This chapter written by angelamermaid

Sometimes a patient doesn't want surgery. They want to keep things the way are and are resistant to change… No matter how much pain and distress they may be enduring. No matter how much it affects their friends and family. It's hard for them to work through their resistance to change and to truly let go of that which is making them ill.

Cristina and Meredith wrinkled their noses as they looked around the interior of the Airstream trailer that was parked on Derek's land.

"This is what Alex considers clean?" Meredith complained. "I asked him to clean it up. I think he just moved the mess from one side of the trailer to the other."

"You should tell Lexie that it needs tidying up," Cristina suggested. "She likes cleaning a lot lately. If she's getting a room in your new house, she should earn it."

Meredith smiled. "Then you can earn your room by helping to clean."

"Just a minute, I'll get Owen," Cristina smirked.

They looked through the open door at the men outside who were wandering the site of the future house.

"How is Derek doing? He's my star patient, you know."

"He's slowly regaining his strength," Meredith sighed. "He wants to cut so bad. It's all he can think about."

"Poor fellow."

"How are things with you and Owen?"

Cristina smiled softly. "Good. We've christened every piece of furniture in the apartment three times now."

"Even those old end tables?"

"We had to replace those," Cristina grinned. "The new ones are very sturdy."

"Okay, but how is he?" Meredith persisted. "Is Owen, you know, talking?"

Cristina rolled her eyes. "He had a breakthrough, and he won't shut up this week. And! He's asking me questions, trying to get me to talk about my childhood and stuff."

"Oh no," Meredith laughs. "Is he trying to play therapist now?"

"I like playing doctor – and not the mental kind," Cristina chuckled. "And you wouldn't believe what he's talked about."

"What?"

"You remember the other night, when the guys got drunk?"

"Vividly. Derek had a wicked hangover."

"Owen talked about marriage," Cristina confided. "And going camping on our honeymoon."

Meredith gaped.

"Crazy, right?" Cristina smiled. "Me. Camping. We agreed on Paris."

"What? Don't you think you're moving rather quickly?"

Cristina laughed. "Jeez, Mer, we're not going to get married anytime soon. He was drunk and started sharing some of his hopes and dreams for the future. We both need some more therapy before we get married, if we even do."

Her friend frowned. "This sounds familiar. The guy suggests moving in, you move in. The guy suggests marriage, you agree to it."

"No," Cristina protested, pointing outside. "This guy doesn't have a timetable. This guy said we didn't even have to get married if I don't want to. And this guy took a bullet for me, remember? Burke got shot on his own time."

Meredith sighed. "Just– Take it slow, okay? I don't want to see you repeating mistakes."

"Don't worry," Cristina said. "Owen's mom is really nice, she'd never lay a hand on my eyebrows."

They stayed to watch the sunset then Meredith and Derek went into the trailer while Cristina and Owen got into his truck. A light rain started to fall as they pulled away.

"Why are you smiling?" Cristina asked Owen as he drove.

"I was remembering the first time I came to this property," he said. "It was the day of your first solo surgery, when Bailey made me go after Callie and Derek. A lot has changed since then."

"So true."

"I think that's when Derek and I first started to become friends," Owen mused. "At least, I stopped thinking he was a pretentious prick."

"Ha!"

"That's a nice piece of land," Owen mused. "I can see why he held onto it."

"You're– You're not already thinking about where you want to buy a house, are you?"

Owen snorted. "No, I'm in no rush to move again. I like where we are."

"Good."

They smiled at each other then drove in silence for a few minutes. The only sounds were made by the windshield wipers.

Their reverie was interrupted by a loud bang as the truck suddenly jolted to the right. Owen quickly pulled over to the side of the road and jumped out. Cristina joined him, pulling her jacket over her head for protection from the rain.

"It's just a flat tire," Owen said, crouching down at the back right wheel. "An easy fix."

"Should you be changing a tire with your shoulder?" Cristina asked.

"Do you want to change it?"

"No, that's what Roadside Assistance is for," she said.

Owen laughed and shook his head. "I can change the tire."

"But it's raining."

"We can wait out the rain in the truck," Owen said. They climbed into the cab and looked at each other.

