The Mess I Made

The next six weeks passed without her seeing him. The first two because he was away on holiday. The next four because she'd fixed the on call schedule so as to avoid him altogether. It seemed easier. If he was out of sight, he could also be out of mind.

It worked. She and Franco grew closer. Closer than they'd been the first time around. He was easy to love, easy to please and eager to please her. It was rare they didn't wind up together most evenings.

It was this habit that resulted in her seeing James. As she spotted him at the counter, she supposed it had only been a matter of time. It wasn't as if she and Franco limited themselves to their own homes. So it was inevitable she would eventually see someone from work. She only wished it had been someone besides James.

Silently she prayed he wouldn't see her, he seemed quite intent on flirting with the young girl. But then he looked into the mirror and she knew the second he spotted her. She didn't know why but a pang of guilt stabbed at her. It wasn't guilt about being with Franco, rather about placing James in the middle. As he turned to confirm what the mirror was telling him, she smiled sadly and waved.

He looked away, almost instantly, turning back to the young woman. She watched him as he quickly paid for his food and left the restaurant. Turning back to Franco, she smiled. It really had only been a matter of time. Putting James out of her mind, she went back to her enjoyable evening.

James rushed from the restaurant. Images of Laura Hobson with another man on a loop in his head. He knew something was off with her and the Inspector but had assumed it was just one of their occasional spats.

However, now that he thought about it, it had been almost three months since she'd joined them for drinks. More noticeable, he couldn't remember the last time she'd worked a case with them. Before the Inspector had gone on holiday? That was no coincidence. The only way that had happened was if she had planned it.

He had a bigger problem now. Did he actually tell the Inspector or just keep out of it? Not wanting to contemplate the fallout if the Inspector found out, he pushed it away. Chances were she wouldn't be covering any of their cases and it would remain a non-issue.

Robbie drove up and parked his car. The crime scene tape was already strewn around the area. He almost couldn't believe it when he saw her. It was the first since he'd gone on holiday. His voicemail had gone unanswered. He waved, excited to see her. Her return scowl as she walked away was unexpected. Had he overstepped with the voicemail. Perhaps misinterpreted where they'd been headed. James appeared suddenly at his side, forcing him to push those thoughts away and focus on the murder.

James filled him in on the details and Robbie said. "Alright, you talk to Dr. Ganza and I'll talk to Dr. Hobson." James gave him an off look. "What?"

Panic filled James, to tell or not to tell. He paused for a moment then shook his head. "No, nothing." Then he walked away.

Robbie watched after him for a moment and wondered why James was acting so oddly. For that matter, why was Laura acting so oddly. Two more mysteries to add to his plate. At least if he talked to Laura, he might be able to solve one of them.

Finding her by the body, he watched her for a moment. Her hair was slightly different, longer perhaps. Scared he would be caught staring, he called out, "Laura." She looked up at him with a blank face and then turned back to the dead girl. He knelt down next to her. "Theology student, seems rather…"

"Quaint? Yes, studying God in this city of atheists."

He looked up toward the balcony, "And that was her room?"

Still not really engaging with him, she gave him the facts. "Yep. But there are no signs of a struggle there, no defense wounds to the body, nothing under the fingernails, just the blunt force trauma to the left parietal."

He pointed to the balcony. "Still the fall alone would have been enough to."

Aggravation filled her voice, "Oh don't ask me if it's suicide or murder because I don't know."

He looked at her for a moment, wondering about her brusque manner. "Right. Time of Death?"

"About four hours ago. Give or take an hour."

Once again he looked at her questioningly, "You OK Laura?"

"Me, here with a lovely young body cut off in its prime, happy as Larry."

He nodded, perhaps she was upset by the age of the victim. She'd never handled the death of children particularly well. Changing topic, he stood, "What do you know about this Dr. Ganza?"

She shook her head, "Nothing much, supposed to be brilliant." She stood and moved to step away from the body. Robbie offered his hand to steady her and she ignored it.

He knew he'd been dismissed although he had no idea why so he wandered away. Today wouldn't be the day to solve the mystery of Laura. Best to focus on the case at hand.

The knock at her door made her look up. Seeing James, she waved him in, "How can I help you sergeant?"

