Am I the Only One
Continuing the prior chapter and Laura letting go of her relationship with Robbie.
The walk home had been cold and lonely. Before Robbie would have offered her a ride. Tonight, he'd waved vaguely muttering he would see her on Monday. Faking a happiness she didn't feel she'd turned away from him.
Her cheeks hurt from smiling at dinner a futile attempt to cheer him. She'd tried everything she could think of to bring even the mildest of smiles to his face. Nothing had worked. By the end of dinner, she wondered why he'd even invited her.
The only conclusion she'd come to was a sense of guilt for having been short with her. She would have rather he'd let it go. Let time heal the hurt feelings. Somehow sitting across from him, an empty shell, had hurt more than anything he'd said to her in anger.
It had never occurred to her she could feel more alone sitting with someone than actually being alone at home. The evening had isolated a feeling of emptiness inside her she hadn't known in a long time. It was a painful realization. The man she cared for more than any other had left her feeling abandoned while sitting four feet from her.
She let herself into her house not turning on any lights. Resetting the alarm and locking the door, she removed her jacket and walked through the dark house to her bedroom. In a matter of moments, she had removed her clothing and pulled on her most comfortable pajamas. The ones she only wore when no one else was around. The ones she wore when she was her most bereft.
Of course, she'd had relationships end in the past. Some of those had been mutual, others had been because she wanted out and a few had been because the other person wanted out. This was the first one where it had ended before it ever really started. Could she really even classify it as a relationship? It had only ever existed in her mind and yet this pain felt more real than any she'd ever known.
Looking in the mirror as she washed her face, she considered what she should do. If she called any of her friends, there wasn't likely to be the sympathy one would expect had she ended a real relationship. It wasn't even like she could take solace in knowing he might be feeling a comparable sadness, sense of loss. The simple fact was, he didn't know.
Bitter laughter escaped as she met her own eyes in the mirror. Tears streamed down her face. She tried to smile, tried to imagine how she would act when she did see him on Monday. Even to her eyes the smile looked fake.
Turning off the light, she made her way to her bed, turning down the covers. She climbed into the bed, pulling the covers up and over her head. As she lay there, all of the memories of time she'd spent with him played through her mind. All the moments, she'd seen a glimmer of hope. Bittersweet memories which she suspected would haunt her for a long time to come.
How could she have been so wrong about him? About them? A huge piece of her self-esteem was tied up in her realist view of life. It was hard to accept she had fantasized a relationship which simply didn't exist anywhere except in her mind. As sleep pulled at the edges of her mind she wondered if anyone else had ever felt this alone and foolish. Was she the only one?
Now My Sense Of Humor Needs A Break
I See A Shadow In The Mirror
And She's Laughin' Through Her Tears
One More Smile's All I Can Fake
There Is A Wound Inside Me
And It's Bleeding Like A Flood
There's Times When I See A Light Ahead
Hope Is Not Enough
As Another Night Surrounds Me
And It Pounds Me Like A Wave
God Help Me
Am I The Only One Who's Ever Felt This Way?
Still not sleeping. Dixie Chicks - Am I the Only One