So, it took me some time to go on, I have my first big test in less than two weeks and people are driving me crazy with their stupid questions just because they think I know the answers to all of them. So now I just take some time off from learning and what is more relaxing than writing?!

So here it is, chapter 8. And for those who are waiting. This is one of the last flashback from Cameron. There will be one more as it looks now. So chapter ten will be from Remy's point of view.

Enjoy!

When Cameron woke up that morning she made a note in her head to make a plan. She looked to the side and took in the empty place beside her. She felt her heart ache once more. Shaking her head to focus on the important things, she stood up and went to her bathroom.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she noticed how fucked up she looked. She was a mess and she didn't hide it at all the past days. She can't win Remy back looking that horrible. She took a shower first and then started to hide her lack of sleep and the sadness which seemed to be tattooed on her face. She used some make up and mascara and looked at herself again. Way better. After she dried her hair she just had to find something to wear. She went to her closet and after searching for a while she decided to take the outfit from their first date. She searched for the necklace she wore back then and put a little vest on because the shirt alone would be way to cold that time of the year. Looking at herself once more she felt ready to go. She took one last breath, grabbed her coat and her purse and left her appartment.

She drove to work and went from the parking lot to the hospital. When she entered it and went through the lobby she felt as if someone was punching the shit out of her. She stood still for a while at the place where she stood nine days ago. It felt like she went through it all over again. When she saw Cuddy walking over to her she shook her head out of her daze, gave her boss a fake smile and went straight to her office, closing the door behind her. She had to calm down. Fast.

I can't chicken out now, I have to be brave. I need to have the strength to tell her that I love her. That I don't care about anything else and that I need her, she told herself.

She took a few deep breaths, calming down a little. She lay down her purse and her coat and went out of her office, confident to tell Remy everything.

When she rounded a corner she stopped in her tracks. A few meters away from her the brunette did the same. The blonde couldn't move. She looked at her ex girlfriend and saw the mess she was. The dark circles under her eyes that gave away her lack of sleep. Her hip bones that stood out way too much showed that she definitely did not eat enough and that look in her eyes when she saw her. It was sad and angry for sure, but there was something else. She saw that look before. It was almost as if she was afraid of something. She saw that look before, when she found her at the lab for the second time.

After their date Cameron was in her own little dream world. She came to work that morning with a big smile on her face, greeting everyone she saw and even truly happy to be at work because she knew she'd see Remy there.

She was hoping that House might send her down because she heard that they did not have a case at the moment, but throughout the morning she hadn't seen her at all.

Still her thoughts were wandering to the brunette every few minutes. Their way to communicate, her eyes which were hypnotizing, her smile that was contagious, her smell that intoxiacated her completely and the kiss they shared. The kiss that left Cameron wantig more, more of her. When Remy left that night she was slightly disappointed and alone but they decided to take it slow.

It was already noon and there was still no sign of her. That's why she decided to search for her, so they could have lunch together. As she couldn't find her at their office or at the clinic and no one knew where she was, she got a little bit concerned. Kutner had told her that she worked at the clinic in the morning and left a few minutes ago without giving a reason or saying where she'd go. Cameron headed to the cafeteria and when she didn't find her there either she felt helpless. She didn't know where to search anymore. She thought about her previous encounters with the brunette and when she didn't find her in any of the on call rooms or the doctor's lounge she went to the lab where she found her one night.

She walked down the hall, concern growing more and more in her and when she approached the lab, she stopped. She wasn't quite sure why she thought she would find her there but she felt she was right. She opened the door quietly and sure enough found Remy in the same position as last time, in a total daze and with a paper in her clenched fist. The brunette didn't even notice her entering the room. She just starred off into space, her jaw clenched, her eyes sad and her whole body shaking.

"Remy?" No answer.

"Rem?" The brunette lifted her head up and looked at her like a deer caught in the headlights.

"What are you doing here sweety?" Cam asked her with a soft voice concern evident in her voice.

"I…I just did some lab tests for our case," she answered looking down at her hands.

"So, no you're lying to me? Great, just great," the blonde scoffed, turning around to leave the room.

"How did you-"

"How I guessed you're lying? Because Cuddy told me you had no case and when I searched for you to have lunch together, Kutner told me you worked at the clinic this morning," she said, her back still facing the brunette and eventually leaving the room.

Cameron decided to leave out lunch and get back to work, distracting herself. When she finished her shift at 7 p.m. she went to the locker room and changed from her pink scrubs to a coat, closed her locker again and was about to leave when the door opened. She saw the brunette that just jumped in breathless, staring at her and looked at the ground immediately.

"Ally-" the brunette started, trying to get her to look at her but got cut off.

