*Amy's POV written by me*
Chapter Eleven
Amy's POV
Entry 6
I'm an idiot and I purposely left my phone in the hotel room tonight.
I can't even begin to think of Karma just waiting and waiting and waiting for me to text back. Okay, I can obviously think of it and I feel SO FUCKING GUILTY RIGHT NOW!
AND WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT MEAN?!
She's feeling things?
SHE'S FEELING THINGS?!
FEELING WHAT?!
WHAT?!
I don't even know where I am. I just got home and I'm buzzed and my phone is almost dead and I can't find my charger and I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE FUCK I AM!
One of the girls pushed me down onto the floor because they said I was making them nervous. So I'm writing. I'm writing next to my nearly dead phone.
My phone, my only link to her, and it's almost dead.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
She dreamed about me? Karma did?!
Karma dreamed about kissing me?!
I am so fucking confused right now.
I should not have let them give me drinks tonight.
My head is spinning.
Hold on…
I crawled over to Mariah's outlet and laid down flat on the floor taking up a ridiculous amount of space and making everyone laugh and kicking Angela's shoes away from me.
Mariah said I was embarrassing and I told her to shut the fuck up. I like that I can just say stupid shit to these girls and they actually like me for it instead of getting upset.
I plugged my phone in and waited a second.
Writing in here is helping but I'm still fidgety.
Okay, I'm gonna do it.
I text her what I was feeling:
"I left my phone in the room and I feel like such an asshole."
I waited a few beats before texting again.
"What is it about me that makes you not want to feel?"
I waited another second and then tried to cover my ass 'cause I'm a coward.
"I've been drinking. It's not an excuse but still. Please fucking answer me tonight. I can't believe you kept this all from me."
I guess I didn't need my charger at all. I set the phone down and waited for a response but I knew that for Karma this one would most definitely be tough to answer and hard to take in.
I just. I'm so sick of censoring myself and pretending I'm not hurting all the fucking time.
I know she isn't meaning to but she is always fucking torturing me. That kiss was just. It was an assault.
She felt something and I knew she felt it.
The very next day? All I wanted to do was get to her but when I did she didn't even remember.
I sat up with Shane and tried to find a way to not be happy but that didn't work because I knew what my Karma had felt.
Then she opened her mouth and reminded me that her brain is just so much different than mine. Sometimes it just feels like she's trying to push me away…