The next few weeks seemed strange, almost as if Ella were living in a strange dream where she wasn't herself. And yet she was more herself than she had ever been, she had a feeling of belonging, of finally being home. She had never imagined that she would end up in a situation like the one she now found herself in. She continued to see Joey behind Maria's back, they would retreat to the old empty shack whenever Joey gave her a casual indication of what he wished with his eyes or a small movement of his hand. Ella was not normally the kind of woman that lost all her senses around a man, she had met many in her life and shared her bed more times than she cared to count but this was different than all those times, different than when she had thought she had wanted a man or loved them. This feeling she had with Joey was all consuming, she thought about him constantly when they weren't together and when they were she dreaded the parting, she knew she had formed a small obsession but did not let this fact dwell within her thoughts.

She did not think for a moment that it was love, it was desire, strong and intense: she had never felt this way before, not even with her late husband. She now understood fully that with Dave she had been swept up in the excitement of marrying an outlaw, perhaps if she had truly loved or even desired Dave as much as she desired Joey they would have been able to rub along together, instead the shine had tarnished and Dave had just been another coarse man that treated her badly.

With Joey she found that even though she knew and had seen the bad side of him, hated his anger, cruelty and the way he treated his own family she could not tear herself from him. Just thinking about their liaisons made her heart beat faster, seeing him walk past her in the street and gaining a small knowing smile from his lips meant that she spent the rest of the day grinning like a simpleton. She still fought against him sometimes, their arguments were heated and sometimes verging upon dangerous but she always seemed to find enough sense to defuse it when she knew they were going around in circles. When they did fight one of two things happened, they ended their outburst in a passionate entanglement or Joey would storm away from her, cursing under his breath in Spanish.

But they both always came back for more, she knew that she was stupid for it, knew that nothing good could come from them being together and yet she could not give him up.

---

Ella lay against Joey's chest in the aftermath of their love making while he gently dozed, his head resting against the iron bedstead. Gently she took one of his hands that had been resting casually against her stomach and studied it. The palm was smooth, soft and warm, the back of his hand was threaded with thin blue veins, she turned it back over rubbing her thumb absently along the outline of his palm once again. She found herself wondering how many men his hands had killed, how many times he had pulled the trigger… had he enjoyed it, did he still enjoy it… Her fingers paused, his hands were not large but still they held a strength to them that was hard to understand, just like the rest of him, his eyes, movements even his walk was outlined in strength and certainty as if he already fully knew what the future held… or didn't care. She resumed her caress and closed her eyes.

"What are you doing?" Joey's voice was muted and lethargic. "I am trying to sleep."

Ella gave a small smile. "I was just lookin' at your hand is all" she said quietly, knowing he hated his sleep being disturbed.

Joey shifted slightly, his free hand going to his face as he brushed it across his eyes dispelling a little of the tiredness.

"And what do you see?" he asked heavily.

"I don't know, I never know what I'm looking at with you" she whispered, her fingers now tracing the small lines that creased his palm.

She felt Joey push gently against her back, silently telling her to move and let him get up. Ella shifted aside to let him pass as he got out of bed and pulled on his white cotton drawers, tightening them at the waist before sitting back down upon the bed. He carefully pushed his hair behind his ears and looked over at her, his blue eyes searching her face for a moment.

"Are you leaving?" she asked, trying to hide the disappointment she felt.

"Yes, I have things to do" he said casually, picking up his shirt and buttoning it up to his neck.

Ella sat back and watched as he began to pull on his dark grey britches, tucking his shirt tails into them before fastening a belt around his waist and then securing his gun belt.

"Are you goin' far?" she asked, unable this time to keep the resentment that he was leaving her from her tone.

He looked over his shoulder at her, his brow creased slightly before he stooped and picked up his brown waistcoat.

"You do not want me to leave?" he asked, not looking at her.

Ella remained silent, her pride not allowing her to speak and let it be known fully that he affected her more than he knew.

"I am not going far; I will be back late tomorrow" Joey finally said, relenting in giving her the information.

"Where are you goin'?" she asked in a whisper, knowing that to ask this was most likely a good way to flare up his temper.

He glanced at her again and sat down upon the bed pulling on a pair of woolen socks.

"I have things to do" he repeated, his voice bearing the slightest wisp of warning that she had over stepped her mark.

She watched as he began to pull on his heavy leather boots.

"But you'll come back?" Ella asked, her voice cracking on the last word.

Joey halted in picking up his jacket from where it lay on a chair and turned to her once again, his eyes narrowed as if trying to understand her tone and words.

Ella glanced down as he continued to watch her; she pulled the covers up hiding her nakedness.

Joey cocked his head. "What do you mean?" he finally asked, "I just told you I would." His voice verged upon annoyance.

Ella shifted her gaze, meeting his eyes briefly. "You know…" she hesitated, "They are sendin' people after you."

"Si!" Joey said a little too irritated, gesturing with his arm. "My mother has already told me this news." He narrowed his eyes further as if he were convinced she was only talking to pester him.

"Maybe if you just stayed low a while, maybe…" she paused, her fingers idly plucking at the bedclothes. "Maybe they'll be waiting for you" she finally blurted.

Joey's face flashed something unreadable and his lips curved into a small smirk. "You are worried for me?" he said with a small laugh.

Ella tried to hide the hot flush that rose through her body caused by both embarrassment and indignation at his amused tone. He sat heavily down upon the bed once again as she continued to avoid his gaze.

Without warning he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her to him, pressing their bodies tightly together.

"I'll come back" he said simply. "I am afraid of nada; if Call comes he will be the one to regret chasing me."

