WARNING! This story contains SPOILERS and YAOI! Also a few minor OCs, so don't kill me.
Even if I have a valid reason, I won't bother giving excuses for my late updates anymore. D: I'm sorry! I apologize! WAH IT'S ALL MY FAULT! I should just throw myself off a cliff now and be done with it!!
Ahem. Pardon me, I was beginning to sound like Miranda. In any case, my computer crashed and I wasn't able to access it for a while, hence the late update. This chapter ended up longer than usual, so enjoy!
Thanks to Kanda, there will be an overuse of the F word in this chapter, censored as usual because for some reason I have a hard time writing that word out. I'm weird.
Rated: T [for violence and language] Bold: Used only in dreams or flashbacks to indicate the main character's lines. Italics: Used to indicate dreams, flashbacks, and thoughts.
Chapter Eighteen: On The Last Nerve
Ugh, how many of these damn things are there?!
Mugen gave a satisfying hiss through the air as Kanda released another batch of Hell's Insects at the horde of akuma, successfully dispatching them with several explosions. Though the blade was cracked, its effectiveness was not decreased. However, the samurai's body was screaming at him to give it a rest. Wounds from the previous battle burned and over-used muscles were stretched taut from the effort. Kanda hacked his way through three more metal beasts before landing on the deck as gracefully as his injured body would allow. His eyes darted around, sizing up the remaining demons as his grip on the hilt of his precious sword tightened in preparation.
Why the hell are there so many? We lost the Innocence. They have nothing to go after, besides us for being us of course.
He tugged at the collar of his new uniform that had been delivered through the Ark, since his old one had been torn to shreds. How ironic that, despite Kanda's decision to take a ship to Japan, Allen still had to use his abilities to send Lenalee home. Komui had blubbered on golem, insisting that his "darling sister" use the safest means possible.
"Kanda!"
Snapping back into focus, Kanda dodged the spray of bullets that pelted the spot he'd just been standing, sliding a bit before stopping.
"Thanks, Moyashi."
"It's A-! Wait, did you just thank me?"
"Don't get used to it."
The exchange took under a second and he leapt back into the fray, sucking up his strained injuries and slashing out at the akuma. He was currently the only exorcist who could fight. As soon as the attack started, Allen had discovered that, for some reason, he couldn't activate. His Innocence gave off painful sparks that aggravated his burns, and though he had insisted on trying until he could activate and help, Kanda had demanded otherwise. That and the inspectors didn't want to see the "Fourteenth" hurt, so instead, the sixteen-year-old was assisting sailors in moving to safety. Even so, Allen kept yelling over to the Japanese.
"You're absolutely sure I can't do anything at all?!"
"Yes, I'm-SHIT!"
Kanda hissed as he was blown back from an explosion, his feet hitting the deck hard and his legs caving under him, sending him sprawling on his back and sliding across the splintering wood. It didn't help matters that his body was still weak from the blood sample he'd been forced to give Fei earlier. Teeth gritted as the exorcist stood to his feet, glaring at the rest of the akuma.
F*ckers.
"Oh my god, are you alright?"
"Stop distracting me, baka!"
"S-Sorry!"
A low growl erupted from Kanda's throat as he lunged at the demons hovering in the air. All that was left were level ones. Easy peasy. Being impatient, he grabbed his sword's hilt and invoked Nigentou, whirling the twin swords in a rush and sending all the akuma's souls to rest at once. His feet touched down on wood once more and he closed his eyes, deactivating and sheathing his precious weapon. Not a second later, footsteps pelted in his direction and in a split second decision he would never understand afterwards, he allowed himself to be hugged around the waist.
"Ugh, Moyashi! What the hell are you doing?"
Kanda gritted out as he opened his eyes and left his arms to hover in the air as if the thing attached to him was the plague. Allen glared up at him, but didn't release his hold.
"It's Allen! And geez Kanda, could you BE any less careful?! You were stabbed only four days ago!"
The sprout's angry eyes held a glisten of soft worry. That was another thing Kanda couldn't understand. Ever since the battle with Tyki, Allen had been literally hanging off him. He was constantly asking if he was alright and insisting that he rest. It was almost like he was possessive. Had the almost-dying incident shaken the boy up that badly? Kanda blinked as he realized Allen was still hugging him. He pulled himself away with a huff.
"Che. Let go and I'm fine, just like I told you the past five hundred damn times you asked. Can't you just shut up and leave shit alone?"
That came out a lot harsher than he meant it to. He instantly felt a pang of regret when Allen's face flickered with a hurt expression before a mask of annoyance slipped over it.
