Thanks for the lovely review pj(guest)!
Tony sat in the kitchen, rubbing the ruby gemstone as the ring pulsed faintly on his thumb.
"And it won't come off?" Bruce asked worriedly.
"Not with butter." His friend replied. Steve hovered uncertainly by the island, on the edge of cooking up a storm from nerves.
"How did they get in? How did they disable JARVIS?" Rogers wrung his hands. He wasn't normally so volatile, but he still had a stomach ache from eating an entire 2L bucket of ice-cream in one sitting. He was usually in control, being so easily tempted shook the highly moral man to the core (which was currently thawing out).
"I dunno. Maybe they walked through the walls." Stark said mockingly, "Oh, wait, they did. It was almost like they had super powers or something!"
Banner tugged on the ring but it was stuck fast. "Where did you get this, anyway?"
There was a pause as they considered their last 'magic' mission.
"Stark, did you-"
"No." Tony's face gave a good try at hiding behind his beard.
"Tony." Bruce made the 'I'm disappointed in you, you deaf ball of ignorance' look. Bruce was very good at insulting looks.
"A little." He amended.
"How can it be only a little stolen from an evil pagan god?" They were cut off by someone knocking politely on the window.
16 stories up.
Steve opened the window and Thor crawled in, looking no more wind-swept then usual.
"Did you just fly up here?" Tony asked incredulously while pouring an extra cup of coffee and dumping a box of pop-tarts on the marble island.
"Of course not, Tony." Thor said, almost sounding human as he pounced on the toast-able treat. "I climbed."
"Whatever, Thor do you recognize this?" Bruce pulled Stark's empty hand closer to the thunder god. Thor examined it closely between crumbly bites of a blueberry tart, giving a cautionary tug to the digit that nearly dislocated Tony's thumb.
"No. This is not my brother's mischief." Thor finally commented, letting Tony go. "I do not recall ever witnessing a power like it."
"Tony stole it from Loki's cache and four men came looking for it today," Bruce explained. "They knocked out JARVIS and walked right through the walls."
"I broke someone's nose." Tony added proudly, gesturing to his discoloured hand. Power ring or not, a mortal fist hitting a slab of immortal face was still rather detrimental to the mortal.
"Is the all-seeing one alright?" The pagan asked with concern. The idea of JARVIS being a disembodied machine never really stuck in his mind.
"I am no longer compromised, Mr Odinson." The AI assured them. "May I ask what brings you back to Earth so early, sir?"
"Oh, hey, yeah, aren't you busy fixing the rainbow bridge?" Thor shoved half a raspberry into his mouth and tried to answer through a shower of crumbs.
"Fin'sh'd." The prince started digging out another box from the cupboard.
"Fixing the bridge?" Bruce blinked, snaring a strawberry before Thor could finish those off too.
"What about Loki's cache?" Steve pitched in.
Thor took the time to swallow before filling his teammates in. "Part of my brother's punishment is repairing the Bifrost. Loki had built a working prototype and the palace scribes are sorting out the artifacts."
Stark could hardly believe his ears. "You're trusting crazy to fix your interplanetary van?" He huffed into his coffee. "Didn't he try to commit genocide with that bridge?"
"Loki is the greatest Sorcerer in Asgard," Thor pointed out. "It pains me but Loki is of too great use not to be taken advantage of. He is well guarded and has restraints in place made for magic-users."
"Isn't that what we said just before he almost knocked Fury's Vetibird out of the air?" Tony muttered uncertainly. "Fine, you tied the string on that bag of cats, what about the ring? It made me as strong as Hercules' older brother." Stark demonstrated by forcing Banner's spoon into corkscrew around his finger.
"There are enchantments that can increase one's strength, but I know not more of them. Perhaps Loki-"
"Whoa, look Thor, I'm all for second chances but you aren't bringing Loki here just to look at a ring." Steve cut in. "And how do we know he'd tell us the truth?"
