Before I say anything, I want to apologize for slacking so much that my stories seem to have come to an ultimate stop. Despite everything going on I really appreciate you guys just taking the time to read it. New Episode tonight! Let's see what Will Ferrell's got! It actually looks really funny. Anyway please enjoy and there is plenty to come ;)

Friday was coming close to me as I first realized that morning. Sitting at my desk became an entire new thing. Saying yes to take Ben was fairly easy, well sort of. After Jim's encouragement I was game on to take anything I could handle. I was still however mixed in with Roy which didn't make anything easier. I still haven't told him and nothing is making sense. When I was with Jim everything made sense but now, it's back to the way it was, confusing, and just painful. I let my shoulders hunch a little as I look up information about being a parent. It was completely ridiculous but I thought it was somewhat necessary. I knew I had to tell Roy soon but the feeling didn't emerge that fast. I could hear all the excuses he would have to say. I shook them from my thoughts as Jim leaned against my desk. "Hey" he whispered playfully.

"Hey" my eyes still glued to my computer. He raises his eyebrows at me and walks around the desk saying, "You know we can't watch porn at our desk Miss Beesly." I chuckle slightly, still deep into reading the different ways to get your baby to eat vegetables. He senses my thoughts somewhere else and moves to stand near the coat rack looking over my computer. "Parenting tips?" he says softly. "You aren't going to need those" he finishes with a matter of fact tone. I scoff. "Oh sure, let's pretend I don't make kids run away screaming and that they can actually hang out with me without me having candy." I keep my eyes glued to the screen. "Pam." He says so softly that I could barely hear him. "You are going to be the world's greatest mother." I look up into his eyes that spill the truth. The intensity rather scares me. "Please don't lie to me." laughter seeping into my words. I feel his hand on my shoulder. "I would never lie to you Pam." His voice making my blood grow warmer. I look over at him again his eyes dancing into mine. He rubs my back before slowly walking back to his desk.

I put my face in my hands. The kiss we shared that day kept breaking through my thoughts over and over again; forcing me not to sleep, along with the other demons that keep me awake. Jim had never brought it up, as if it was some unspoken bond between us and honestly I was relieved. He knew I had a life changing alteration that I was making, and having two at the same time would just be too much I look up at him who slyly glanced away his eyes from me. I smirked. I can't believe I didn't notice before. Suddenly the door opens and Roy walks in. My breathing stops dead on. His lazy smile and large frame makes me feel guilty for even kissing Jim. I look down at my paper as he comes up leaning on my desk, the same way Jim did just a few moments before. I can feel the tears pressing against my eyelids as Jim's eyes make their way over to me again. The pressures of both eyes are too much. I take a deep breath and reply to Roy's hello. "Hey Roy."

He looks down at me with curiosity, "Everything okay?" I sigh. The one time he notices something. I look up and was about to say my original, "I'm fine." But then I realize that I can't hide myself anymore. "Actually I have to talk to you about something." He doesn't make a reaction; you wouldn't have even known I was talking to him unless you heard him say, "About what?" "Not here" is all my reply as I grab my purse and head out the door not taking one glance towards Jim. Thankfully he catches my drift and follows me out to the parking lot. "Why did you leave this morning?" he asks just as the fall sun hits us like gravity. I only let a moment pass by thinking whether or not I should tell him the truth. Yeah I can see that conversation going well. "Yeah Roy Jim took me to get some breakfast while you my fiancée were sleeping." Honestly, I didn't know what to do Jim was making sure I was okay and that if I ever needed him he was there. And I knew that, I mean the other day proved that. I cough to gain some more time. "I just went for a walk then Angela drove by and offered me a ride to work." I hoped that he wouldn't break down the stupid excuse that I gave him. He didn't even seem bothered by it. "Next time could you just leave a note or something? I mean I wasted half a tank today looking for you." His voice calm slightly irritated. I scrunch my eyebrows together. The fact that the gas was more important to him than anything really took a toll on me.

I shook it off not wanting to fight...Just yet, "Roy I gotta tell you something." He looks over expectantly. "What?" "Well uh, this guy came to talk to me about Penny the other day." He looks as if someone had put some sentiment in him as he grabs my hand and says, "What did he say?" the voice of a man I haven't heard since high school. "He said...uh." my words losing and the tears breaking in. "He said..." I try again. "He said that Penny has an eight month old son." His eyes grow wide at the words. "A son?" he inquires looking directly at me as if I was making this up. "Yeah his name is Benjamin." A smile grows on my lips as I say his name. He looks confused. "So did they tell you which orphanage they were taking him too?" my eyes turn dark, almost with anger. "No, because Penny had put in her will for me to take him." I let the last words off loosely, not realizing how fast they jumped off my lips. He laughs almost instantly. "You're kidding right? You can't take him." he says as if this whole situation was humorous. My smile left a long time ago, but my eyes now turn to fire. "What the hell does that mean?" I hiss in disbelief. "I just mean that kids run away from you now, what are you going to do with Penny's eight month old son?" I hold the tears in as the reality of everything hits me for the hundredth time. Penny's death, my mom lying to me, and Ben. I almost run back inside letting the words from his mouth meet the heels of my shoes. "Wait babe come on, you know what I meant!" I pull open the door snarling letting tears leak down.

