Alright, sorry for the large amount of time between chapters. I've had alot going on and I've been trying to figure out where I want to go with this. I'm still not completely sure. For the longest time I couldn't find Jacob's voice/personality. Only because I've been feeling very 'Bella-like' lately lol. So if you feel I am not conducting Jacob properly, let me know. I'm always up for some constructive criticism. I might end up going in and changing a few things around. If so, I'll update you. Sorry if it isn't completely edited. It takes a few times of reading it to get all the kinks out. Thanks for reading! Please review and let me know how I'm doing!
"I think of you, whever life gets me down.
I think of you, whenever you're not around."
-'Think of you' ; A Fine Frenzy
Jacob's POV:
Have you ever woken up in a mood where you just want to be left alone? I did today. All beacuase of a dream I had. A dream about her. It happens every so often and it always puts me in a bad mood for the remainder of the day.
And it doesn't help when you're surrounded by a pack of imature half-wolf boys.
"So what's the deal with you and Leah, anyway?" Quil asked before taking a bite of one of Emily's delicious muffins.
"For the millionth time man, nothing is going on between us. Leah and I are just friends." I had argued this with every guy in our pack several times now.
"Well 'nothing' isn't what it looks like." Paul added, taking a seat next to me at the table.
"Does Leah know it's nothing? If not, you might want to inform her. Leading Leah on isn't something I'd recomend doing." said Sam with a slight smile. Out of all us guys, Sam would know best. After all, once upon a time he did date her.
"Why don't you give Leah a chance, Jacob? Both of you have had tough times with relationships. Perhaps you are what eachother need." Emily came up behind me, resting her hand softly on my shoulder.
"Beacause Em, I just . can't." She knew why, they all did. As a wolf, it was hard to keep anything to yourself. I often found the whole telepathy thing was more of a curse then a gift. I never had any secrets. The pack knew everything there was to know about me, and I about them.
"Yeah Em, 'He just can't'." Paul said mockingly. "He can't because he's still hooked on that Bella chick. Look cry-boy, it's been three years, man. She's not coming back. You haven't heard from her the entire time she's been gone. Get over it. She doesn't care, and neither should you. There are other pieces of tail out there, better looking ones. Open your eyes, dude." Paul lextured.
I looked around at the other faces in the room, all with an "o" shaped mouth, ready for me to react. To launch at his throat and fight the urge to phase and kill him infront of everyone. But instead I just sat there and took it.
"He's right." I confessed. I knew I had written to many letters, waited by the phone to many hours and kept hoping for too many years. I was way over due. I needed to move on. And maybe Emily was right, maybe things with Leah could progress? Maybe one day I could see her as more then just a cool girl to hang out with.
The room stayed silent for a few seconds, all eyes on me. More then likely waiting for my calm exterier to break and for me lash out at Paul. But I didn't.
"So. . " Emily began, breaking the silence."Does that mean you'll take Leah out?" her eyebrow raised, "On a real date?"
What could it hurt? "Sure, sure." I agreed.
"Swweeet." said Embry hitting my back firmly with his open palm as he walked by.
I could feel regret already welling up inside of me, but I knew I'd have to turn my cheek to it. This was me trying to live a normal life, to try and 'date around like any other healthy young man my age', as my dad put it. But I couldn't help but get the feeling that I was going to do the wrong thing.
xxxx
After finishing up breakfast at Emily's I drove my Rabbit twenty minutes down into Forks to one of only a handful of mechanics the most northern part of the Pacific Northwest had to offer.
Ever since Forks lost it's problem-prone citizen, the packs nightly patroling became a big ole waste of time. That being the case, at a meeting we had months back Sam announced that our nightly strolls (which is what they were lately) around the Rez would be fewer. It's taken me those few months to sleep, be lazy and then final realize that a job would be something I might look into.
As I pulled into "Shade Tree Mechanics" I swallowed the nervous lump in my throat and kissed my unruley, irresponsible teenage days goodbye.
xxxx
I left the auto shop with my head high and a good feeling in my gut. It was a nice, knowing you were going to be paid for your talent, not to mention something you enjoyed doing. I couldn't wait to get home to tell dad.
Now I headed home in order to soak up some z's before going to the usual, boring night on the town.
I drove a tad slower on the trip to LaPush, giving me time to think, to think about my future, about how nice it'll be to help my dad with bills, grocereies and then have a little left over cash to spend on whatever my heart desired.
I began making a mental list of what I could possibly buy with my newly found income.
The first thing that popped into my head was a radio for my Rabbit. The silence in here was eery when I didn't have a passenger to keep me company.
Next on my list would be a new wardrobe. I had needed one of those for a while now, I just never have the spare money to replace all the clothes I had destroyed midtransformation.
My mind wondered, trying to think of other things to spend some cash on. I was never much of a wanting person when it came to material items. The only thing I'd ever asked for money was for car parts. Other then that, I never found the need for anything fancy or expensive.
What could I spend my money on? Or maybe I should be asking who? I realized now that if I did actually take Leah on a date, I could pay not only myself, but for her as well and not have to worry about buming some cash from my dad. That was releaving. But was I really going to go through with this whole Leah thing?
In that second my attention as drawn to a red light on my dash bored. I needed gas. How had I not noticed before it got to this point? To distracted. To much was going on in this large head of mine.
I pulled into the local gas station and killed the engine, quickly hoping out and heading inside the general store to pay for the pump. The door chimed as I entered and nodded at a kid I went to school with who was behind the counter.