Cristina looked out of the window. "I do believe this rain is going to last a while. Here we are, stuck with a flat tire on a dark and secluded road…"

"Yeah," Owen said. "Do you want me to turn the radio on?"

"If you like," she replied, provocatively toying with a lock of her hair. "What I really want to know is … Have we christened the truck?"

Owen grinned. "I believe we've christened the bed … but not the back seat."

She smiled and undid her seatbelt. They quickly removed any obstructive clothing.

"Why don't you get on the bottom?" Cristina innocently suggested as they climbed into the back. Owen readily complied, then helped her settle on top of him.

"Now you can use both of your hands," she smiled, stroking him. "I only need one …"

"I have a buckle digging in my back," he said, adjusting his position. "Don't think I don't know why you really want to be on top."

She smirked, running her delicate fingers along his length, making him hiss. "You know me so well."

He smiled, putting one of his hands behind her head, guiding her into a fierce kiss. His free hand roamed to her breasts, squeezing and caressing. They kissed and tantalized each other, Cristina subtly grinding her wetness against his leg.

When the ache between her legs became unbearable, Cristina tore her mouth from Owen's in order to rise up and then sink herself down on him. She propped herself on one hand, letting the other wander his broad chest, teasing his nipples. He bent his knees and his hands moved to exactly where she wanted them, triggering a wave of heat that overwhelmed her with its intensity. She rocked against him, moaning, while he whispered how much her pleasure was turning him on.

As her climax ebbed, she grabbed his face to kiss him again.

"Hold on," he said, gripping her waist.

"Huh?"

Before she knew what was happening, he wriggled and flipped her over. She opened her mouth to protest, but then he was driving into her, hard and fast, and she forgot what she was going to say. Owen's hand returned to where they were joined, pressing against her hard, as he drove deeper and deeper. She gasped and he groaned, as she was jolted back into bliss and he found his own release.

Spent, Owen gently kissed Cristina's neck, as they panted and sighed. Soon, the rain against the windows was the only sound.

Cristina finally broke the silence. "Owen?"

"Yeah?"

"The god-damned buckle is digging into my back."

The next morning, Alex found Lexie examining her appearance closely in the bathroom mirror. She was pulling locks of hair around her face.

"Got a zit?" Alex asked.

"No," she smiled. "I'm trying to decide if I should stay blonde – or at least this shade of blonde. Or cut my hair. Or change my colour and my cut. What do you think?"

"Lexie, I'm a guy," he told her. "I think you should ask one of your friends."

"Aren't you my friend?" Lexie asked, looking at his reflection in the mirror.

"Yes," he said, leaning in for a quick kiss. "Look, I like your hair no matter what you do to it. If you're looking for colour or style recommendations, you need to ask someone who knows about that stuff. Like April or Meredith."

"I could ask Jackson," Lexie mused, looking at her reflection again. "He's got some very interesting theories on appearances."

"Whatever," Alex said, reaching for his toothbrush. He did not want to talk about the guy who liked his girlfriend.

Lexie turned to frown at him. "It doesn't bother you that I'd ask another guy about how I look?"

"It's just hair," Alex shrugged. "Jackson's okay. Hey, why don't you try to hook him up with – ah, April? They're both single."

"What?" Lexie looked at Alex. "When did you become a matchmaker?"

Alex stammered. "Well, um, he was looking kind of lonely the other night at Joe's. And you know April is kind of a spaz. She needs to get laid. They should hook up."

"You think?" Lexie rolled her eyes. "I don't really think they're each other's type."

He shrugged. "They both came from Mercy West, they both survived the shootings –" He stopped as Lexie's face fell. "Sorry. Forget I said anything. Your hair is fine the way it is."

Owen was walking towards the nurses' station in the Pit when a small, dark-haired woman jumped in front of him. "Found you!" The olive-skinned woman smiled triumphantly.

"Monica!" Owen grinned in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm in Seattle for a Human Resources conference," she smiled. "I heard that you were working here now and thought I'd drop in to see if it was true."

"It's true," he smiled. "God, it's been years since I've seen you. Since—"

"Since you abandoned Maryland Shock and Trauma to join the Army," she said. "We had a helluva time replacing you. And you promised that you'd return when you were discharged!"

