I borrowed the manwha Twilight novel to look at the pictures. The illustrator didn't draw any of the background scenes, she just photoshopped them in! That's cheating!
Hidan vs Edward Cullen
Chapter 3
Eclipse
Volterra, Italy.
"Now you've done it, un."
"That was your fault, senpai."
"Fuck off! It was yours!" Deidara snapped at his parter. They were both tied up currently. The vampires had jumped high enough to kick Deidara off his clay bird. Madar- I mean, Tobi, also decided to get "captured". He pretended to be in pain when Jane's eyes flashed. But of course, Tobi, being Tobi, is not all exactly there, so the pain effect wouldn't of worked on him anyway.
"Why did you attempt to attack the Volturi?" Jane asked calmly. Her eyes flashed and Deidara, having read New Moon, knew that she was going to try and inflict pain on them. He closed his eyes, struggling to make his palms unite so that the only bit of clay which he had left, so he could escape and complete his mission of killing the Volturi.
It was all so sudden, it was like an explosion happened in his head and spread all over his body. The pain was horrible. Think of trying give birth, in fact. Or, the crucicatus curse. The pain flooded into his fingers, which made him angry enough to pull the ropes binding his hands apart. He clapped his hands together, forming a spider.
Three vampires moved as fast as they could, but they were too late.
BOOM.
Tobi managed to teleport away in the knack of time, but didn't take Deidara with him. White light flooded the room they were held captive in; the blast of the explosion ripped apart the walls.
"Lucky I am immortal." Edward Cullen said to Hidan, talking normally even though something that looked like dead blood (the sort which i won't mention but you might use tampons for that sort of thing) "It won't kill me. I cannot be killed."
"It'll just make you look very ugly, " sneered Hidan, twisting the scythe at such an angle that the blood managed to ooze out of Edward's radiantly dazzling chest, sparkling, like white and red diamonds, which girls over the world would die for. "And can't breathe properly."
"I don't need to breathe." He answered.
"Shut up, you stupid discoball."
Edward growled, his burnt hand, in a blur, whipped out and tried to punch Hidan. He ducked, but then Hidan was kicked, about 3 or 4 metres away, nearly to the edge of the rooftop.
"You fucker!" he yelled at Edward. Edward just stood there, all glittery. But he wasn't the one that kicked Hidan!
Kakuzu stalked up to Hidan and kicked him again, his head going over the head. Hopefully Kakuzu didn't push him off.
"You will pay for that. I am the head of Team Edward, and I refuse-"
"WHAT?"
"You must get a lot of money." Edward said, trying to pull out the scythe.
"That's why I am head." growled Kakuzu. "Don't you dare kill him."
"So why are you not following Leader's orders?" Hidan picked himself up."I know I am a bit of a rebel, but does Pein even know who you really are?"
"No. I have done my role in pretending to kill him, and now, it is time for me to leave."
"He does now." Another voice murmured.
Konan had reappeared, and had been a butterfly by the corner of the building. "He's been listening to everything." Actually, Pein was only half-listening at the time. He was too busy figure out what Zetsu's role in the mission was.
"Team Edward has more money than Akatsuki ever has. I, of course, will always go for where money is. Money is where the heart, or five hearts, in my case is."
"I can't fucking believe this." Hidan spat on the ground once, then again, over the rooftop, the spit falling onto a little child's head down below. "You fucking traitor. Go die in a hole. See you in hell."
Edward, now on the ground, still trying to get out the scythe. Konan used a justu of her own to bind him with her paper. He glared up at her.
"One sparklepire, Captured." She said softly.
Kakuzu disappeared, still wearing the bag with the Official Twilight Film Photoshoot booklet in it.
"Edward has been captured!" Alice whispered to Bella. Bella burst into tears.
"How can he be captured?" Carlisle asked. "We are vampires, there shouldn't be a way we can be... unless he has been weakened."Alice didn't want to mention that Edward had been stabbed, a stitched up man who was at least 92 was in charge of Team Edward, Inc, a very pretty female human covered Edward up with paper. Oh, and Edward's lung was poking out.
Carlisle needed to go see Edward straightaway, but couldn't because Bella would bawl her eyes out even more if she knew the truth.
Two lands, both alike in dignity,
In fair Forks and La Push, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
"I'm considering joining the fight." said Jacob suddenly, pushing his dinner away. "You guys, stay here."