Ella studied him a moment as he let his eyes take in her features. He moved forward and brushed his lips softly against hers in a whisper of a kiss before letting her go and getting to his feet.

"Besides," he added, his voice full of smugness, sliding his arms into his jacket, "I have a woman to come back to, even if she is a gringo." He flashed her a devilish smile before placing his hat upon his head and without another word or glance he left.

---

Ella sat at the table with Maria, Teresa, Raphael and Billy who had called in to eat the evening meal with them. The conversation was on chickens, crops and wagons and Ella felt her thoughts begin to drift, her eyes glazing over, her mind not resting as images of Joey lying hurt and dying haunted her. A large brute of a man standing over him laughing cruelly as a lawman's badge shone upon his chest. The thought made her heart ache unbearably and she felt tears pricking the corners of her eyes, she was slowly coming to realize that her feelings for Joey Garza were strong, she couldn't call them love… not yet, the word scared her.

"Joey left yet?"

The mention of his name brought her back to herself and the spoon she had been idly stirring in her meal clattered to the table.

"Ella?" Maria questioned, looking with concern at the young girl who looked shocked and disquietened.

"Sorry" Ella said, picking up her spoon. "I'm tired, my mind's wanderin'."

Maria gave a nod as if to say this answer was satisfactory. "No" she said, turning back to Billy. "Joey has not left." She paused, her face flashing with a pained expression and Ella felt the guilt rise once again. "He will not listen, he never listens."

Ella knew her words to be the truth; she doubted anyone could make Joey do anything he did not want to do.

"Last I heard is Call was boarding a train coming this way, still take him a while, Joey has time if he's smart" Billy said.

Ella hesitated and then finally forced out the words she wished to ask. "Is this Captain Call really all as bad as you say Maria?"

Maria nodded slowly. "He killed my father; brothers... hung them and brought them back to the village for stealing horses."

Ella nodded a little her guts seeming to churn, if the man was so harsh with horse thieves Joey did not stand much chance of leniency.

"He is the worst kind of man" Maria continued, her face set in long past memories of anger. "He kills for money, not for what is right and wrong but to fill his own pockets." She took in a deep breath. "I have lost many of my family because of him; I will not lose Joey to him."

Ella nodded, silently repeating to herself that she too would not lose Joey to this lawman Call either.

---

Teresa sat by Ella's feet as Ella finished telling her a story that her own mother had often told her on lazy Autumn nights.

"That was good Ella" Teresa said. "Did the Sleeping Beauty really live with her prince in happiness forever?"

"They normally do in fairytales Honey" Ella said with a smile.

Teresa furrowed her brow, "But only in fairytales?"

Ella glanced down at the perceptive young girl, seeing no reason to lie to her. "Yes, life ain't never that easy, but…" she paused, "It doesn't mean you can't be very happy if you find someone you really love and marry them."

Teresa nodded, "I am unsure I want any man."

"Well if you decide you do I'm sure you will find one." Ella said, placing a hand tenderly upon Teresa's shoulder. "You are the prettiest girl in the village after all, once you are a little older you'll have many men wanting to marry you, just make sure you pick the right one." Teresa grinned and Ella let out a small laugh. "Life ain't a fairytale, but fairytales are a little tiresome."

Teresa laughed and got to her feet.

"Good night Tessie" Ella said as the young girl bent and kissed her cheek. "Sleep well."

"Good night Ella." She turned to the direction of her mother, "Good night Mama."

"Good night Teresa, try not to wake your brother" Maria said, walking over and hugging her daughter to her.

Maria watched after her a moment before turning her attention to Ella, she pulled up a chair and sat down drying her hands absently on a cloth.

"Ella" Maria said, drawing Ella's attention from watching the small flames of the fire.

"Hm?" Ella asked, still slightly distracted.

"You have not been yourself these last few weeks."

This statement caught Ella's full attention and her head jerked to Maria.

"What do you mean?" Ella replied, trying to keep her voice light and unconcerned.

"You seem distracted, like something is in your thoughts… or someone."

Ella felt her heart triple its beat… she knew…

"Someone? I…"

"I understand" Maria said with a warm smile, interrupting her. "You did not really love Dave; you should not feel guilty for this, what you sometimes think is love is just youth"

Ella glanced away before meeting her friend's eyes again, not quite knowing what Maria was trying to get at, the thought that she knew made her feel as if her insides were squirming unpleasantly.

"And you should not feel guilty for wanting another man." Maria again smiled, this time reassuringly. "Doc is a good man and I know he will come back for you, he must have a new job, it has been many months but I feel he will come back"

"Doc?!" Ella said, unable to stop the name blurting from her. Like a violent jolt Ella remembered the man that had revealed his feelings to her, it seemed years ago now… He said he loved her and she'd been happy, how could she have forgotten him so easily, the remorse and guilt stabbed hard at her heart and she bowed her head knowing that her feelings and emotions had changed so much since then. If he did come back what could she say… what could she do if he came back offering her the world…

Maria mistook her friend's reactions as guilt over her feelings for Doc and wrapped her arm around Ella's shoulders.

"Life is too short to not be happy, after four husbands I know this, do what makes you happy."

Ella gave a certain nod, feeling more than uncomfortable by Maria's caring attitude, feeling she did not deserve it.

Slowly Maria patted her tenderly upon her back. "He will come back" she said, finishing clearing up. "It is late, I will sleep" Maria said, giving Ella a small smile and then she blew out a few candles and made her way to the curtain, pushing it aside and disappearing from view.

Ella sat in the chair a moment and closed her eyes, wishing with every ounce of her being that her friend was wrong.