He smiled and shrugged. "Life, um, got in the way."

"How about I buy you a coffee and we catch up?" Monica offered.

"Deal."

"I was just a total rock star down in Peds," Cristina enthused, entering the locker room where Meredith was changing. "And Teddy's got a surgical ventricular restoration with a coronary bypass set up next," she added. "How is your day going?"

"Bailey gave me a hernia repair," Meredith replied. "And then the rest of the day will be nice and quiet."

"You just jinxed yourself."

"I know."

April smiled as she saw Lexie primping in the mirror in her locker. "Stop it, your hair is perfect," she teased her new friend.

"Really?" Lexie said. She looked at April thoughtfully. "Maybe I should cut it shorter, like yours. It's more practical."

April shrugged.

"Just don't cut it like Izzie's," Cristina piped up from across the room. "She had her hair like that before the chemo."

"I think Alex can tell Lexie apart from Izzie," April giggled. She turned to face Lexie, who looked stricken. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Lexie said, flashing a bright smile. "Let's go!"

Derek looked at the piles of forms to be signed on his desk and shook his head in frustration. He was hating being out of commission more and more.

"Coffee break!" Meredith appeared in the doorway, holding two cups.

"My saviour," he smiled, accepting her gift.

"How goes the battle?" Meredith asked, indicating the paperwork.

"It never ends," Derek muttered. "Just when I finish a pile, something happens. A patient throwing a huge fit and demanding to see me. Or a recruiter chatting up my department heads in my own hospital…"

"A recruiter?"

"Uh huh," Derek said. "Our head of HR recognized someone from Maryland Shock Trauma having coffee with Owen and gave me the heads up. The grapevine says that there has been a shake-up and a wave of resignations in Maryland, and their recruiters are hitting a lot of major hospitals, trying to lure the best of the best in."

Meredith frowned. "Owen?"

"We can't lose him, he's too damn good," Derek sighed. "We're a level one trauma unit now, thanks to him. Even with all of our budget problems, he keeps the Pit going. Some days, I swear he's holding the ER together with duct tape and Band-Aids."

"But Owen wouldn't leave, would he?" Meredith asked.

Derek shrugged. "He's been very unhappy with the latest changes that the Board mandated. I honestly wouldn't blame him for leaving. And I made a couple of calls, and it turns out that Maryland Shock Trauma currently doesn't have a Head of Trauma. And he was at Maryland Shock and Trauma before he joined the Army…"

Meredith sipped at her coffee, considering Derek's words. She'd often wondered what brought Owen to Seattle Grace, when a man of his skill could have gotten a job anywhere. She sighed. Owen Hunt was still a mystery to her, and much of what she knew didn't impress her.

Standing in the Pit, Jackson Avery frowned as he watched Lexie Grey from a distance. She was repeatedly rearranging a pile of clipboards.

"Avery," Mark Sloan said, appearing to his right. "I got this patient who needs stitching on her hand. She cut it when she broke a champagne glass… And you get to be the guy who gets me my supplies."

"Dr Sloan?" Jackson frowned. "You were with Lexie during the shooting, right?"

"Right," Mark replied. "Except when she left to get supplies. Which is what I'm telling you to do."

Jackson kept his eyes on Lexie. "That day… What happened? Was there something really messy?"

"The whole hospital was a mess," Mark said, noticing that Avery was paying rather close attention to Lexie. "Karev in particular. There was blood everywhere. It was a nightmare, treating him without anesthetic. Why?"

"Something's wrong with Lexie," Jackson said, finally turning to look at Mark. "She keeps cleaning and cleaning over and over again – when she isn't trying to rearrange everything that looks out of place."

Mark nodded, turning to watch Lexie. He frowned to see something…obsessive…in her actions.

Meredith saw Owen pacing through the windows of his office as she and Bailey approached. Bailey marched straight to the door and knocked. Owen immediately went to the door and opened it, gesturing for them to enter. They saw that Dr Nelson, more commonly known as Shadow Shepherd, was in the office with Owen.

"Here's that file I called you about," Bailey said. "I hope we're not intruding."

