In My Heart

by TheFifthCharmedOne

Rewritten Version. In my heart I hoped we were meant to be, and I wondered if he wanted that too. And even if did, he could he handle this? Poke and Contest ships.

2. Just Stay Strong

In My Heart

By: TheFifthCharmedOne

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon that belongs to Satoshi Tajiri, Game Freak, Nintendo, and TV Tokyo/Shogakukan Production Co. Ltd. I only own the idea and the plot. If any music shows up along the way, I don't own that either.

Summary: REPOSTED AND REWRITTEN! In my heart I hoped we were meant to be, and I wondered if he wanted that too. And even if he did….could he handle this? Pokeshipping and hints of Contestshipping.

Chapter 2: Just Stay Strong

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

-Keep Holding On, Avril Lavigne

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

I didn't sleep at all that night. I spent most of the night staring at the ceiling of my room, absently studying the wave patterns my mother had painted up there so long ago.

Flashback:

My mother was beautiful, there was no denying that. She had the blue green eyes that she only passed on to me, and she had the orange-y red hair she gave me. I was the only one of the four of us to look more like our mother. Daisy, Lily, and Violet had more of Dad's genes, but I'll get to him later.

Her hair hung down her back with a stylish curl. She stood on the silver metal ladder painting waves on my ceiling. I was about five at the time, so I was looking up with wonder and amazement.

"Momma, is it almost done?" I asked. She looked down at me and smiled kindly.

"Almost baby," she replied. I giggled at her nickname for me and kept watching her. She was artistically painting the waves in a way that they almost looked real.

"Ellie!" Daisy screeched. She went through this phase of calling our mother by her first name. My mother sighed and stepped down from the ladder.

"I'll be right back baby," she told me, and I smiled and nodded naively. I looked up at the waves on the ceiling, falling back on my bed.

When my mother came back, Daisy was following her, shouting something about how unfair she was being.

"Daisy Eleanor Waterflower!" my mom finally screamed in her face. "Sometimes things in life aren't fair, and you just have to get used to it! Stop being a spoiled brat and grow up!"

Daisy looked as though she had been slapped. Mom only used our whole names when she was really mad at us. I watched the scene with tears of fear in my eyes. "I love you Daisy, and I know I raised you better than this." My mom sighed and she looked at me. "Oh baby, don't cry," she said to me. She came over and hugged me, whispering soothing things in my ear.

"Mom…" said Daisy. "I'm sorry." My mom looked up at Daisy and smiled.

"I knew my little Sunflower was in there somewhere," she said. Daisy's face lit up. Sunflower was the name Mom had used for Daisy since she was a baby.

Right then, Lily and Violet walked by my room.

"Lily, Violet," Mom called. "Come in here please."

They didn't even stop walking, they just came in and we all shared a big hug.

End Flashback

Tears trickled down my cheeks as I remembered this. Not long after that day, my mother died in a car accident. We were all devastated, and this is the only real memory I have of her. My father only stayed around long enough to impregnate my mother with me, and then he left. Daisy, Lily and Violet can hardly remember him.

Doing the math, I think my mother was sixteen when she was pregnant with Daisy. I wonder how she dealt with it, what she did in this situation. I know she kept the baby, obviously or I wouldn't have an eldest sister, but how did she decide to do that? How did she know becoming a mother at sixteen was the right thing to do? Or did she do it because she was against abortion? Or maybe she thought about adoption but couldn't give her up? Or…oh I don't know, and I'm getting a headache. I put my hand on my stomach, wondering when I'd start to show, to grow a belly…

If I even kept the baby at all…I don't know what to do…

I'm so scared, and confused, and what am I supposed to say to Ash? How will he react? Will he bolt, like his father did? Or will he stay, like the good guy I know he is? Or…should I even tell him? Could I some up the courage to tell him that I was pregnant with his baby? Do I even possess that kind of courage to mess up his life that way? He's determined to be a Pokémon Master, and I know he can do it. Who am I to put a stop to that? But who am I not too? How can I keep his own baby a secret from him? I don't think I could ever lie to him, at least for long. Sure, he's dense and I lied to him about my true feelings for years, but that all changed that one night that changed everything. We haven't talked once since then, and I don't think I'm strong enough to talk to him now, especially now that I know I'm pregnant.

I have to tell someone. I can't keep this to myself, especially since I'm eventually going to start showing eventually, and that would raise questions with my sisters that I'm nowhere near ready to answer. At least, not without breaking down and crying. I'm already at least a month along, and if I do…end the pregnancy, then where will that leave me? Guilt ridden and sad because I ended a life that had never had a chance to live? Could I even do that? Probably not. But there are only two other options; give the baby up for adoption or…raise it on my own.

Oh sweet MEW! I could never become a mother at sixteen, I could barely handle becoming the Gym Leader, how in the name of Arceus could I raise this baby on my own?

