliamentary reports in the last two years had piled up. The news and coverage on a decision Orb was in the process of making had been going on for quite some time. A great deal of all this talk and parliamentary work had been attributed to the proposal that Plant had put forward— a proposal that the Earth Alliance had agreed to just months before. Orb had certainly been under pressure to comply with the other two superpowers, but there had been at least fifteen parliamentary sessions to delay that decision.
As far as Cagalli was concerned, having two superpowers and their governments breathe down her own government's neck was not a good reason for agreeing to participate in the trilateral zone. She shuffled the papers, looking through her points once more, and then rose, signaling the start of the session.
She stood at the head of the table, her voice authoritative and her every gesture silencing those who did not accept her decision. The head speaker today, she knew exactly what her decision would be, and she sensed that all those present in the room guessed what it would be as well. "As it stands, I say Orb is better off without this zone."
"With due respect, Your Grace," The minister for home affairs spoke, "I think the long-term benefits will turn in Orb's favour. Orb has always been the peace-keeper at rather crippling costs. Should a war break out, we would want other superpowers to help to mitigate conflicts as well. "
"You say long-term." Cagalli said stiffly. "Then what about Orb's current short-term goals? If we agree to the zone, we agree to ratify our laws according to the trilateral sale of military technology and information act. As I have said, the zone is not a problem. It is the impact of the act that comes with it that affects Orb—and adversely. Clause forty-six part three would force Orb and its colonies to have significantly less power over specific countries it trades weapon technology with."
"All for the sake of stability and equal distribution of technology, Your Grace!" The minister of defence declared. "That is the impetus behind this zone— if every superpower has the same power as another, a war is unlikely to occur ever again."
She bit back her real thoughts. Instead, Cagalli said firmly, "I'm afraid that is a mere ideal. There will always be conflict in this world, minister. The question is— when there is a war, do we need the power to protect Orb? The answer is an obvious yes. And for that obvious reason, the zone is not something we can agree to."
There were murmurs of assent and Cagalli already knew that she had won. The session would only wrap up in an hour's time, but it was quite clear the rest of the session would focus on how to present Orb's refusal to Plant and Earth Alliance.
At Cagalli's side, Aaron sat, taking down notes and listening to the other ministers bring up salient points. In his mind, he wondered if the paleness in her face was natural and whether the way she was frowning slightly had anything to do with the session. He thought of what he had asked her the other day.
Up to that point, Cagalli had persuaded most of her leaders already. "Orb needs to be independent. Trading military technology has plenty of problems on its own. But more than that, it goes against the very core of Orb's success. On another level, letting Earth Alliance and Zaft troops have free access to some of our Orb troops' quarters will create problems for the security within Orb. With all due respect to these soldiers, I foresee problems with keeping a control on what information leaves Orb."
But Aaron hadn't been quite convinced. Even now, he wasn't. They'd spent a good hour sparring over her decision to refuse participation, and it puzzled him that she seemed so unswayed by the clear benefits the trilateral agreement held.
In Aaron and plenty of the Emirs and ministers' view, the trilateral zone was not a complete winning bargain for Orb, but he and they were still supportive of it. It was true that Orb would not benefit as much from the trilateral trade and sale of military technology unlike the Earth Alliance and Plant, since Orb's technology had long surpassed the other two superpowers' own. Yet, there were plenty of solid arguments to back up Aaron's instincts that it was a proposal Orb needed to be part of. He had been surprised to find that Cagalli was not just neutral about Orb's role but quite adamant about Orb's lack of participation.
"Is your decision based solely on objective facts?" He'd asked her in her office the other day.
He hadn't meant it to be a question that implied anything less than impartiality. To be frank, Aaron hadn't realized the implications of what his question held. But the question had made her pause, and when he looked at her, he'd seen shock in her face.
Before he could stammer his apology, she had answered with her own question. "What else can I base my decision on?"
And then Cagalli had ordered him out of her office, claiming she had some files to read.
Now, Aaron looked at her again, wondering where she found her strength. He wasn't quite sure if she had indeed based her decision on anything more than what she thought was best for Orb. There were plenty of tiny, poison-filled rumours in the office that she wanted to keep Orb's military technology to herself. There were even some rumours that she was just trying to ensure that Orb and therefore she, could lord it over the Earth Alliance's leader and Plant's chairman.
But for Aaron and what he understood of Cagalli's history, it was slightly different. As he swept his eyes over the files before him, referring to the sections that Cagalli referred to, he couldn't help thinking of a clause within the potential military technology sales act along with the shared military zone. Both, if Orb agreed to the offer, would have allowed Plant and the Earth Alliance to place their military professionals for a long-term stay within Orb and its colonies.
He regretted asking Cagalli however. He knew, deep inside, that even if she had considered that clause, it would never have swayed the way she made decisions for Orb.
But Aaron did not know that when Cagalli stood there addressing her ministers, she was asking herself the same question that he had asked her.
-1117 days
"Come in."
For all intents and purposes, Yzak did not want to beat around the bush when the Vice-Head of the Intelligence Council arrived at his office, two floors above Athrun Zala's own.
He watched as his colleague entered after knocking.
In his uniform, Athrun Zala looked somehow taller and less like an individual. And while there were not many who wore a white uniform within Zaft, this entire part of the Intelligence headquarters was crawling with men and women who populated Zaft as the uppers.
Yzak returned the salute that Athrun offered. "Set it down please." He was quite aware that Athrun's questions were present even if they were not voiced. After all, Athrun Zala had his own clerk to send things to another's office if there was a need. In other words, Athrun Zala did not have to make a personal appearance unless specified. And the Head of Zaft had.
"What's happening now?" Yzak asked. If he had hoped that Athrun would answer what he had meant to ask, he was disappointed.
"The trilateral zone proposal has been approved by the Intelligence Head. The deal with Earth Alliance needs some amendment though— they are asking for eight billion instead of the original six point five." Athrun's voice was the sort that rattled Yzak simply because it was a far-too-steady sort of voice. It was the kind of voice that made men like Yzak wonder if there was anything to hide.
"I suppose you want to know why I asked you to report personally." Yzak said brusquely and with a touch of awkwardness that came when he was grasping for words to start. He had meant to be as forward as he could, but now he was unable to be, and that made him more aggressive than he had intended.
Yet, Athrun Zala looked back at him, waiting without any clear sign that he had registered the meaning behind what Yzak had said.
In many ways, the two men and former childhood playmates were equals. Even if Athrun Zala was still an Intelligencer for the Numbers and Yzak Joule was a Number and therefore his superior, Athrun had become the Vice-Head of the Intelligence Council. Yzak, on the other hand, was the Head General of Zaft. Both men did not need deference with each other. Nor did Yzak Joule need to show patience to Athrun Zala.
But in some ways, Yzak felt responsible for the way his colleague moved into the room. There was that perpetual paleness about Athrun Zala, that strange insubstantial quality even when the man's presence was a quiet, stubborn one.
Because he was uncomfortable, Yzak waved a hand irreverently at the prepared files, clearing those to a corner of his rather crowded desk. There were no photographs on the table or even in the rather spacious but well-occupied office. Yzak was a far too cautious sort of man to display photographs of his family when he was in a position that attracted attention and the occasional death threat.
"Is anything the matter?" Athrun asked quietly.
Yzak looked at him sharply. "Don't ask that like I'm the one who needs sense knocked into him."
Athrun stole a glance to the files. "Are the amendments in too late?"
"You know those are on time." What he had heard recently was far too troubling and far too relevant to Athrun Zala to pay the files any attention. In his mind, Yzak was troubled by more than work.
"What is it then?"
Yzak decided to be direct about it. Trying more tact with someone like Athrun Zala would be a cramping of Yzak's style— and being too kind and patient with Athrun.
"You know as well as I do that you're playing too many stakes." He said bluntly. "Too much politicking in your position is a bloody stupid thing to do. You're playing with danger."
"Am I?" Athrun said this with a small upturn of his lip.
"You are." Yzak rapped his knuckles against all the files that Athrun had brought in. Perhaps lancing the boil was better than tiptoeing past it. All the same, Yzak was unnerved by the small smile Athrun carried. "You have one finger in politics, one finger in those businesses, and you have all the other fingers in the promotion you're gunning for. As it is, there are plenty of rumours within camp and outside it that you are either embezzling funds or the other way around."
"Let them prove those then." Athrun said calmly.
"That's not the issue. It's inevitable to make enemies, Vice-Head, but you're making far too many by climbing too fast and too far. Something has to give. You're in the way of quite a few people who want that promotion and have been working for it for a long time."
Athrun did not seem to register anything that Yzak was saying. Nonetheless, he complied. "Understood, Head General."
Yzak shook his head. "I don't think so, Zala. Let me make it clearer. You're not going to get that promotion and become the Chaiman of the Intelligence council when the current head leaves in a few months. You won't get it even if you manage to force every single person out of the Isle by the end of tomorrow, which I suspect is what you're trying to do these days."
The uneasiness between them lingered. While the sudden appearances of Coordinators who'd been accused of crimes long before the First War had been pretty much hushed up, Yzak knew which Eye had been chiefly responsible for speeding up the Isle's closure. It didn't matter to Athrun Zala that some who lived on the Isle were not directly involved in their ancestors' misdemeanors— it only mattered that he took the credit for the evacuation of as many Isle-dwellers as possible.
"You don't know that." Athrun said suddenly. There was still that soft, insincere smile on his face. "You're only one of the Numbers. You may be the Head of Zaft but you're only one of the Intelligence Council. By the end of this year, the Isle will be no more than a shell and I would have moved on to other duties. Duties I have the ability to perform well."
"No, you won't have that role, even if you try to weasel your way into getting the other members to vote you as chairman." Yzak bit in. "You knew exactly why you were reinstated as an Eye for the Numbers, don't you? For that matter, you know why the Intelligence Council accepted you and made you its Vice-Head. Granted, you have the abilities to do your job well. But you weren't chosen for your abilities, remember that."