"Well fine then. I only ask because I care, BaKanda, but if you simply can't stand that, I'll leave you alone."
Ouch.
Kanda couldn't leave it like that. The same thing that possessed him to take the hug made his arm shoot out and grab the cursed boy's wrist as he turned to walk away. Allen's head jerked back towards him with wide confused eyes and suddenly everything that had been rising in Kanda's throat to say died, save one word.
"...Moy...ashi."
::
"Yes?"
Allen didn't even question the nickname. Kanda had grabbed his wrist, not just any, but his left wrist. Sure the samurai had done crazier things before, like hugging him, but Allen had pegged that on his body being pumped full of drugs as he recovered from, quite literally, dying. Kanda hadn't had this much contact with him since the incident. He blinked questioningly as the older boy still didn't answer.
"...uh...Kanda?"
Still no answer, but Kanda seemed to be attempting to form one. His bangs fell over his eyes as he lowered his head slightly and his grip on Allen's wrist loosened. The younger exorcist was beginning to worry. Was he ma-
"Gomenasai."
-d? Allen continued to stare. Apparently not.
"Sorry. I-It's not that I can't stand it...I just...don't understand. Why do you care so much?"
Wah! Is THE Kanda Yuu apologizing to me?! Wai-oh crap! Quick Allen, give him an answer! Uh...uh...uh...
"B-Because I...well I...!"
Like you. But I can't say that!!
Allen felt heat rise to his face and looked away, ending lamely.
"...I just do, okay?"
Silence reigned for a long painful minute.
"...you're such a weird sprout."
Kanda sighed and let go of Allen's wrist. Just like that. His ponytail swished as he turned his back and headed towards the door that led below deck, where Fei was waiting with his arms crossed and a stone cold expression on his face as usual. Allen couldn't help but feel disappointed as he too swiveled and walked towards his own inspector.
Well...at least he doesn't really mind it as much as he lets on.
Link greeted him with a blank look and he smiled weakly.
"Hey, Link. Can you help me fix the gap in the ship with the sailors?"
In the midst of the fight, a level two had launched a cannonball that hit the vessel dead center. Thankfully, it hadn't been enough to sink the ship or damage it into leaking, but there was still a gaping hole. Link twitched a blonde eyebrow.
"That sort of thing isn't my job, Walker. Neither is it yours."
Allen narrowed his eyes and lost the smile. He was trying to be nice to the inspector, but it was growing increasingly harder. Does the man think of ANYTHING but his job?
"I could give two craps about what your job is. I'm helping."
Link's expression could only be described as shock. Allen never spoke to him that crudely. The boy regained his smile as he asked the nearest sailor what he could do to assist them and got handed a hammer and nails. The inspector seemed to come out of his reverie and opened his notebook, immediately jotting things down. Allen stole a glance and rolled his eyes. Of course. Taking notes.
The boy's golden irises caught in the sunlight as he surveyed the damage of the attack. Besides the hole, there were only minor broken railings and a crack in one of the masts. No casualties. Allen couldn't help but admire it. Kanda had done his job well. His mouth curved into a soft smile and he gave the nail he was hammering an extra hard whack.
Kanda always does his job well.
He sighed and paused as his eyes wandered over towards the door Kanda had disappeared into. The samurai's skill was unbelievable. Even with the remains of a fatal injury, he'd stopped an entire akuma attack himself. After all this time, Allen still found it amazing. The other exorcist was destined for failure, as he had said so himself that one day in his room, and yet he never once faltered or questioned himself at all. Allen sighed and somewhat reluctantly turned back to his work.
Something bothered him. Something about the way Kanda had brushed him off a moment ago. The older boy didn't seem to...want to? Allen didn't know. There was simply something off about it and his eyes narrowed as he worked faster. As soon as he was done, he would confront Kanda.
::
"Don't do that anymore."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You know what I mean, Number Eight."
"No, I really don't, and stop calling me by that f*cking number!"
"You are not to do such a thing again, Kanda Yuu."
"Do what?!"
"Fraternize with Allen Walker."
Kanda's eyes pierced into the odd-colored inspector's own with a bitter glint. What the hell?! They had gone to the room they both slept in, which Kanda would much rather have shared with the sprout though the inspectors insisted on watching over their charges around the clock, and Fei had just turned and sprung that on him.
"He's a comrade, like it or not I have to 'fraternize' with him."
He spoke icily, his glare shooting like daggers. The inspector matched it with one of his own, sparking a glare-war. Kanda barely contained the growl in the back of his throat. How dare he insinuate that simply fighting alongside and talking to Allen was something wrong? What was Central coming to? The man in front of him slowly crossed his arms in another act of accusation. This time, Kanda couldn't hold back the low snarl as it escaped his lips.
