Hey all! I apologize for my horrible late updates! Finally everything with my surgery is over and now I'm writing like crazy trying to get caught back up to speed! Anyway I hope you enjoy!
It was around a quarter to twelve when the security lights on my car beamed on my face whispering the sorrow my eyes only felt. I hadn't heard the footsteps nor had I recalled it speaking to me. It was only one voice I heard that stopped me in my tracks. It was almost like someone had pressed paused on a remote control. The silence is so loud. It said things that I have always wanted to say. "Pam wait" his voice frantic almost as if I was leaving for good. I wipe my eyes quickly then turn to him, knowing my eyes will tell him everything he needs to know.
"Hey" his voice softer than a puppy's cry. "Hey" I reply with some sort of relief, as if he heard my cry for help. "Are you okay?" my eyes transit from his eyes to his chest. "No" I reply honestly feeling my watery eyes reflect against the sun. "But..." I sniff almost smiling. "I think it's going to be" I nod laughing slightly. "I hope so…" I end with a slight horse voice. He leans in un expectantly and hugs me softly. "Do you want to go out somewhere?" He asks me almost cautiously. "I mean we haven't talked…" he puts his hands in his pockets nervously, like one wrong word and I would start running. I almost feel the nerve to turn him away but after these last few days I can't turn away someone decent to talk to. "Yeah" I say with a small smile. He starts to smile.
He looks over at our parked cars and before he can say anything I beat him to it. "Can you drive? I'm sorry I'm just exhausted and…." He cuts me off softly. "Of course Beesly, come on." A sweet tender smile hangs from his lips as he walks a tad ahead of me and opens my door. "Thank you" I say quietly he just looks on his eyes sparkling. I take a second and realize I have never seen his eyes look so beautiful. I shake my head out of my daze and pull on my seat belt. I feel the bolt of the heavy door closing against me as he runs to the driver's side. I feel safe in the car with him. I feel as though in a weird and platonic sense of course that he's protecting me. He knows me so well; so much better than….other people. I close my mind before thinking it.
It wasn't before long, until he pulled into this little coffee shop across town. "Oh I love this place!" I perk up in my seat. "I know" was all his reply with a sly grin. I glance up at the sign. Monday Mornings. It was a unique name. Apparently I had zoned out staring at the sign because Jim held my door open for some time. "Oh gosh" I reply almost laughing. What was going on with me lately? "Now I don't know if this place has mind reading powers like Dwight, but we can look." I laugh because it felt good to and stepped out of the car using his hand for help. My legs didn't seem to want to cooperate. He held the door open for me as I walked into the Monday Mornings, feel the smell of coffee soothe me to my very core. Jim walked us to a corner booth near the back, where no one was around us.
It used to bother me before when we went out to Cugino's, mostly because it scared me how much I connected with him, like he knew my every word before I said it. Roy was the one I thought I was supposed to end up with and even the glimmer of that not being true still kind of scared me. However, each day I find myself growing so much further away from him; and now especially everything that's happened with Penny. I don't know what to do anymore. I get lost in my thoughts again as Jim patiently waits for me to come back to life. I shake my head and look up at him. "Welcome back" he says playfully. I apologize for the second time that day. "Stop apologizing" his face filled with only a grin. "Now what would you like?" he asks nodding towards the big chalk board with all of the items on the menu. I attempt to get up and he quickly denies it. "I'll get it for you" he says and denies me trying to pay. I finally just tell him what I want and he walks away with a skip almost in each step. I smile watching his very attractive back side make its way up to the counter. I put my head in my hands feeling like I should apologizing profusely. As he comes back moments later, I realize I can't remember the last time someone brought me coffee. He sets down the cranberry muffin in front of me and I feel like I should devour it whole, alongside my coffee. He puts it the insane way I like it to. Coffee on the right, muffin on the left. I told him once It was because I was a righty that I like to hold my liquids with that hand because I felt like I had a better grip. He didn't laugh at me, well not completely but I know he never meant it any other way but playfulness.
"Thank you" I reply taking a smooth sip of my coffee. He looks amusingly up at me swirling around his coffee, lingering beside it was his blueberry muffin. "What?" he grins and grabs a napkin pointing to my face. "You have a little foam…." He reaches up and pokes at my nose, getting some on his finger. "There." He laughs gently I laugh along with him wiping my nose with the soft napkin.
After our laughter has ceased silence seemed to take over faster than I ever imagined it. "So…" he starts. "It's been a terrible week." I finish for him. He looks up at me with concerned eyes. "I can imagine." "But there is also this other thing…." I look down at my coffee, figuring out how to breathe again. I wasn't sure whether I should tell him or not. I feel as if in some way that would turn him off or make him be farther away from me. I feel guilty instantly coming to a conclusion so fast. This was Jim, he never judged unless under good oath nor has ever made fun of anything I have taken seriously. I look up into his eyes and feel my bravery fade. I look down again.
"Just take your time" he says softly. "I know I'm in no rush" he finishes jokingly. I smile in spite of Jim being Jim and then it just comes out. "Penny has a son." I don't look up at him because I'm scared to see what I might find there. I do the same with Roy, but I almost have nerve doing it with Jim. He never gave me a reason to be like that. I cut him off before he has a chance to speak. "She didn't even tell anyone, well she didn't tell me. I don't know if my mom knows but….." I stop letting the silence relieve my throat. "Wow." is all he said and I finally look up at him. I was right only deep concern filled his eyes. "He is 8 months old and his name is Benjamin Allan Beesly." I reply almost proudly and I realize that I'm grinning as I say it. I look out the window for some answers.
"Great name" he says nicely. "It is…it was Penny's favorite name..." I end. "Well it definitely sounds like a Beesly." He smiles at me. I smile back just as carefree. I can't help the thoughts that make me think what would sound like a Halpert. I erase the thought and lean back into my chair taking small bites of my muffin with my fingers. "Now the real…umm... deal here is that…" I was interrupted only this time by a different voice.
"Pam!" I look up. You've got to be kidding me.
Oh I know you think you know who the voice is but do you really know? Anyway thanks for reading and as always
Tell me what you think!
-jamfan2000-