Athrun remained motionless. In Yzak's plain and aggressively functional office, Athrun seemed to blend and camouflage into the surroundings, and Yzak wondered if Athrun was hearing him at all.
Yzak's voice became more forceful and he shifted a file aimlessly to another corner of his desk. "The current head of intelligence took you in as vice-chairman because he would have better supervision of you. You're still in Zaft and the intelligence council because the Numbers realized you knew too many things. Even if the Isle is completely obliterated by tomorrow, you won't be transferred to some other job."
When Athrun did not speak, Yzak shook his head, grabbing more files and then rearranging them without any real sense of purpose until he grew fed up and slammed them all down. "Must I always be the one to remind you that you're not in this game to win? You're in this game to stay where you are, behave for a few years, and then get out of there. It's survival you're supposed to be looking for, not more power!"
"I won't be able to leave the Isle without ending up in some other situation." Athrun said abruptly. His face was suddenly violent. "Even when I get the Fifth Eye out of there, there will be another thing thrown my way that I will end up staying for."
"Well, that's just it!" Yzak said irritably. "Stop caring so much about others, Zala, and get on with your own fucking life! So the Intelligence council has offered you a post to teach piloting when the Fifth Eye leaves— which suggests that if you don't take it, Epstein Cleamont will. So what? If you don't want to teach piloting, then don't! Why should the Fifth Eye's taking over that post if you don't matter to you?"
"Because Erlich Hoffman was entrusted to me." Athrun said obstinately. "I want him and the twins out of the Isle by the end of this year. The Numbers promised me that when I agreed to come back as an Intelligencer."
"Look," Yzak told him, "Don't be an idiot. You were at the Numbers' mercy, not the other way around. Why do you think they promised you something? It's because they were afraid you'd do your work shoddily! They wanted you to have an incentive so that the work quality wouldn't drop! You haven't been able to meet your former aides ever since you resumed work as the Twelfth Eye, correct? Doesn't that say anything about the promise you've been working for, Zala?"
"I will have my payment." Athrun said coldly. "It will come."
Yzak flared up. "Does the fact that the Isle will eventually be shut down say anything to you? Or what if I tell you that Erlich Hoffman has been offered a place in the defense research and development department? Did you know that the younger twin is scheduled to be trained as a pilot? Or that the elder twin has shown great potential in her training as an aide for Sheba Velasco?"
Athrun kept mum.
"I tell you this, Zala," Yzak hissed, "You have no right to decide what's best for them. They decide, and you decide what's best for yourself. You think you know what's best for Epstein, but you can't do more than advise him anymore, Zala. He's not your child. He's not anybody's pet. He makes his own choices— he's seen enough to know what's a bad deal, and now he's doing what he wants."
"He doesn't know!" Athrun's voice raised suddenly. There was pain in his face. "He thinks he owes me something— he thinks he has to be part of Zaft to belong somewhere. I can't just forget someone who was entrusted to me, Yzak."
Yzak held up a hand, cutting in. "How do you know all that, Zala? You haven't met and spoken to Epstein Cleamont ever since his acquittal and return to the Isle as the Fifth Eye. Maybe he does belong to Zaft, and maybe that's how he likes it. All I'm saying is that there's no trap for you this time, Zala. There's a simple, straightforward deal that you bloody well keep to instead of trying to rise in the ranks. Do that and you'll not get into so much trouble. If you have so much time to care, you better start watching out for yourself. You're getting too conspicuous within the Intelligence Council and those who have power in Plant."
Athrun stood there, pale and angry. He might have seemed almost like a child except for the power and cruelty that rippled through his form. "I'm not doing anything wrong."
Yzak studied him, pressing his fingers to his nose-bridge to prevent a migraine. "Can I give you some professional advice, Zala? Just do your job and keep a low profile."
"No." Athrun said again, that ugliness rearing in him. "If I want my way, I make it."
"And that's why you're trying to amass power?" Yzak questioned with a slam of his fist on the table. "That's why you allowed that particular ambassador's niece near you? Or why you tolerated the company of the men and women that you could never stand the guts of? And what about the daughter of the Head of the Intelligence Council? Did she plead on your behalf for her father to tolerate your ambitions even as you try to gun for his post that he's retiring from soon? Is that why you still keep her around even when you're always abandoning her and going off by yourself at every public appearance you have to make?"
"She isn't anything to me." Athrun said coolly.
"No." Yzak agreed, folding his arms. "How could she be anything to you? She was willing to do anything to keep you with her. That silly girl was nothing like the Orb Princess, who knew where her priorities and loyalties lay and when your presence in her life had to end."
Athrun stared at him, hatred burning.
Yzak stood up, glaring at Athrun too. "I don't deny that if you want your way, you have to make it. I'm not a person who cares how you want to make your way—
I'm not a priest. If you have to kill for what you want, I say do it. But what do you want, Zala? More power? How much more do you need? And what do you need it for? For forgetting? For getting even with those who wanted to suppress you in that position you currently hold?"
When Athrun did not answer, Yzak sank back into his seat, tired out. Reasoning with someone like Athrun Zala made one very worn out. Perhaps, Yzak thought, appealing would help.
"The Orb Princess's ill, you know." Yzak watched Athrun carefully. "I was in Neo-Kyoto to meet Kitani Harumi yesterday and I heard the Orb Princess will be there at the Protocol conference." There was no change on Athrun Zala's face. "She's not even staying at home to rest but going to Neo-Kyoto— I heard from Mediator Clyne that the other day in Orb, the Orb Princess' fever flared so badly she was delirious."
When the man did not speak, Yzak lost his temper. "Are you going to say it's not your business?"
Athrun set his jaw. "I can't make it mine. Nor is my business yours."
Yzak's tone was very curt. "Bullshit. I'll tell you why I even care, alright, Zala? I care about all this because I once made past decisions on your pathetic appeals and not on the cold hard facts of my job. I decided to be partial once—for your and her sake. And what was all that waffle about wanting to protect her? You think you're keeping her at bay when you hang someone you don't even talk to off your arm—some woman you won't even touch once the public appearance is done with."
"I didn't make any promises after I agreed to come back to the Plants." Athrun was equally brusque, and his posture became more rigid. "I don't make any that I can't keep." He looked straight at Yzak, and his conviction was frightening. "In any case, seeing her again wouldn't help her."
"No, it wouldn't help you." His one-time superior and now colleague turned away. "You'd rather throw her away than to reclaim her because you feel that you're insufficient for her." Yzak shook his head. "When you read some article and found out that American was seeing her, you refused to shake hands with him." He sneered. "And that poor man was wondering what part of his work you didn't like— or what he did to offend you. And yet you act like you don't want her!"
"I didn't approve of him." Athrun said, his voice thin with anger. "I never did."
"Why not?" Yzak taunted. "You know as well as I do that his work within Detroit is excellent. Didn't you admire him before you found out what you did? You said so yourself—you said he was a good worker and a gentleman. Haven't you read those reports? He proposed, you know. He got down on his knee." He laughed unpleasantly. "Or are you unwilling to take her back when you know she's already grown tired of your ambivalence?"
Yzak pointed at the files Athrun had brought in. "Maybe that's why she's influenced her government to reject the proposal and the idea of the trilateral zone." Yzak knew he was hitting under the belt but he decided to go ahead anyway. As he had said, he was no priest. "Maybe you're right, Zala. I'm starting to find no reason as to why the Orb Princess would want to see you again."
And Athrun's voice shook when he answered. "Say what you like. I won't see her until I am ready. And I will be— soon." He cast a look to the files and within those, a report that had come from Orb a few days ago. It puzzled Yzak, and Yzak wondered if that slight gesture had been intended or whether it had held some significance.
Athrun did not look back at Yzak as he turned to leave, but Yzak already knew where his friend was going. Athrun Zala did not need Yzak's information to know where to go, and Yzak knew that for all these years, Athrun had been looking out for her. It didn't matter that the paintings had been burnt. It didn't matter that the old mansion on the Fifth Isle was not one that the Twelfth Eye could return to.
In his own selfish, destructive way, Athrun Zala had kept the Orb Princess with him while hiding himself away. And in his own helplessness, Yzak had ended up sending Athrun to her again even when his instincts and better sense told him not to.
-1201 days
There were stray leaves on the wooden tiles and the wind whistled through the open, rounded bay window of the room. It was getting a bit dark in the evening and it occurred to Cagalli that the simple folds of her cloth robe around her form would not sustain enough warmth when the sun set. But for now, she could feel fine beads of sweat against her skin and her first attempt to raise herself to sit up was too half-hearted to earn success.
As she lay on the ground, resting, Cagalli opened her eyes slowly, then shut them again. The sun was always so brilliant when it died.
"Get up." She muttered. "Get up."
It was quite mad. She was too exhausted to even yawn, let alone fully enjoy the luxury of the temporary lodging in the relative seclusion of Neo-Kyoto. The place was very beautiful, if slightly artificial for all its carefully-preserved architecture and landscaping. The wars had left it quite barren but the years after had turned it into a flourishing tourist-trap. The traditional-style villa she had been booked at for two days and three nights in Neo-Kyoto seemed almost too perfect and well-clipped. Overall, however, Cagalli was glad to have some respite and rest from the packed schedule she'd been facing for the past few days.
The past two days had been spent with the representatives from all over the world and some from Plant. The protocol wasn't something Cagalli was particularly keen about, especially since one of Orb's sunrise industries was in tourism and the idea of sustainability seemed rather suspect to her. It did not help that other countries whose tourism industries were rivals with Orb's were advocating this to Orb. As a matter of personal opinion, Cagalli had enjoyed the talks and the conference, but the idea of suddenly cutting back on tourism developments within Orb was something Cagalli would only consider later when she returned and the next parliamentary session was held.
In the meantime, all she wanted to do was to recover from her ongoing flu and fever.
