Hey hey! So as it turns out I am stupidly excited as are you guys I am sure, about Jim and Pam being drunk next Thursday, what a great Valentine's episode this will be! ;) Hope you guys are having a good week! Enjoy;D
"Pam!" I hear being almost shouted out loud. I look up and I don't think I can comprehend who was standing next to the coffee desk. Of all the times why now? "Mom?" I reply nervously. She nods and walks over to us. "Oh you must be Jim!" she says excitedly. I almost feel disgusted at her actions. Jim smiles and shakes her hand. "Yes mam" he replies automatically like a mom guru. She was about to say something else until I stopped her rudely. "What are you doing here mom?" She looks over knowingly and losses her smile. "Just over here doing some business." She replies almost with a beat. I almost scream. Sounds crazy, sounds foolish, bizarre even but the dancing stars in her eyes tell me there is more that I didn't argue with her the other night.
"Hello" I answer with a dark tone. "Hi Honey." She answers. "Hi mom" My voice tense, angry maybe, undeniably frustrated that Penny never told me about her son. "How are you holding up..?" her voice lingers in my head when I blurt out "Did you know that Penny has a son?" Silence waits by my side until I hear a timid voice. "Yes." This only flares my anger. "How can nobody tell me about this?" I snap waiting for the tears to drip over the lids. "It's complicated." She answers simply and I feel like I don't even know my family anymore. "How could she not tell me? What did I do to deserve not to know that I have a nephew?" I feel my voice rising with each word. "Honey it's not that, she wanted to tell you…." I cut her off quick. "Oh okay, so she wanted to tell me. No you're right that's better. Oh no wait SHE NEVER TOLD ME!" I yelled sarcastically, letting the tears burst out from under me. "Please just listen to me..." my anger took a wrong turn when I screamed "No" and hung up harshly.
I wasn't even paying attention to the words she was saying, when I briefly remembered that I cried myself to sleep that night. The pain seeped in longer, as I looked up at her realizing that I am the black sheep of my own family. I feel my arm being squeezed by a familiar hand and my anger slips into an alternate universe. "You okay?" Jim whispers to me. I nod and glance at my mom. "Just leave now" I interrupt the incoherent nonsense she was speaking to Jim. "Pam, I think we need to talk…" No we don't." I snap back and Jim looks between me and my mom. She sighs. "You can't hate me forever Pam." Was the last thing she said before turning around and walking out grabbing her coffee on the way out. I look around and notice a few stares. I look down at my coffee swirling around with the white that breaks through.
"If you don't mind me asking…" I cut him off. "She knew." I paused as he looks at me expectantly. "She knew about Ben." I look down trying to keep my eyes from bursting out with tears. "They all knew. They all knew and didn't tell me!" I sob, not feeling even the slightest embarrassed . "Oh Pam." He whispers kneeling down next to me pulling me into his arms. "Shh.. it's okay." He whispers so softly in my ears. I feel his lips against my head and I pull back a little. "I'm sorry.." he whispers letting go. At that moment I realize that being in his arms feels more right than I have ever known. "No, it's okay really…. I don't mind." I smile up at him. "I mean it's been a while since anyone has comforted me…so thank you." I stutter out between tear drops. He smiles back and hugs me again, this time I let myself go and fall into his arms letting the tears run harder than they have ever ran before.
"You wanna get outta here?" he whispers into my ear. I nod trying to with hold my tears as he walks us out of the coffee shop, leaving our semi cold coffees to drink themselves and the interested stares behind us. I felt his arm wrap around my waist as he helped me to the car as if I was injured. I thought it was the sweetest thing. My mind juggles between everything that happened. And I haven't even told him the big news yet and I'm already falling apart. "I have a great idea of where we can go, if you're up for it. It's peaceful and avoids all kinds of species like Dwight." He says seriously that makes me laugh whole heartedly. I shoot Jim a sweet smile as he opens my door for me. I slip in and pout a little. He notices immediately. "What's wrong?" his face filled with concern. It was probably the corniest thing in history to pull off but I felt a little dangerous. "I can't reach my seatbelt. Could you buckle it for me?" I shoot him a puppy dog face and he smiles instantly and proceeds with the task. "Oh you mean the one right here?" he asks softly tugging at the seatbelt only inches from my head. I nod grinning mischievously, he grins back leaning over me to buckle it in. His face is so close to mine that I could smell his sweet aroma that envelops my being.