What the f*ck is his problem?!
Mono Fei narrowed his eyes, the golden one catching in the dim light of the candle on the nearby wooden chest and the green one remaining in shadow, casting a creepy look over his face. Kanda refused to be intimidated, but he definitely wasn't prepared to answer the question thrown at him.
"Is he really just a comrade?"
At first, Kanda knew the answer.
"No shit he's just a comrade. What else would he be?"
Fei's response consisted of a blank look and very slightly raised eyebrows. The Japanese wanted to strangle him but his mind kept turning over the question in his head and he forgot about the urge. What WAS Allen to him? A comrade, sure. But...would he want to see the brat's real smile so much if he was just that? Would he have agreed to help him in his struggle with the Fourteenth? Would he feel the same tug to stay by his side to protect him? Kanda found himself beginning to doubt. Fei must have noticed, because the man's glare intensified and he uncrossed his arms.
"You know that Allen Walker is only a body being used by the Fourteenth Noah. Any attachments you might have formed for the boy are only being attached to his shell. The being inside that body cares for nothing but his own betterment."
The way he said that made Kanda's skin crawl. He stared at Fei, who was nearly smirking. The man knew he was right and that there was nothing Kanda could say to argue. The exorcist felt a lump form in his throat. Fei continued.
"I'm sure you understand now that we cannot afford to lose an exorcist like you to a Noah like that. Attachments cause weakness. Weakness causes death in this war. You of all people should know that."
Dark blue eyes flickered. That was a low blow. A very low blow. Kanda gritted his teeth. He couldn't hold himself back. That had been the last straw. His fist shot forward and landed a punch clean in Fei's sneering gold eye, then his knee came up and rammed into the man's stomach. His fingers twisted into the fabric of Fei's shirt collar to hurl him at the wall with a loud thump. The surprised inspector heard a metallic hiss barely had a chance to catch his breath with the injured eye closed before his green eye widened as it saw itself reflected in gleaming steel. Mugen had made its appearance.
"You dare assume that attachments with my family made me f*cking weak?"
Kanda's voice was deep and low. Threateningly quiet. The anger oozed off of him in waves and even the cold stone-faced Fei had trouble keeping his heartbeat calm. The samurai leaned in so he was hissing right across the top of Mugen's blade and blowing hot air into the inspector's face.
"You dare assume that attachments with fellow comrades will make me f*cking weak?"
The tone was clipped and rose slightly in volume. Kanda grabbed a fist-full of Fei's brown hair and tugged his head back, placing his precious sword at the man's throat. Sapphire eyes sparked with electric hate as words of equal dislike slid off his tongue.
"Do I look f*cking weak to you?!"
He waited just long enough for Fei's shock and partial fear to turn into anger. The second he saw that spark in the green eye, Kanda snapped. He yanked the man's hair and kicked his stomach again, withdrawing Mugen in order to throw Fei to the ground, but not before nicking the blade on Fei's arm and drawing a slight amount of blood. Midnight blue hair hung over his shoulder as the Japanese towered over the inspector, who was forced to look up the red tip of the sword that dripped with a bit of his own blood and into the fury that was Kanda. Fei had made a grave mistake. He had provoked the dragon too far and now the dragon had come out to play. A beastly smirk crept across said dragon's face and made Fei's blood run cold.
Kanda Yuu was just getting started.
::
Finishing the work quickly soon proved to be a challenge. Allen was given task after task in order to fix the hole along with other repairs. Of course, he never refused, though he did glance occasionally over to the door leading below deck. He still wanted to talk with Kanda and it was making him anxious the longer he had to wait. Link's constant note-taking didn't help his stress level either.
"Ugh, Link can you please stop doing that?"
The blonde man looked up, caught eyes with Allen, and promptly returned to his notes. The boy tensed with an annoyed glare as he lowered the pitch brush he'd been using. This was getting ridiculous. He'd asked Link at least five times to stop taking notes, trying to be nice about it, but the guy just kept right on going. What was he even writing anyway?
Allen stood and dropped the brush, stalking over. He'd had just about enough of this. His fingers curled around the edge of the notebook in Link's hands and bent it to peer at what was written on the paper.
"What are you writing about me?"
Link snapped the notepad out of the exorcist's grip and against his chest, eyes giving Allen a hard stare.
"Classified."
Allen glared right back and grabbed at it, but Link turned his body away so he couldn't get it.
"C'mon Link, let me see."
"Classified."
