*Amy's POV is written by me*
Chapter Nine
Amy's POV
Entry 5,
Okay… I'm an asshole. It's official.
Yes, we need space. But how much space do we really need? What hurt could a call do?
At least that's what I thought before I called.
I'm smart at least and I waited. I knew what my best bet would be. Karma's family loved watching Jeopardy together downstairs on their couch. It was a weekday and Karma couldn't stand Wheel-of-Fortune.
I knew her patterns too well so I waited. I knew I'd only have a few minutes before one of the girls came to make me get in the van and head off to the cafe where they were playing. I didn't have to go to all the shows if I didn't want to but it was nice to experiment. My pages were already getting hits online. The band was more popular than I thought they'd be and that was at the very least good.
I pushed on Karma's name around 7:11pm.
I hoped and prayed she wouldn't pick up and when her voice came on the voicemail I felt giddy and my heart jumped. It wasn't until the beep that I got confused and I realized that I was actually going to have to speak.
"Karma… Hi," I sighed, my air leaving me. Just thinking about talking to her was debilitating. There was already way too much empty space in that message when I opened my mouth up again. "We're somewhere or… Nowhere," I laughed. "Actually I don't even remember the name of the town but.. Look…" I ran a hand through my hair and paced the space near the rail that looked down on the silly shaped pool where three people were enjoying their time. "Don't ever think I could forget you or that I don't care what you think." I swallowed hard. It was just like me to still be stuck on a few days ago instead of the message she'd just left. "Karma, no matter what happens this summer I love you and I'll always love you, okay?" I could feel the tears biting at my eyes. "I just. I need for us to be on a break and I know that sounds stupid. It was Reagan's idea and she seemed pretty over me when I saw her so… Look, can you just, can you just pretend this isn't about us and that it's more about me and my problems? You don't need to be thinking this is all about you. I just. I can't talk to you right now, sweetie, okay? I can't. I really can't. Even this message. Even this message is breaking me, okay?" Aaaaand I was full-on crying by now like an idiot, so typical, I wanted to die. I looked down at the pool and squinted through watery eyes. I noticed as my vision blurred and frustrated me. "It's just too hard okay? That kiss. I mean, I was sure you were feeling things and I can't stop thinking about it and-"
Her phone beeped. Like a shot to the heart.
The robotic lady came on to let me know I was out of time.
I felt my hand fall down to my side.
I turned to the rail and leaned on it with both hands. I let my head dip down inbetween my arms so that I could try to collect myself and breathe.
I watched my tears make small temporary stains on the beige bumpy ground.
She'd get that message and she'd freak.
But that was all I could do. Calling back was too risky. And I'd already said too much.
It'd been less than a week and I was still back with her somehow, still stuck back in that pool like that kiss had just fucking happened again.
I wanted to scream.