WARNING! This story contains SPOILERS and YAOI! Also a few minor OCs, so don't kill me.

Thank you to all of the readers so far! I apologize this update came a little late. I realized all too soon that I can't update every day! So I'm moving my updates to one or two a week. It'll give me more time to work on each chapter. Enjoy!

WinterMission: In fact, Malcolm C. Leverrier is not an OC. He shows up in the later chapters of D. Gray Man as a representative from Central.

Rated: T [for violence and language] Bold: Used only in dreams or flashbacks to indicate the main character's lines. Italics: Used to indicate dreams, flashbacks, and thoughts.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter Three: Numb

Allen sat on the edge of the bed alone in the stark white clinic, bleached sheets nearly crunching under his weight. No one could possibly be comfortable sleeping in such a stiff bed. He looked over a rapidly healing Kanda, grimacing at the sight of swollen burnt skin. Dark blue locks spilled over his chest and the black fingers of his tattoo curled up around his shoulder, as if holding him back from escaping.

I still don't understand...why would Leverrier be so insistent on pushing Kanda to one hundred percent synchronization? Doesn't he know what happens when you try to artificially increase power?!

A sigh flew shakily through his chest. If there was anything he wanted the least, it was to witness the fall of an exorcist again. Allen focused on the older boy and watched Kanda's surprisingly calm face as he slept. Not fifteen minutes earlier, that same face had been wrenched up in terrible agony, and the picture still stuck in Allen's head.

That was the same face Suman Dark made...as he was f-...

His eyes widened and he stared at Kanda in shock. Kanda was a Fallen One? No, it couldn't be! Allen tried to swallow his unease and think rationally. Kanda couldn't be a Fallen One; it didn't make enough sense. After all, he definitely snapped earlier and hadn't fallen. There was no way that was possible. Slowly, the relief seeped into Allen's face and he relaxed. So what had happened back there?

"You realize that you can't repeat what you just witnessed, don't you Walker?"

A familiar voice startled Allen and he looked up, noticing the emotionless form of Howard Link, notebook tucked under his arm, standing nearby. Anger began welling up inside of him, but he kept his voice as calm as he could. "What...exactly was that? And why on earth is Kanda being put through this pain?"

Link's hardened eyes narrowed. "I will only disclose as much as you've seen with your eyes. The exorcist Yuu Kanda is what we at Central call a 'second exorcist'. You've come in contact with third exorcists before, so you should already know what they are. You, yourself, are a first exorcist." He paused to pull out a pair of glasses and perch them on his nose, opening up his notebook to a specific spot. Then he continued, now having captured Allen's full attention.

"Unknowingly, you've actually known a second exorcist before. Well, the beginnings of one. Suman Dark was going to be a second exorcist, but certain things that I cannot mention went wrong and he was lost. The only successful second exorcist we've ever had is Yuu Kanda. What you witnessed was one of his sessions. And that is all I can say." Link closed the notebook and took off his glasses, looking rather smug.

Allen had processed the information and his breath caught in his throat. No...it can't be true, it isn't true. Kanda's... "So...Kanda really is...a...a..." A deep voice cut him off.

"A Fallen One? Yea. What of it?"

The white-haired exorcist felt the bed shift under him and he turned in surprise as Kanda sat up slowly. The samurai looked annoyed as usual and cast a deathly glare at Link. "Who said you could talk about me to other exorcists?" When the inspector didn't reply, Kanda grunted wearily and snatched a hair tie from the small table at the bedside, expertly sweeping up his long hair into a neat ponytail at the top of his head. Allen blinked twice and opened his mouth to ask the questions that were racing through his brain, but Link never gave him the chance.

"The Supervisor has your anti-akuma weapon finished and asked you to stop by his office to pick it up as soon as you're able."

The man didn't wait for a reply and left the room instantly. Kanda swung his feet around to sit on the side of the bed and stood up shakily, his body still fairly weak. Allen instinctively reached out an arm to help him steady himself, but the exorcist glared at him and Allen thought better of it.