Lacus had been concerned. "Cagalli, I think you better leave early and get some rest. You shouldn't even be here in Neo-Kyoto."
"Lacus," She'd told her friend and sister-in-law an hour ago when they'd met at the conference, "I don't want you to be all upset, but I'm going to stay for the rest of the conference. It's fascinating!"
"Isn't it?" Lacus said eagerly. But then a tiny wrinkle moved its way between her brow. "But still—,"
As usual, Lacus had looked beautiful, particularly when she'd walked with Cagalli in the perfectly-manicured gardens framing the conference hall after the discussions. Greenery and flowers suited never suited anyone more than Lacus, for she was someone who came across as elegant and well-bred in all situations. Sometimes, Cagalli envied Lacus for how unruffled she always seemed, but today, Cagalli wondered if a little fatigue plagued those blue eyes these days and whether the smiling way Lacus had seemed a bit wistful at times.
"I'm not upset," Lacus had told her in return. "I'm just annoyed."
"Annoyed?" Cagalli had laughed, turning to Lacus and clasping her friend and sister-in-law's hand fondly. "Since when do you get annoyed?"
"Since you started taking walks around that massive house of yours without a coat, that's what!" Lacus' voice had taken on a note of agitation. She shook her fair head. "See, your cheeks are flushed!" She swiftly raised a hand to Cagalli's forehead, flinching. "It's quite warm, Cagalli. You better get back and rest."
"It's a small cold," Cagalli had said hastily. "The fever's dropped a lot since yesterday. No matter anyway— the conference ends in an hour after this break." She nodded again, changing the subject. "How's Kira and Leon?"
But now her migraine was threatening to become worse and she clucked her tongue in irritation, cursing her luck. There was a dull buzzing in the background, and the evening seemed warmer than she liked. She considered getting up for some ice and lemonade, but then she felt drained lying here, even when she'd opened the sliding doors to see the sunset and let in some air.
The villa comprised of just three rooms but it was luxurious even in its simple design and the sprawling view of the mountains and city. She gazed up from where she lay haphazardly on her unmade bed, marveling at how the world seemed to languish even in its beauty. As it was, the large, circular window seemed to mirror the sun, although the sun was beginning its crawling descent. The scent of strange, soft flowers was in the air, and Cagalli comprehended little of what she was seeing.
Her mind felt bothered even when her body was almost sluggish in the rest she had accumulated, and she wondered if she ought to call the bodyguards the officials had assigned to take her out for dinner in the city. Contacting them was a matter of pressing a button on a wristlet she wore even now. They would arrive in minutes as they'd assured her— perhaps a proper dinner would get her out of her lethargy. The bodyguards-cum-chaperones seemed rather nice even if few of them could converse fluently with her. But she thought of the busy day they'd all had and decided that if they were resting in the adjoining villa, it was best she did not disturb them. Besides, the flu medicine was making her drowsy and it felt rather nice to lie here not doing anything.
For a minute, she wondered why the Neo-Kyoto officials and planning team had decided to take such good care of the visiting delegates. Their care seemed particularly forceful where Cagalli was concerned as they'd pressed the keys into her hand— she had wanted to be closer to the central city but the officials had insisted she stay in a more secluded but apparently more relaxing area.
"You must go there!" One official had almost begged. "It's a beautiful place! We've arranged it specially!"
And indeed, it was. Their insistence was probably to show off their high standards of tourism, she concluded. And to be frank, Neo-Kyoto did have quite alot to show off. The humidity seemed sugary in this seclusion, and the air moved sinuous and liquid with the scent of grass and petals.
The birds were calling and crying in the distance, and she smiled absently to herself, rolling onto her side—thinking vaguely about Kira and his family. Already, the light was growing saffron and she put a hand to her eyes, shading them. Night would come soon and perhaps a bath would soothe her nerves a little— just in time for tomorrow's shuttle back to Orb. She closed her eyes and promptly drifted back into the sleep she had only just moved out of.
The evening was still burning in the distance and she might have seen red or jet with her eyes closed. Her skin seemed flushed and she felt herself melting. At some point, she wondered if she was conscious, and whether her fever was getting worse. She heard footsteps in her haze and only managed to crack open her eyes, but even as she drew her breath in and tried to move away, she found no strength but fingers on her wrist, undoing the device to alert the bodyguards assigned to her.
She tried to move but she was pinned to the ground and far too weak to really struggle and assert anything. His scent was filling her and she thought she remembered what his presence had been like.
"How did you get in?" Her voice was cracking; dry from the lack of disuse. There was clear dismay even in her state. She struggled to retract her wrist, but his hands were far too strong even if his fingers felt wonderfully cool and firm on her flushed skin. "No—I don't want-,"
"Shh." He was hushing her, and a small clink in the corner made her register that he had undone the device completely and lobbed it to the side of the room. She smiled faintly; triumphantly, trying to keep her eyes open in her half-faint. The device would register another signal if it was taken off—surely the bodyguards would arrive and chase him away now.
"They won't be coming." He added. His voice was soft and very faraway, but she heard his tone if not intent.
Trying to sit up, Cagalli began to struggle in earnest now. But then she could only get up partially and his body was pressing hers down, finding hers and making her sense his presence even through the thick, muddy wool of her consciousness.
He was moving above her, busying with something, and she tried with a Herculean effort to pry her eyes open. The lids were open as only cracks and it seemed that the slit windows provided her little reassurance that he was leaving.
She dreamt of colours she was sure she had never seen and she thought there was the creak of the floorboards as he lay by her side. There seemed to be some coolness on her forehead and she arched in relief, quite delirious. But it did not end. It was taken away at some point and her hair was being shifted away from her neck and a hushed, slightly hoarse voice near her cheeks and ear.
She dreamt she was hugging a child to sleep, and she pressed against the form, the child nuzzling her. Someone was kissing her lips and her breasts and she panted, muttering and stirring. The ache in her seemed almost gone— she hadn't realized the aching had stemmed from the area between her lungs rather than her head.
Almost eagerly, she raced in her darkness to remember and even before she could force her eyes open, she knew Athrun had come.
When she woke, it was to the sound of water and the teasing touches of air on her cheeks. She almost smiled, but then she opened her eyes and saw him a little distance away, sitting cross-legged in a suit and squeezing a damp cloth for it to dry. The suit's jacket was on the ground besides her and the water she had heard was collecting in a small basin under the cloth.
Because the doors were made from the traditional paper and wood, their shadows were clear with the white background and the sun's retreating light. The room was already bathed in coral and crimson, and even in her fever, she recognized his voice and knew his face and hands.
She could smell something sumptuous in the air, but nausea nearly took hold of her. It occurred to her that she was still lying down, and she laughed once, although it came out as a cough. Awkwardly, she tried to sit up, adjusting her robe and pulling the sheets around her almost defensively.
He must have heard her although he did not turn behind. "I used the kitchen. I hope you don't mind."
Her voice felt slower than the way her lips moved with difficulty, her breathing uneven. "Why are you here?"
When he turned, she saw fear move in his eyes. It surprised her, for she had expected him to have had no emotion whatsoever. But the fear flickered and was hidden so quickly that she thought she might have imagined it.
Athrun got up, coming to her side once more. He knelt down, almost like he was at a deathbed, and she flinched when he placed his hand on her forehead to check her temperature. She was disappointed by her own response to him—disappointed that she had felt anything at his presence.
He did not say anything while he let his hand linger to her cheek, cupping it. His silence was almost patience, and she was aware that a bead of sweat inched its path down her neck and the valley of her collarbone. He was next to her; watching her, and it occurred to her that she had always been a bit dwarfed by him in the most inopportune of times. She wondered if the sheets stank of sweat and fear, and she wondered if he pitied her.
"What are you here for?" Cagalli muttered again. Her voice was returning, and so was her awareness and the clarity of her vision. But that was what she was afraid of. Perhaps, that had been what he had been afraid of as well.
He did not answer, but bent down, moving above her, kissing her lips lightly. She did not know whether she had expected it or whether she had wanted him to come closer in the way that he had, but she knew that her pulse had increased when he withdrew. She wondered if he was playing a cruel trick on her when he moved to one side and came to rest by her, lifting the thin sheet to slide to her right.
Her surprise as to his sudden arrival had been somehow muted by her the last of her delirium, and it had almost given way to awkwardness and mostly unhappiness. The more composed or conscious part of her had long realized that his presence in this villa had been planned. Athrun Zala hadn't needed to get through the adjoining villa with the assigned bodyguards to get here. He'd probably waltzed right through— with Kitani Harumi's blessing or something akin to that. He must have found her here— half-slumped as if drunk; flushed and resting deeply.
She raised her eyes to him, her fever still throbbing but her consciousness quite clear even to herself.
"You'll catch the flu." Her voice was breaking.
"I get immunity jabs twice a year." He said vaguely, shifting a little to face her.
"Do you?" She did not turn to him the way she had once done so many times in the past. She remained there, motionless, her eyes fixed on the ceiling or fear that tears would build in them.
"Military procedure."
"Ah."
She wondered why they were pretending that they were the perfect example of normality. He reached for her face, gently turning it towards him to kiss her again as if they had remained lovers all this time. She just closed her eyes, not responding, and she could feel his disappointment when he let go.
"You still haven't told me why you're here."
"I don't think I have the right to answer that." Athrun said quietly.
She gritted her teeth. Experience had taught her that silence was her best weapon against him. She disliked how he must have opened the door to this room, seen it bathed in the glow of the sunset with the open veranda and moved in quite easily, as if it was his lodging and not hers. Against him, she knew she would have to fight upslope. He seemed to settle immediately into the surroundings, and this upset her. In his suit and his formalness, he seemed to have more authority than her.
Perhaps he was aware of this. His eyes were careful and she knew he was looking for a sign of weakness. But Cagalli concentrated on the ceiling, making sure her eyes did not meet his, and she found herself more confident of holding herself steady.
