Last oneshot before a three-week hiatus. Hese Solstis, this is for you. I'm sorry I can't make it longer. Forgive me, I was totally brain-dead.
Standard Disclaimers apply.
Words below are from Hese. Read in awe dear readers.. :D
'The wounds we hide are invisible to the naked down, but deep down they hurt more than physical wounds; they break and crush your heart, until quite suddenly, the Earth seemed to stand still. You look on behind you constantly, wondering, thinking, what have I done? But that's all you could do regret and reminisce.'
'The wounds on your heart can only be healed with kindred soul, past, present and future. They are all linked to one another.'
Wounds hurt a lot, don't they?
Be it physically or emotionally, they hurt, a lot. I clutched my chest, my knuckles white from the sheer force of my dainty looking hands gripping my pyjama shirt. I hated this. I hated all of this.
Don't let go of it, Rukia. It'll fall if you do. Don't ever let go of it.
I sucked in a breath as another jabbing pain hit my chest, squarely on the centre of it, where my heart lies. I bit my lip.
It wasn't a deep cut really; it was just a small scratch, nothing to be taken seriously about. I snorted. If that were true... I'd have bounced back to my feet without a care in the world. But it does hurt. Wounds? Please.
The cut was still fresh, etched deep inside my aching, pulsating heart. I refused to give in to tears. Succumbing to them meant nothing. They were pointless, unnerving, not worth it even. But in the end... in the damn end....
I cried.
I sobbed and wept, tears rolled down my cheeks, absorbing all the moisture from my eyes and trickling them down my cheeks. I sniffed and wiped it away.
Wounds....
They never close that easily.
Wounds...
They are never what they seem.
Wounds....
They come in so many different ways but all of them bear a pain that is indescribable to others. Some may look horrible. Blood loss, broken arm, dislocated parts.... but that can be left tended to and in time will heal.
But what about the wounds that are not visible to the naked eye? What if those wounds were the ones which caused you to rip your life away?
What if those wounds were the ones that made you take the life of others?
Wounds.... they never heal properly. There would always be scars etched deep inside you, reminding you every minute of every day of what you have done. Constantly torturing you with guilt and sorrow. And you can never make the scars go away.
I sniffed. My throat hurt. It felt so raw, as if I had screamed at the top of my lungs for three days straight.
Losing him was the hardest part of my life. It didn't help the fact that it was me who had caused all of this. I was the one who had caused him to die. How can you live with guilt as strong as that? Well that was the problem; I wasn't living anymore. I was just an empty shell, resembling that of a gigai, mindlessly performing everyday tasks.
But at night when everything was calm and tranquillity was in the air, my wounds couldn't help opening up again and I would succumb to tears and heartache. I wouldn't be surprised if I would start to cry blood. I was so tired of crying, of this feeling but it seemed like my wound wasn't about to close up anytime soon.
And part of me knew I deserved it. I deserved it more than anyone in the whole universe. Because I had recklessly let this happen.
I Let Him Die.
I was there, clutching onto his shirt for my own dear life even though he was the one who was fighting for his.
And he died... in my arms.
I squeezed my eyes shut, letting the last remnants of my tears cascade down my pale cheeks before I surrendered myself to sleep. This was my ritual every night. I would, for a fact, cry myself to sleep with bittersweet memories that would tear my wounds into a bigger cut until I could no longer feel that it was possible to close it.
No one, not even Renji could help me now. I was too deep into my own sadness, my own sorrowful guilt that there was no way for me to be saved anymore. This was my end. And I would accept it with open arms.
Because to have caused Ichigo's death was worth to be killed by your own wounds.
How was that? Short, I know.. but hey... believe it or not, I put a lot into writing this. It's not the usual storyline like how Ichigo does something for Rukia and all that like my other fics... this is much deeper and the intensity of it really freaks me out even though I was writing it. lawls.
Be the judge my readers... flame me, criticize me.. whatever. As long as they're helpful, they're welcome.