"I know you're writing crap about me in there that isn't true, so show me! Maybe I can correct it!"
"Classified!"
Allen gritted his teeth and lunged for the notebook. Link held it up above his head and out of Allen's reach, very quickly angering the exorcist with the obvious joke about his height. The inspector glared. Allen glared back.
"Goddamn Link! Is that all you can say? Classified! Classified! Class-i-fied!"
The British boy mimicked Link's voice in an oddly accurate way, sending the man himself into an annoyed state.
"Look Walker. I can't show you. That's the end of it."
Link waited until Allen seemed like he wasn't about to grab the notebook again before lowering it and, much to Allen's chagrin, started taking notes. The nerve! Allen huffed childishly as his only warning. The next thing Link knew, he was on the ground. A struggle ensued over the prized notepad.
"Wh-What the hell, Walker?!"
"Give it to me!"
"No! It's class-!"
"I don't f*cking care if it's classified or not! You're writing nothing but lies and it just...just...UGH!!"
"Let go of me or I swear I'll report you!"
"Report me then! I don't stand a chance anyway!"
"Walker!"
"HA!!"
Allen declared triumphantly as he successfully procured the notes. Shoving against Link's chest, he pushed himself up and stood to his feet, opening the book and reading quickly. The inspector coughed and struggled to his own feet.
"Walker, give that back right now!"
Somehow managing to keep the book from him, Allen read on. His expression stiffened into pure anger the further he read.
Th-That's not true! I don't "ponder on how to escape the Order every day"! This is just...simply...
"BULLSHIT!"
The shout erupted from him and his fingers clenched around the pages as he looked up with blazing golden eyes at Link. This nonsense had gotten on Allen's last nerve.
"This is nothing but a notebook full of BULLSHIT!!"
Allen grabbed the top of either sides of the book with his hands. Link's eyes widened and he lunged for it but it was too late as a sound was made.
Schrrwwwiiip!
The cursed boy's anger had entirely dissipated and he smiled innocently, holding both halves of the newly-torn notebook over the edge of the railing. A few wrinkled papers came loose and fluttered down to the salty water below. Link froze.
"Walker...don't..."
"You know, I've had quite enough of you analyzing my every move, Inspector Howard Link."
Allen's voice was nothing but pure politeness. Pure creepy politeness. And his smile only widened.
"I think I will."
His fingers uncurled, releasing the notebook. There was a soft plop as it hit water. Allen lost the smile immediately and stormed away from the railing, leaving Link to fuss over how he was going to explain this to Leverrier and how much trouble the "Walker brat" was in. Not that he cared anymore about that. Allen snorted and moved to go below deck. He needed to rest in his room for a while.
"Wow. Nice to see you finally sticking up for yourself."
The white-haired exorcist stopped, just having reached the hallway.
...Why are you talking to me again?
"Please...did you really think you had gotten rid of me?"
One can dream.
"Cold."
So are you.
"Touche."
Allen sighed as he felt the waves of a headache starting to well up in his head. He walked down the hall, cursing his luck that his room was almost at the end.
Ugh...please leave me alone for once.
"If I did that, it would mean I care, Allen Walker."
Don't use my name. I hate that...makes you sound too personal.
There was a dry laugh that made his head hurt even more.
"Boy, it is personal. I'm you, remember?"
Oh yeah. He'd almost forgotten that lovely tidbit of information.
Che.
"Picking up traits from that samurai kid, huh?"
Shut up.
Allen hated this. He hated having that voice inside his head all the time. But at least it was sometimes useful. The Fourteenth had managed to remind him about his earlier wish to speak with Kanda, so he hastened his steps as Kanda's room was right across from his. As he got closer, he heard the sound of a scuffle and several curses and yells. Eyes widening, he began to run, grimacing at the slowly increasing headache.
"URUSAI!!"
That was Kanda. It had to be. Allen picked up the pace and skidded to a halt in front of the door. It was cracked slightly open, so to insure his own safety, he peeked through the opening first. Every intention on going in after a quick look died as soon as he saw the room.
Kanda had Fei pinned on one of the twin beds.
If this had been any other situation, any other person, Allen would have been paralyzed with shock and disgust. However, a further observation soon proved the real reason Kanda had the inspector pinned. He was furious. Eyes were glinting with rage, body quivering in an attempt to control it, hands gripping Fei's wrists knuckle-white, and hair was surprisingly draped over his shoulder without a hint of being messed up.
That's just like Kanda. Get into a full-out brawl and still have model-perfect hair.
Mugen was discarded on the floor, which made Allen's eyes widen. For Kanda to be so angry that he abandoned his sword, this was serious. And that was clear enough from the appearance of the inspector.