"My father has enchanted Loki so he cannot lie, neither does identifying this artifact require his presence on earth." The thunder god nicked a fork from the cutlery drawer and carved an accurate, though crude, image of the ring into the marble island. "I will bring this tablet to my brother. He will know what it is."
"That could work," Tony ran a finger over the ruined stone. "Or you could take a picture."
Death felt like a calzone. That wasn't some philosophy nonsense comparing the inevitable end of all living beings and a few already dead ones to an Italian pocket pizza. The day had just started with an immortal being thinking fondly of that pizza place on the corner that defied all expectations by remaining in business and mostly alive after the Grim Reaper finished his order.
The eldest horseman had the faint feeling in the back of his mind shared by those that don't pay attention to time that he had somewhere he needed to be at a certain moment, and that place just so happened to be Al's diner in New York at lunch time.
He had sat down and started on a lovely greasy meal just as Tony Stark walked in to pick up an order. Thor had returned to Asgard with a printed image of the ring and the remaining Avengers had ordered pizza as a distraction.
"Mr Stark," Death called, sending a shudder down Tony's back. None of the diner patrons took notice of the multimillionaire, and wouldn't take note of much of anything until Death left the diner. "I had hoped we might have lunch."
"I broke a man's nose." Stark said dumbly as he approached Death's table on numb legs.
"Yes, I was there."
"We only met last night, I didn't want to look desperate by calling the morning after." Stark's infamous sarcasm kicked in as he set down at Death's table. The Grim reaper smiled.
"Pizza?" He offered a generous portion of untouched food. The inventor refused with a jerky shake of his head.
"So, since we're both here and all..." Tony took a deep breath. "Who are you and what is this ring and is that veggie pizza you inhuman bast-" Stark inexplicably choked on the curse.
"And I looked and behold, a pale horse, and the name that sat on him was Death," The horseman looked straight into Tony's eyes as he got the impression that there was a Skull under that skin, and not the sort you usually see if you look hard into a stranger's face. "Do you know the rest?"
"So... you're part of a religious cult?" He guessed.
"I am Death," The Grim Reaper stated simply, "and you hold the power of War in the form of a ring." He examined Tony's slack face. "The man whose nose you broke?" He prompted.
"You aren't..." Stark attempted to manually reboot his systems. "I don't... Prove it."
Death calmly took a neighbor diner's steak-knife and attempted to drive it through Tony's hand. The knife crumpled a hairsbreadth from the mortal's skin, twisting like a metal snake to avoid piercing the hide of War.
Tony snatched his hand back, clenching it against his chest. "That doesn't prove anything-"
"I have found in my life that if a man is truly determined not to believe something, nothing could possibly change that, and I have lived a very, very long time." Death finished his pizza and placed a crumpled twenty under his empty chocolate milk glass. "We should have dinner sometime."
Before Tony could protest, he found himself alone at the table. People starting stirring around him and no-one seemed to notice that they had lost several inventor wondered how many times a day that happened to people, and whether he had ever been one of them. Puzzled and frustrated, Stark picked up his order and continued back to the tower.
"I know it, yes." Loki hardly bothered looking up from his work. The newborn Bifrost curled around his long fingers, pulsing sleepily. It was difficult to cradle a rainbow with chained hands but Loki had the instincts of an experienced mother and took care to avoid letting the metal binds touch the young life. "I pity the man who tried to remove it. Stark, going by the state of his thumb."
"This is serious, brother." Thor pled with a mix of anger and childish despair. "What is this ring?"
"I'm sure you'll find out soon enough." The lie-smith replied smoothly. "I didn't dare touch it on Midgard so the owner never noticed my meddling, but Stark saw something shiny and put it on. Of course he noticed."
"But who is the owner?" If Loki hadn't been holding the Bifrost, which its mother had taken to calling Hvisla, Thor would have shaken his irritating little brother. Fortunately, even the normally dense thunder god wasn't fool enough to threaten one of the fire god's children.
