A/N: Twilight and its characters are owned by Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with the posting of this story.
A/N: I made a technical error in chapter 1. The '7 point buck' is really a 14 point buck. The description was accurate but bucks have even number points only. Sorry.
A/N: I have tried to be true to S.M.'s characters, to the Native American people, and to myself. I have spent a lot of time with North East Native Americans. I have not spent time with any from the North West. So all information I give about Native's reflect that fact (though I have been doing research). Feed back would be great!
A/N: The Wolf Dance described in this story is taken from a dance known as the Sneak Up. The seats on the drum are described as my friend Bryant told them to me. They are the positions of his drum group that I listened to this past weekend. I felt the descriptions of the dances, drum circle, and regalia are important to understanding the boys acceptances of Sam and Jacob's relationship later on when they are all wolves. Sorry if you find it too wordy.
Chapter 2
15 years ago, Sam's POV;
I walk next to my father and mother. We are going to an elders gathering. Tonight I will get hear the stories that 'grandfather' Quill will tell. I have heard them before. I love the tribe's stories.
Once at the fire the elders sit. There is food, and as is custom the children and the women are fed first while the men wait.
"Daddy, come eat too."
"Sam, soon you will be a warrior for our tribe. When you are you will wait with me while those we provide for eat first. Always, my son, take care of those who rely on you first. Then take care of yourself. Tell me, who should always eat first?"
I stand a little taller, straightens my shoulders and repeat from memory (this is a lesson I have heard my whole life), "The children because they are our most precious resource. The women who stay behind to care for others. The grandmother's and grandfather's who have done for their tribe in the past – it is once more time for the tribe to care for them. The last to eat are the warriors. The warriors provide the food, thanked the animals and the earth for providing, and take joy in seeing that there is enough for all. They are willing to go without if needed."
"Very good, Sam. Go. Eat. For I can not until you do."
I look around. All of the elders are watching me. Each nods to let me know they heard and are proud that I am learning my lessons. I stand taller and walk up to Grandfather Quill. "Grandfather, you have not eaten. Come with me – I will help you. Or I can bring you food if you prefer."
"No, tonight I do not eat child. Thank you." He lowers his voice to a whisper, "but if you will put a fry-bread on a napkin I will eat it after I talk. Thank you, Sam; you will be a fine warrior some day."
When no one is looking I place the fry-bread next to Grandfather Quill. He smiles at me. That is all the thanks I need, I go and sit next to my mother and eat my venison stew.
**
I listen to the creation story as I lean against my mother's shoulder. I know this one by heart but I will not insult Grandfather Quill by moving.
The story ends. Grandfather begins another. It is my favorite. The story of how our warrior's spirits could leave their bodies and how justice was served to a man unworthy of being called a warrior. I watch grandfather intently, his eyes – they are different now. GRANDFATHER BELIEVES THIS TO BE TRUE!
**
"Daddy, why does Grandfather Quill believe the story of Taha Aki to be true? Aren't all of the stories pretend?"
My father stops walking, squats next to me and looks me in the eyes, "Never forget, Sam. Our people's history is told as stories. BUT it is our history and therefore true." My father stands and walks once more towards home.
This is my last memory of my father. He left soon after and no one has seen him since. My mother is not Quileute. She stayed here in stead of returning to her tribe. Grandfather Quill took on a father's role with me (Ok in tribal life – the whole village steps forward when the need is there. That is why there are so many Grandfathers, etc.) – teaching me what my father should have. I won't abandon my mother or anyone who depends on me. That summer Leah came to depend on me also…
**
Sam age 8
"Leah!"
"Sam! You came over! Are we going down to the cliffs to pick flowers?"
"Not today, Leah. I came to tell you, Grandfather Quill says tomorrow I go to track and kill a deer."
"So. You go with him all the time. Why can't we go pick flowers?"
"Leah, I have to go and get ready. Grandfather is going to say prayers over me and I have to sharpen my weapons. Tomorrow I am going alone. It is my chance to show him that he has taught me well. It is time for me to prove I can provide for my family. My mother said she will cook a great feast for me with the deer I kill tomorrow and you are invited."
"I want to go to. I will ask my father for weapons. I can help you Sam."
"No Leah. I have to do this alone." Leah's face crumples and it looks like she is going to cry. But this is Leah, the warrior princess. She does not cry. I am not disappointed.