"Don't! Remy, it's okay, you don't want this. Seems like I kind of forced you into this anyway. So just leave it like this. I don't want anymore lies," the blonde said calmly, clearly exhausted from her day and still not looking at Remy.

"No-" Again she couldn't finish or even really start.

"You don't have to explain."

"Allison, would you please just listen to me?" The blonde didn't say anything, so Remy felt as if she could continue. "I never wanted to lie to you and I never ever want to do that, I just felt that I had to do it because I wanted to protect you."

"Yeah, so it would have been that bad to tell me you worked at the clinic that morning and were at the lab for a little peace or something like that."


"No, you would have known that I chose to go to the clinic and that would mean that I avoided you because usually I never choose the clinic over the ER and that would have made you worry. I don't want you to worry. And well. You would have also known the fact that today was the second time you saw me alone in the lab when I did not do any tests for work," Remy said, now looking to the ground.

While Remy spoke, Allison lifted her head and looked at her, searching for anything to proof she's being honest. The sad look on the brunette's face and the fact that at some point she couldn't even look at her anymore said everything. When Remy tells something private that makes her look vulnerable, she is somehow not able to look at her companion anymore.

"So why would you avoid me?"

"Because yesterday shouldn't have happened. This just can't happen," the younger docot said, truly hurt by what she told the blonde.

"Why is that? You can't even look at me while you say that."

"It's the same reason as the one for me being at the lab. I had to know for sure and now that I do, I know that I can't do that to you."

A single tear ran down Remy's face and Allison was overwhelmed with emotions. What is she talking about?

"What do you mean Remy?"

There was no answer, just a silent sob. Allison walked over to the girl she fell for so hard and touched her arm that was with her other one crossed in front of her chest. Remy never looked at her, she just shook her head and began to cry even more.

"Rem…" Allison tried again, caressing the brunette's arm.

The younger doctor took a step back and shook her head again.

"Don't Ally…" she said, her voice almost cracking when she used the other woman's nickname.

Allison just stood there, not knowing what to do anymore. What is the matter with her? What is going on in that head? She did not say anything, noticing that Remy was about to say more, just not able to yet.

"Ally, I'm… I'm sick," she finally said, almost choking on her words.

"What do you mean, you're sick? We're at a hospital, it's not like we can't do anything for you here." The blonde got more and more desperate, knowing this was something much bigger than the brunette wanted to admit.

"They can't do anything. You can't do anything and neither can I. I have… I have Huntington's Chorea. My mom died from it when I was twelve years old."

"Are you… Are you sure?" That was just not what she had expected. This must be a dream, it can't be true. Not now.

"I took the test two times. I am sure. And I know about your husband. I don't want you to go through something like that again. This is even harder. I lived through it. I hated my mother in the end. I don't want you to hate me. I also saw how it tore my father apart. I can't do this to you."

Allison was shocked but the more Remy spoke the angrier she got.

"Who do you think you are?" The brunette's head shot up, surprised of Cameron's reaction. "You can't make my decisions, okay? You can't. If I think I can do this, I will."

Remy was about to cry again. This girl meant so much to her but how could she possibly do that to her?

"I don't want you to hate me, Ally," she said, tears falling freely from her eyes now.

"Honey, shh," she tried to calm her, speaking softly again, taking a step forward and holding her face in her hands. "I will never hate you. Please, don't cry."

Remy just looked at her, with her sad blue eyes. Allison felt like she needed to proof her point so she leaned foreward and kissed the brunette softly, her lips lingering on the younger woman's for a little while. After breaking apart, Allison looked at Remy's eyes again and saw a little hope there. So she leaned in again but this time the kiss was passionate and when Remy let out a moan and parted her lips the blonde thrusted her tongue in the other's mouth, their tongues meeting with want and need and Remy finally calming down, holding Allison's hips and pulling her in even closer.

Allison shook her head for the third time this morning and looked at Remy again. Then it hit her. That's why she didn't want to wait anymore. She didn't want to waste more time. She wanted to live what's left of her life without hiding.

Suddenly she saw Remy looking down at her hands frightened to death and followed her gaze. She saw Remy's hands shaking violently. Immediately the younger doctor pushed her hands into her lab coat as deep as possible. She looked up to see the blonde looking back at her and began to run past Allison. The older woman realized what Remy was doing and catched her arm when she saw her running past her.

"Rem! Don't run from me."

"Stop it, Allison. You've done enough as it is, this is not your problem. Just leave me alone," she said, without any emotion in her voice, not even looking at the blonde woman that held onto her arm. Slowly Cameron loosened her grip and let go of the girl she loved.

That's it for now. I hope you enjoyed it. Just leave a review and tell me if you still like my story. Reviews keep me writing. It's good to know if you like what you read.