Loki hummed in thought. Odin's enchantments kept him from lying, but Loki rarely truly lied anyhow. Twisting words was far more challenging and rewarding.
"I know what you're thinking, Loki." Thor growled. "Just answer me, with five words or less!"
"Five words? Five words and you'll leave me be?"
"Yes, five words!"
Loki smiled. " 'And Hell followed with him'."
It was not as clear as Thor had wanted, but Loki felt the need for some amount of revenge. Thor had killed the last Bifrost, after all, though Loki had misused it as well. Loki started humming a soft lullaby to Hvisla and secretly found something worth sparing Asgard for.
No matter of persuasion, bribery or intimidation could coax another word out of Loki and Thor returned to Midgard in defeat, carrying five words.
Thor found his friends brooding around half a cold pizza and helped himself to the remains.
"Find anything, thunderpants?" Tony asked from his position sprawled across his leather couch and parts of the wall.
"Loki was... not very forward."
"What a surprise."
"But he did tell me something." Thor added, squeezing his massive frame into a wide chair. "Loki said 'and Hell followed with him.' Do you recognize it, friend Banner?"
"It's a line from the book of Revelations." Bruce pointed out.
"Like the one Skeletore gave me earlier." Stark perked, nearly falling off the back of the couch.
"The same one, actually. The full verse is 'And I looked, and behold a pale horse, whose name was Death, and Hell followed with him. And they were given authority over a fourth of the earth, to kill with sword and with famine and with pestilence and by the wild beasts of the earth.' Or something like that." Steve blushed as three sets of surprised eyes fell on him. "The army gives you a bible, for when you're waiting in the foxholes." He explained, embarrassed.
"Well the guy I saw claimed he was Death and I had the power of War." Tony tapped the ruby ring. "So the other two are Famine and Pestilence, right?"
"Conquest, actually. In the old-" Steve realised he was getting looks again and bit his tongue. "Sure, Pestilence."
"It seems that War is powerless while you have his ring, though." Bruce mused. "And Death isn't making a move, yet. Should we return it?"
"Return it? Hey, I'm sure Sauron would love his ring back, too!"
The group lapsed into silence. Thor and Bruce thought it was probably better in the hands of the immortal being who owned it, since the world hadn't blown up in the millions of years that War had held it. Steve wondered if the Avengers would have to stop the apocalypse and whether or not Fury should be told.
"Maybe we should throw it in a volcano." Tony suggested.
"We'd have to throw you in with it." suggested Bruce snidely. "It's stuck on your hand and you're pretty much bombproof now."
"Oh, yeah! I'm immortal guys!" Leaping from couch, Tony struck a heroic pose and made for the window. Thor stopped him.
"Midgardian metal does not harm me either, friend Stark, but I wouldn't push it."
"Does this mean you're the new War?" Steve broke in thoughtfully.
Stark thought for a moment, scratching his beard. "I think Death and I should have that dinner. Anyone have his number?"
War had always been a problem child. It's good to love your work, as they say, but War had more lived and breathed his work. The pure essence of battle flowed from him, making fights both physical and otherwise break out around him without any effort required. It was worse the closer he was to his brothers and the stronger his emotions, and War was very emotional. He felt at least four degrees of anger at any given day.
Being the second youngest, he sometimes acted for attention. Maybe he hit Pestilence a little too hard. Maybe Europe didn't need another war. And, well maybe that penguin colony had been cute and he didn't need to encourage them into orca infested waters because nothing was on tv.
But like many younger siblings, War felt every flaw and issue could be traced firmly back to the oldest. He privately thought Death payed too much attention to Pestilence, spent too much time in Europe (though there had been a plague at the time). He couldn't think up a good excuse for the penguins and blamed it on violent television.
