Hey =D Thanks again for your comments, to those that always comment and the ones that have recently joined! Loving you all!

Seems some of you expected a major blowout between Charlie and Bella… sorry it didn't happen =P Maybe later on though ;)

Sorry but this ones only a small diary entry, so I thought I'd update now rather than build your hopes up later.

The next one should be more eventful =]

Chapter 13:

Dear diary,

Something's wrong. Very wrong. As if things could get any worse.

My dad's in denial.

He's acting like everything's fine, like nothing even happened. It's like he's making out that I'm the crazy one for being so concerned all the time. But if only he'd take a step back, look into the mirror once in awhile, he'd for sure see what I see.

It's been almost 4 weeks since that night, the night that changed everything ... and 4 weeks since I've last seen Edward, or even heard from him, well, bar the time he text me before my first exam, in which he'd wished me luck, but that was it, 'Good luck Bella, hope all is well' … strictly business like. I didn't text back, because what would be the point? In fact I felt it best that any form of contact with Edward should be reduced to a minimum; not only did it make my heart ache to even think of him, but Charlie was quite clearly fragile, putting a brave face on thinking it would do some good. It wasn't helping anyone though. And I feared that any day now something inside him would pop, and consequently tip him over the edge, since I presumed he was practically balancing on the rim as it were.

I'm worried about him. Even Esme' was startled over his behaviour upon her return. She'd stayed almost the entire week whilst Edward remained at their home in Philadelphia. Esme' had tried to talk to him, to make Charlie see sense and face up to reality. But apparently to no avail. She'd said he'd simply brushed it aside, muttering something about 'they're only kids' before saying it was time to move on.

Except Edward and I aren't kids anymore, we're adults now. Maybe when this whole thing started, we were just two immature experimenting individuals, foolish some might say, but we weren't to know how things would progress.

So Esme' had left. She'd tried and failed, telling me to just leave it be, and that one day Charlie would face up to things, we'd just have to wait it out until he was ready.

If only we knew when that day was.

So here I am, diary, 19 days and 6 exams later, writing to you because there's nothing else I can do. I feel powerless around my dad, wanting to shake some sense into him, or slap him so hard, he'd just burst into tears. I'd welcome his tears right now, if it meant we could stop ignoring the truth.

I cant though, like Esme' said, in time he'll deal with it, but for now I'm merely forced to let it run its course…

On a side note, schools finally over, I made it to the end, I can't believe it! And now I look to the future. University lies ahead, and since we're already half way through the summer holidays, it's therefore only a month or so away until it starts. Who'd have thought I'd ever be excited to head back into education!

But while I try to focus on that, and the many open doors that university life will lead to, there's something else I must get through first. And it all boils down to this upcoming week.

The wedding.

The day I've spent the majority of the past year dreading, when my father and his fiancé finally say, "I do."

Don't get me wrong, the idea of Charlie finally getting married, sharing his life with someone and gaining that much needed support which was previously absent (aside from mine of course), evokes feelings within me that are literally indescribable, so much so that I could actually start dancing right here on the spot. And I honestly couldn't have asked for a more wonderful step mother in Esme' Cullen. But as I think of them tying the knot, and being bound to each other for all eternity, I automatically think of Edward. And what that would mean for the both of us. I know its selfish, but I cant help it.

We'd be a family, in every sense of the word. And even though Edward and I havent been intimate together in several weeks, there's still that lingering question mark… Several actually.

I still don't know where I stand with him. I've always known he cares about me, but do those feelings run deeper than simply a friendly bond?

Will my feelings for him have changed by the next time I see him? Could we even be in the same room as each other, knowing what we've done?

I have never given myself to anyone, like I have done to Edward. He knows things about me and my body that I probably didn't even know myself until he'd showed me.

So how could all that history together not be problematic? If there was tension surrounding us before, I could only guess that it would be exacerbated now, given the situation we were in. And even if I could shunt my feelings for him, could we even function as a happy little family after that?

There were so many questions I didn't have answers too… as of yet anyway.

But I knew that deep down they would be answered soon enough, say, in three days from now, on the day of the wedding. Because for the first time in four weeks, we'd all be together again, and there'd be no escape for any of us… and while I longed to know what would happen, to at long last put my mind at rest, dread also swirled in my stomach at the mere thought of it…

One thing I am happy about though, is the support and love I've gotten from Alice, my best friend. We barely slept a wink that Friday night when I'd stayed at her house, I must have given her ear ache with how much I'd ranted; rambling my fears and concerns to her without even taking a pause for breath. I must have had no off switch that night, and it wasn't until after 3 in the morning when we'd both fallen to sleep through emotional exhaustion.

Since that night I've slept a little easier, knowing I've always got Alice to pour my heart out too. And for the past 3 and a half weeks I've taken full advantage of that. I only hope she feels she could do the same with me someday.

I'm signing out now. And I probably won't be back until after the wedding, when I'll no doubt have a lot more to say. Wish me luck won't you, and thanks for listening.

Bella xxx