Leah pulls her shoulders back and looks up at me. "Bring me back something too."
"I will. Lee-lee. I won't forget what you have asked me for."
Leah wants to hunt with me. I want her to, she and I are a good team. I can keep an eye on her if she is with me. I watch Grandfather and his daughter-in-law sadness when I give her venison that I caught and cleaned. It gives me an idea…
"Grandfather why is your daughter sad? Isn't she happy that I shared the kill with her?"
"Yes, she is pleased with the meat. She is sad because she can not do this herself. She has lost her husband to the spirit world and she never learned to hunt. It is hard for her that she relies on others now."
"But grandfather, she does her part! She helps so much during salmon season.'
"I know, child. But it is not the same. It makes me sad that she sees herself in this way. Maybe if she had learned…" I did it! Now if I can just get him to hear the rest.
"I have this for Leah. She wanted to come but you said I must do this on my own. Can I go bring it to her?" With Grandfather's nod I hurry down the path that leads to Leah's house.
"Lee-lee! I brought you some of my kill!"
"Sam! You make your first kill?"
"Yes, Uncle Harry and I cleaned it too."
"Good boy! You are a fine warrior at only 9."
"What did you bring me Sam?"
"The tenderloins."
"I will cook it for you. What do you want?"
"What can you make?"
Laughter comes from behind us. "Leah I will teach you to make jerky. It is the first food I learned how to make."
A few days later Leah brings me the jerky. I tell her I wish to share it with Grandfather Quill. As we approach his home he appears to be dozing in a chair. I take out some of the jerky and begin to eat it. "This is good Lee-lee. Tell you what. From now on I will hunt and you will cook. I am a good hunter, I already took down a seven point buck, so I will get us the meat. You made good jerky so you know how to cook. It will be perfect."
"But Sam, Why can't I learn to hunt too?" We are close to Grandfather I know he hears us. His brow creases in concentration.
"Sam, a good hunter is self sufficient. What if you were in the woods unable to get home? How would you eat/"
"I would have Leah's jerky." Leah smiles at this. Grandfather grunts, he does not like that answer.
"Leah, if you do not learn to hunt how will you get meat?"
"Sam."
"Leah, what if he is killed like my son? What will you do then? No. You will learn all the same skills as Sam. Sam will learn all the cooking skills as well. It is decided."
Leah is so happy she hugs Grandfather and he smiles. He will feel less sad now that he can teach a granddaughter what was not taught to a daughter.
**
Sam, age 9;
"GRAND SLAM!"
"WOW! Another 4 points for your team – Sam you are amazing!" All the boys from both kickball teams are around me and they are all talking. I see Rachel Black running across the playground. She is yelling. There is fear in her voice.
"Everybody shut up! Listen…"
We all strain to hear what is being said. I hear one word. Leah. Looking around I see her crumpled under the jungle gym. I push the boys out of my way and run to her. I get there before the teachers.
Leah is not moving or making a sound, so I crouch down next to her. "Lee-lee?"
"Sam. It hurts."
"Lee-lee don't move. The teachers are coming." I don't know where to touch. I don't know what hurts. "Lee-lee, what hurts?"
"My arm…" I can see now that it looks funny. I turn and see the boys are now all behind me and they are so close they could hurt her.
"Back up." They don't, they actually get closer, trying to see. Leah is my responsibility. She became my responsibility that day on the cliffs 4 years ago. I can't let them hurt her. "I. Said. Back. Up." Each word is clear and firm. I stand and turn to face the boys and let them know with my eyes I will hurt whoever doesn't listen. They back up.
The teacher arrives and tries to get past me.
"It is her arm. It looks funny."
The teacher goes to move Leah but touches the broken arm. Leah's breath comes out in a hiss. It is quiet but I hear it.
"You are hurting her! Stop. I will do it." I push her out of the way. Slowly I crouch back by Leah. "Lee-lee, Do you want to walk or should I carry you?"
"Help me to stand up. I will walk." I can't help but smile she is so fierce and determined.
