A/N: I had something in mind… hope you aren't annoyed with this idea, I think it might be appropriate OOC but considering the circumstances, it might be okay. YOU tell me!

"You hated me?" she questioned as her stomach wrecked havoc.

He nodded shamefully. "It was easier to hate you than to miss you."

"So you came back…" she shifted on the couch, moving slightly closer to him.

"Yeah," he smiled. "I came back because I wanted you to know… that no matter how hard I tried to hate you, I couldn't, I wanted to, I didn't want to miss you. But I did."

The butterflies swarmed.

"And Kathy? Your children… what about- what about them?" she asked.

"I got a divorce," he said it so matter-of-factly that it made her pull back. "Kathy and I talked and we… its better this way. For both of us! We left on good terms and I'll send for the kids in the holidays, they can spend time with me and their old friends here, and- they wanted to stay in Australia for now, we'll see what happens later. I'm still looking for a place here, so…"

Olivia nodded listening intently.

"What am I doing here?" he asked gently.

Her throat closed over at the mere thought of having to explain to him, especially now, when she was in a position to have everything she wanted.

"Liv… I lo-"

She shook her head, and pressed a finger to his lips. "Don't say it… don't tell me."

"Why not?" he challenged. "Why don't you want to know?"

"I have to tell you first," she choked. "I have done something irreversible… I don't know what to do, El… I never- I never thought I'd be here, like this. I lived my life simply. I worked. I came home and slept, and I got up and started all over again. God, El… I don't know-"

He grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to look at him. "I know that whatever you have to tell me won't change the way I feel about you. I love you, Liv. I have a long time… nothing you tell me will make that feeling go away."

She wished she could believe that.

"Tell me…" he urged. "Let me judge for myself."

Olivia nodded. It seemed fair enough.

"I was strong as a child, I know I was… I dealt with more than other people do in their whole life. I had a mother who… yeah, well, you know the story," she smiled weakly. Elliot listened. "I was stronger than most women. I worked in this precinct for a long time, longer than most women can stand in our line of work, and I do it with a dignity. I face those perps every day, and I don't kill them… any of them."

Elliot frowned. "Did you kill someone?" he asked at his sudden realization.

She almost laughed. "Not yet."

"Liv…"

"I missed you. I know it was stupid and naïve of me to think that you might have wanted me more than HER, but I dreamt about you… too many times to count. Oh God, El, I missed you so much."

"I missed-"

"I know," Olivia continued. "I found a way to change my thinking. At least momentarily… I- I wanted to forget you, leave you in the past where you belonged. You'd only been gone a month and I was crazy. I was crazy in ways that my mother never made me, in all her years of constant… she never made me feel that sense of extremity before."

"What," he was getting impatient. "What did you do?"

"I am NOT proud of my actions," she told him with tears in her eyes. "I'm not proud of the things I did when you were gone, and if I could have changed them I would have…"

"I know," he could see that clearly from the regret in her eyes.

"I went to bars at night, to let off steam and there was this man there… I went home with him," she choked. "The next day I told him to leave and he never bothered me again, never even asked my name," she laughed bitterly. "I liked the feeling. I was lost and he… whoever it was, made me feel something for a few hours. Long enough to get a break from that aching pain in the centre of my chest," she held her heart now, where the pain had dimmed only slightly since his return.

"I'm sorry," he took her hand. "I'm sorry I made you feel so bad."

"I did it to myself… and now I'll pay for it."

"Pay for it?" he questioned.

"There was more than one man, El… who…"

He nodded. He understood.

"I was SO stupid," she cried openly. "I didn't think about all those things… things we talked about every day, you and me. Cases we worked on… I didn't want to think about anything ever again. I was breathing, but barely. I wasn't living, El. Not a minute you were gone."

He nodded again, his attention heightened.

"I checked myself two months ago, a regular check up… you know," she laughed again as if it were actually funny.

He didn't laugh.

"I got my results back… they're went good."

Elliot straightened up and removed his hand from her grasp.

"I have AIDS."

"AIDS?" he repeated the word as if it were foreign.

Olivia nodded.

He stood from his place beside her and moved quickly to the door as if he couldn't get away fast enough.

"ELLIOT?" she called after him. This was the one time she needed him to stay.

He shook his head and opened the door. "NO!" he called over his shoulder. "I can't even look at you!"

OKAY… secrets out! What do you think? Are you shocked?

Reviews would be GREAT here… :)

Ps. Elliot's reaction was OVER THE TOP but since he has a temper, I figured it was okay to enter that here. But you're the reader, you tell me!