Chapter 4: Hope

As the hours passed, Kanan thought about putting some kind of signal out for Hera to see; a fire, or rocks lined up, drawing in the sand. It seemed like a good idea until he heard a lone TIE patrolling the area; after that he decided to think of something else. The Jedi was glad that the fire didn't put off much smoke and he was well hidden watchful eyes of the Empire.

Next, but for only a brief, extremely fast moment, he considered gaining the attention of the Imperial vessel and striking a deal in order to get Ezra taken care of figuring out his escape later on. With how wanting they were now, no deals would be made and both of them would end up dead, or worse.

It would be dark again soon, and Ezra had yet to drink or eat anything, or wake up for that matter. Kanan had stayed close to him they rest of the day making sure he stayed warm. When he was warmer, he moved them to a shaded area occasionally leaving to make some modifications to the small shelter. When the sun was going down, Kanan gently tried to wake him again to try and get him to eat.

"nnn…" Ezra slowly opened his eyes, when he gathered where he was he blushed slightly seeing that his face was practically against Kanan's chest. The youth also noticed his master felt warmer than last time.

"You're running a fever…." He said weakly but in a 'matter of fact' way.

So are you. The bacteria in the ocean is really high on this planet we both swallowed enough water to make us sick but you not only inhaled it, it also got into your leg wound and there's nothing to disinfect with…I was starting to get worried you weren't going to wake up with how high your fever is." Kanan said softly as he shifted a little to sit up more.

"I need you to drink a little…it will help keep you hydrated." He grabbed the fruit from earlier and sat Ezra up again. This time he managed to get a few teaspoons into the younger male. Ezra turned his head away after swallowing a few times; he rested it against Kanan again gently breathing against his neck causing a series of emotions to explode the Jedi's mind.

Kanan blamed his next actions on the fever that was starting to get higher. He wrapped his arms around his student and shifted them a little, placing a gentle kiss on the top of his head before using his free hand to stroke his hair. He was aware of what he was doing, but Ezra didn't seem to be in any distress, and Kanan actually felt him relax a little more.

In fact, Ezra melted into the touch. His body craved this interaction seeming to want more. Kanan noticed how he responded and grew more confused and concerned. Had he not trained Ezra right? He told him that attachment was bad because it caused distractions and distractions led to the dark side. That's when it dawned on him that he was doing the same exact thing. The same thing he had been preventing himself from doing all day.

He quickly moved Ezra and got him settled on the makeshift bed in the corner, by himself. Kanan was going to have to distance himself from the youth to keep anything from happening.

As he did this however, he felt Ezra's signature shrink back with rejection, withdrawing himself mentally and curling up into himself. He had rejected his student; he didn't mean to, he just didn't want to do anything wrong and Kanan knew this was wrong on many different levels.

He watched his student as he wrapped his arms around himself unconsciously, starting to shiver with the lost heat. Had pushing Ezra away hurt him that much? Kanan shook his head to clear his thoughts. This wasn't allowed, it was against their laws.

"What laws?" Said a small voice in the back of his head. Kanan frowned. It was right, what laws? The order had fallen. Why was he trying to enforce something that didn't exist? Kanan weighed the situation before he noticed that the youth was losing body heat at an alarming rate due to the outdoor temperature. With the suns down and the fire not big, and with the injury and fever Ezra couldn't possibly keep his body temperature regulated.

Feeling really bad, he laid back down and pulled Ezra close to him again but he felt resistance this time, not like the first time when Ezra melted into him. Ezra almost felt scared to be this close and it hurt.

"Sorry kid…I didn't mean to hurt you…I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't understand…." Kanan apologized; the boy from his youth pointed out and made him understand Ezra's reaction that his adult mind had shut out.

"I didn't know you had feelings towards me Ezra. Why didn't you tell me?" He felt like he should be angry, that he should be appalled with both he and Ezra; and yet he wasn't. He was, content and at peace. Was the force telling him it was okay to feel this? He continued to feel hurt and rejection from his student, the shivering getting worse when a breeze came into the area. Kanan did his best to block it from hitting Ezra.

"I'm not mad or upset with you; just surprised…" It was the truth. Kanan was very surprised that Ezra had deeper feelings towards him, and that he actually responded and almost returned the feelings.

"No, I do return the feelings. I just don't know how to physically do it."

Something in the back of his mind kept telling him it was forbidden, but he shut that voice off as he pulled Ezra closer wanting him to warm up and melt against him again.

"Hera…the others…Jedi rules…" Ezra was struggling to form sentences because of the fever and everything else on top of it. His teeth were chattering and he coughed deeply. Kanan could hear the fluid in his lungs.

"Hera and I have a one-sided relationship. I have feelings towards her, but she can't return them. There are no more rules, we have to make them up as we go now." He was simply given a nod in response. They lay there for a long time in silence enjoying the warmth and comfort that each one provided the other. Ezra finally started to relax again.

The Jedi wasn't quite sure how a relationship with his student would work out, if it even could. If this was even real. Ezra was fairly delirious. A small pang of guilt and sadness hit Kanan. What if Ezra really had no feelings but this was just all the fever manifesting delusions.

"Ezra?" A very tiny groan emitted in response. Ezra didn't have the energy to open his mouth just to respond.

"We're going to explore this topic after we get you taken care of okay?" Another groan, this one sounded like it was understanding. Ezra shifted closer, once again breathing against Kanan's neck. That was the Jedi's weakness it seemed. It tickled and produced emotions that Kanan had only felt years ago when he was constantly moving around, sleeping around.

"If he survives" Kanan hated that thought, but couldn't rule it out. At this rate, with no medication or any kind of supplies Ezra had maybe two or three days at the most. He could feel the youth's body starting to shut down; conserving energy for more vital organs.

When he was sure Ezra was asleep, Kanan sat up and started to look at his leg. Something prodded him to do so. It was swollen and the infection had gotten worse. Kanan sat staring at the leg for several minutes before his eyes shifted unconsciously and he noticed a lump in one of Ezra's pockets. The force hummed in his head as it tried to tell him something; he reached in and pulled out a small screw driver kit. Why would the force want him to find this?

The Jedi sat for a moment before it hit him. He grabbed his communications link and pried it open setting to work on trying to get it fixed. He could feel that Ezra was getting weaker, without medication or medical treatment it was only a matter of time before his body gave out; he had come to that conclusion. Kanan wasn't about to allow that to happen, not when he had questions unanswered. Now though, he had hope.