"I don't suppose you'll leave anytime soon?" She sounded sharper than she'd intended, but she found little sympathy for him in her own fever and pain. Even if she suspected that he'd come for comfort as he'd been prone to doing a long time ago in the past, then it did not give her the courage to turn him away.
"I heard you fell ill, so I came to visit." Athrun replied. There was strangeness to his steady way, and the familiarity of it made her bitter. She stared at him, hating his evasiveness. Perhaps her agitation caused a new wave of anxiety, for she had to part her lips slightly to breathe.
Slowly, Athrun took and cradled her in his arms, and Cagalli found no strength to shove him away as he laid her head against his shoulder.
"This place is rubbish," She heard him mutter. "It's too cold here. Isn't there heating in this room at least?"
She did not answer him, caught in a bout of coughing. And yet she found it in her to wheeze her defiance. "I like it like this. It's too warm." But even as she said it, she knew she was shivering a little. Night had fallen and the air had grown colder.
He didn't let go of her arms, trying to turn her completely towards him.
Naturally, she directed her ire to him, moving away to her original position to stare up at the ceiling. "You should leave. You have no business here."
In that strange position they'd assumed, he looked back at her impassively. "No." His eyes regarded her. "But you're ill and you should be resting back in Orb."
She coughed her irritation. The haze in her was rising and for a second, she thought she was going to either break away from him or to hit him. It wasn't merely his insistence that annoyed her the way a bluebottle would return to a dish—it was the way he was even around.
"You need to eat something." Athrun said abruptly. He rolled out from under the sheets, got to his feet, then moved to a small table in a corner to raise a tray. His voice sounded steady although she could not see his expression. "It got cold— I'll go reheat it. When you're done, I'll leave."
His footsteps echoed as he moved out. She did not watch him, for she had shut her eyes and willed herself to make them stay shut.
By the time he returned, she was ready for him. She had gotten herself to sit upright in a kneeling position as this villa required, her eyes focused on the ground now, her hands folded and her posture proud and unbreakable. He came to her but he did not sit down. He only put the tray before her and then retreated to the opposite side of the room.
She was surprised at how easily he had pinpointed her discomfort. He had understood that watching her at close proximity would have made her uncomfortable enough to refuse the food. There was some soup and a bit of rice he had managed to find and put together in the kitchen, and the food was rather plain but sufficient.
Wordlessly, she accepted the offering and she began eating. If she was unnerved by his watching her, she did not show it; for which she was glad. She finished as much as she could, eating gingerly and a bit unwillingly, then set it down and looked at him.
He watched her from where he sat at the other end of the room, and it seemed that any movement of his own would undo him. He wanted to go to her, but at the same time, he did not know why he had come. His fear and need seemed to be thundering as part of his pulse, and yet he kept away. And when she got up and inched to him, taking each step painfully and almost dazedly, he felt as if he had been turned inside out. He knelt at his side of the room, watching her until she reached the middle of the room. Here, Cagalli seemed to falter and she moved to her knees.
"Do you want me?" Her eyes could not really meet his.
He loathed the way she mocked him but found his voice slightly unsteady. "Yes."
He was so sure that she would get up and get out or perhaps strike him. But then she lifted her head slowly and he saw that her lips were trembling.
"Then take me back." Cagalli said softly. Her composure as she said this made him hate her momentarily, but then he saw that her hands were trembling and he remembered that she had long learnt to hide her tempestuousness inside the calm. She half-wished that he would come even closer, but then she thought she mostly wished that he would laugh at her and go.
"What did you say?" He found himself quivering. He looked at her and recognized the stress of passion, but then he saw it in himself firsts.
"I said, take me back." She repeated. There was an animal's dumbness about her hung head; the way she shook it slightly like a confounded mare in its pitiful, minor confusion. Her request, they both knew, had nothing to do with any other place but this one. But she had chosen to interpret his need for reaffirmation as though he had seen some sort of latent ambiguity in her statement. Unwilling to be led around, he stared at her— or glared, it seemed.
"Do you want me?"
"I don't know." She said, taking in a shuddering breath. "I don't know what I should want." But there was that familiar anger and spirit that reared itself in the way her eyes flitted up once, and there was almost ecstasy in her delirium.
"But you asked me to take you back."
"Yes. I did ask."
There was the way she bit her words as if the finality in them could be increased, and it was all he needed to cross the room and seize her. He put her arms around him, nearly crying out at the familiarity of that circumference. There was that utter feeling of loss and recovery giving way to strange numbness, and part of the numbness was joy. She put her face against him, her small hands on his chest as a matter of habit, and Athrun knew she had not forgotten.
"Do you want me again?" He said huskily, quite broken.
When the humidity reached a point where rain began to patter and stain the edge of the veranda darker, this was something they scarcely aware about. At some point, he buried his head against her, breathing, absorbing, needy and unsatiable. She told him then that she was afraid of him. To her, Athrun seemed like a negative space; absorbing and encompassing and never giving back enough. There was so much ambiguity in him that Cagalli wondered why she had even wanted him, but then he drew her to him and it was impossible for her to begrudge him when he seemed just as lost and helpless as she.
Even as their forms swelled and rose together, she could not find it in her to demand anything more than his presence. She did not ask him not to leave, but as she had always been unable to, she could not find it in her to tell him that she loved him. All the same, he had proven to be somehow cruel— taking her and then giving her back to whatever she had once belonged to. She blamed him for that, but then she blamed him for giving her away in the first place; not once but so many times.
That evening, while she rested and watched him from the veranda, he moved restlessly in the garden, unafraid of her eyes and the rain. His bare form was slick and gleaming in the twilight and the last of the rain as she watched almost protectively like a parent, and he seemed to become more vulnerable to her.
She watched him gathering rain-drenched; unripe buds, weeds and burrs from the bushes but then Cagalli could not look at him when he brought them to the side of her bed and then came back to her. Although the flowers had not bloomed, the faint fragrance was sufficient for her to slip back into the suffocating, strangely enveloping heat, and his mouth against her made her unsure of how to react suddenly.
It made her more ill when he muttered that he needed her with him.
"It's not like that." Cagalli muttered. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, wishing he would not ask so much of her. "I can't— you know you can't."
"I'm coming back," Athrun said quietly. His eyes tracked hers even when she could not lift those to look at him directly."Once the trilateral agreement is settled, I'll come back."
A small, strange laugh she'd never thought she was capable of producing forced its way through the gate of her lips. "Vice-General— I'm not used to the idea of that." Cagalli shook her head, trying to smile. "But I could get used to addressing you as that."
He watched her tensely.
And then Cagalli shook her head. "Don't ask for more. I don't understand why you're doing all this now, but I can tell you that we had our nine lives." She looked at him wistfully. "We've used them all."
He faltered, his voice failing him. "I'm going to succeed soon— once the trilateral agreement is made—,"
"No!" Cagalli's eyes narrowed, pulling away from him. "It won't be made. You might be the first outside Orb to know this, Vice-General, but I will gladly tell you that Orb will play no part in this agreement."
Yet, he grabbed her by her arms as he'd always done in the past, bringing them closer in that slightly threatening, demanding manner of his. He'd never behaved this way with anyone else, she realized. Not with anyone except her.
"I don't have much time." He gritted his teeth. "Try to understand that."
She recalled what she had heard. The Intelligence Council of Plant had forwarded plans to trade military technology with the Earth Alliance at first, before the proposal had expanded to potentially include Orb.
She gazed at Athrun, thinking about his role as the Vice-Chairman, thinking about how he had been working all this while, wondering how much of the initiative had been planned and executed by him in the first place.
Had he been the one to suggest to the chairman of the Intelligence council that Orb should be part of the previously bilateral agreement? And she thought of the young woman he'd been photographed with— had she asked her father to consider what his subordinate had suggested?
Her pride smarted. For all her efforts and the way she had been holding her head high, he had known that she'd been hollowed by their experience. Still, she could not bring herself to admit this was the truth. "Don't assume things, Vice-General, I'm hardly as weak as you make me sound. I may have been a little naive in the past, but I assure you that I've learnt." Her expression turned frostier. "You're at the top of your game and you ought to continue playing that way."
"If I cared about that, I wouldn't be here."
"Then why don't you stay here for one more day?" She looked at him, trying to hide her hopes. "I won't be leaving until tomorrow afternoon—is that fine with you?"
He did not counter this, but breathed in. He parted his lips slightly, but before she could register the impact of what he was about to carry out, he was hissing her name and pressing her to him, hugging her; pushing her to return. She bit, drawing blood, but when he ran his hand across her collarbone, as if seeking something there, she froze. He took the opportunity to deepen his kiss, and she found herself responding.
"But you know what you have to do." He whispered against her flesh. "You know exactly what your role in this is. Five days from now, you'll tell them that you approve of the zone. After that, nobody will oppose this union." He held up her hand in his, kissing her fingers softly. "Having you like this isn't enough, Cagalli. You should know that."
Her voice came in a tremble of anxiety even in her lust, her need rising even as he tempted her with a fine, stray thistle stalk he whisked around her cheeks. "I—I can't. It's not right, even if it feels right to have you with me. I don't believe it's in Orb's best interests."
His voice grew tight in desperation and hatred. "You can. You must."
She did not need to tell him that it was wrong. She did not need to tell him that she had always believed that the trilateral agreement would not benefit Orb in the way that the Earth Alliance and Plant would benefit from, regardless of his presence in the whole issue.
Nor did she need to tell him that she had no right to do as he was asking just for their selfishness. There was no need to breathe a single word about the task her father had set her or the final shred of pride she had left—that everything she did for Orb was not for herself.
He was aware of all of that, and that was why he had come here.
But if she had told him, they both knew that he would not have cared in any case. His presence here was proof of that. He had learnt to be selfish, and he had learnt to control her in ways that she could not fight anymore than she could fight against her own nature.
And for that reason, she could not find the same strength she had once had to beat him away; to prevent him from finding her and marking her with his prints and the combination of their scents once more. Her last attempt at crying out for him to leave fell into the final blot of night that painted the sky its dusk, and deep inside, she felt them both stir.