War wouldn't tell Death any of that for a hundred civil wars and instead bitterly sat in Hungary plotting with Pestilence. Famine showed up, having sensed his brothers and being terribly fond of Hungary. He thought it might be the name.
"Death isn't going to get my ring back," War stated in his usual tone, which just so happened to be anger. "He probably 'encouraged' that fucking mud-monkey to take it in the first place."
"It certainly taught you a lesson." Famine wheezed. "Do you have any more artifacts on you? I'm sure your flaming sword would do fine in a stone, not like that ever backfired. Maybe you should bury it."
War flushed and kicked Famine's skinny leg. Without his ring, he felt and acted like a child sitting in a too big chair.
"We have an apocalypse to keep!" He snarled, sending a flock of birds into a scrap over a handful of seeds. "Death wants to put if off!"
That caught his older brother's attention. "Put off the apocalypse?" Famine gasped incredulously. "You can't just move the end of the world around!"
"He must have a reason." Pestilence defended their absent brother. You never knew when Death was listening. "And Famine's right. Death is trying to teach you a lesson about leaving your stuff laying around." Pestilence leaned away from War's attempted cuff with practiced ease.
"Death's losing it. We've been counting down Earth's years since it began." War insisted. "This isn't about my ring, it's about the three horsemen of the apocalypse. We are supposed to usher in the end and Death's getting caught up over Lucifer pulling his chain."
"Chain?" Pestilence inquired. The older two shared a look.
"You know how Death spends most of the time-" Imprisoned came to mind but Famine decided to be kind, "-asleep? He's only... woken up twice since you were trained enough to sneeze at people alone."
Pestilence bristled a little but nodded. "Noah's Ark, of course I remember."
"Well when Lucifer woke him up, he sort of... collared Death." Famine finished awkwardly. The older brothers had found it a bit amusing, actually, but putting it into words made the dark horseman feel no small amount of shame. "So he wouldn't... interfere with... the..." Famine cleared his throat weakly. "Apocalypse."
"That hasn't stopped Death from meddling." War huffed bitterly. "Probably planned for this to happen from the start."
"But doesn't that mean this isn't the end?" Pestilence asked with a worried look. "Doesn't Death decide?"
"No, Heaven and Hell decide." Famine rebuffed. "Look Pest, Death will have to go along with it anyway. The Winchesters can't stop it and if Lucifer tells Death to start smiting Chicago or something he'll have to do it."
Pestilence thought in the manner of most immortals, that is, very long and more complicatedly than most mortals can contemplate. Finally he said; "If Lucifer is ordering Death around, why is he having lunch in New York?"
"You got that too?" Famine pulled out his phone and showed War the picture the eldest had sent them.
"Death takes pictures of his food?" War asked, horrified.
"He thinks it's funny."
"Look, we aren't meeting to- to-"
"It's called Instagram. Death says he finds like-minded people there."
"We're meeting to overthrow Death!" War shouted over Famine.
"We are?" Pestilence drew in a breath sharply. "No, we're not."
"We are." War asserted, taking Famine's phone away. "We will get my ring back and push the apocalypse ourselves."
Pestilence considered walking away then, but in Death's absence he had grown dependent of his other brothers. The part of Pestilence that had been born by a child's sniffles squirmed uncomfortably away from the thought of the immensely powerful Immortal being leashed to an angel throwing a tantrum and the apocalypse as a whole, though the larger part that had placed the black plague on the back of rats reveled in the freedom.
Pestilence followed.
In the Queen's name, let me write in British English! THERE IS AN U IN THAT WORD, FANFICTION! STOP CHANGING MY S's INTO Z's!
Canadian problems, eh?
PS I love that calzone paragraph. I've been reading Terry Pratchett and I think it's making an impact!
PPS Anyone get the Fallout reference? ;3
Very last PPPS Hvisla is Icelandic for 'whisper'. I use that name for stealth playthroughs in Skyrim, and grym y gaeaf, which is Welsh for 'Force of Winter' for Nords.