Fei's clothing was torn and wrinkled, especially around the neck area, and he had a black eye and bloody nose. A very bloody nose. It had to be broken, Allen mused. He actually surprised himself with how calmly he was taking in this scene. He knew Kanda was bound to snap at Fei sooner or later, so maybe he'd been expecting it?
But he wasn't expecting the words that came out of Kanda's mouth at all.
"You are scum. You treat exorcists like pack mules to do your shit work for you while you sit in your comfortable lives, not having to worry about dying every single f*cking day. You don't give a shit for human beings, only for the betterment of your own damn selves. Sounds familiar? That's right. You are just like the bastard Fourteenth. Just like him."
Kanda's face curled into a scornful look of distaste and Allen's heart dropped to his feet. The samurai despised the Fourteenth. Did that mean he despised him? Was that why Kanda wanted to be left alone? Because he couldn't stand Allen's very existence? The boy's hand trembled a little on the door handle, but his hurt was short-lived.
"And another thing. The Fourteenth may be residing in Allen's body but he isn't Allen himself! He just f*cked with the boy's memories, not took away his sense of self! So don't give me shit about Allen and the Fourteenth being the same person."
Allen stared. Kanda was defending him. He was defending him AND using his real name. It was the end of the world, it had to be. There was no way this was happening.
"There is no problem whatsoever if I want to form attachments to him. He's not the damned Fourteenth. I will not stay away from Allen Walker and you will no longer tell me to. He is my comrade, whether he is more than that to me is none of your damn business, and I intend to keep him as such. You can f*ck yourself."
Now he KNEW he had to be dreaming.
Attachments? N-Not stay away from me?
Allen felt his face coloring. Kanda had defended him. Kanda had used his real name. And now, Kanda was suggesting...
H-He...thinks of me as more than just a c-comrade?!
"Oh look. Samurai kid's got feelings for you. How sweet."
The Fourteenth's voice was bitter. Allen felt his headache kick up a notch.
"Also thinks you and I are separate. Don't listen to him."
The Noah's efforts were in vain. Allen was way too wrapped up in what he just heard to listen to him right now. The exorcist backed away from the door in a state of shock. He liked Kanda. But he never thought in a million years that there was the slightest chance Kanda might have liked him back. Enough to get pissed and beat up an inspector from Central and possibly get in deep trouble...just to defend it.
Oh. My. God.
Kanda huffed and Allen heard a smack and a grunt. He dared to peek back through the door, but was met with a heaving chest and staggered backwards, face flushing further as Kanda opened the door and panted, staring at him. It took a while before either of them spoke. When they did, Kanda was the one to break the silence.
"Che. F*cking inspector f*cking annoyed me to the f*cking extreme..."
The Japanese glanced to the side and suddenly all of Allen's embarrassment and awkwardness faded. He smiled and let out a shaky laugh.
"Ha...you have such a dirty mouth, BaKanda. Can't say I blame you though..."
He glanced over Kanda's shoulder at Fei's now unconscious body on the bed. A pang of concern for Kanda's safety dimmed his smile.
"You know, you'll probably be in a lot of trouble when he wakes up..."
The samurai looked at Allen's eyes and snorted, leaving the doorway to start down the hall.
"I don't care. Next time he dares insult me, I won't go easy on him."
Go easy on him?! This was your "go easy"...?!
Allen sighed and followed Kanda. His headache spiked suddenly and he grimaced.
"Hmph. The little brat thinks he can blow me off as not being a part of you..."
Oh you shut up...now is not the time for this.
"No, boy. It's time you stopped ordering me around in your head like I'm your pet."
The headache became crushingly painful and Allen let out a cry, leaning against the wall. Kanda whirled in an instant and took hold of his shoulder. He was yelling something but Allen couldn't tell what. The blood was pounding too hard in his ears.
S-Stop!! It hurts!
"No shit."
The Noah was bitter. Very bitter. Allen felt his consciousness slipping fast, faster than it ever had before.
No!
"Yes."
No!!
"I think it's time we show this samurai just how connected we are."
Allen caught a glimpse of Kanda's face plastered with concern before he lost control of his body. He felt his heart stop as he realized the Fourteenth would not give him the pleasure of being unaware this time.
No...
He was going to be forced to watch everything.
No...
His lips moved on their own. Curved into a smirk. He saw Kanda's bright blue eyes glaze over with a small amount of shock as he spoke words he would never voluntarily say.
"Good evening...exorcist."
So...how'd you like it? Huh? Not much to say so...review please!
Next chapter...Fourteenth.