Even as he took her again, she knew why he had come back. It was in the moment when he'd undone her robe to run his scarred fingers over her flesh that she knew he'd never really left. In those few hours they had left, they relived their days together.
At some point, they sat in the garden, refreshed from their bath and a meal she had managed to make, and she felt him kiss her and wished her fever had not dissipated. It would have been easier to go along with the remaining hours of his presence. And when he left her, the cloth was rumpled against her and her eyes closed for fear of remembering all he'd set before her.
It was then when Cagalli wondered if she'd made another mistake by trying to hide herself from him in that very gesture of letting him near.
-1203 days
"It will be done."
"How?"
Plenty of the Intelligence Council's members were looking either bitter, skeptical or rather cynical at what the vice-chairman had just claimed he could accomplish. The question was voiced by the chairman, who had a mere month left before his retirement.
"I have already made the arrangements."
Amongst the Intelligence council members, Yzak frowned, looking at the Chairman of the Intelligence Council. Before the other members, the Vice-chairman seemed far sharper than the chairman himself, and Yzak was slightly disconcerted by the conviction Athrun Zala made his promise with.
"I will not press any further than that, Vice-chairman," The chairman said heavily. "But let me remind you that we need Orb's agreement for Plant to reach its goal."
"Of course."
Every single person in the room knew that the chairman of the Intelligence council was desperate to do his final task well to justify te life-long pension he was geting when he resigned. For that matter, every single person knew Athrun Zala was after the seat that was soon to be vacated. There were murmurs in the chamber, but Athrun Zala's expression did not change. Looking at his colleague's face, Yzak wondered if Athrun had found some path into the past and redirected it into the future.
-1205 days
When it was time for her statement, Cagalli knew that there was only one way forward. The conference was taking place in Aprilius, and she and her parliament had arrived here with the other galactic representatives.
Earth Alliance's head said his piece, as did Eileen Canaver. Then came Cagalli's turn.
"I represent my nation, Orb, and the decision I am about to announce carries the will of those who have deliberated carefully and for the nation's interests." Those present listened to the lone voice that echoed in the magnificent but somehow bare and austere conference area. "Orb will not agree to the trilateral trading of military technology, regardless of the benefits that Plant and the Earth Alliance have spoken of in favour of this combined effort."
There were collective murmurs. It had been rather difficult to predict what Orb would have agreed to in the end, although every person present knew that Cagalli Yula Atha's will was probably the most influential in Orb's final decision.
"Lady Atha," The vice-chairman of Plant was spluttering. "The Earth Alliance—even Earth Alliance has agreed!" Behind him, the chairman of the Plant Intelligence council was looking flabberghasted. But as she watched them, an awful satisfaction seeped into her. Had they really expected her to agree? The thought of it sent bitterness into her, and it was all she could do to maintain her calm. At least her decision would be a bitter defiance to them and most of all, him.
"Your Grace, Orb would benefit from this, as would the others and the galactic peace as a whole!"
Those assenting voice grew a little louder in conviction. There were some from Orb who seemed to agree as well, murmuring behind her.
"Your Grace," Lacus Clyne was on her feet, despite the slight shake of Eileen Canaver's head. "I represent the interests of Plant and certainly Orb in maintaining Coordinator-Natural relations and I appeal to Orb to reconsider this decision. But for the sake of ensuring that the three superpowers have the abilities to work together in intelligence and security, the proposal to trade military secrets would not have withstood so much discussion and serious consideration. The trilateral agreement and training zone is a necessity and ultimately not a mere whimsy."
"No, Mediator," Cagalli Yula Atha looked squarely at her. "We have been through this discussion, to which Orb has conceded certain points that you have raised. But Orb's decision has been finalized and the official announcement will be made in a day's time. There will not be a need for any further discussion or appeal."
Lacus Clyne stood there, mute for a second. But then she nodded once and very graciously took her seat. She looked at Cagalli, seeing not so much a person she knew, but a Cagalli who was better thought of as the Orb Princess.
There was that strange aggressiveness about her person; that forced calmness of a tempest that had learnt to keep its strength within itself and a rage that had been quietened and perhaps not by its own choice.
Yzak Joule sat a few seats away from the Plant Chairman's seat. He looked at Cagalli Yula Atha and felt a surge of something almost equivalent to pity. The Orb Princess had been unable to lift her gaze to one man's own in the room. Athrun Zala, in the corner, had looked directly at the members of the Supreme Council present, and there was a queer patience in his still expression.
There was a mumble that grew within the Plant representatives, and one stood up and left. As another Orb representative began to read out the grounds for the decision, Yzak kept his eyes trained on Cagalli Yula Atha. She was perfectly composed.
It was only an hour later when Yzak found a chance to speak to Athrun. As the gathering of officials and representatives began to dissipate, he moved to Athrun's side and hissed his questions. Those around them were far too engrossed in their own discussions to really hear them.
"You said you had a plan." Yzak gritted. "What kind of plan is this when you have the Orb Princess refusing so vehemently? Did you see how shocked the chairman of Intelligence was? He promised Eileen Canaver that Orb would agree!"
Athrun only looked ahead, moving on. "She will."
As Athrun strolled out, Yzak moved after him, wondering if Athrun had really met Cagalli in Neo-Kyoto and whether something had happened. Despite his efforts to keep level-headed, he was trying to bite back his worry.
But then, he ought not to have bothered.
There was a stream of reporters outside the Supreme Council headquarters that swarmed and snaked up to them as they exited. It struck Yzak as being very strange, for talks of the agreement had not received as much attention as this in the past, even if it had been a controversial, hotly- debated topic as of late. And stranger still was how the media had chosen to gather today and all at once.
There were shouts and pointing fingers and those present were saying something and getting very excited about Athrun Zala's presence. Amongst those who were talking and gesturing loudly, some delegates and even some members of the Plant Supreme Council were present. They had all seen what the paparazzi was holding up and demanding to know about. Like the paparazzi, their colleagues were looking at Athrun Zala now.
It was after a few moments of shock that Yzak registered what some of them were holding up and what they were demanding to know about.
There were blown up pictures being waved around and dozens of other normal-sized photos being brandished and distributed amongst the paparazzi and others— pictures of the Plant former Intelligencer and current vice-chairman of the Intelligence Council, Athrun Zala. And the photographs were not just of him, but of him in a robe, sitting on the edge of some veranda, leaning in to kiss a woman.
It wasn't any woman.
It was a woman in a similar robe whose features were startlingly clear even in the gritty, too-dark quality and the way her profile was exposed just slightly for Athrun Zala's lips to meet hers.
"Sir, when did you meet up with the Orb Princess?"
"Mr. Zala, did your relationship with Lady Atha start after both of you met in the terrorist incident those years ago?"
"Did your tryst with the Orb Princess not help in today's decision?"
One man with a microphone was forcing his way through, and a guard only managed to hold him off at the last minute. As Yzak moved by Athrun's side, he felt his fists crumple up involuntarily. His pulse was moving very fast.
"If you were involved with her, why didn't she say yes to the decision?" Someone who wasn't even part of the paparazzi but a Plant official was demanding. Yzak stared at him, but Athrun seemed not to care as he made his way forward.
They were trying to get at him, but the bodyguards were holding them off.
"Given your background as a Plant Intelligencer and your familiarity with the Orb Princess, were you sent in to influence the decision she made today?"
"And in the past, Vice-chairman, she and you were involved in a life-threatening situation regarding the deceased Swedish High King—did this lead to a closer relationship in some ways?"
Athrun held up a hand, silencing them all. "No comment."
His eyes flicked towards Yzak as Athrun turned away from the reporters and the mad lights. It was then that Yzak saw it was a curious combination of cruelty and tenderness that moved in the man's face. But the silence did not last for long, for behind them, the reporters broke out into noise again.
And they both turned to see the Orb Princess at the top of the stairs, about to leave the headquarters with her own representatives and officials. The horror on her face was inexplicable and somehow crippling as she turned in the opposite direction to leave.
-1208 days
The last time Cagalli had seen Kira so upset, she had taken him in her arms and tried to soothe him like a child. That had changed a little since then, but even now, she found some strength to look at him and say cheerily, "It's not that bad, you know."
Kira would have none of it. Although he seemed to sit in his house and contain himself, his shoulders were hunched, his head in his hands and his eyes were dark. Lacus, who was sitting on his other side, looked at Cagalli, shaking her head once. Even Leon, usually playful and very hyper, was standing in a corner, looking frightened. He had woken up from his nap and come to find his parents, but found his aunt there and his father looking unhappy. The child could sense his father's mood and the house's atmosphere.
The fan above them spun steadily, and the sunny decorations of the house and its pretty plants made Kira's unhappiness seem even more severe. Lacus too, did not seem quite the same even when she'd been utterly calm and very efficient in taking Cagalli's hand and insisting that she visit Kira and Leon since she was in the Plants. They left in Lacus' private car and they did not have to explain to Kira what had transpired. The world had seen the telecast of the reporters gathering already.
The television was switched off, and the tea that Lacus had made was untouched. For once, Leon was being ignored, and Lacus' finger on her lips conveyed what the child needed to do if he wanted to stay around and not be sent back to bed. Leon obeyed, wanting to go over and comfort his father for reasons he could not understand. Yet, he managed to hold shimself there only because of his mother's instructions.
When Kira spoke, his voice was very tight with anger. "I'm only glad Lacus was there to take you here, Cagalli."
"It's fine," Cagalli said softly. "I was glad about that too." She tried to smile. "I've always wanted to stay here for a little longer than a day. Maybe this holiday will be a bit better."
It was quite clear that the Council of Elders would be wanting to see her quite soon. In the meantime, Cagalli focused on Kira, saying again, "It's fine." But a note of bitterness entered her voice. "Maybe it's better this way— maybe the lies needed to be exposed at some point. It's better this way, Kira. At least I have lesser secrets that burden me now."