I'm surprised I don't see burn marks from my continuous gaze. I hear the click a moment later and he leans back catching my eyes in a staring contest. I've never felt so secure, so safe, so sure that everything was going to be okay. I felt a very strong urge to reach out and kiss him and I'm sure he felt the same way by the way he glanced down at my lips. He didn't though. He just smiled and stepped back out of the car to move to his side. "So what do you say? Wanna go to my secret place?" he raised his eyebrows expectantly. "Sounds like a plan." I reply smiling over at him, patting his hand. I even have the nerve to squeeze his hand before releasing it. He smiles under his breath. The car ride to this place was a little farther out of town a place I rarely go unless I needed time away but between taking care of Roy and working, who had time for that? I sigh underneath everything thinking how ridiculous those words sounded. Taking care of Roy when he should be taking care of me. I lean my head down sadly thinking how much I'm dying to go home to someone who would take care of me for a change. I look over at Jim who was already staring at me. I smile and blush deeply.
I turn away and wonder what it would be like to go home to Jim every night. He would be the kind of guy to cook me dinner even if it was just macaroni and cheese, and afterwards he wouldn't leave me to do the dishes alone he would clean them all by himself not letting me touch one dish; not even letting me dry. I can tell that's the kind of guy he would be. And when I wake up in the morning we would make breakfast together while I'm wearing one of his big t-shirts. I shake my head from these thoughts.
Tears feel my eyes when I realize that all that was vanishing slowly right before my eyes. How can you have an eight year old son and a love life? Once Roy leaves which he will…. I hold in all the emotion I can trying not to get Jim's attention. Roy doesn't even want kids right now. Roy doesn't even.. My trail of thoughts are stopped immediately when I realize that I have a decision to make. Roy doesn't want kids but I expect him to take in Ben without a fight? He will say give them to people who are ready for kids, or we need more time to spend with each other. The line that one becomes true is when sports on the TV are completely erased and all the bars in town suddenly close down. Then he would be forced to spend time with me. I don't even hear Jim's voice the first time he says my name. "Pam" he tries again. His voice so full of meaning that it almost makes my heart burst.
"Oh sorry." I shake my head looking over at his once again concerned eyes. "You okay?" I shake my head yes, not wanting to lie but the news will come sprawling out soon enough. I look around and see a beautiful park, with the brightest grass and flowers surrounding dogwood trees making the colors of the rainbow shine as the sun hits them. It's almost like a magical park because once we started walking on the handcrafted grey concrete path I felt my chest loosen and my head kick out all the negative things that circled my mind for the past three weeks. I look up at Jim and said "This is so beautiful." He nods smiling, "You haven't even seen the best part yet." I feel a shiver run through me as I feel him walking a little closer to me. We passed a small pond with lily pads sprinkled all around the edges. I squint closer to try and spot any colorful frogs, turns out there were no frogs anywhere. He follows my eyes and quirks, "Guess they all went West for the winter." I let my laugh flow like the fall wind passing through us. I almost wish Dwight was here to correct him.
He suddenly lights up as we come to a big clearing with a semi long white bridge overlooking a small waterfall. Beautiful colors breaking out although my eye lids. How did I not find this place? I can't imagine why a place so worth painting hasn't been found by my artistic eyes. "Wow" I reply to his knowing smile looking around taking it all in, as we step up on the bridge looking over the water. "And this is my secret place." He says softly trying not to break the moment of peace between us and the waterfall. "I can see why." He moves us to the higher part of the bridge where it has a small indention for a few people to sit . He sits down and holds out his hand to help me sit down. I'm first to take off my shoes and dip my toes into the water. I look over and see Jim staring again.