"You better have a good reason for spying on me. Because if you don't, I swear I'll chop your f*cking head off."

Allen swallowed nervously and stood up with Kanda, keeping his distance. "I just saw Leverrier and wondered what was going on...that's all. Can you blame me for being concerned?" He put his gloved hands on his hips, attempting to look annoyed. Kanda wasn't buying it.

"Concerned? Why the hell would you be concerned about me?"

...He's got a point. Why am I concerned? Allen mused silently. All he ever does is insult me and look down on me. He's the most anti-social exorcist in the whole Order and I could stake my left arm on it that his heart is coated with ice...

The younger boy glanced down at the floor as Kanda waited for his answer, pulling on his exorcist uniform. Though...he is the only one who seems to recognize what I'm going through...and he's going through hell himself. I wonder if he realizes just how badly he needs a friend. His eyes darkened and he cleared his throat, knowing the reason for his concern.

Allen turned his gaze upwards and caught Kanda's eyes. "Because I just am, Kanda. I mean, just look at what you're going through. I don't know how you can live with the pain of being a Fallen One. I don't even understand why you've managed not to fall yet. And it's not just you I'm worried about, it's....everyone."

A darkness washed over his face and he once again glanced downwards. "I...I'm a living contradiction. An exorcist and a Noah. And every day...every day I feel the Noah side creeping further over me...trying to take full control. You said that you could see my inner struggle when I thought that no one could. I guess I'm just afraid that...I'll hurt the people I care about..."

::

Kanda was silent. Allen was spilling his guts to him right here in the clinic and he didn't know what to do. A vein threatened to pop in his forehead, but he decided on pure whim to keep himself from getting annoyed. It had never occurred to him just how similar Allen's situation was to his own. Che...it's annoying...but the sprout has a point. One particular thought bugged him, and the samurai mentally sighed. He knows almost everything anyway...

As Allen finished, Kanda remained quiet for a few moments before speaking. "You wanted to know why I hadn't fallen yet, correct?" Allen looked up suddenly, nodding. Kanda's sapphire eyes turned away to avoid the younger boy's inquisitive face and widened grey eyes. "Che...I might as well tell you then."

He hadn't finished putting on his exorcist coat, so he pulled part of it aside to reveal his tattoo; his other hand flicking out a long slender finger to point at it. "This is why." Allen took a step closer to examine the tattoo and asked softly. "I've always wondered what it was for...how does it-"

"I'll tell you if you'll shut your mouth, baka." Kanda's warning made Allen instantly go quiet. With a sigh, the older boy continued. "Back when that Leverrier bastard first recruited me into the "second exorcist" project, he had me attempt full synchronization in my very first session with Hevlaska. Obviously, it didn't work, and I started falling. Hevlaska gave me this tattoo to seal away the rest of my life so I wouldn't fall on the spot. It's linked to a lotus flower that keeps track of how much life I have left. Every time I push myself beyond my limits, I lose a petal."

He finished the explanation and buttoned up his uniform, carefully replacing the silver chain to its proper position. There was silence as he made his way to the door to head to Komui's office. Just as he was about to leave, Allen's voice stopped him in his tracks.

"What...happens when all the petals are gone?"

Kanda blinked and turned around to face him. Allen's face held the perfect picture of worry; his brow was furrowed and his eyes still slightly wide. His hands were clenched into fists by his sides and visibly shaking. What the hell...he's that upset?

"I'll become a full Fallen One of course. Expend my energy 'til I die. Kill whatever's in my way. You should know that from Suman Dark."

A weight slammed into his chest and he felt the wind knocked out of him, suddenly pinned against the wall. Angrily looking down at the cause of this, Kanda saw the look on Allen's face and whatever resolve he had for slicing the boy's head off flew down the drain.