"What's up dude? How's life?" I never real spoke to this guy, I couldn't even remember his name, so I was sure he was at a loss for mine.
"It's life. How about you, man? You like working here?" I wasn't the best at making small talk, but I had to learn sometime.
"Eh, it pays the bills."
I handed him the money and told him the pump number and as he wrung me up something to the right of the counter caught my eye. It was a brass braclet, made for someone with a much more petite wrist then mine, and hanging from it was a small coppery dream catcher, much like the one I had made Bella for her birthday.
"Something catch your eye?" my once classmate spoke.
"Just this. Reminds me of someone." I picked it up and examined it closer. The price tag staring me in the face. My mind went back to my previous thoughts of what I would use my money for when I started my job, and I realized then who I wanted to spend it on.
Bella.
My stomach dropped at the thought of all the things in that very mini mart that I could buy her, that I thought she'd appreciate. All the dates we could go on. All the movies I could treat her to. The possibilities were endless, if only she were here. I sighed and placed the braclet back where I found it.
"Thanks man." I said, taking the reciet from the kids hand.
"Sure thing, dude. You take care." He sounded as though he wasn't ever going to see me again.
"Yeah, you too."
If I were smart I'd do something constructive with my money. Save until I had enough for a flight to Pheniox. To be like the guys in books or movies and take charge and head out after there woman. But then again, she wasn't mine. Never was. I was so close though!
I clinched my first and almost hit my car as I approched it. I need to stop this. To stop being a moody little boy and do as Paul said and get over it. It was messing me up, had been for way to long. And she was probably dating someone else, I probably never even crossed her mind.
I slammed the pump into my gas tank and pulled the trigger, vowing to myself that I'd try everything in my power from that moment on to never think about Bella again, only knowing that that was something I could never do. No matter what I did.
xxxx
The gravel crunched under my Rabbit as I drove into the driveway of my home, Leah's sent filling my nose the moment I steped out of the driver's side door.
God, I hope Emily or one of the boys didn't tell her about earlier. I didn't need to open the door and see her eager face awaiting a date invitation. Not tonight.
As I walked through the threshold I saw Leah and my father plastered to the screen. Some sports game, I'm sure. Sometimes I wondered if Leah was more of a guy then I was.
"Hey Jake!" Leah's eyes lit up when they made contact with mine. Was she always this happy to see me?
"Hey Leah. What are you doing here?" I scratched at my neck.
"I thought maybe we could hang out before patroling tonight. Watch a movie or something?" she stood from the couch and strolled toward me.
"As fun as that sounds, some of us haven't had the pleasure of sleeping in all day, Leah. Some of us had to go out and get a job."
"You got it!" she was more excited then I was.
"I did."
"Of course you did! I knew you would!" she flung her arms around my tightly.
"Congradulations son! I'm proud of you." I heard my dad say over Leah's shoulder.
"Thanks, dad." I said, patting Leah's back awkwardly. I wasn't used to affection. Exspecially from Leah.
And then she did something even more unexpected.
She pushed me away, only slightly, and planted one hard, pressure filled kiss on my mouth.
I could do nothing about the situation. It had happened to fast and plus, I was in shock. Frozen in place. My lips still unable to move from where her lips had set them.
"We should celebrate!" Leah darted toward the kitchen.
"Well son, I'd say Leah likes you a little more then I thought." My dad chuckled as soon as Leah was out of hearing rang, though I knew she could still hear everything.
"Yeah." I wiped at my mouth, as though it would clear the kiss away. "Me too."
I moved to fallow Leah, only to see what her idea of celebrating was.
As I entered the kitchen I looked to see her bent over, peering into the refridgerator. Her ass sticking out toward me, clad in her tiny, tight shorts she always wore.
If I were like anyone else in our pack of deliquents I would have sat and stared at the view, but unlike the others, I was taught better then that.
Sort of.
When Leah was threw raiding my fridge she popped out from behind the door with two cans of what my dad and Charlie liked to call "vitamin R". Beer. A huge grin plastered on her face.
She was a pretty girl, I'll give her that. And I bet she'd clean up a whole lot nicer. I imagined she could be considered gorgeous, if she tried. There'd be something wrong with me if I didn't find her at least attractive, but yet, I felt nothing but friendship for her. Why?
"Here ya go, Jacob." She tossed one at me. "Drink up! You're employeed now. Better enjoy this while you can." Leah snaped her can open and gulped down a few chugs.
I eyed the can, debating whether or not to down the thing in one shot or not drink it at all.
"What's wrong?" Leah's happy expression was replaced with that of concern.
"Nothing's wrong, I've just had a long day. I'm beat." I cracked open my can and chugged it until it was empty.
Leah smiled at me.
"Well, I guess if you're all that tired, sissy boy, I'll leave you to sleep." She walked toward me and the only thing I could hope was that she wasn't expecting a kiss goodnight.
"You owe me a movie night though. I'll bring "Die Hard" over tomorrow evening ok?"
"Sure, sure." I agreed. "And Leah?"
"Yeah?"
"Please try not to think about that kiss you decided to plant on me tonight. I don't need anymore flack from any of the guys, okay?" I lightly pleaded.
"Of course, Jake. I'll try. It'll be our little secret." She said, sounding oddly seductive as she winked and departed from the kitchen and my house all together.
Oh lord, I thought.
I sighed and pulled my hand thought my hair.
"Good luck with that." My dad's voice startled me as he rolled on past.