I smile. "What?" He shrugs playfully. "Nothing unless you liked to have your feet ate off by piranhas." He teases. "Oh come on, you are telling me that here, "your secret place" you have not once took off your shoes to dip them in the water?" he shakes his head. "Well now, it's my secret place." I reply seriously. He looks over shocked. "Umm when did that happen?" He banters. "When you didn't mark your territory." I tilt my mouth and lift up my foot to show him before putting it back into the water. He sighs giving in. "Fine, it's your place." His voice trying so hard to be disappointed. I smirk with a small tone, "I didn't know you were so easy Halpert." "That's what she said." He is quick to retort. "And thank you for bringing Michael back into my life." he chuckles. "Sorry." There is a moment of silence that makes me feel so at peace with myself forgetting everything. Forgetting about the sadness, the tears, the heartbreak, Penny. And it helps so much that Jim's here to help me, with whatever I need. I watch as he stares out at the waterfall, seems to be deep in thought himself. Suddenly an idea comes back to me.
"You know" I whisper not wanting to break anything. He looks over at me his eyes sparkling with interest. "If you mark your territory also this can be our place." I feel as though my heart stopped the way he was looking at me made my heart melt and my hands all sweaty. It was the silence that took the longest to recuperate from , somewhere in my mind thinking I went too far. But he just smiles sweetly and says "That would be nice." His teeth are sparkling against the water and I fall into his smile. I watch him take off his work shoes and black socks admiring his perfectly clean attractive feet. I never thought a man's foot could be this nice looking. Roy's are rough and dirty but Jim's were completely the opposite. Stupidly I stared too long and Jim noticed. "Like my feet Beesly?" he asks playfully holding them up for a better view. A deep blush erupts out on my cheeks. "Nah, too girly for me." I tease back trying to erase my stare. "Oh really?" were his last words and before I knew it he was tickling me. "Jim no!" I shout laughing. He continues to move about his fingers on my stomach and my hips. The feeling gave me chill bumps underneath my shirt. "Okay you have nice feet!" I shout breathlessly. "What was that Beesly?" smiling brightly knowing his victory was coming. "You have nice feet!" I say louder in between my laughter. His fingers escape and I bend over slightly attempting to catch my breath. He grins and says, "Well thank you Beesly." holding in his smirk.
We sit in silence again and the noise from the waterfall brings me to another world. It was soon though that the annoying voice in the back of my mind was starting to break my fictitious universe. Time for the cat to come out of the bag now. I look over at Jim who leans back stretching his back ever so slightly before sitting up again letting his feet splash in the water. "She wants me to raise Ben." I break the silence to only cause more silence. He looks over at me with a face I can't determine, so I keep talking. "She never told me about him, but in the will it said I was to take him." I turn my head back out towards the water fall. I shake my head. "If I don't take him, he goes to a foster home." I feel all the emotions that I put aside coming in hitting me with knives as tears brim the edge of my eyes. "I can see it now, Roy and I fighting till five am because he wants me to send him to a foster home. But truthfully I can't find it in my heart to do that." the moment I sniffle is the moment I feel Jim's arms around me pulling me into a hug. I cry softly into his shirt. "And I just.. it's going to be hard to do it alone." I cry more the feeling over taking my body. "Hey hey" he whispers suddenly. "You will never be alone. I'm always here. Right beside you." The sweet words make me cry even more and I feel like giving him everything I am. How can one person be this perfect? I move back to an extent and look up into his eyes. He smiles as the soft wind blows some hair in my face, he puts it right back where it belongs.