Allen's normally soft grey eyes were sharp with anger and disbelief. His facial features were twisted into an expression of determination that surprised Kanda. Silvery white strands of hair fell over Allen's eyes as he tilted his head slightly downwards and gritted out harsh words.

"BaKanda! How can you be so calm?! Doesn't knowing that you might kill your comrades have any impact on you? I won't watch you do this! I won't let you hurt anyone here!"

His voice shook with emotion and his head again tilted up to glare at Kanda. One of the gloved hands that held Kanda's shoulders on the wall moved down to the boy's arm and tightened around it. "Are you heartless, Kanda?! Do you really not care what happens to the Order or to you?!"

Kanda shoved Allen off him and the exorcist stumbled back a few feet in surprise. His blue eyes narrowed in anger and he locked them on Allen's own. How dare he assume things! Just because I might seem numb to it all doesn't mean I am! He found himself balling up his own fists at his sides.

"Baka Moyashi! You think I don't care? I f*cking do care! But I can't do shit about it, now can I?! And I don't need your sympathy!"

Allen countered right back. "If you care, then let me help! If you don't want charity or sympathy, fine. Would a deal sound better?"

That caught Kanda off-guard. His right hand rose to rest on his neck and he turned his head to the side with a reluctant "che". Half of him wanted to punch Allen's face in and walk away, but half of him was curious.

"What kind of deal?"

The younger exorcist instantly grasped the opportunity and planted both feet, arms at his sides. When he didn't speak, Kanda glanced at him and Allen pointed straight at his face.

"You don't want to hurt anyone unconsciously, and...neither do I. Our situations aren't that different. So how about this. I'll make sure to keep you from falling if you keep me from being overwhelmed by the Fourteenth. Deal?"

Kanda's eyes narrowed and he studied Allen's face. The boy definitely held his usual sadness behind the mask he always wore, but it was significantly less. There was something in his eyes that hadn't been there before. I know that look...hope. As soon as he found himself admiring Allen's determination, the samurai's face reddened and he shook his head. What the hell am I doing?

"Che...fine, it's a deal."

His dark bangs hid his eyes for a minute as he looked down at a gloved hand stretched out towards him. Looking up again, he crossed his arms and raised one eyebrow. "What?" Allen kept his hand steady until Kanda finally relented with his typical sigh.

Kanda took the smaller hand in his own and shook once. Allen's grip tightened and he held the grip for a second longer. Kanda noticed for the first time in a long time that Allen's small smile was actually real.

"Arigatou, BaKanda."

He felt the beginnings of an amused smirk crossing his own face.

"You're such an idiot, Moyashi."

::

Link quietly closed his notebook and slipped away from where he'd been standing just outside the clinic. That idiot told him everything. His eyes narrowed and he increased his strides, until he nearly ran into the very man he'd been looking for. Straightening up into a sharp attention, he set his jaw.

"Sir Leverrier, Number Eight spilled the secret of the tattoo to Walker. And it also seems that Walker is having a harder time controlling the Fourteenth than we thought."

The shrewd man in front of him curved his mouth into a smirk, knitting his eyebrows. "That is unfortunate. It seems Number Eight will have to be watched as well. Link, double your watch on Walker. I want to know every time he so much as sneezes." He turned to speak to the person next to him: a tall man with dark brown hair that reached to his shoulders and eyes of two different colors; one green and one golden.

"You will keep tabs on Number Eight from now on. Make sure he doesn't reveal any information about the project to anyone else and that he keeps up with tests. I want daily blood samples and weekly synchronization sessions. You report solely to me, Fei."

The man named Fei dropped his head quickly in a respectful bow. "Yes sir, Inspector."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You are now introduced to Fei, the first OC in this story! Here's a few brief facts:

Mono Fei holds the same duties as Howard Link. He is essentially the same in terms of rank to Link, but he works more closely with Leverrier. Fei's job is to record and analyze everything that happens within the "second exorcist" project that Kanda referred to in this chapter. He holds his duties very highly and carries them out at all costs.

Next chapter...Breaking.