"Not at all," Owen sighed, quickly looking at the notes. "I needed a quick breather from the Pit, and poor Jim here was listening to me vent. Just about everything that could go wrong today has gone wrong."

"Hi Meredith, Dr Bailey," the other doctor smiled.

"Hi Sha– Dr Nelson," Meredith replied.

Owen held up one of the scans in the file. "Oh yeah, I see it. I agree that we'll need to order an MRI for this patient."

"We'll need to beg Derek and the Board to authorize it, you mean. Apparently I've been spending too much of the hospital's money," Bailey scowled.

Owen shook his head. "This place is a madhouse. Makes me miss the good old days when a hospital board was supposed to help doctors do their jobs. Now, they act like it's cheaper to just let patients die rather than approve the scans we need to effectively diagnose and treat them."

Meredith watched Owen, noting how grim he was. She sighed, feeling a sense of foreboding.

April and Jackson walked down the hall, chatting about a case, when they saw something that made them stop and stare. Lexie Grey had a mop and bucket out and was mopping up a bloody mess on the floor.

"Um, Lexie?" April asked. "That's not your job."

"It was my fault," Lexie muttered. "I punctured a bag of O neg."

"We told her to wait until Maintenance got here," a nurse informed them. "But they're short-staffed today, and she insisted on cleaning it up while we wait for someone to come do it."

"Hey, Lexie," Jackson said softly. "When was the last time you had a break?"

"It was my fault," Lexie repeated, head down.

"What do we do?" April whispered to Jackson.

"April, why don't you take Lexie for a cup of coffee?" Jackson said loudly, forcibly taking the mop from Lexie's hands. "I'll finish up here."

April grabbed Lexie by the arm and pulled her away, down the hall. "But it was my fault," Lexie insisted, looking back at the blood.

Meredith checked her watch – Derek was late for an impromptu coffee break at three. She smiled when he turned a corner and appeared.

"Hey, you escaped from your desk!"

"I left my desk to say goodbye to one of Maryland's new department heads," Derek muttered. "That recruiter managed to lure a couple of people away with offer letters out of the blue. Really good people, too. This day is shot to hell." His pager went off. Derek looked at it and grimaced. "Oh good, another crisis. See you tonight." He quickly kissed her on the cheek and left.

Meredith frowned, watching him leave. A squealing sound drew her attention to the other end of the corridor. She turned her head in time to see a short, dark-haired woman excitedly shake Owen's hand and hug him.

April tugged at Lexie's arm, dragging her to the locker room which was thankfully empty. She gently shoved her friend until Lexie was sitting down on a bench, staring straight ahead.

"Do you want me to call someone?" April asked. "Meredith? Alex?"

Lexie flinched at the second name.

"Okay, not him," April muttered. "Um… Mark?"

"I forgot," Lexie said quietly. "He thought I was Izzie."

"Who did?"

Lexie looked down at the floor.

"Al – he thought you were Izzie?" April asked softly. "When?"

"When we were treating him, during the lockdown" Lexie said. "He was so happy to see her. He was so happy that she came back. He begged her to never leave him again."

April nibbled her bottom lip and gripped Lexie's hands.

"I let him think I was her," Lexie said distantly. "It kept him calm while Mark worked on him. It made him happy."

"Oh, Lexie," April said softly, tears coming to her eyes.

"Hey there," Derek said, entering the locker room. He stopped when she saw the two women, sitting so seriously. "Sorry. Um – lose a patient?"

Lexie shook her head, snapping out of her trance. "I spilled some blood. I have to go clean it up." She started to rise, but April grabbed her shoulders and forced her to sit again. Lexie began to hyperventilate.

Derek frowned, watching them. He looked at Lexie and recognized the signs of an anxiety attack. "Go get Meredith," he told April. "I'll keep Lexie here."

April jumped up and ran out of the locker room, almost running into Mark Sloan and Jackson Avery, who were rushing towards Lexie.

Gasping, she ran down the hall and turned a corner, blindly slamming into Cristina.

"Hold on," Cristina said, grabbing April's shoulders. "What's going on?"

"Lexie," April panted. "I have to get Meredith for Lexie. She's having some sort of panic attack in the locker room."

