If Only You Knew
I decided to revisit the birthday but from Robbie's perspective.
He looked in the mirror thinking it was the best he could do. It was a fact, he wasn't as posh as her friends, the people who would likely be at her party. And he was older, quite a bit older if he was honest. Still, she'd invited him, hunted him down specifically to ask. She'd also touched his chest when she said it.
He'd relished the touch. Even now, as he thought about it, his own hand covered the spot on his chest. A knocking at his door, pulled him from his thoughts. Grabbing his jacket he opened the door to James' grim face.
"Is there anything I can do to get out of this party?"
Closing the door behind him, "Short of bone sticking through the skin, I don't think so."
"I'm willing to throw myself down some stairs. You'd have to take me to hospital, it would get us both out."
Opening the taxi door, Robbie couldn't help but smile. He didn't want James to know how much he wanted to go. "It's not worth either of our lives to miss her party." James grumbled as he went to the other side of the taxi, "Besides, she'll most likely have good booze and plenty of it."
The door had been standing open when they'd arrived. He and James had exchanged a look, two coppers appalled at the lack of security. There were too many people and too much noise. But the booze was plentiful.
He'd only caught glimpses of her throughout the night. Each time he would start for her, she would be swallowed by the crowd and when it cleared she was gone. He heard the beginnings of the birthday song and knew it would be his chance. As she was blowing out the candles on her cake, he watched her. She was gorgeous, more done up than normal but it suited her. There was a rosy tint to her cheeks, whether it was from makeup or a bit too much to drink he wasn't sure. Either way, it enhanced her looks.
As the cake was taken away, he finally made his move. Leaning in, he pressed his cheek to hers, thrilled when her lips touched his cheek. Her perfume was different. It was something subtle, slightly exotic, "Happy Birthday."
Pulling away from him she laughed, "Thanks, Robbie. I didn't think you'd turn up. Are you having a nice time?"
He nodded, nonchalantly, "Yeah, considering…"
A mock tone of annoyance, or at least he hoped mock, filled her voice, "Considering?"
"Well I'm out of practice with parties and such. And it's louder than expected."
She laughed, motioning around the room, "Well they were all medical students once upon a time." Raising her glass she smiled, "A couple of glasses of this stuff and they revert." There was a small pause then she blurted out, "Hey do you play cards?"
Unsure at her question, "A bit of cribbage with me granddad years ago." She made a face, and he found himself explaining, "But just for matches."
"Some of the guys are organizing a late night poker session." He looked away and she added, "Probably not for matches."
Shaking his head, "Not my scene."
She looked around, "Where's James?"
"I have no idea."
They stared at one another each drinking deeply from their champagne flutes. Suddenly she moved the glass to her other hand and reached up to touch his cheek. He swallowed at the unexpected contact. The silly smile on her face was endearing as she stroked his cheek. He knew she was only removing a trace of her lipstick but he didn't want the touch to end.
Staring down at her, he was breathless. What would she do if he leaned forward and kissed her? Not on the cheek like before, but a real kiss. He imagined how soft her lips would be, what her lipstick would taste like, what she would taste like.
Her name was called and she turned toward the voice. He felt her hand on his chest and looked down at it, almost covered it with his own, "Sorry Robbie, find me later."
She was gone before he could reply. Suddenly it was hot in the room, he desperately needed fresh air. She'd asked where James was and he suspected he knew. Grabbing a fresh glass of champagne he went in search.
Looking back at her house, he knew there was no sense in going back. She was surrounded by loads of friends, she didn't need him. He should at least tell her he was going. He pulled his mobile from his pocket and pressed the button to call her.
"Laura…" He thought she had answered, couldn't tell if the noise was from his end or her end. Covering his ear, he continued, "Listen, sorry to be party poopers, but something's come up." He heard James call to him, "I'll call you tomorrow."
As he pulled the phone away from his ear, he heard her say, "I'm so glad you came."
Looking at James, he held up his hand. He thought about her odd comment about the poker game. Had she told him about the game hoping he would stay later?
"James, I'm going to run across and tell Laura goodbye."
"Didn't you just call her?"
Already halfway across the street, he waved. "Yeah, but I'm not sure she heard me."
Inside her house, he looked around desperately. He needed to ask her if she wanted him to stay. Maybe it hadn't been a pity invite. She wasn't in the main room or the kitchen. He risked asking one of the less inebriated looking guests if she knew where Laura was. She waved vaguely towards a door off the kitchen.
Thinking it was probably the back room she'd mentioned he paused, collecting his thoughts. What would he say to her? Should he just join the game, stay until the bitter end? There were so many things he needed to tell her, wanted to tell her. Things she needed to know, about him, hopefully about them. It was time he told her.
Opening the door, he was shocked to find the room dark. Thinking the woman must have been drunker than he thought, he stepped back to close the door. That's when he heard her voice.
"So is you being here my present?"
A male voice, responded, "No, I have something else for your present."
Frozen, he couldn't move. He could hear clothes rustling, Laura gasp. "Oh God I have missed you. Promise me you won't go away for that long again."
He pulled the door closed. Made his way back to the car in a haze. Sitting beside James in the back of the police car, he tried to erase the past few minutes from his mind. Why had he expected anything less? What was she supposed to do, wait for him? He'd never given her any sign, never told her how he felt. And now, he'd lost her.
I dream of moments we share
But you're not there
I'm living in a fantasy
'Cause you don't even suspect
Could probably care less
About the changes I've been going through
If only you knew
How much I do
Do love you
If only you knew
How much I do
Do need you
I don't really think he was already I love with her at that point but let's pretend. And he was quite entranced with her reaching up to touch him on the cheek.
If Only You Knew – KeKe Wyatt. Patti LaBelle originally sang it but this version is better. The song really needs a smokier voice.