My Favorite Memory
James had left him sitting alone. His holiday started tomorrow. He would drive up to Manchester the next day and fly with Lyn and her partner the following day. His suitcase was mostly packed, just a few odds and ends to toss in. He needed to clean out the refrigerator, dispose of anything that would spoil while he was away.
All in all, nothing he was in a particular hurry to do. He contemplated calling Laura, see if she would join him in an evening stroll. But he knew the call would go unanswered, just as all of his calls over the last few days had gone.
He'd finally asked one of the tech guys what it meant when a call went straight to voicemail. He hadn't dared to ask James, but with those guys he could frame it as a question about a case. Their answer had been what he'd expected. She was ignoring him.
He'd wracked his brains the night before trying to figure out what he'd done to offend her. Every minute he'd spent with her in the past month had played through his mind and the one thing he kept coming back to was Alison's death and their ill-fated dinner.
Not quite ready to parse through those feelings, he made himself remember other moments with Laura. Happier times, a bench with some chips and how beautiful she'd been. How he still regretted not kissing her when the thought had rushed through his head.
It had been the first time he consciously remembered being swept away by her beauty. Since then, at the most random of moments, she would pop into his head, a different image from throughout their history. Snapshots his brain had taken of her which he hadn't been aware of until he finally admitted to himself he found her beautiful.
He hoped his memory never faded, that he never lost these encapsulated moments of her. There were so many of them but the one he came back to every time was the very first time he'd seen her. The laugh he'd suppressed when she said she was looking for someone named "Mouse". He laughed to himself, missing her suddenly.
He supposed he should just leave it. It wasn't the first time she'd been angry with him. It wouldn't be the last. In the past, it always smoothed over without any conversation about it. Just one day, she would smile that certain smile and he knew he was forgiven.
Two weeks away would have the same effect. He'd come back and they would be back to normal. A niggling doubt pulled at his mind. What if this time was different? What if he'd pushed her away one time too many?
Pulling his mobile from his pocket, he pressed the button to connect to her. One ring, then voicemail. She'd ignored him again. Listening to her voice directing him to leave a message, he took a deep breath and started talking.
"Laura, I know you are ignoring me and, honestly, I even understand why. I've pushed you away and perhaps it was one time too many. But as I sit here watching the sun slide over the horizon, I am flooded with memories of you. Memories of times we've spent together playing like a movie in my head. And my favorite is the first moment I saw you. And what I realize is I want millions of more memories of you, of you and me. I leave tomorrow but it's only for a few weeks. And then I will be back here, in Oxford. Because you were wrong, there is a reason for me to stay. You, Laura, you're the reason for me to stay. I'm not going anywhere, Laura."
The first time we met is a favorite memory of mine
They say time changes all it pertains to but your memory is stronger than time
I guess everything does change except what you choose to recall
There's a million good daydreams to dream on
But baby you are my favorite memory of all
Merle Haggard - My Favorite Memory of All