"You need to calm down before you have a panic attack too," Cristina said. "I'll get Meredith."

Meredith paced the length of Derek's office, twisting her hands. She was trying to make sense of what she knew about Owen and the Maryland recruiter.

"Hey," Cristina said, entering the office. "Something's not right with Lexie. You need to come with me."

"With Lexie?" Meredith blurted out. "Have you talked with Owen today?"

"Not really," Cristina said, blinking in surprise. "We saw each other in an on call room, and there was very little talking."

"When?"

Cristina thought for a second before replying. "Around two o'clock, after I got out of three back-to-back surgeries. Why?"

Meredith exhaled in frustration. "What do you do when you think someone is repeating a behaviour, but you don't want to think that they're doing it, because you really want to believe that they've changed, and you know that they've done things that are very good, but then you hear things and it just doesn't make sense?"

"I told you, I'm not rushing into marriage to please Owen," Cristina scowled. "We are not engaged."

"I'm not talking about you," Meredith said carefully. "Not directly…"

"Owen told me that he had coffee to catch up with a colleague from Maryland Shock Trauma, if that's what you're so frustrated about," Cristina said. "He said she's a very happy newlywed, so please don't think that they're in love with each other."

"It's not that—" Meredith started.

Cristina held up her hands. "You can tell me all about it later. But right now, you need to go help Lexie."

Alex Karev sat at his desk in the clinic, morosely looking at charts. He hated being stuck in the clinic, but he hadn't been cleared to perform surgery again.

He looked around the clinic, the clinic that Izzie had funded. In another man's name.

Hastily, he picked up the charts, feeling a sudden desire to focus on medicine. A shadow fell over his desk and he looked up. Mark Sloan and Derek Shepherd were standing over him, looking grim.

They gathered outside of Dr Wyatt's office, where she was speaking with a distraught Lexie. Alex sat on a chair, stony-faced and looking straight ahead. Mark Sloan leaned on a post and watched the door. Jackson and April sat off to the side, where he was assuring her that she'd done all that she could.

Derek paced and looked at his Blackberry. Meredith stood as far away from the door as possible, drained. She kept asking herself why she hadn't seen the signs. She wished that Cristina was with her, but she'd been paged by Teddy to assist on a procedure.

Owen walked up to Meredith. "Hey," he said softly. "I just heard about Lexie. I'm sorry—"

"Don't sneak up on me like that," Meredith hissed at him. He stepped back, shocked.

"I think that you might be keeping a big secret from Cristina," Meredith continued. "I don't even want to look at you right now."

Owen glowered at her. "Come with me," was all he said.

They walked down a hall until they found an empty office. They entered it, and Owen closed the door behind him. "What secret am I keeping?" Owen asked, folding his arms across his chest.

"Maryland Shock Trauma!" Meredith sputtered, waving her arms in frustration.

"What about Maryland Shock Trauma?" Owen asked, fighting to stay calm. "It's no secret that I once worked there."

"Don't treat me like I'm stupid," she spat out. "I know that you met with a recruiter, Owen. I know that she was looking to fill some positions, and I know that Maryland Shock Trauma doesn't have a Head of Trauma."

"That's true," Owen said. "I had coffee in a public area with a former colleague, and I introduced her to some people. Not a secret."

"And I know that she poached some people today, including a new department head."

"She did," Owen agreed. "She got a new Head of Neurosurgery."

Meredith gasped. And then winced.

"I told Monica about how Dr Nelson took excellent care of me after I got shot," Owen explained, impatiently. "She asked to meet him, so I introduced her to Jim, and she made him a very generous offer, which he accepted. He's no longer 'Shadow Shepherd,' he's Dr Nelson, Head of Neurosurgery, and I wish him the best. He's earned it."

Meredith stared at Owen, feeling quite stupid. "So…she didn't recruit you?"

"She tried," Owen readily admitted. "But I turned down her down before she could even name a salary."

"But you said this place is a madhouse —"

"It is," he agreed. "And this is where Cristina is doing her residency. Also, I've put a lot of work into improving the Trauma department, and I'm not done yet. So, I'm staying."

