AN: Hello everyone been a while hasn't it :) I know I left you all hanging for a good while with this story but as I promised new updates at the end of March.

I would like to apologise for the wait that you had, I had personal problem take up my time and mental power. I started a course at the local college which was almost completely new to me....programming -shudder- and had a small mental break down due to 'feelings'. BUT IM BACK! And for those who were worried I'd not be able to continue with his after such a long break because my mind wasn't on it, don't. I actually have this story planned to a degree and won't forget. Without further ado, new to 2010 and the first of many updates this year...

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters.

AN: This fic is based on an Alice/Bella relationship so if you have problems then exit the page now.

My Bella

Chapter 6: It's tearing me apart inside

Bella walked out of English with Angela, who was talking about the school paper and the new story her and Eric were working on. Her mind a mass of thoughts, not focusing on anything.

"So Bella... what's going on with you and Edward...you're like so distant..." Angela gave a confused smile to Bella as she wondered what was going on.

Bella perked up at her question, looking to her friend, "It's nothing Angela."

"You're a sucky liar Swan, is it that Jacob kid?"

"No, I...don't actually talk to him much anymore, we drifted apart." Bella sighed, she missed her friend even though he was completely against the family of veggie vampires she loved; if they were still close perhaps she would have even asked him advice on her situation.

"Alice..."

"What about Alice?" Bella quickly turned to Angela, the only one from the group she really trusted but also seemed to be overly observant.

"Alice seemed a bit off for a few moments as well then went back to super bubble. I was wondering if maybe it was a family thing or you told her about any relationship problems because she's like your best friend now."

"Angela...." Bella sighed, her walls being broken down a little each time, she wanted to tell her but... Edward. Sigh.... was always listening. "Nothing's wrong, and I promise we'll have a talk on all about me sometime this week, okay?"

"Fine." She smiled as they arrived at the lunch room, moving towards the food line..

* * *

Edward stood in the lunch room by Emmett and Rosalie, at his family's table waiting for Bella to come from class...she'd mentioned wanting to walk to lunch on her own, filtering through the room of thoughts till he found the mind he was looking for. Angela.

Problems what problems? He thought deeply him and Bella were soul mates... Jacob. He felt a growl trap in his throat. Bella insisted it wasn't Jacob but Edward as still wandering what problem Angela meant. Bella hadn't been distant...much, she'd just been distracted.

Finally he watched as both girls came through the door and joined the lunch line to get food and head towards their normal table, Alice appearing with them shortly. Sighing he waved to his brother and sister and walked over to her at human speed looking at Bella's concentrated face. Maybe something is wrong....

* * *

Bella had been quiet since she realised she liked Alice, that night where she'd caught her on the tree. It seemed so fucked p in her mind, that both these perfect vampires loved her and that she liked them both. It was unfair to them and she was a selfish bitch to keep leading them on. She didn't tell Edward she had kissed Alice and she hadn't told Alice no. it was her fault it had gotten this far. That Alice needed to watch her and the secret kisses. Alice had kissed her again that night and once again this morning… the secret kisses were wonderful but tearing her apart. She was meant to love Edward, kiss Edward… but his kisses felt wrong… like they weren't right.

Shaking her head and focusing her friends at the lunch table once again she sighed looking up to see two set of concerned golden eyes on her. Edward wrapped his arm around his waist smiling; whilst Alice gave a concentrated look as she obviously covered her thoughts.

"What's wrong love?"

"Nothing I just spaced out a minute, thinking about… um… my Mom…" of course she was lying to him, which she hated. She loved Edward and she didn't want to hurt him; but she didn't want to hurt Alice either… who seemed to be hurting as Edward leaned close to me, kissing my cheek. Her jaw was clenched; Edward kept glancing to her with a confused look. Bella wondered what she was thinking about; she had thought about pine needles and runic alphabets… she was bound to run out of things eventually.

"Oh okay." He smiled, settling on her explanation. He knew she worried about her mother she always had a little bit of her thinking to her Mom. Living with Phil happily in Florida.

As they sat around the lunch table time passed; the group talked and laughed, the visible line seemed a little more 'there' today. Tyler and Mike in-depth with conversation the only person in no man's land was Angela. Bella liked Angela she was a true friend, the girl had tried to initiate conversation a few more times but she was too preoccupied in her thoughts and worries. If she could talk about it, it might help but she couldn't tell Angela about the vampire part or the sleeping in her room or Edwards hunting… she couldn't talk to Edward or Alice without hurting one of them in the process…who could she tell otherwise? As she'd thought before her and Jacob weren't right....

The bell rang signalling the end to the painful torment of sitting at the table with both the vampires and the friends she ignored. As she stood she felt Edward's cool arm, link through hers. *Sigh*… Absentmindedly she was dragged off towards biology, where they did work which she knew and Edward practically did for her anyway. The class passed in such a blur the next thing she actually noticed she was leaving the school and heading towards Edwards car.

* * *

Silence sat in the Volvo as he drove her home from school nothing but the light thrum of the engine and even lighter music coming from the radio. Edward smiled as they arrived at the Swan house, his car pulling up behind the cruiser. Dad's home.

"Thanks" Bella looked to Edward, thinking of what she could say...she didn't want him to come in or come back that night...what's going on with her. "I don't feel so great...I think I'm going to lie down and get some sleep."

"Do you want me to come up?"

"No it's okay Charlie's home and I really just need to sleep. Sorry." she smiled sadly, she really was sorry for doing this to him. Was it just a phase, a bumpy patch...or a sign of the end. Alice hadn't even been near her more than necessary.

"Okay, I'll come back if you need me..." he nodded leaning over to give her a kiss, placing his lips against hers. It just didn't feel right...his lips seems out of place on hers but she kissed him back lightly anyway. "I love you."

"Love you too." She smiled kissing him on the cheek then hoping from the vehicle. It felt like she was lying...."Talk you later"

* * *

Entering the house she noticed Charlie sitting in the kitchen eating a sandwich, food made by her father was not safe..."Hi Dad...you made that?"

"Oh hi Bells, nah. Sue came round and made these, really good." he gave a happy smile taking another bite, then starting to talk again muffled. "No Edward?"

"Oh, no. I'm really tired so I was just going to relax" she shrugged and walked towards the living room. Dropping down on the sofa, she flicked through channels on the wide-screen, not taking an interest in anything. Her mind still running a thousand miles an hour over her feelings, her confusing her hurt… she didn't deserve to hurt, this was worse for Alice and well Edward doesn't know. But she has to see him kiss me, hold me and treat me as his; when she thinks me as hers…

"You want one of these sandwiches or I could order us something in?" Charlie asked walking in looking to her, holding the phone in one hand and his sandwich in the other.

"I think I'm going to go up to bed I'm really tired and not that hungry, I'll make something later."

"Sure thing hunny." his smile even bigger, to which she suspected was after she mentioned Edward not being there....Sigh he really was never going to forgive him...but he loved Alice....NO! Stupid brain.

Sighing she trudged up the stairs and running a hand through her hair as she went into her bedroom, going directly to her desk to drop her bag on the chair.

"Hello Bella."

AN: And there's another chapter people :D (I know I had part of this posted already; but I fixed it and yous all kinda rushed me the first time. WHOOHOOO I'm back XD )

Reviews keep me happy and happiness fuels imagination

Love,

Nadine