Complicated

Robbie watched James and Fiona embrace in her apartment. He smiled as he realized that Laura had been right. In her own way, she was often a better detective than he was. She'd seen what had been right under his eyes. In a matter of seconds, she had discerned something he'd completely missed.

He would never tell her, of course. She was too bloody smart for her own good sometimes. No, it was best he kept this secret to himself. It wasn't his only secret where Laura was concerned.

His thoughts lingered on the walk they'd taken. She'd looked nice, dressier than usual but still very comfortable. It was one of the things he liked about her. There was an effortless elegance to her. She never seemed to be trying too hard.

If he closed his eyes, he could feel her hand on his shoulder. The almost collegial comfort she'd offered when he'd realized what he'd missed about James and Fiona. She had no idea what her touch did to him. How much he both longed for it and dreaded it?

Touch, what had she said about touch? Something pulling at the edges of his mind. Closing his eyes, he played the conversation back in his mind.

"Innocent on cracking form, I gather."

"Poor Soul. She's been pining ever since her precious Fiona made rank."

Laura smiled up at him, "The young protégé." Tapping his shoulder lightly, "You used to be one of those."

"Not in that way I wasn't."

They stared at each other, a light smile playing at the edges of her pretty mouth. Walking for a few seconds, she'd asked him a question he hadn't expected. "Attractive, McKendrick?"

"Who am I to judge?"

"Ah, come on. Marks out of ten. A crudely biological eight? A traffic-stopping nine?"

Unsure where her question was coming from, "What is this?"

She looked away, "The illegal trade in hunch and hearsay. It's called gossip."

Shrugging, thinking Fiona paled in comparison to her. "I'd give her a seven."

Her nose crinkled up as she looked at him incredulously. "Would you? Seven?"

"Objectively speaking, fair enough." He paused for a moment, looking down at her, "Not my type at all. Why do you ask?"

"Well the other night, when our leader announced McKendrick's promotion your long-faced sergeant…"

"He's always long-faced."

"An equine nine?"

He wasn't sure but he didn't like her rating James quite so high. "He's a free man, not a number. Anyway, Hathaway has his reasons. He sees his contemporaries rising through the ranks, and thinks 'Why not me'"

She'd laughed at him, he could hear the teasing in it. "When we came to say good-bye, do you remember? You and McKendrick air-kissing like a couple of tarts in an operetta? Garlic bread notwithstanding?"

He rolled his eyes, "I was just being polite, as I would with any seven."

"Yeah, but what did Hathaway do? Hug? Kiss? Mexican wave?"

He shook his head, still not understanding he point, "I don't know I…"

"Nothing. That's what. Two colleagues worked together for years. Absolutely no bodily contact. Now why would that be Detective?"

Looking down at her, her arm brushing against his, "He'd have told me. Wouldn't he?"

She'd reached up and touched his shoulder at that moment. Her hand had lingered both a solace and a form of torture. The touch lit a fire in him one he'd thought long extinguished. There were times he thought her touch meant something more. He imagined her touch lingered because she was trying to tell him something about her feelings through it.

But in the context of her words, clearly it had only been meant to soothe his wounded feelings. He had reached a point where he felt everything he felt for her was on open display. James had made some cheeky comments about their relationship.

Funny, Laura had seen James' feelings for Fiona. James had seen his feelings for Laura. It seemed everyone around him could see things he couldn't. Who knew? Perhaps Laura could even see his feelings but didn't share them. Maybe that had been the message behind her touch.

She was comfortable touching him, even around others because she didn't have feelings for him. So it didn't matter if anyone saw, it didn't mean anything. It all scared him, how he felt about her. Not knowing how she felt about him. Fearing one day she might just tell him she didn't feel the same.

Walking away from Fiona's, he shook his head. Why did it have to be so complicated?

I'm so scared that the way that I feel
Is written all over my face
When you walk into the room
I wanna find a hiding place

We used to laugh, we used to hug
The way that old friends do
But now a smile and a touch of your hand
Just makes me come unglued

It's such a contradiction
Do I lie or tell the truth?
Is it fact or fiction
Oh, the way I feel for you?

It's so complicated
I'm so frustrated
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay

Should I say it
Should I tell you how I feel?
Oh, I want you to know but then again I don't
It's so complicated

I've always written the story that Laura was in love first and then Robbie came around. What if he was in love first and she was the ambivalent one. Carolyn Dawn Johnson - Complicated