Kira looked at her, silent but very upset. Lacus laid a hand on his shoulder, trying to relax him. She looked at Cagalli gently. "Why did he go to meet you?"
Cagalli bit her lip. "I—," She shuddered inwardly, thinking of his tenderness that had morphed into possession and even hunger as he'd demanded her compliance with his plans. She had refused him, because her pride and her loyalty to Orb and her father had crushed every hope of obeying him. She had wept in the privacy of the villa after he'd left— wept for the decision she knew she had to make despite what she really wanted. And now there was this. "I'm not sure now."
"He doesn't have a right to see you and cause you trouble like this." Kira said defiantly. His eyes flashed as he turned to his wife. "I can understand why he decided not to chase the past— wasn't that why he threw himself into his work? But this! Why did he come back if he was the one to leave it all behind then?"
Cagalli did not know either. She looked mutely at her brother and Lacus. Some moments later, Leon made his way hesitantly to the adults. His need to comfort the people he knew in his life and his own need to be comforted had made him go to them, despite his instructions.
Kira looked at his son, who stood near his knee, then picked the boy up and held him close.
-1208 days
In his office, Yzak watched silently as the live telecast continued. He was aware that Athrun's eyes were fixated on the screen, and he watched Athrun carefully, looking out for something he could interpret.
The Orb officials were trying to move forward from the Plant Supreme Council's headquarters. Amongst them was the target of attention— Cagalli Yula Atha.
Around the Orb officials and their bodyguards, the reporters had lists of questions that had little to do with Orb's final decision. The lists however, included questions regarding Cagalli Yula Atha's alleged affair with a Plant Intelligencer that she'd met many years ago and somehow got mixed up with in a kidnapping incident few could remember the exact details of.
For once, Athrun Zala's name was not the subject of attention or insult. That he would possibly be involved in something illicit or unsavoury was after all, the nature of his job. More damning was the Orb Princess' involvement, given her reputation as an impartial leader and Orb's allegedly infallible force.
The pain in Cagalli Yula Atha's face was clear as someone shouted, "Was your previous decision to reject the proposal for fear of the Orb media finding out that you and he were involved, Your Grace?"
"Your Grace, the kidnapping incident in the past has suggested that you might have a grudge against the Plant Intelligencer who was mostly in charge of your custody— Athrun Zala himself. Was your past decision to refuse Orb's participation a form of retaliation to Athrun Zala?"
"Lady Atha, did your recent meeting with the Council of Elders rectify your lapse of judgment and your new decision to go ahead with the trilateral agreement? What caused this reversal of your previous decision?"
She did not answer, but then the next question was already being shot at her.
"Your Grace, Athrun Zala has been contacted and he has admitted that both of you met recently after his promotion and that both of you began seeing each other from then on— did this affect your previous decisions to turn down certain key agreements Plant tried to foster with Orb?"
"Your Grace, the Orb public have generally stood by your decisions all this while—how do you think these recent events will affect your standing in next year's elections amongst the Orb Emirs?"
In Yzak's office, Athrun turned away. Yzak however, caught hold of his shoulder. His voice was very rough. "Watch on— if you are a man, you'll watch what you did to her."
Athrun looked at him expressionlessly. "I have a flight to catch in an hour."
"Where are you going?"
"I have business to settle with the Isle."
Yzak's voice was unsteady. "You did this to her and now you're turning away! Whose instructions were you acting on?"
"You know as well as I do that I can't reveal that information."
"Damn you, Zala, you know this won't make her come back to you!" Yzak was very pale. "Don't you dare say you didn't know the consequences of what you did! You sacrificed her credibility for a chance of having the vacated chairman's place, didn't you?"
He grabbed Athrun by the collar. "Was this what the Chairman of the Intelligence council promised you? That if you got Orb to agree to the zone, his swansong as the Intelligence head would be a trail of glory and he'd get his lifelong pension? Did he also promise you that you'd be one step closer to having his place when he left?"
Athrun did not struggle or fight back, and disgusted, Yzak let him go. "I never thought you'd sink so low as that." He narrowed his eyes. "You sacrificed her for your ambitions— and she faces the world's accusations now while you can achieve your goals."
"It isn't like that!" Athrun's voice was shaking. "I was asked to convince Cagalli Yula Atha to agree to the zone— the Intelligence Council had always suspected, if not known of our past relationship. I didn't do it because of them."
"Then what the hell happened?" Yzak demanded. "What is this—," he flung the control, "All about?"
"The day you told me that she was in Neo-Kyoto, I made Kitani Harumi arrange for Cagali to stay where I could reach her. I told Cagalli to go ahead with the proposal for our sakes." Athrun's expression was blank. "Of course, being who she is, she went against me and wouldn't agree to the trilateral agreement."
"But now, she has to change the position for fear of backlash and what others might say— that someone else influenced her previous, decision. You know it was made objectively, unlike this new agreement." Yzak's eyes narrowed. "Did you plan this all along?"
He was met only with silence.
"Then why the hell did you comply if you knew you would ruin her? Because you want the Chairman's empty seat, Zala?"
Athrun turned to leave. "Would you believe me if I told you that I had to find a way back, at any cost?"
Looking at Athrun Zala, Yzak knew his answer.
"But she'll never be the same person again, Athrun. Why couldn't you give her up if you knew you would have to destroy her to earn her?"
Athrun did not say anything that answered Yzak's questions. He did however, look at Yzak wearily before he left, as if he had lost the ability to comprehend and the confidence to answer.
-1226 days
It was two weeks later when Cagalli met Yzak Joule.
She wasn't sure if it had been coincidence that they'd met, but his arrival in Orb and at her office to round up the agreement had been almost inevitable with her last decision.
When he arrived, she wasn't sure if she was afraid to meet him. Surely, he had heard all the reports of the meeting she'd had with the Council of Elders. Surely, he had an imagination and an ear for the rumours that even the best of investigations could not lay waste to. Surely, Yzak Joule would have thought that the Orb Princess wasn't that impartial after all— even if there was no proof of conspiracy and nobody would say it to her face.
She did not know whether to trust him when he entered her office. He was one of Athrun Zala's friends, after all. More than that, she did not know whether she could face him bravely even if she had faced everything in the last few weeks and gone on as per normal, regardless of the whispers behind her back and Aaron's slight awkwardness with her.
"I hope Your Grace is fine," He said, when she offered him a seat. The brusqueness that was characteristic of him seemed to hold some kind of gentleness, and Cagalli was glad sympathy was not present in his steady, leveled gaze.
"I'm fine, Head General, thank you." She poured him tea, keeping herself steady. "Now, about the final draft of the Sales of Military Technology act, there is this clause—,"
The whole week had been a rerun of a nightmare with the paparazzi trailing her. It was as if three years had never passed and she had never quite left the ordeal behind her. This time however, his name had chased her even while strangers used it as a weapon against her— demanding to know and demanding that she answer their questions.
By the time they were done with the papers, she was quite glad that Yzak Joule would be leaving now. She had stamped and checked all of the papers already, and as she did so, she wondered if she was making yet another mistake by reversing her decision and going ahead with this.
But Cagalli found that she was tired; so tired that she did not care anymore. The Council of Elders had interrogated her on the grounds for her first rejection of the trilateral agreement. Their insinuations in that awful three hours had been far more than she could bear. The Head Elder had looked at her as if he couldn't trust her anymore, and even Lady Sahaku had seemed torn and doubtful when Cagalli had explained her grounds for rejecting the trilateral proposal.
Cagalli pursed her lips now. If they believed the right decision was to go ahead with this, then she would comply. She had already gone through a press conference where she had carefully admitted that her earlier belief that the agreement was not in Orb's favour might have been short-sighted.
The reporters had clamoured for more details as to what 'short-sighted' really meant, but the Council of Elders had issued a statement finding Cagalli Yula Atha's decisions to be made in all honesty. The photograph was still floating around, but Plant's Intelligence Council was in the process of releasing a statement to the media that the photograph had been taken before the trilateral proposal had even been made— that the photograph was a hoax or a cleverly altered one to put Athrun Zala or even Cagalli Yula Atha in the worst light possible. Some photography experts had been brought in to declare that it was altered; experts who were well known in their fields. After all, there was no real copy that had been anonymously sent to the media— it had been a digital one.
As it was, things in Orb were looking to be back on track. Although there were whispers in the office at times, the polls had revealed that the people were still largely supportive of her. Her track record and the covering up had proved to be her savior, as was her grit and her refusal to resign from her office.
Cagalli did not know how to tell Yzak Joule or anyone that she had, in all honesty, been split between giving approval and refusing the agreement. She had swung towards rejection because the arguments for rejection had just been stronger in her opinion. But if her opinion was being doubted because she had been thought of as being partial then, Cagalli Yula Atha would go with what everyone was now firmly convinced as being the right decision.
Naturally, Cagalli was glad when they were done with this whole business. Some part of her felt like she was betraying herself in order to put an end to the nastiness of it all, but then, she tried to remind herself that she had been quite split with her initial decision anyway. But he did not seem to want to leave. His eyes were studying her and the way she carried herself proudly still. She wondered if he'd noticed the dark circles and the paleness in her face that she herself had noticed, and she wondered if he ultimately pitied her.
The thought of that made her very unhappy, and she blurted out despite her better judgment, "I was a fool."
Yzak looked at the woman he had come to think of as his friend. His voice was quiet. "How do you think that photograph of you and him landed up with the media?"
She shook her head, frightened at all the possibilities and how Yzak was operating on the assumption that it was even real. They both knew it was a real photograph. "I don't know."
He chose his words carefully. "He has enemies, Your Grace."
She shuddered. "So they sent this?"
He pointed to the papers lying before Cagalli. "He has enemies who wanted him to fail. He was in charge of a great deal of planning for this agreement, and he would have been in the prime position to take over the Head of Intelligence if the deal had gotten through."
"It didn't at first." Cagalli mumbled.