"Actually," said Kisame, who was hiding underneath a big bush came out of nowhere, (using a chakra hiding technique which also disguised his sharky smell) "My partner and I were walking past, and we thought that you wolves might benefit from this fight, after all."
"Hmm? Yeah?" Jacob narrowed his eyes. Itachi activated his sharingan, so in case Jacob escaped, Itachi would catch him and send him into an illusion so powerful that he would be running away with his tail between his legs.
"Firstly, we do not care about Bella, we just care about destroying the vampires." Kisame said firstly.
"Uh-huh." Jacob relaxed a little, which meant Itachi didn't need to mangekyouing'sharingan him, so he gave his eyes a rest.
"According to the Twilight book, you are at civil unrest, both with the vampires which have Fork's land, and with the twilight fangirls."
"Uh-huh."
Itachi squinted his eyes, as if he couldn't see very well. I've seen him before...
"So, if we get rid of the Cullens, you can roam freely in their land."
"Uh-huh."
"Excuse me," interrupted Itachi, "You weren't in The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3D were you? Wern't you Sharkboy?"
"Not that I know of," said Jacob, rather coldly. Itachi's eyes turned red again in self-defence. Kisame sniggered.
"I guess the wolf and I have more in common then I thought! I thought I knew you from somewhere. I'm a bit of a Sharkboy, myself."
"Don't forget, I could be a lavagirl..." Itachi nodded.
Akward Silence.
"It's true, I care for Bella, but I don't care for her sparkling boyfriend who hasn't even come out of the closet yet. Kill the sparklers for all I care." said Jacob, ignoring Itachi.
Kisame smiled, his shark teeth appearing sharp. "So if we kill the sparkling vampires, you can have their land."
"And if you don't kill them?"
"Then..." Kisame pondered over that thought for a moment, realising he didn't actually know, "You can have our land." he lied.
"What's your land?"
"Akatsukiland."
"So where's that on the map?"
Kisame grinned again. "Google it."
Once Kisame and Itachi had slipped away, Jacob went back inside.
"I forgot to mention Akatsukiland is a theme park, if you look it up." Kisame chuckled as they walked away.
Itachi chucked too. It was awesome being a villain.
"They are too invincible." Madara said clamly, putting Deidara onto the floor at Pein's feet. "Deidara is unconscious. I escaped."
Pein said nothing.
Ignoring Pein's silence, Madara switched the subject. "How are Kakuzu and Hidan going?"
The orange-haired man sighed. "Kakuzu is not on our side anymore."
"What?"
"He's... He's..." Pein tried to say it, but the anger in his voice told Madara what Kakuzu really was.
"You cannot be serious! Kakuzu is... is a..."
"He's a twihard." said Pein simply.
"No. Way. That's impossible." Madara's eye(s) widened in disbelief.
"Well which other person carries around the Official Twilight Film Photoshoot booklet in their bag?"
"That says everything." said Madara firmly. "I can't believe I trusted him."
Konan appeared suddenly, in a swish of paper. "Nagato, I have captured Edward Cullen, with the help of Hidan. He is currently in Seattle, Washington. Now, he might call for his coven at any moment, so I suggest –" she looked down at the floor, where Deidara was, "Someone patch Deidara up, and we head off to Seattle as quick as possible."
"There won't be any need for us to go to Cullen." Pein said emotionlessly, "I have a plan."
"Pein is a man with a plan," said Madara. "What plan do you have today?"
"It's time... to blow up... the publishing company."
Konan and Madara looked at eachother. "Are you sure that's even going to work...?"
"It did in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets with Harry destroying the diary that held Tom Riddle's memories in them."
"That's a horcrux." Said Madara. "And borrowing ideas from other books is strictly prohibited-"
"I'm in Akatsuki, we get away with everything," Pein replied. "So if we blow up the original manuscript, they would disappear, because they are just words fabricated in someone's mind."
Konan nodded.
"Konan." Said Pein. "Fetch Itachi, Kisame and Zetsu. We're going on a roadtrip. Hidan can kill Edward permanently, and then we'll go for the manuscript."
"Okay. But where would the manuscript be?"
"Either at a publishing company," said Madara, "A museum filled with Twilight fangirls... or.. or.."
"Well, spit it out."
"It could be in the hands of Team Edward or Team Jacob. I hear there's a war on them."
"Well, that settles it. We're also going to have to kill Kakuzu. Konan, go fetch the others."
TBC.
There will be more action next chapter, with more interactions of Twilight will be secret disguises, more revelations and an ending!