I help her to stand. I wrap an arm around her waist and with the other I help support her arm that is not broken. We go to the nurse's office and they try to get me to leave her. Leah calls for me and that is the end of the discussion as far as I am concerned…
I stay with Leah offering her what I can while she is driven to the hospital, the arm is x-rayed, and then plastered and placed in a sling. The hospital staff tries several times to make me leave but not even the X-ray technician can budge me. Leah's mother argues for me to stay with Leah. It is easier to not argue with us, so they give in. When they need to be around her I step back but lock eyes with Leah. She only flinches once. No tears and no whining. The hospital staff makes a comment about how strong the children from the reservation are. We both give them big smiles. Leah has made us all proud and Grandfather Quill gives her a wish. She will learn to fish with us when the cast comes off.
**
Sam, age 12;
Grandfather is teaching us to drum. Jacob, young Quill, Paul, Jared, Seth, and I are in the drum circle. Grandfather has said that Collin and Brady will begin drumming with us when they are older. All of these boys father's drum together. All but mine.
Before we can drum, the drum must be built by us. We learn to make a smudge stick and cleanse ourselves, our tools, and the drum. We practice ritual prayers. We must hollow a tree trunk, tan the deer hide, and put the drum together. Only those of us that will use the drum can touch the parts and build it. It is hard work. Because I am the oldest, I am expected to lead the way for the younger boys. At this time I almost resent that I am the oldest and that I am given more responsibility. I do not yet understand that it is training for what is to come.
Once the drum is built we learn to play the songs of our people. We already know how to sing them. I sing as the first. Jacob sits to right (counter clock wise), he is the second. Paul is next followed by Quil, Seth, Jared, Collin, and Brady. Collin and Brady are still learning to drum so they sit in between Paul and I so we can assist them by helping to control the height of their sticks by simply placing our hands at the correct height so the drum sticks do not go too high. I also strike the honor beats during the song. I love how we all sound together. One whole. I don't like being the lead but it another responsibility I do not shirk. I do often have Jacob lead, as he is my second on the drum. I think the elders made the lead because I had been singing the longest. Once the oldest gets stuck with all the responsibility. Jared is our medicine keeper. This is good because he is best with the prayers that must be said. One of the people who sit on the drum is also the drum keeper. Once more that is me. But I think it is more due to the fact that we tend to practice at my house – no siblings to distract us.
One night after drum practice, I find Leah sitting on log in the shadows. She looks so mad.
"Sam, you need to tell them I can drum too!"
"Lee-lee, I can't. I need to do as they tell me. The elders have said this is a tradition that can not be broken."
"So you won't get me a spot on the drum?" She looks at me through squinted eyes. She has cornered me. My oath to her on the cliff's, I did tell I would get her whatever she asked for.
"I will try Leah."
The next day I approach the elders. I ask if I can tell them a story. My story begins with a young girl who is about to fall and the boy that saves her and in the process promises to always get her what she asks him for. All but Grandfather and Harry are surprised that I made an oath so long ago and that I continue to keep it. I see the understanding light their eyes and Harry holds up a hand.
"Sam, you have been a good older brother to Leah all of these years. But this drum circle can not have girls in it. Since the time of Taka Aki there has been a drum circle like this one. We will not let this tradition break. I will tell Leah myself so she will know you tried. I am sorry."
I can see he is not but I know I can do no more. As Harry goes to leave the elders, Billy stops him. "Wait, Harry. We will not forget the women or their contributions. Do not lightly forget the spirit of Taha Aki's wife."
Harry sits back down. The men are all talking now and I can not follow the multiple conversations that are taking place.
Billy holds up a hand for silence. It is instant. "The women have always been part of this tribe. We would not survive without them. There are parts that they play in the drum circle as well. Leah and Sam have been part of a whole since Sam was 5. If this had been the way when they were older, the answer would not elude you. Leah will make a gourd rattle and watch Sam's back. She will sing with the group, support them, but not drum. Do you not see this answer? When they are older, Leah and Sam may wish to change this. The other boys may choose women to watch their backs. It is the way of the tribe. Sam, go and tell Leah how she may be part of the drum."
**
Dancing is not something we are necessarily taught, though there is one dance in my tribe that is special. The Wolf Dance is taught to counsel member's sons. It is taught to us by Jared's father. For once I am not expected to lead, but to follow. The lead is taught to Jacob Black and I am grateful. Jacob is a good dancer and he is taught signals and we are taught to interpret them. The dance may change depending on what Jacob feels the drum is saying to him. I love this dance. It feels like when I hunt, only when I hunt I wear more than a loincloth! We move clockwise around the fire, dancing 2 beats with each foot. The first beat our toes are testing the ground to ensure our silence in the woods, then it lifts, and the second beat the same foot is back in the same spot firmly planted and bearing our bodies weight – silent as we hunt!