"At that point, his enemies were getting ready to cry out that your initial refusal to agree was because you did not want to work with Athrun Zala. The blame would have been on him if you refused. And you did refuse. Up to the point when the photographs were released, everyone believed you bore a grudge against him because of the kidnapping incident." His expression remained calm. "Those who know nothing of both your pasts, anyway."
"So his enemies sent out this photograph?" She whispered."Why would they?"
"I don't know either." Yzak's expression was very steely. "But because of the photograph, now it seems like you did not agree to the trilateral zone because you had a tryst with him. Now, the public thinks that you wanted to break it off and prevent him from working in Orb. It has happened with other leaders in Earth Alliance before— those who had affairs with diplomats tried to prevent them from arriving so they would not potentially leak information to the media. And with your reputation for being fiercely private with who you choose to see, I'm afraid you would seem to fall in that category."
"I understand that." Cagalli said, deathly still. "Maybe that's why I agreed with the Council of Elders that going ahead with the trilateral deal was the right way to put an end to all of this." Her expression crumbled. "Even though I don't really know what's the right decision anymore." She shook her head. "Whoever sent that wanted to destroy me, I think."
"Your Grace," Yzak said quietly. "Perhaps you are missing the biggest factor in this. It wasn't Athrun Zala's enemies who had the most to gain from sending out this photograph."
"It was Athrun Zala himself." She found that her strength in saying it came from her hatred and misery. "I have heard enough to know. He was gunning for the Intelligence Head's soon-to-be vacated post. Now he'll have it even when the damage is done— the photograph will be declared to be a fake, and his work in setting up the trilateral proposal will be recognized."
"Of course." Yzak's honesty was somehow comforting in its insensitivity.
She did not dare to say what she was really thinking; that Athrun had made use of her once again. But she was dealing with Yzak Joule, and time had not made him less honest even if it had mellowed him somewhat.
"I'll tell it to you straight." He said brusquely. "Because of this photograph, he's on the home run to the next step in his career. There's little that will justify bumping him off now."
Cagalli thought of the way Athrun had appeared—the way he'd insisted on putting her to bed; the way they'd eventually spent those hours together and the way he'd left. It was a good thing she was already seated, for her legs would have surely failed her then. If she had reached certain conclusions in the hours that had followed from the day she'd seen the photographs, Yzak's presence here forced her to accept the conclusions she had not wanted to think about.
"But I don't understand!" She repeated in her bewilderment. She looked at him with wild eyes and Yzak knew that for all her intelligence, Cagalli Yula Atha was breaking. "This isn't like him— this ruthlessness."
"You don't think it's like him, Your Grace?"
She bowed her head. "Even now, I don't quite believe he never needed me. Or maybe-," Her voice shook. "Maybe I can't blame him entirely because I needed him when he came to me."
Her honesty made him ashamed of his own secrets and how he was keeping so many things from her on Athrun's behalf. He did not know what to say, and a terrible, searing pain filled him when he looked at the Orb Princess. He thought of the way Athrun's gaze had been filled with triumph and leveled at the members of the Supreme Council, and Yzak wondered why Athrun's nature was such a destructive one.
She shook her head, trying not to tremble. "I never thought he'd be so fixated on positions and climbing to the top. Why would he do that?"
But as she said this aloud, she knew the answer even before Yzak provided confirmation. Perhaps, Athrun had never intended to do more than meet her again and make her accept him once more. She thought of how he had pleaded with her to agree and how she had refused, and she thought of the hatred in Athrun's eyes even when he took her in his arms.
"You see," Yzak said softly, "The only game he knows how to play when it concerns you is the zero-sum."
-1280 days
In the days that followed, Cagalli did not know how she found herself plodding and ploughing on. If she had seemed to be infallible in the past, now she seemed more defiant than ever. The whispers that lingered did not bother her even when as they became less obvious, and the humiliation she had suffered seemed to become fainter as the public accepted that the photographic evidence of a supposed tryst that she had engaged in was bogus.
As always, Aaron was there for her. He never said anything about what he must have heard, but when he found her weak and miserable in her office one evening, he closed the door, tossed some files he had brought in into a corner, and came to sit with his arm around her. She was not sure what she was doing at times, but she knew that the Council of Elders were watching her and so she did her best at her tasks. To anyone, she might have appeared normal and with a great deal of spunk to handle the spiteful attacks against her person and judgments for Orb.
To those who knew her, they did not know what to make of it.
On one weekend, she accepted Markio's invitation to the orphanage. Nikolas was twelve this year, and she was fond of the boy with large eyes and clever hands. He had always made wooden toys and gifts for his brothers and sisters, as he called the other orphanage children, but it was his birthday this time and Cagalli was determined to find time to visit them all.
They celebrated with a cake that Cagalli brought, a magnificent, creamy concoction with strawberries and chocolate piping. The children stood in awe of the pastry and she laughed in joy with Kira and Lacus when Nikolas blew out twelve candles one by one— to remember everything more clearly, he'd said.
There were flowers everywhere and the jasmine scent was strong in the late afternoon. Sea-lilies lay spider-like on the rocks, the barnacles encroaching and the weed washed in futile ropes on the shores. In the hours that were spent and passed, the evening tide had grown strong and the waves could be heard even from inside the house.
"Pass it on!" One child was throwing a cloth toy to another, giggling and deprigin the toy's owner of getting back.
"That's mean!" The toy's owner cried, scrambling to reclaim ownership.
Cagalli found that in this place, she could forget some of her worries and return to the person she'd once been satisfied to be— a simple, young girl who'd dried the dishes that others washed and a person who'd survived a war and could still talk of hopes and dreams and afford to accept ideals as a form of reality.
She braided the children's hair when they came to her—the girls with their shy smiles and sweet voices and the boys with their gifts and delight that Cagalli had come to visit.
Lacus had made tea and supplied other lovely snacks and Kira bounced the children on his knee and laughed at their jokes. With his parents, Leon had visited, and if there was any jealousy directed towards a child who belonged to his own parents, it was mostly good-natured and of the orphanage children's own longing.
Markio sat tranquilly, listening to the children patter around and play. With every year, there were children who asked to go out into the world to find a place to make their mark in. With every year, they grew older— all of them. Cagalli wondered if Markio ever wept when a child of his left. She had never had the courage to ask Markio that, and as she watched the children play and chatter, she wondered if she would recognize Ko.
"Cagalli!" Inola was pulling on her sleeve. "Come with us to the shore!"
"What for?" Cagalli said curiously, bending down and rubbing a smudge away from the girl's face.
"Just come!"
A chorus broke out. "It'll be fun! Come on!"
Eventually, she agreed to follow some children and Kira to collect seashells. Some of the children wanted seashell murals in their bedroom, and Kira had promised to help them mount their treasures on their walls if they could find any. That had prompted a mass decision to go for a late afternoon walk, and Cagalli had been dragged along. Laughing, she nodded and watched them cheer.
As they walked along the beach, the children began to sing and some trotted along with their pails, waving their spades in a cheery dance. Lacus clapped and sang along with them, her son holding another child's hand and asking to be taught the song. Cagalli looked at her twin and found that he too, was looking at her. Next to her, Lacus took her hand, and without knowing why, Cagalli reached for her twin's hand. Their hands in her own, she felt a little less weary.
But the soft, dream-like singing of the children around them was interrupted by a cry from one of them. The others were crying out too, and they began to rush forward, save that Kira let go of Cagalli's hand and stepped in front of them, his eyes flashing. Where she stood, Lacus did not let go of Cagalli. Her grip grew tighter.
As she looked to what they and the children had seen, Cagalli became aware that there was someone waiting at the furthest end of the shore. His car was almost hidden behind rocks where it was stationed on some minor road, and it was clear that he had been walking towards the house.
Her breath hitching in her throat, Cagalli pulled her hand away from Lacus', not sure whether to run or whether to stay. But Lacus re-caught her hand, shaking her head and giving her a comforting glance.
Athrun took a step closer, and Kira was taking one forward too.
"I don't want you around her." Kira's voice was shaking. 'Who told you to come?"
"I asked him to." Lacus spoke. Her voice was somehow very controlled. "She deserves to know."
Kira did not turn around. His silence was disconcerting, and the waves' slamming against the rocks and shore did nothing to distract from Kira's lack of response.
The children around Kira were frightened. They could see the anger in Kira's face and the strange coldness in Lacus' eyes. If they had been prepared to rush forward and welcome Athrun with open arms, they were now held behind by Kira. At the back, Cagalli did not know how to meet Athrun's eyes, despite her knowledge that she had done nothing to be ashamed of.
When Athrun spoke, all present heard his voice tremble. "I need to speak to her, Kira. Don't blame Lacus— I asked her to let me meet Cagalli."
But Kira's expression did not change, and he flung one arm across, blocking Athrun from coming nearer. "You don't deserve to come here, Athrun." His own conflict was clear. "You may be my friend, but you have no reason to be here."
As she gazed at her brother and Athrun, Cagalli knew there was no point in delaying the inevitable. She took her hand from Lacus', and this time, Lacus did not stop her.
"No, please!" Cagalli fought her way forward. She held her brother's arm and begged. "I need to speak to him alone."
Kira stared at her, his confusion and doubt very apparent. But Lacus was the first to react. She turned to the children, and her voice was calm— conversational, even. As she spoke, the winds began to blow again, and it seemed she had dissipated something terrible in the air. If it was not gone entirely, she had distracted it sufficiently for the children to observe her authority.
"Shall we return?" She said mildly. "I think we have enough shells. Shall I help to wash them?"
The children could not find their former cheer or the energy they had displayed, but they obeyed her and moved in the direction they had came from, plenty of them turning back at least once to stare at the grownups. Lacus came to Kira's side, pulling gently at his arm, and it was only after a pause that he nodded and turned away with her, moving after the children.
Not waiting to see them return, Cagalli moved forward, past Athrun, and began to stride to the cliffs. Wordlessly, he followed some distance behind her.