Meredith sighed.

"So you thought that I had agreed to take a job in Maryland without talking to Cristina first?" Owen asked incredulously.

"It didn't quite make sense," Meredith admitted defensively. "I heard bits and pieces of today's events, and I tried to have faith that you weren't keeping a secret from Cristina. I really did."

"I'm going to say this as nicely as I can," Owen informed her. "You don't know me. You don't know what happened to me in Iraq. You sure as hell don't know what it's like to be the one person to survive an ambush that killed the other nineteen people in your unit. So you don't get to judge me as if you know me. The next time you think I've done something horrible to Cristina, you come straight to me first and you ask me. Don't get all worked up and then accuse me."

Meredith stared at him, her body sagging. "I didn't know about the nineteen people," she said quietly.

"It's not something I like to talk about," Owen acknowledged. "But it's a part of me, it's a part of my history, and I promise you that I am working very hard on that with Dr Wyatt to cope with it so that I can have a future with Cristina."

Meredith nodded. "I'm sorry," she told him. "I know you've been working with Dr Wyatt, and I respect you for that. And I do believe that you want to be with Cristina."

Owen blinked. "Thank you for that."

"And then Lexie spiralled out of control and I was out of control. I apologize."

"Apology accepted," Owen said. "You are Cristina's person, and you are the wife of my second best friend. I want us to get along."

Meredith cocked her head. "Second best friend?"

Owen nodded. "Cristina comes first. In everything."

"Oh!" Meredith smiled ruefully, moved by his simple admission. "Well. Now I see what she sees in you."

Owen smiled and extended his hand. "Can we please try to be Team Cristina now?"

She shook his hand. "Okay."

Meredith and Mark stood outside of the residents' locker room and watched April and Jackson pack up Lexie's belongings.

"I should have recognized the symptoms," Mark admitted quietly. "I was too wrapped up in my own issues."

"We've all been wrapped up in our own issues since the shootings," Meredith said. "None of us have been seeing each other clearly."

"Hey," Cristina said, as she approached. "What's the update?"

"Lexie is going on short-term leave," Meredith said quietly. "She asked us to pack up her things while she does the paperwork with Derek."

"Where's Alex?"

Meredith shrugged. "He took off."

Cristina touched her arm. "Mere, can I speak with you privately?"

They found an unoccupied supply closet and stepped inside.

"Owen told me about the job offer earlier today," Cristina said. "Right before we had our on call room session. He kept nothing from me."

"I was stupid," Meredith sighed. "I'm sorry."

"He's not perfect, and he's made mistakes," Cristina acknowledged. "But he's had several opportunities to leave me, and he hasn't. I've learned to put more trust in him. You need to start trusting him."

Meredith nodded. "I– I need to get to know him."

"Owen's a nice guy," Cristina said. "I keep him around for more than the hot sweaty sex, you know. He cooks and cleans. "

"He offered to help Lexie in any way he can," Meredith shared. "I think he can give me some insights on how I can help her."

Cristina nodded. "He's a good guy that got caught in some horrible experiences in Iraq, and he's fighting his way through them."

"Yeah," Meredith said softly. "He said he lost nineteen people in his unit in an attack, and he was the only survivor. All this time, I've never known that about him."

Cristina raised her eyebrows. "Owen told you about the ambush?"

Meredith nodded.

"That's great!" Cristina smiled.

"It is?"

"It means he had a big breakthrough this week," Cristina enthused. "He's only told Dr Wyatt and myself about that. Meredith, this is serious progress. And he has to trust you on some level if he told you about it."

"Even after I accused him of something he didn't do," Meredith noted. She looked at Cristina. "He really took that bullet for all of us, didn't he?"

"He did," Cristina smiled.

"You two can have a big room in our house," Meredith declared. "I won't even make him clean the trailer."

With every surgery comes risk. And for some patients, the risk isn't worth it; they may lose more than they gain. Sometimes, surgery isn't the only – or best – answer. It's the temporary fix that prevents their acceptance of the way things are. Then it's the surgeon who needs to put down the scalpel and explore alternative methods of relieving pain and distress, to learn when to put down the knife…and let go of the patient's life.