I smile at the gesture. I feel myself moving into him suddenly lifting up and catching his lips with mine. He moves to my face holding my warm cheeks between his soft hands. So desperately I kiss him not wanting him to get away. The colors around us sparkle, as if fireworks were going off in the distance. We slowly break leaning against each other, feeling our feet touching in the water as well. I break it feeling completely guilty and happy at the same time. I watch his eyes glaze over and I smile gently. He leans in and pecks my lips feeling the colors surround me for only a moment. I look back out onto the water, wondering what I had just done. I just complicated my life even more. "I'm sorry." I whisper softly looking down into my lap. How could I be so stupid to kiss him, to start something I wasn't even sure I could finish. I was going to be a mom, or an aunt, or… what would I be? What will he call me? Should I give him to parents who aren't emotionally destructible? No, no I can't give him away. I want to be his mommy. I smile at the realization. I want to keep him. I feel Jim's hand interrupting my thoughts, intertwining with my fingers. I look over with a certain sparkle in my eyes. Everything seemed so clear. I could see my future it was shining so brightly. He smiles letting his finger trace down my cheek. Then I felt some clouds moving in front of my sun.
"I don't know what to do." I mutter under my breath. When in my head it seemed so obvious. He looks over at me. His hand wraps around my shoulders leaning down for a light squeeze. I hear a distant ringing and Jim looks expectantly. "Is that your phone?" he asks softly. I feel his arm run down my back as I lean back getting my phone out of my pocket. A number I never have heard of before stares up at me with twinkling eyes. I shake my nerve and answer it. "Hello" I hear rustling into the receiver than a voice. "Hi, Miss Beesly it's Richard Garrison." The name quickly became clear in my head. "Oh yes, Hi Mr. Garrison." I look over at Jim as he stares at me, no doubt hearing everything due to the upmost silence roaming the park. "Any foundation for a decision Miss Beesly?" I hear the curiosity taken the best of him and I am at a loss for words. I feel that if I say yes right away that Roy…oh my god. Roy. I shake my head and stand up. Jim looks up at me, perplex taking over his face. I hold my head feeling everything around me spinning in circles. How could I have gotten so carried away with Jim? How could I betray Roy. Suddenly, when I felt that everything was in place. Everything suddenly jumped out of place. It was like being in an imaginary world. Then reality sunk in. Hard. Jim watches me with concern trying to step closer making contact.
"Miss Beesly?" the voice rung in my ears. "How much time do I have left?" my throat heaves out. "Well as it turns out the paper work for Ben hasn't fully arrived yet, so I say to be safe at least this Friday." Relief breaks through my throat. I closed my eyes feeling everything haunting me again. Penny's death, the tears, the pain all washing back into my stomach making me completely nauseous. "Okay." Is all I say dropping the phone to the ground watching as it snapped closed and falling straight to my knees in between the beautiful yellow daises that smiled up at me. "Pam?" his voice more hysterical than anything. He drops in front of me taking me all in his arms. I let my head fall into his chest and I know now why I kissed him. Because when days like this when I feel this bad, Jim will gather me up and wash away the tears. Roy will pat me on the back uncomfortably and say, "Don't cry." I wish I could say more or less why he would say that. Every time I cried it always made him uneasy. Which is why I usually do it in the bathtub alone, gripping my knees as they hiked up against me.
I move away from his chest still arms length and look down at the ground, my eyes still full of fresh tears. "What did he say?" his voice full of love. "I have till Friday now, because all of his paperwork isn't there yet." I squeeze out painfully. He rubs my arms softly. He maneuvers to lean his forehead against mine. I feel a cooling sensation break through my body. Why is it that I'm so addicted to Jim's moves? He makes me feel like I can do anything. Roy makes me feel like I can't do anything. I keep my eyes closed almost sure he is staring at me. He doesn't take the time to peck my lips; he just holds me, kisses my cheek and holds me close afraid I'll break apart like a puzzle. And there I sat with only Jim's arms holding me together.
Ah another chapter another review, well that's the hope anyway. Well I hope all was enjoyed. And more is to come, maybe little Ben will finally get to come home…..Just maybe.
Review and you get to see Jim and Pam drunk next Thursday (hehe)
-jamfan2000-