"I know what you meant Roy." I mutter angrily the elevator doors opening for me. "I know what you meant." I repeat as the doors close hoping to leave him outside for the next couple of years.

By the time I get back up the office my tears were flowing heavily but I pushed the tears aside forcing myself to smile at Jim when he looks over at me. I know he will be able to look through me. I make a quick decision right when I walk in. I fly past Jim's desk even though his eyes were already on me as I rushed towards the bathroom. I slam the doors to one of the bathroom stalls and push myself against the wall falling back against it sinking my knees into my chest. My sobs start out slow but then a few moments later they go off full blast. Suddenly out of the blue I hear "Pam?" I stiffen immediately.

"Jim?" I call out recklessly. I get up slowly and unlock the door to the stall and his tall frame walks in. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" his concern covering the fact that he was in the women's restroom. "Yeah, sure why?" I shake off the tears and push a piece of hair behind my ear. "Oh sure of course I mean sobbing is a happy thing right?" he jokes, but his face completely serious. "Seriously Jim, I'm good." I sigh feeling the weight of the world shifting into a painful position on my shoulders. I move past him touching him ever so slightly by accident trying to unlock the door but his hand grabs mine. "Something Roy said." he mutters softly. "It's fine. I mean how did I expect him to react to gaining a kid we didn't even make?" I can almost see him flinch as I end the sentence. "I gotta go call Richard Garrison." He shifts. "You are letting him go to a foster home?" I don't say anything just wishing this would all go away. "When you wanted to take Ben in the first place? You are going to let Roy make this decision for you?" His voice on the edge but still soft. "I just want it all to go away." my eyes pulsing through lashes. He looks me in the eyes watching the tears grow closer. I swiftly pull from him walking out of the stall and walking back into the office. I pass Meredith going into the bathroom and my eyes widen a bit. "Well hello." I hear her say seductively. Jim mumbles something incoherent and pushes the door open the bathroom, just as I walk back into the office again. I would have laughed, and probably waited up until he got out of the bathroom to engage into a teasing session, but the pain in the pit of my stomach was too strong to defend on my own.

The keys I was typing weren't even in English anymore as I typed away by memory, openly on a blank document in front of me. Things do to before…. I start but quickly hit backspace putting on my solid face, not wanting to cry anymore. I was done crying. Before I knew it the random typing in between answering phone calls, it was nearing five o'clock. I closed my eyes as I walked past Jim leaving my computer sighing from the hour and a half worth of the world off my shoulders. It was ten minutes before I came back out watching as Jim makes his way from the copier back to his desk. I push open the kitchen door hoping it wouldn't make a lot of noise to catch his attention. I sweep my eyes over his face and a familiar disappointment breaks into the air that makes me think of the art internship in New York. I push away the words that have haunted me for the last month. You gotta take a chance on something sometime Pam. Lost in my own world I hit my foot on the edge of Jim's chair almost falling to the floor. "Pam are you okay?" he grabs my arm to steady me. "Yeah sorry." I reply silently cursing leaning down to fix my shoe. He watches me for a moment then I quickly retreat to my desk. I stare at my monitor staring at the black ink against the white.

I hit the x in the top right hand corner deleting every emotion dripping off the screen. I sigh as I hear the main door open. I don't look up knowing exactly who it was. I gather my things in a quick manner and stand to finish my faxes. "Listen Pammy." I cringe at that sound. "Just don't Roy." I mutter feeling Jim's eyes once again, suddenly feeling irritated with both men. "I just want..." I stop him dead on spinning around to face him. "I really don't care what you want Roy!" I suddenly yell out making the whole office turn to me. His face flushes with embarrassment as I toss the faxes on my desk, grab my stuff and walk out of the office as fast as I can.

The moment I step outside I mentally kick myself. No way home. I reach into my purse and grab my cell phone, walking out of the parking lot and down the street a little to avoid Roy and Jim. "Yes hi, I need a taxi." I speak into the phone. I sigh sitting on the curb completely frustrated. None of this was supposed to happen. I feel a small tear making its way down my cheek. I wipe it quickly. I find myself zoning out for ten minutes watching a little ways down the street a mother holding the hand of a little boy who was smiling gracefully. I smile imagining Ben and I doing the same thing. I let my head fall into my hands taking a deep breath. Before I could even finish my fantasy a yellow car popped up In front of me honking its horn lightly. I jump slightly and stand. I slip inside and contemplate where I wanted to go. "Where to Miss?" a man with dark hair and a jersey accent looks back at me with a questioning look into his eyes. Ben comes into my mind and I know where I need to go. The reflection of the sun setting breathes against the glass that my face sets upon. The little boy I had seen just a moment earlier waves at me with a brilliant smile. Yeah, I know where I need to go.

Thanks so much for reading! It was getting a little more difficult for me to not just jump into fluffy Jam, but I fought the urge for the sake of the story.

Review it makes everything worth writing.

-jamfan2000-