Like I'm Gonna Lose You
The empty seat taunted her, a bitter reminder of her loss. She hadn't really believed he wouldn't go. Deep inside, she'd been certain he would see reason in the end and join her on the plane. Instead, he'd taken her to the airport, kissed her lightly on the cheek and waved goodbye.
She'd pretended not to care, acted as if everything was fine between them. But deep down, she knew it was the end. They might not have said it, acknowledged the gaping chasm between them. But this was something they couldn't come back from. It didn't end with a bang but with a whimper.
There would be a few phone calls, perhaps a letter or two and then nothing. She would come home and he would have moved out. They would have an awkward dinner and then put it all behind them. She would smile, pretend like it didn't matter, pretend her whole world wasn't over.
The lighting on the plane changed, went from bright to a shimmery haze. It was as if the lighting was attempting to match her mood. She felt the tear trailing down her cheek, attempted to wipe it away but felt as if she were pinned in place.
There was a weight over waist, warm and heavy. Her eyes opened, the surroundings unfamiliar. Her heart pounded, it was his smell which told her it had all been a dream. She turned in his arms, desperately needing to see him, touch him.
His face wasn't its normal relaxed mask. There seemed to be a tension around his eyes. His arm tightened around her waist pulling her even closer. Gently, she stroked his cheek.
The explosion was deafening. He and James were thrown backwards from the blast. As he fell to the ground all he could think about was Laura. Her face over the past few days.
For a moment, he couldn't hear anything, was certain he was dead. Wondered if it might be easier on her if he was. Then she would never know of his betrayal, never know he couldn't go away, couldn't leave the job, James, everything he knew. Even for her, he couldn't do it.
He hoped she didn't give up the way he had. Hoped she didn't dwell in the purgatory he'd allowed himself to wallow in for all of those years. A purgatory he would still be in but for her. Her smile swam in front of him, all of those hundreds of smiles given so freely over the years. Each one serving to heal his wounded psyche until finally all he could see was her smile.
From somewhere in the recesses of his mind, he could hear his name. Felt a hand on his cheek pulling him back to the here and now. "Robbie"
"Robbie."
He opened his eyes, she was there, smiling gently. There was an edge of concern on the outer corners of her eyes.
"Hello, love."
"Bad dream?"
He nodded, "Nightmare. I was dead and all I could think about was how if I died, you would never know how I had betrayed you." Pressing his forehead into hers, "I'm sorry I woke you."
Shaking her head, she kissed him, "I had a nightmare of my own." At his questioning look, "You didn't get on the plane, you stayed behind. I knew it was the end. We waited so long and it all ended…"
Unable to find his voice, he kissed her. His arms pulled her even more tightly to him. This could have all ended, in the blink of an eye. A bomb could have killed him; he could have broken her heart with a careless decision. They would have run out of time and he wasn't through loving her, not by a long shot.
One would think having lost Val so suddenly, he would never take love for granted again. And, yet, he almost had. Now he knew better and no matter what might come, he was going to love her.
I found myself dreaming
In silver and gold
Like a scene from a movie
That every broken heart knows
We were walking on moonlight
And you pulled me close
Split second and you disappeared
And then I was all alone
I woke up in tears
With you by my side
A breath of relief
And I realized
No, we're not promised tomorrow
So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
And I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye
Wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted
'Cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time
So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
In the blink of an eye
Just a whisper of smoke
You could lose everything
The truth is you never know
So I'll kiss you longer baby
Any chance that I get
I'll make the most of the minutes
And love with no regrets
Let's take our time to say what we want
Here's what we got before it's all gone
'Cause no, we're not promised tomorrow
So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye
Wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted
'Cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time
So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
Meghan Trainor - Like I'm Going To Lose You Lyrics