Leah is a fancy dancer. It is a good dance for her. She is lithe and graceful. Her regalia represents 2 hard years of work on her part. The beading is intricate. Her hair sits in two long braids with ocean blue ribbons entwined in her hair; the disk laces have ocean green beads and a gray wolf's head howling. Her regalia is done in earth tones, natural colors of the world around us, like the ocean green, the ribbons look so bright against her dark brown hair. The gown is the same ocean green color. The bodice of the gown is fitted, snug against her unbound breasts. The belly is tight and skirt is strait – ending just above her knees. She wears moccasins but not the leather pieces that would cover her tan calves. The shawl is steel blue and has the traditional wolf pattern on it. The outline is timber wolf gray with red and beige stitching to finish the pattern. The tassels on the shawl are long, their movement enhancing each move that Leah makes. Leah is stunning in this outfit.
Leah is beautiful in any outfit. Her skin is a smooth, soft, and supple; it is the color of our people, almost copper. Her hair is long, thick, straight, and black. Her eyelashes are also long and they often sweep over her eyes as blinks or squints. Her eyes are a soft gray. They appear to be the typical black or dark brown of our people but on closer inspection they are gray. Her lips are red and I used to think about what they would taste like when we finally kissed. Kissing was only a matter of time. She was always so determined that we would be together that eventually I no longer questioned that but accepted it as fact.
**
I kissed Leah when she was a freshman. Her lips were everything that I dreamed. I asked her date me that year and she wears my letterman jacket. The next 2 years were so happy.
Leah's junior year in high school my mother committed suicide. Leah and I find her with a letter in her hand. The letter was from my father. He had written me to let me know that he had killed a man in self defense down in Texas. In his letter he apologizes for leaving. He says he left the tribe because he did something dishonorable. He doesn't say what. He reminds me that my mother needs to be cared for. He speaks of his love for his Ciara, his one true mate. My father wrote me to say his final goodbye. He was on death row and by the time I got the letter, he was dead.
I told Leah my father had written and was never coming back. I knew Leah would want to see it so before she can ask I tell her I hid it so my mother won't find it. I guess I did not hide it well enough.
My mother is part of the Makah tribe. Her family has asked that she be buried there. I go alone to her family. I do not want Leah to see how they treat me, if they blame me for her death.
I should not have worried – my mother's family was so kind. There were many people there but they did not intrude on my grief. It was hard to leave her grave. I go home. Leah is waiting for me. I think she knew how hard it would be to go inside my house again.
"Sam, I made you venison stew."
I can not help but smile at this. "Lee-lee you don't have to cook for me."
"Come and eat. Before it gets cold."
Dinner is silent. The stew is excellent. After we eat and clean the kitchen, we sit in the living room. For the first time since my father left, I cry. Leah holds me and says nothing. She knows this is too much hurt – more than a scraped knee. While I cry she kisses my hair and rubs my back. After a long time I stop. Leah is still rubbing my back. I lift my head and kiss her.
At first our kisses are gentle and sweet. Soon my kisses become more demanding. I suck on her bottom lip and when she sighs I slip my tongue into her mouth. She responds in kind. The heat between us rises. Her hands move from rubbing my back to caressing my arms, then my legs. I pull her hips in closer – I know she can feel my desire. She does not stop or pull away. My hand moves from her hip up her side to caress to firm breast. She moves against my hand. My other hand moves up her back – pulling her sweater with it. She quickly squirms out of it and reaches for my shirt hem. She pulls my shirt up, her fingers under the t-shirt material running over my chest muscles – it feels so good. Once my shirt is off, Leah's fingers are in my hair – pulling me in closer to her.
Before I realize it we are both naked and I am carrying her to my bed. We make love for hours. She shows me without ever speaking how much she loves me. We fall asleep, entwined as dawn breaks.
I wake up and feel Leah curled up with me. Her long, muscular legs entwined with mine. My first thought is peace. My second is disgust. How could I do this to Leah? Her family? My tribe? Am I no better than my father? Dishonorable?!
How do I fix this? Will Leah hate me? I can not bring myself to ask these questions out loud. Instead I tell Leah we must hide this dishonor from everyone. I do not see or hear any change in Leah. But I must make amends before I can ask Harry for Leah.