"Just stay strong baby," I heard a soft voice whisper. I sat straight up, I know that voice.

"Mom?" I called out tentatively. I almost hit myself out of stupidity. There was no way in the world that my mother actually said that. She's been gone for about eleven years.

"You can do it," the voice spoke again. I looked around. Maybe my sleep deprived mind was playing tricks on me. Yeah, that had to be it. There was no way I was actually hearing my mother talk to me.

I fell back down and tried to relax my mind enough to sleep, and I guess I was just so tired that I didn't even need too.

When I woke up the next morning, I was still tired so I tried to get back to my dreamless, thoughtless state, but of course I couldn't do that. Sighing as I stood up, I went over to my window and looked out.

It was a sunny day in Cerulean, perfect for swimming or traveling.

Traveling…

Ash is probably on his way back to the Sinnoh region, stopping along the way with Brock and Dawn—I hate her, she's too girly and I think she has a crush on Ash—to train and get ready for the league. I hope he does well, but I also naively hope it'll end faster so he can come back home.

And even if he does, what'll I do? Do I tell him? Do I not? If I don't tell the father of my baby, then who do I tell? Do I tell anyone? But I can't keep this to myself for too long, I mean I'm going to be showing obvious signs of a pregnancy sooner or later and…..I have no clue what I'm going to do! Should I get an abortion? Should I not? Should I give the baby up for adoption? Should I keep it?

My vision fogged up with unexpressed tears of anguish, sadness, fear, and anger. I was anguishing over everything that was happening, sad because I wasn't sure how to feel otherwise, fear of what would happen because of the choice I would eventually have to make, and anger because I was too young to be a mom, I still had plans, I had dreams!

But could I give them up? Could I make Ash give them up?

I could give up my dreams, I mean I had already been forced too because of having to stop traveling with Ash and Brock and take care of the Gym, but if I do tell Ash, I would ruin his dreams, and totally mess up his life. I could never do that to him, no matter how much it would hurt to keep lying to him; I could never force him to give up his dreams. His passion for his dreams was one of the reasons I fell in love with him. There were other reasons, his stubbornness, (which shouldn't really be an attractive quality, but a lot of the time it saved our butts), his skill at battling, the love he had for his Pokémon, and his eyes. I know, a weird thing to fall for, but when I first saw his innocent chocolate brown eyes the day I pulled him from the river, I felt my heart skip a beat.

If I had known this would happen, I never would have let him take my bike. I thought savagely.

Then I shook my head. No, I take that back. I wouldn't have changed anything about my relationship with Ash. From the day it started to the last time I saw him, I would have relived every moment fifty times over, just so I could spend more time with him. I know, cheesy, but it's the truth. My eyes widened when I realized what to do.

I can't tell him.

I love him too much to ruin his life that way. He needs to continue his quest to be the Greatest Pokémon Master, because one day, I know he'll do it. One day, I know he'll achieve his dream.

Even if I can't achieve mine.

It would be worth it to see his exuberant smile, his surprise and shock that everything he had ever hoped for came true. To see him embrace and congratulate his Pokémon after all their hard work, after all the times they'd been sick, after all the times they had been his friends, all the times they had won battles for him, and all the times they had done their best even though they lost. It would be worth it to me, to his family, and eventually, maybe, to his child.

I looked away from the window and made my bed, even though it looked like it had hardly been slept in. I got dressed into a t-shirt and jean shorts with my sneakers. I decided to leave my hair down for once; maybe nobody would recognize me. I let Azurill out of her Pokéball and picked her up.

"Misty! Are you, like, awake yet?" I heard Lily yell from downstairs. "You like, have a phone call!"

Well, if I wasn't awake after that, then I was a deeper sleeper then Ash. And that's saying something.

"Tell whoever it is I'll be there in a minute!" I yelled.

I decided to put my hair back into its usual ponytail. I always felt better when my hair wasn't in my way. Going downstairs when I was ready to face the world, I saw it was May on the picture phone.

I sat down in front of it and picked up the phone on the side.

"Hey Misty, longtime no see!" She said.

"Yeah, hi May, it's so great to hear from you! How's the Festival going?"

"Great, I'm in the Top 8 and my battle with Drew is coming up soon. I just wanted to call and see how everything's going."

"Battle with Drew?" I smirked. "Have you admitted you like him yet?"

"I don't like him!" she cried, but her cherry red face gave her away.

"Whatever May," I sighed, shaking my head.

"I don't!"

"Believe what you want,"

"Misty!" she groaned. "Can you stop messing with me?" she sighed, and then she smirked at me. "Anyway, how have you and Ashbeen?"

I stiffened.