He closed the door behind him then stood near it, unsure how to start. Looking down at his shoes, he dove in, "If you know something which might hurt someone you are close to, do you reveal it?"

"Will it hurt them physically or is this more personal knowledge?"

"No, not physical. More emotional."

"Would this have anything to do with the Inspector and Dr. Hobson?"

James looked up at her, curious as to how, even what, she knew. "What…"

She waved him off, "I sign off on all of the cases, James. Her name hasn't been on one of your cases in over six weeks. Believe it or not, I figured something was off and since I've not received any paperwork informing me of a relationship I gathered it was a falling out."

"I saw her with someone else, on a date."

Jean fought a small smile, "Good for her."

"What?"

She laughed at his shocked expression, "What, did you expect her to wait around forever for him to work out his issues? Quite frankly, I'm surprised it's taken her this long."

"You don't care?"

Shrugging, she went back to her paperwork, "Only in so much as it affects his performance. Is it affecting his performance?"

"He doesn't know. That's what I'm asking you. Do I tell him?"

Looking up at him, she shook her head. "No, you don't. First, it's not your story to tell. Second, it's none of your business. And third, Robbie is a big boy, you can't run around protecting him forever."

"But…"

"No buts, James. You don't want to be in the middle of this, whatever it is. Leave it, let them figure it out on their own. It's their mess, not yours."

She'd wanted to give them the toxicology results over the phone, thought it would be easier, keep things strictly professional. But Robbie had insisted they would walk over. Perhaps it was for the best. She knew James had told him. It was the only thing which explained his mood. She would pull him aside afterwards, just admit it. He needed to know she was in a relationship.

They stood over Adam's body discussing the drug which killed him. She updated them on all of the pertinent facts. As the moved to leave, she softly spoke to Robbie. "Robbie, can I have a minute?" He stopped and turned back to her. She watched James, making sure he was still walking away. In a soft voice, "I don't want there to be any misunderstanding between us."

"Me neither, is there one?"

She shook her head. "Don't make this any more difficult than it already is. I know Hathaway has said something."

"Well he hasn't actually. But he has been…"

Laura interrupted. "He's an old boyfriend."

He looked at her stunned. Was James the reason she hadn't acknowledged his voicemail? "Hathaway?"

She grimaced, slightly appalled at the thought. "No, Franco. He lived abroad until recently but now he's moved back to Oxford. James saw us together at dinner, night before last."

"Franco? Like the dictator?"

She smiled. "Yes, only this Franco is German. Don't ask."

He turned to walk away. "I won't." He looked back for a brief second. "Thanks for telling me." Then he walked away.

She watched him walk away, thought about following then decided it was for the best. Now he knew, she wouldn't have to go out of her way to avoid him. It was better to have it all out in the open. Turning back to the body, she went back to work, hoping this was the end of it.

Robbie walked out of the morgue. His mind running wild. His voicemail hadn't made a difference. It had been too late. She'd moved on and he'd missed his chance. He spared a brief moment wondering who this other man was. Then he wondered why James hadn't bothered to tell him.

His mobile buzzed, a text from James. He was needed to question two of the other patients. Trying to clear his head, he made his way to the station. Thoughts of Laura still filling his mind. What kind of name was Franco? An old boyfriend, had his own actions driven her back to him? Or was it just his move back to Oxford? Perhaps Franco was who she really wanted and he'd just been someone to pass the time.

No, he'd seen the hurt in her eyes. That day over Alison's body then at their dinner. Those weren't the looks of a woman marking time. She'd had real feelings and he'd ruined it. There was no one to blame but himself. This was a mess of his own creation. Well maybe Franco was to blame as well.

Robbie had heard Laura talking around the corner. She was delivering pathology results to one of the surgeons. He'd waited until he was sure the other doctor had walked away before rounding the corner. She looked up at him awkwardly. He held up his hands, "I come in peace. Could I talk you into a walk?"

Not really sure how to answer or if she even had words, she simply nodded. They fell into step and quietly left the hospital.

An awkward silence fell between them. Finally, Robbie broke the impasse, "Went to sea in a sieve."

Thoroughly confused by his words, she looked up at him. "What's that?"

"I went to visit Dr. Ganza and he was reading to his wife."

She nodded, "What's he going to do?"

He shrugged. "Go on reading. He's going to stay with her."

