"Inquisitor?"

Dawn looked up from her desk to see Josephine up the stairs, peering into her room. The woman looked exceptionally worried, which in turn worried the Inquisitor. The Herald sat up straight. "Yes, Josephine?"

"You should come to the tavern immediately," she said, frowning, "there's a situation I think you can help with."

"Oh, is it Wicked Grace weekend already? Shit, did I forget?" She stood up, looking embarrassed. "Sorry, I'll be down in a-"

"No, that's not it, your Worship." the ambassador interrupted with a shake of the head. She looked particularly worried. "It's Lady Strong-Steel. She's rather upset about something and I'd like you to talk to her, before she..."

The Inquisitor approached and put a hand on her shoulder. "Josephine, Tanya isn't going to burn down the building. She isn't like most dragons."

"Well...in appearance, perhaps..." She groaned. "In any case, before she starts Shouting the tavern down, please go see if you can soothe her." Josephine walked with the Herald down the stairs, still looking just as nervous. "Cabot is denying her alcohol, as usual, even if it would likely be safer for everyone if she took a nap following half a pint."

Dawn entered the tavern to find Vidar murmuring to Tanya over a table, who was red in the face, grumbling. Cassandra, Sera, Solas, and Dorian accompanied them, talking as low as they could to keep the tavern-goers attention at bay. The Inquisitor approached the table, and Vidar scooted over to allow her a seat. She looked over to the Dragonborn, who sipped her nonalcoholic apple cider, looking bitter. "Alright, what's happened?"

Tanya hissed and grumbled more. "The Blades. The...fucking...Blades! Meyye!"

"You did the right thing, Tanya," Vidar reassured, putting a hand on her back, "there's nothing we can do about it."

Cassandra looked towards the Inquisitor, sighing. "You remember what she told us of the Blades?"

Dawn thought for a moment and nodded. "Yes, the order that was once dragon hunters, then turned guards of the Emperor, and then back to waiting for the Dragonborn? Oh, Maker, what did they say to her?"

Sera snorted. "Piss-heads told her they refuse to do anything ever until she kills Paarthunax."

The group had only met Paarthunax once, when Tanya had gone to him for aid in learning how to use the flying Shout in the Crossroads. Quickly he won over the group with his calm, fair, and patient wisdom, particularly Bull and Solas. Bull found him amazing, and Solas found him wise and respectable, even more so after finding out his past. The old dragon and the Inquisitor had spoken for several moments before they departed, and his words still stuck with her.

The Herald scowled. "They want you to kill Paarthunax? Why in the Maker's name do they want you to such a thing?"

"It's simple," Solas replied calmly, "they believe he is irredeemable, and that past wrongs can never be acknowledged and atoned for. Tanya realized this and did the only responsible thing by leaving. They are a group well past their time, and as with any organization, time corrupted it."

Dorian sighed. "Tanya refused, they kicked her and her brother out, and now they're sitting in that temple doing essentially nothing until she commits murder."

Cassandra crossed her arms over the table. "Tanya, you have done the right thing, but it doesn't mean doing the right thing doesn't have consequences that are unfair. Cut ties with these people. They are genocidal and corrupt."

Tanya grumbled, said nothing, and sipped her drink again. Vidar groaned. "Onmund, J'zargo, Brelyna, and Serana gave her the same response. It's all true, but it still hurts."

Sera stood up from the table, a devious grin on her face. "Sitting here being mad and sad isn't doing anything. Let's get some payback. That'll make you feel better in no time!" Ignoring Solas's groan, the elf gave the Dragonborn a playful smile. Tanya looked up, raising an eyebrow.

"What sort of payback?"

The rogue giggled madly, and that was the only clarification anyone needed. After a moment's hesitation, Tanya sighed and stood up, looking to Sera. "Sure."

"That's the spirit! Just let me grab my stuff and we'll be off and teaching these knobs a thing or two!"

Neither Delphine nor Esbern knew how or what had happened to the temple, but they woke up to a hall full of chickens, everywhere. Feathers were everywhere, and their armor had been treated with glue, resulting in numerous feathers sticking all over their gear. Several buckets full of a dubious liquid hung over the doors, ready to pour over the hapless victim that went under the doorway. Every chair and table had been tampered with, ensuring they would wobble when used.

The courtyard was covered in knee-high snow in spite of the fact that it had never snowed the night before. It had turned into dirty slush by the time they found it. The Blades' faces had been painted on with numerous drawings of penises, and on Delphine's cheek, a particularly unflattering image of a man with a male member in his rear that said 'dickbutt' beside it.

Custard pies hit them in the face from...they didn't know where. The pies simply appeared to strike them in the face. From a far corner, near the entrance, Dawn, Sera, Tanya, Vidar, J'zargo, and Brelyna admired their work proudly. Tanya had finally grinned as she watched them come back into the temple, custard all over their faces. All of them snickered and scurried away before either Blade noticed they were there, or responsible for such a mess. Once they had gotten outside to Karthspire, all of them burst into laughter, Tanya the loudest of all.

Sera high-fived everyone and threw an arm around the Dragonborn. "Feeling better, yeah?"

"Much better! That was..." Tanya wheezed. "That was one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time!"

"Glad to hear it!" She turned to Brelyna. "Nice job on those chickens. You just got a bunch of bugs and used that weird spell on them? I mean, I don't really like magic, but all those feathers up their knickers...that was grand!"

"I tested that spell on poor Tanya once, yes. It was nice to see my experiment going better." she agreed, giggling as Tanya turned red in the face at the mention of it. "The spell should wear off in a little while, maybe a few hours. Then any they don't get out...they'll all turn back into bugs. Hope they don't mind an infestation."

Sera turned to Dawn and began cackling, almost unable to speak. "That...that 'dickbutt' you drew...I'm gonna have to steal that one!" She high-fived the Inquisitor again, who looked particularly proud of herself. Finally, she turned to J'zargo. "That was a nice touch with the snow in the court, 'Zargo. They won't be able to get to their training grounds for hours."

The khajiit shook his head. "J'zargo is not responsible for that, only for the pies in the faces thanks to a spell. Khajiit cannot summon that much snow...yet."

Sera blinked. "If...you didn't, then who..."

Tanya looked up as Briidremaaz and Durnehviir made an appearance flying over, smiling at them fondly. "My friends helped me out with that. Once they heard about the Blades, they were more than happy to lend a hand with the pranks." She waved at them. "Kogaan, Fahdonne!"

"Naan tiid, fahdon!" Durnehviir shouted back at her. They merely let out hearty, boisterous laughs and flew away. It was their shouting and approach that led Esbern and Delphine to appear outside of the cave, looking livid, glaring at the Dragonborn.

"You!" Delphine shouted, red-faced, only growing angrier as everyone laughed at the drawings on her face. "You will-"

"Run!" Dawn yelled, hurrying in the opposite direction with the others as fast as her legs could take her. Sera cackled they all fled from the two Blades, who were left too angry to speak properly.

Tanya would never return to Sky Haven Temple, and would only see Esbern and Delphine once more when negotiating peace to go after Alduin. The laughter she couldn't hold back upon seeing them was rather awkward at the start of the meeting.

Translations:

Tanya: Fools!

Tanya: Thanks, friends!
Durnehviir: Anytime, friend!