The caves she had once explored with the children seemed less intriguing now— those were hollow and filled with nothing but dark spaces and air. The curiosity of the place and the pleasure of the salt and sand against her feet felt like quicksand now; drawing her deeper and further in.
She reached the end of the cliffs before she was ready to speak, and for that reason, she did not dare to turn around. He waited, and finally, she thought she was ready to speak without her voice breaking.
Yet, as Cagalli turned around, ready to rebuke him, he broke in first. "I'm sorry."
"I've heard about your soon-to-be promotion." Cagalli said quietly. 'Shall I congratulate you?"
He looked at her, and she hated his ambivalence.
"Are you satisfied now?" Her voice sounded steady overall, but as she continued, her words became more clipped and even more fragmented. "I'm glad I'm seeing you today, Vice-Chairman. I deserve this."
"Don't say that." His voice was very low. "It wasn't a mistake that we met again."
She clenched her fist, her eyes blinded. She thought of how he had come to her and entered her room; how he had kissed her and tried to make her accept him. She had loved him even in her delirium; wanted him despite how meaningless their few hours would be in the way they said nothing of significance to each other. Her encounter with him had seemed more like a passing glimpse of a past with a stranger she could not recall, and her fever had broken her consciousness even as he'd taken advantage of it. In their heat and longing, they may as well have been animals who did not know any better than to seek out each other before leaving. "Did I mean so little to you?
"You mean everything to me." His eyes were very tired. "That hasn't changed for a single day, Cagalli."
"Then why did you have to punish me like this?" Her voice was a cry. "Did you think that I was satisfied with watching you from afar, Athrun? Or did you think that it was easy for me to learn to be satisfied with those few months I had with you?" She reached out, rumbling his collar with her clenched hand. "Or did you think that you were the only one who was miserable by how we had to see each other like it was some illicit affair?"
She dropped her hand, taking one step back, trying to calm her breathing. "At least you got your promotion, Vice-Chairman. At least something good came out of this."
Athrun looked at her impassively. "Did you think I was after the Intelligence Head's seat?"
"I don't know." Cagalli said violently. She folded her arms, angered at the wind that whipped around them and even the sea that seemed too calm in the evening. "I suppose you gave me no choice but to believe so."
He hesitated. "If that is truly the case, would you forgive me?"
"You want forgiveness?" Cagalli found that the tears building in her eyes were of indignation and even bitterness. More than that, she was ashamed of how she could not use that against him; to taunt and to mock him.
With a great deal of effort, she managed to say, "I don't know."
But inside her, she knew what the real answer was. She looked at him angrily even as he kept his gaze leveled at her, the truth spilling out despite her desire to hurt him and to lie. "For God's sake, Athrun, you know I would forgive you even if you had done worse against me." Her voice was crumbling now. "That's the way it's always been." Her tears were falling and she wiped them away violently. "Although I pray for it to stop— everyday."
He took a step towards her but she flung her hand out, shoving him back. Her eyes were wild and her lips looked red from her biting. Stung, he stood there, watching as she looked away from him, almost as if she could not bear to lay her eyes on him.
"I did it because I had to find a way back to you."
She shook her head. "That's impossible, Athrun. You did this because I refused to do as you asked. You begged me too— you didn't think it was difficult for me to watch you beg, did you? But it was! When you were punishing me, didn't you realize that I was tempted to do as you'd asked? Even if it was against everything I stood and still stand for." Her hands twisted together. "But maybe it's for the better that you did what you did."
"No!" Athrun reached out, catching and pulling her hand in his. She did not shake it away; too exhausted from her own efforts to keep her tears from showing. "I had to rise above what was a post that was meant to contain me. It was the only way to return to Orb."
Around them, the sands shifted in rhythm to the wind and the house seemed to far for the eye to see. Their time was like that— too distant and too insignificant despite the impact of the memories on her, and she wished that something could reach out and smite every feeling she had for him.
"You could have returned anytime." Cagalli said. Her voice was small and still shaking. "That's why you dared to find me in Kyoto. You knew I wouldn't refuse you when you came to meet me. You knew it was a matter of time before I caved in and begged you to be with me. You knew I belonged to you even when you left." Her eyes grew accusing. "You knew that all this time."
"But I wouldn't have had the right to meet you and belong to you." Athrun said. He refused to let go of her, and he took her face in his hand, making her look back at him. "What good would it be if I had rejected the Intelligence Council's offers and tried to find you in Orb?"
This was true, and she looked away. They had always been aware of that. But still, she bore a grudge against him for his fear of coming back to her. Stubbornly, she shook her head, refusing to listen, afraid to be swayed by him once more.
"Don't you understand?" He cried. "My plans came in full circle because at the time that I was put into the council, there were plans for the zone." He breathed in shakily, trying to make her eyes look at his. "You know that! I realized I could return to Orb to meet you rightfully if I became the Head of Intelligence."
He had always considered whether he was destroying her to get what he wanted, but he had not found any other way to meet her and feel as if he had any right to.
As he gazed at Cagalli, he could sense that she was aware that he was right. But her expression was cold and he knew that she could not forget how he had used her all over again.
"I don't want to listen, Athrun. There's no more need for that now." Her tears were rolling down her white, thinned cheeks, and she seemed to have shrunk or have grown weaker. "You never understood that you never had to prove yourself for me to need you. It certainly wasn't enough for you that I had to teach myself to be content with those months we had together." She laughed painfully. "You had to go one step further and hurt me just so you could step into Orb and have the world's approval— as if mine was not enough."
In his hopelessness and rage, her grabbed her closer, pressing her face so close their lips might have touched. She was not struggling— she only looked at him with that hollow despair.
"Do you know why I chose to accept the post that the Numbers offered me even after my acquittal?" He shook his head. "They knew, Cagalli. The Numbers found out about our relationship. They could have exposed it and put you in trouble at any point of time after my acquittal in Plant."
She stared at him in shock, her eyes growing wide. "Yzak Joule—?
"No." He looked at her sadly. "Yzak might have told them about the relationship we shared during the Wars, but he never told them anything more than that. The Numbers weren't half as careless as what I'd always imagined— they kept spies for their own spies. They had enough evidence of what we shared—," He broke off, unable to voice it. But both of them knew that the Numbers had found out that Cagalli Yula Atha was rekindling her past relationship with Athrun Zala.
During the internal investigations concerning allegations that Athrun Zala had acted in insubordination, the Numbers had found more than the paintings but testimonies from some of the other Eyes and even some aides. Beyond that, the Eyes had also been watched by the Numbers' own personal spies within the Isle.
"If I had not agreed to return to the Isle," Athrun said softly, "The Numbers would have exposed your relationship with me. They also offered me an incentive to work— that I could take Epstein and the twins and go to Orb. But I knew that they would always have something to control me."
"My vulnerability as the Orb Princess." Cagalli realized. Her pulse was beating very fast, and she felt sickened. As she looked at Athrun and found, not for the first time, how ill he really looked beyond his stiff composure and competence, Cagalli felt an ache in her.
"I had to use their weapon first." He whispered. His eyes were scrunched in pain. "That was the only way."
She looked at Athrun and found that for all her grudges against him, she could not sense that he was lying now. There was not a trace of hiding away or a sense that he did not want to let her near. She took herself away, taking a step back to look carefully at him. "Was that why you amassed power and got close to the Intelligence chairman?"
He nodded. His face was very pale in the night that had fallen. "I was preparing to take over the role. My relationship with you was the control they had over both of us— and that was why I had to put it in the open first."
"Then why is the Plant Supreme Council declaring the photograph a fake now?" She demanded.
Athrun took her near, pressing her head against his chest. "The way the photograph is being declared as a fake was Yzak and Eileen Canaver's doing.
They realized that I had always been trying to find a way back to you."
"But you have it." She said quietly. She thought of the Council of Elders and the way she was little more than a pawn in many ways. He had been a pawn for others as well— for so many others. But that didn't matter anymore, Cagalli found. It did not matter when he had never meant to hurt her. "You always had a way back to me."
He breathed slowly, spent and broken. "I want to meet Epstein and the twins once more and to understand what it is that they really want. After that, I will tender his resignation—the Intelligence council has nothing left they can hold me back with.
"For all I did and for how hard I strived, some part of me always knew that I would have no right to come back to you even when all my plans had completed. At very least, nobody can use the weapon they once had against you and I."
She took him to her, feeling his pulse race against hers. "I've always been waiting. I've tried to belong somewhere—to someone else." She looked up at him miserably. "But I can't, Athrun."
"I hoped you wouldn't." He said in a small, broken voice. "Was I too selfish?"
"No." She took his face in her hands now, kissing him gently. "Why couldn't you tell me?" As she looked at him, she found her sobs breaking into the air now. "Why do you always have to take all the burden on yourself and have me hate and mistrust you?"
He said nothing, but he took her hand. She stumbled after him, not knowing where she was going with the midnight air dazzling and the sea shining so brightly it seemed to blind her. She was scarcely aware of how they were moving against the air's current, fighting the path of the wind and finding each other and themselves again. But the scent of leather and him filled her head and she was crying, begging and the world had become compressed into little more than themselves and the tiny space they occupied; hidden behind rocks and their voices drowned by waves.
Then they lay there, opening the roof, watching the sky with its lights and the strange song of water against unforgiving cliffs. They talked— they found the strength to laugh, and they found some reason to believe. As he leaned over her, blocking out the stars, she stroked his cheek with her hand. "When you are ready, come back to me."
How many times had she requested that, and how many times had he turned away and left her? How many times had she known that he did not dare to promise to return, but how many times had she hoped she could reach him? And how long more did those memories hold hurt for her when all they should have amounted to was proof of their helplessness?
Resting there, her body against his and her arms holding him, she could not remember. She only heard his voice against her ear; the way his mouth found hers and demanded her, and she heard little more than what he had promised—that he would return to where he belonged.
- 1301 days