"Guh-Great...uh, never better." I stammered. "H-He's on his way back to Sinnoh for the uh, uh, Sinnoh League, yeah, that's it…"

"Misty, are you okay? I was just teasing…"

"I know, I know, it's just um, oh forget it." I said. May looked at me strangely, like I had seven heads. Which, by my behavior at the moment, wouldn't surprise me. I couldn't tell May about what was going on with me over the phone, especially not with my sisters within hearing range.

"Misty! There's, like, a challenger here!" called Violet.

"Sorry May, I have to go. Duty calls. Good luck in the Festival!" I said. She smiled and we hung up.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"My name's Belle, from Rustboro City, and I challenge you to a Pokémon battle!" the young girl, maybe about fourteen, called out clearly. Hm, a challenger from Hoenn, not very common.

"I accept!" I called back.

Our judge, a young girl named Grace, walked to the podium on the side of the pool.

"The Gym battle between Misty the Gym Leader and Belle the challenger will now begin! Trainers may use three Pokémon each, and the Cascade Badge is on the line! There is no time limit, and only the challenger can exchange Pokémon. Any questions?"

"No!" Belle and I called at the same time.

"Let the battle begin!"

I smiled and pulled out one of my Pokéballs.

"Misty calls….

-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"That was a great battle Belle," I said, walking over to her. I fished the raindrop shaped badge from my pocket. "You deserve this badge."

She had beaten my Politoed, lost to Gyrados, but then won against Corsola.

"Thanks Misty," she smiled. She showed the badge to her Pokémon, a Grovyle, a Raichu and a Marshtomp. "Look you guys, we got ourselves the Cascade Badge!"

Her Pokémon cheered, and she walked out of the Gym. She was a great trainer; she really did deserve that badge.

That battle actually took my mind off of the baby growing inside of me. Until now.

I have to make a decision, one that's best for me, but also best for the baby.

Is abortion the right path? Or adoption? Neither?

Abortion may be best for me, because I know I'm not ready to be a mother at sixteen. But could I really kill an innocent baby, one who did nothing wrong? I have hurt people, but mostly that was my temper lashing out of my control, it was never for real bodily harm, no matter was Ash said. But could I kill anyone? No way. Especially not a baby. Abortion may seem like the quick way out for some teenage mothers, but not for me.

I walked back to my room in a daze, my thoughts going in a million different directions.

If I don't end the pregnancy, and I follow through all the way to the end, should I give the baby up? I don't know anyone who would want a baby, especially from a sixteen year old girl who was stupid enough to fall in love with her best friend, have one night of bliss with him and then get pregnant.

So. Damn. STUPID!

Why couldn't I just have been happy with the way things were? Why did I have to go and kiss him? Why?

He reciprocated though…oh that's not the point! The point is that the kiss went way too far, and I was too in love to stop it from happening. I was too hopeful, too innocent, and too STUPID to stop it. I could have just told him no, and I know he would have respected that. But I didn't, and look where the hell I am now. Pregnant, alone, and feeling so moronic that at this point Psyduck would be smarter.

I have to get away, I have to run. Somewhere, anywhere but here. This place has too many memories, too many things I want to forget, but know I'll never be able to let go of.

I'll go to Hoenn, I haven't been there in a long time, and I always thought it was beautiful.

I'll wait a few days though, because I don't want to just leave abruptly, I'll pack my stuff at different times, and leave when my sisters aren't home. I think that'll be better, because I can leave notes for my sisters, and for Ash, if he ever comes back (which I doubt).

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Dear Daisy, Lily, and Violet,

I'm sorry to leave like this, but I have my reasons for leaving. You're going to have to put your dreams on hold, just like I did when you went on your cruise around the world and expected me to come back, which I did because I knew it was the right thing to do to make sure we didn't lose the Gym. Just trust me; I have my reasons for leaving. Don't try to call me, that will make it too hard for me to say goodbye. Please take care of the Gym for me, it doesn't have to be the three of you, but it would make it easier on my conscious if you just don't ask questions. I promise I'll explain everything later.

Love you,

Misty Rose

I only ever sign with Misty Rose when I'm serious.

Now for Ash's letter.

Dear Ash,

Do not, I repeat, do not come looking for me. Go and live your dreams, I promise you that I'm okay. I just needed to get away for a while. I'm sorry for doing what I did that night, especially now. I should have been able to control myself more, and it's not that I regret what we did, it's just I blame myself for letting it go that far. Just know that no matter what happens, I will always love you, and that will never change.

Gotta catch ya later,

Mist

I took a schoolbag that I had used when I was in nursery school, and stuffed some clothes, momentos and my Pokéballs in there. My sisters are out shopping, as usual, so I'm in the clear. Taking the letters off my desk, tears cloud in my eyes but I try not to let them fall. I go downstairs and put the letters on the tables, folding them and writing who they go too on one side.

I walked to the door of the Gym and walked out, never looking back.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

A/N: Very much of a filler, but it explains Misty's thought patterns much better then I did in the original version; so please honestly review and tell me what you thought.

~Charmed