"I spoke to her surgeon. There's no chance of recovery. Absolutely none."

He smiled to himself, pleased she'd asked after one of his cases. "Yeah, I know. He knows. But he's staying."

Briefly, she wondered if, despite his dislike of Dr. Ganza, he might feel some kindred emotion toward him. "Out of guilt?"

He looked at her, "Maybe, more out of love I think."

They stopped walking and looked at one another, "Sorry Robbie."

He snuffed, "You don't have to be. It's not as if we…"

She smiled at him, "Yeah."

"Think Ganza really proves it doesn't it."

"Proves what?"

"That you don't get many chances. You don't want to waste them." They gazed at one another realizing what he is saying. "Can I buy you a coffee, Laura?"

Relief flooded through her, perhaps they could be friends. She smirked, "Coffee?"

"Something stronger?"

She smiled and nodded, "Sounds a bit more like it."

They picked an out of the way pub, a place they were likely to go unnoticed. He brought her a drink then sat beside her. In silence, they sipped their drinks, each unsure where to go from here.

Again, Robbie was the first to speak. "I left it too long. I made a mess of things."

Almost certain of his meaning, she had to know. Had to hear him say it, "Left what, Robbie?"

"Us." He paused, then took a deep breath. "I should have kissed you that night on the bench. Or any of a dozen nights since then. But every time I had the thought, I let my head talk me out of it."

Tears filled her eyes, "Why?"

"Because I was scared, scared we would lose our friendship. And now, I've probably ruined that as well."

She shook her head, lightly touching his arm. "I'll always be your friend, Robbie."

Covering her hand with his, "Except now, I want more. I want all of you, Laura. I was a fool but it was my mistake. I know you are with someone else, I will accept it. I care for you enough to want to see you happy. If Franco makes you happy, then I'm happy for you."

She blinked, not really sure what to say. Forcing back the tears, she smiled sadly. "I made a commitment to him Robbie. I made a commitment to myself."

Gently he cupped her cheek, "I know. I'm not asking for anything. I just wanted to say this to you, not a machine. I'm not going anywhere, Laura. I want to be a part of your life in whatever way you will allow. And if friend is my lot in life, then I plan on being the best friend possible."

"I don't know what to say, Robbie."

He shrugged, "Nothing really to say. It's about time I started supporting you the way you have me all of these years."

Looking down at her watch, she realized she was late. "I have to go, I have plans."

He nodded, "Sure, Franco."

She laughed, "No, I have a hair appointment."

Before he could stop himself, he was touching her hair. "It's longer, I like it." She looked up at him, surprised by the touch. All of the moments he'd wanted to kiss her and hadn't played through his mind. Damn it, he wasn't going to miss this chance.

Bringing his other hand up, he gently cupped her face, pulling her to him. He pressed his lips into hers, softly at first then more demanding. When she didn't pull away, he ran his tongue over her lower lip, surprised when she opened her mouth to him.

He never felt her hands on his arms or at his waist as she pulled closer to him. He was swept away by the softness of her lips, the taste of her, the feel of her tongue in his mouth. Time stood still and all he could think about was how happy he was he hadn't stopped himself this time.

Somehow, by mutual agreement, they pulled away, both breathing hard. "I'm sorry." He saw the fear in her eyes and kissed her lightly, "I promised to be your friend and then I did that."

Light, bubbly laughter escaped her. He made a mental note to do what he could to make her laugh like that again and often.

Pressing her head into his, almost nuzzling against him, she sighed. "I have to go."

He nodded, caressing her cheek again. "I understand. I'll see you."

She nodded, "Yes, inevitably."

He watched her walk away, smiling to himself. He probably should've kissed her years ago. But based upon the glazed expression on her face, the wait might well have been worth it.

Should've kissed you there, I should've held your face
I should've watched those eyes instead of run in place
I should've called you out, I should've said your name
I should've turned around, I should've looked again

But oh I'm staring at the mess I made
I'm staring at the mess I made
I'm staring at the mess I made
As you turn you take your heart and walk away

Should've held my ground, I could've been redeemed
For every second chance that changed its mind on me
I should've spoken up, I should've proudly claimed
That oh my head's to blame for all my heart's mistakes

Paramore – The Mess I Made

I hope you've called off the hit squad.